@sunshine2417 I love your response back! I get them wanting us to stay healthy, but being terrified about gaining weight and micromanaging yourself is NOT healthy!
*TW*
Me: 32 │ DH: 35 Married 8/16/13 BFP#1 DS 11/13/16 BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18 BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
Easter dinner my mother was teasing my sister-in-law and her husband about when are they finally going to have some kids (which is inappropriate all on it's own) and then she followed that up by saying "just don't forget to get your tubes tied when you are done, don't forget like Lily did!" This is not the first time she's said this. It's not the second or third time she's said this. Actually, the day we broke the news to my parents she said it at least 4 times before I snapped at her and she finally said something positive >:-( Not to mention it was probably not even a week after I gave birth to my daughter that she brought the subject up to me "So when are you going to schedule your operation to get your tubes tied?" I JUST gave birth! My body is still healing! And you want to send me right into the OR??? (Of course she wouldn't dream about the man doing anything about the situation) And while the plan was only two kids you have absolutely no say on what I do with my body!
I wish doctors would talk about recommendations and helpful advice on activities and foods for pregnant women, rather than looking at pounds. There’s no one size fits all, and focusing on health rather than weight should be all that’s necessary. My naturalpath doesn’t even do weight. She goes straight to diet and total body health and is like a helpful coach-not condescending or belittling. I usually walk out with ideas that are encouraging-what a concept!
Also, doesn’t the average size baby, plus amniotic fluid and placenta weigh 10 pounds? Soo they are asking for zero weight gain in a woman? Or weight loss if the baby is 8 pounds or more. Just can’t put a number on these things.
@LilyASF42 WTAF. I am speechless with your mother. This is when I'd fight fire with fire and talk about how DH just made his V appointment all. the. time. @zuuls_mom That is adorable.
@MsBeachNJ I gained 60 with DS too, which is why they're trying to restrict me, and they said since DS was over 9 pounds they want to keep an eye on me... fat shaming my unborn baby already... cool! They also had me do an early GD test at 10 weeks because DS was over 9 pounds. The nurse said she was surprised when I passed with flying colors. Ummm... having a baby over 9 pounds does not automatically mean my placenta doesn't break down insulin well!
@LilyASF42 why does she need to be so up the a$$ in everyone's business?!? Your sister needs to have kids, you need to have less... jeesh! Worry about your own issues, mama! I'm sorry lady, that's so frustrating and must feel super unsupportive.
@cammie0526@bubsalicious@sunshine2417 The inappropriate comments from her unfortunately aren't a new thing in my life. It's not mean spirited, she just really doesn't know she's saying things that people will be offended by. It's part cultural, it's part generational, and it's part her social isolation (which would require several therapy sessions for me to fully explain.....). She's a rockstar mom is so many other ways but when it comes to emotional support....well it's never been her forte. I understand it to a degree and sympathize due to her own struggles, but, dammit, sometimes it just stings!
omg all these comments make me SO mad! I had a coworker yesterday say how cute my bump was, I thanked her and went on to thank her for not making a dumb comment about how big I am like some other people have. She then said "but your face is rounding out, you know like plumping up." I couldnt believe it, just walked away.
Nothing so far this pregnancy. During my first pregnancy we decided on a boy name prior to knowing the gender. The day before we were finding out the gender my SIL called and tried to sneakily convince me not to use our name. She said to me "i know you like Atticus now, but when you see the baby you will realize you want the best for him." I was furious. I am so passive i just said i had to go. Everyone who hears his name tells us they love it. Never regretted it.
@amomh Name reactions/opinions anger me SO much. There are a lot of names I don’t like, but I don’t say it. It’s not my kid or my place. Unless the name is detrimental to the child, pipe down!
@kaceyallan ty! He is almost 5 now and it really suits him. ☺ @duewithpu2 i am the same way. Plenty of names that arent my cup of tea but unless its something that could actually have a negative impact on a child, who cares.
Hey everyone. I've been MIA for a few days since we went to St Louis for Easter. Saw my mom for the first time since the fall, she is a snow bird. First thing she says "wow, you better be careful or you're going to be huge by September" I had just recently compared pictures of my previous bumps and I am keeping right on track with size. She didn't believe that.
@monkeysmom80 ugh I'm sorry she was so insensitive. Its the people closest to you that have the ability to really hurt your feelings like that! I'm sure you look wonderful!
I work in customer service at a job where I see a lot of the same people all of the time. I was chatting with one of my customers and being pregnant came up. At first he was nice but when I mentioned twins. He said "oh I'm sorry". I didn't even know what to say. I couldn't say much because I was at work. Who says that. They are my children I am definitely not feeling sorry for myself. My husband has had people say "oh you poor thing" UGH!
When we told my MIL that I was pregnant she said “oof. You guys have a small house.” For the record, we have 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms and 3200 square feet for us and soon to be 2 kids- 1 of whom will go to college in less than 8 years.
Better than when we told her I was pregnant 11 years ago and she said “you know- I thought you looked bigger.”
Not really inappropriate but more cute. My 6 year old nephew ask me if he poked my belly could he hear the baby cry. My 4 year old niece told me she wanted him born right now and that I should "wiggle him out" lol
*TW* TTC history
Me:32 DH:31 Married: 8/2015
TTC #1: 4/2017 Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal DX: Unexplained 8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN 9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN 11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN 12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst 1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019 10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!
The question I’m getting frequently now, is if we will try for a 3rd/girl. No one means any harm, just kind of crazy to have that thought going through my head when this one was hard enough to get, and I can’t possibly see my husband handling a 3rd child (and worse, I’ve always wanted a big family, but am just so thankful to have a 2nd on the way).
@blitzybee so, so true! It’s hard when you just want to be so grateful and thankful for what you have and don’t need the stress of thinking about another one already!
@justhereforthemusic Your MIL thinks you have a small house. My house is 1340 square feet. We are going to have 3 with no plans on moving. Housing prices have skyrocketed over the past few years. At least we have 2 bathrooms and I love my house. Cozy up everybody.
@taeleigh Our house is 1,000 sq ft, 2 bed 1 bath. We'd move, but home prices here are out of control here too. Plus we love our house. Any advice you can share about managing all the baby stuff in a small house would be awesome. It is kind of stressing me out!
I was in the break room making tea and this chick I work with walks in and says "Oh my god, you are so brave to wear boots with a heel. Can your feet even fit into those things?". Ummm what the eff are you getting at, lady?
*TW*
Me: 32 │ DH: 35 Married 8/16/13 BFP#1 DS 11/13/16 BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18 BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
My brother's wedding is this weekend and I'm a bridesmaid in it. I was talking with my mom on the phone this week and here are some wonderful sentiments she shared with me...
1." I was talking with **my SIL's name** this week and we were saying "I don't know if I feel bad for **sunshine** because she has to be a bridesmaid while pregnant and be in all those pictures or if I'm jealous because she gets a free pass for not looking her best."
2. She continued to elaborate on the previous statement (shoving her foot further into her mouth) and then said "Well, I just really want one good family picture of all of us together. But don't worry, we will make sure it is only headshots for you!"
I haven't spoken a single word about being insecure about my pregnant body or feeling uncomfortable about being pregnant as a bridesmaid or being in pictures or anything of the sorts, so this is all 100% her own original thought about me! Thanks mom! So sweet! Can't wait to ruin all of the family photos with my gigantic belly and be so embarrassed that I actually have to go in public and allow people to see me while pregnant--oh the HORROR!
Annnnnd this just goes to back up my reasonings for not wanting my mother anywhere near my delivery room... lol
@sunshine2417 that’s just awful. I’m so sorry. I think pregnant bodies are the cutest, not to mention you can look back at pictures and tell your future kiddo, “there you are!” Pregnant woman often glow in photos!!! Give yourself a little distance from your mom and be proud of that belly! I love looking at wedding photos and seeing pregnant woman and then thinking about where the baby is in life now. It’s a snapshot in time! I’m guessing this is coming from her own insecurities and regrets, and has nothing to do with you. This is a special time, enjoy it! (And since you’ll be dolled up, get in an extra photo with your family to put on the wall with your beautiful bump!)
@sunshine2417 Well to be a b*tch now I would purposely cradle the bump in every photo ala Meghan Markle. “Oh you think I’m ruining photos because I am literally a walking miracle, well here - let me really highlight the growing human inside me.”
How cute you get to show your future kiddo they were “present” at their Aunt/Uncle’s wedding!!
eta - @zuuls_mom Are you also a tea aficionado? What kind were you making?
@sunshine2417 YIKES with those comments! "won't be looking your best"?! Says who?! I am sure you'll look beautiful and you're growing a person... I am in agreement with @blitzybee I am sure its coming from her own insecurities and has nothing to do with your appearance at all. I would call her on it before the big day, so she doesn't take any joy out of that day for you by sharing continued rude comments... something like "Mom, maybe thats the way you felt when you were pregnant, but I don't feel that way, I'm proud of my body for what its capable of and I am more than happy to be photographed that day, it will be a great memory to look back on one day when baby is older" or something along those lines. I mean, geez, I'm a photographer and a big part of my business is maternity shoots, where women pay good money to have professional pictures of this very special time... its a huge industry. She needs to get with the times!
My boss likes to tell my how my maternity clothes "aren't going to make it too much longer" at least once a week. Umm... the side ruching says other wise!
@sunshine2417 those are awful comments, what is she thinking!! Really hope you enjoy your brother's wedding free of any more of this, and am sure these will be great photos for your family to look back on!
Thank you ladies for all the nice words and support! My mom's definitely projecting her own insecurities on me. It's ridiculous but unfortunately not surprising! I had her on speaker phone and my husband's jaw was basically on the ground.
@sunshine2417 Kudos to you for not letting her get you down! And I'm with @lillywonderland, I'd so do everything to emphasize the pregnancy in every photo. Hey, if an actual princess does it, it must be cool, right?
Re: The Inappropriate Comments Thread
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
Also, doesn’t the average size baby, plus amniotic fluid and placenta weigh 10 pounds? Soo they are asking for zero weight gain in a woman? Or weight loss if the baby is 8 pounds or more. Just can’t put a number on these things.
@zuuls_mom That is adorable.
@LilyASF42 why does she need to be so up the a$$ in everyone's business?!? Your sister needs to have kids, you need to have less... jeesh! Worry about your own issues, mama! I'm sorry lady, that's so frustrating and must feel super unsupportive.
I had a coworker yesterday say how cute my bump was, I thanked her and went on to thank her for not making a dumb comment about how big I am like some other people have. She then said "but your face is rounding out, you know like plumping up." I couldnt believe it, just walked away.
Married 05/26/17
STM; DS 9/14/2019
EDD 6/13/2022
@duewithpu2 i am the same way. Plenty of names that arent my cup of tea but unless its something that could actually have a negative impact on a child, who cares.
Better than when we told her I was pregnant 11 years ago and she said “you know- I thought you looked bigger.”
Married: 8/2015
TTC #1: 4/2017
Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal
DX: Unexplained
8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN
9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst
1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019
10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!
TTC #2: 12/2020
2/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
3/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
4/2021: Surprise! Natural BFP! \\ EDD Jan 6th, 2022 \\ Chemical, betas not rising
8/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
9/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
10/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD July 29th, 2022
The question I’m getting frequently now, is if we will try for a 3rd/girl. No one means any harm, just kind of crazy to have that thought going through my head when this one was hard enough to get, and I can’t possibly see my husband handling a 3rd child (and worse, I’ve always wanted a big family, but am just so thankful to have a 2nd on the way).
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
My brother's wedding is this weekend and I'm a bridesmaid in it. I was talking with my mom on the phone this week and here are some wonderful sentiments she shared with me...
1." I was talking with **my SIL's name** this week and we were saying "I don't know if I feel bad for **sunshine** because she has to be a bridesmaid while pregnant and be in all those pictures or if I'm jealous because she gets a free pass for not looking her best."
2. She continued to elaborate on the previous statement (shoving her foot further into her mouth) and then said "Well, I just really want one good family picture of all of us together. But don't worry, we will make sure it is only headshots for you!"
I haven't spoken a single word about being insecure about my pregnant body or feeling uncomfortable about being pregnant as a bridesmaid or being in pictures or anything of the sorts, so this is all 100% her own original thought about me! Thanks mom! So sweet! Can't wait to ruin all of the family photos with my gigantic belly and be so embarrassed that I actually have to go in public and allow people to see me while pregnant--oh the HORROR!
Annnnnd this just goes to back up my reasonings for not wanting my mother anywhere near my delivery room... lol
How cute you get to show your future kiddo they were “present” at their Aunt/Uncle’s wedding!!
eta - @zuuls_mom Are you also a tea aficionado? What kind were you making?
I had my first "Well you're getting big now aren't you? ....when are you due again?" comment yesterday
FTR, I think you look beautiful!
@lillywonderland YES! I love tea. I had a Tea Forte sachet of Chocolate Rose Black Tea! So yummy.
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
Yeah, Karen, I know I look like shit, thanks. WHY IS THIS CONSIDERED AN APPROPRIATE THING TO SAY TO ANYONE EVER!?!?!?!