Me: 30 | H: 30
MMC: 6/2017 (10w5d)DS: May 2018TTC #2
BFP: 9/1/19 EDD: 5/14/20
Had my first ultrasound for our first baby today, which was supposed to be really magical. Baby is tracking at 6w6days, which is about five days later than going off my last period. Our new due date is 5/20/2020. Heart rate was picked up at 100 and 108 bpm.But I’m at a loss for words over the whole thing. The ultrasound tech never introduced herself, when she found the baby she was very deadpan “There’s the baby.” My husband and I heard something, but we weren’t sure if it was the heartbeat. She stopped the sound, measured the wavelength and then just said “So your baby’s heartbeat is 100 bpm.” We didn’t know it was happening! She played it again to measure again, which is where we got the 108, but it was all so short. Less then ten seconds each time, maybe between the two of them. She didn’t explain the ultrasound process for us, initially tried to do a trans abdominal before she said “It’s hard to do through so much belly”... When as I understand it, they usually don’t work all that well for anyone this early on.Our doctor’s appointment that followed didn’t go much better, there was a lot of negativity in that appointment, too. But I’ve just been crying all day - I feel like an idiot for thinking I should have a baby. Am I overweight? Yes. Do I work out? Four times a week at least, for at least 30 minutes of cardio if not 40 or 50. The doctor could hardly contain her shock. What she doesn’t know is several years ago I lost 40 pounds, and this is just where I’ve always plateaued. But it wasn’t for lack of trying. She just told me to see a nutritionist. Do I have a history of anxiety and depression? Yes. She just wants to start me up on medication before I deliver to head it off. I have some unresolved issues in regards to passing out that she wants me to follow up on, but I felt like the doctor just thought I was so irresponsible for getting pregnant. Did anyone else have this kind of experience with their first appointment? I’ve just been crying since I got home. I sobbed into my husband’s chest when I got home. I can’t remember the moment I heard my baby’s heartbeat for the first time, I don’t remember how it sounds. My husband does, but I’m just heartbroken. I thought I’d feel reassured after our appointment today, but instead I just feel so dumb. I guess I’m just... hoping for some understanding. Has this only happened to me?