Why my pregnant self is crying... - Page 4 — The Bump
September 2019 Moms

Why my pregnant self is crying...

124

Re: Why my pregnant self is crying...

  • I cried dropping my (3 this week!) year old off to swim camp this morning, she was a little nervous, but I was a basketcase... Idk why, its literally on campus where I work and she goes to preschool here as well, but swim camp was with all new teachers and kids for her and I was just an emotional mess leaving her "alone" at a pool all morning without my eyes. 
    TTM - EDD 4/23 - Team Green <3 
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  • @sunshine2417 You should have just gone with it, left and then the next day been like, OMG I left early?!?!  Oops!  

    Mine is silly.  I cried the other night because DH has been a little manic about doing around 5 house chores/tasks every evening (I mean EVERY evening) as he's gearing up for the new job he started on Monday.  He's been "working from home" for his own business for 3 years now, which translates into him working about 5 hours a week most weeks.  AKA not working.  By way of background, when he did work in an office all week, he was super strict about needing time to relax in the evenings and would bark at me if I tried to get chores done.  For THREE weeks now, it's been chores and tasks every single night after I get home (including Fri, Sat and Sun nights after DS's bedtime) and it's wearing me out.  I am SO tired.  So I got a little short with him about something chore related on Sunday night.  Then he snapped back and told me to not do any chores and to go take the shower I was planning on.  Then I cried because I felt bad for being short with him and because I felt silly for not being able to handle being productive all day and all evening without any evenings off.  haha.  I hate not feeling like I can keep up with other people (which is not usually an issue with DH who needs all this "down time" in his life).  But also, is it so much to ask for a Friday evening where we get to sit on the couch for 15 minutes after DS goes to bed?!?  I haven't sat on the couch in almost a month!  
  • @mamaber2204 that would drive me crazy too. My husband is a bit like this, can't relax until everything is done... my job is extremely stressful, I work a side business, mom a 3 year old, and am pregnant... when I can sit down and relax after dinner, I AM GOING TO! His constant business makes me crazy... don't get me wrong I appreciate his productivity, but its also draining because I feel guilty for not moving like he is... but I get over it ;) 
    TTM - EDD 4/23 - Team Green <3 
    mamaber2204
  • @mamaber2204 wait... is HE doing chores maniacally and you feel like you need to tag along, or he is demanding YOU do the chores every night after your day?? 
  • @kiddiesandkitties He very nicely lists the 5 things we need to do that evening and doesn't allocate them between us.  I feel like I need to do chores if he is, so I do half.  This is definitely partly self-inflicted, but also he needs to chill.  :)
  • @mamaber2204 is he nesting!? Can you go get a pedicure while he does all of this? Perhaps you need some self care out of the house so you just don’t know what is happening! 😁
    MsBeachNJ
  • @blitzybee I like the way you think!  I should do something like that!  I think he's just trying to get in the habit of having to do stuff on weeknights now that we're both working.  But the weeks-long lead up seems silly to me.  Especially when those were my last weeks of having (and ideally enjoying) a house husband!  I'm fairly sure he'll lose steam within another week and then be back to a reasonable level.  Or so I hope!  :)  
    MsBeachNJ
  • Skipping the check-in this week and posting an update here. Trying to keep up with you ladies, but I’m feeling so drained.

    DH and I have been in a fight basically since Sunday. Long story short, he’s been feeling stressed and overwhelmed but has chosen to retreat inside himself instead of communicating his fears with me. Because of this, I’m feeling extremely alone. I’ve been trying to get him to talk about things with me, but all he wants to do is play video games, drink, and smoke. It all came to a head Sunday morning when I lost my shit because I can’t take it anymore (I know I shouldn’t have yelled at him, but sometimes it’s too hard to be the only adult). Bottom line, we’ve pretty much been living like roommates this week and it sucks. 
    LJMoon6
  • @themadcamel You’re not alone! Please don’t feel that way. You still have a massive support system in your family and friends (here and IRL)! Boys suck sometimes. 
    themadcamel
  • @themadcamel I'm so sorry, fighting with our H's can be so tough  <3  Is it just the "baby thing" that's making him so stressed and overwhelmed, or work/life in general too?  Does he have any family or friends you could enlist to check in with him too?  Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help support you too!!   <3
    themadcamel
  • @themadcamel I noticed you seemed absent this week, but didn’t want to pry. Thanks for keeping us updated, it’s nice to hear from you! I’m sorry you’re hitting a rough patch with YH. Know you’re not alone! My husband is similar in wanting to drink and play video games and it is a huge point of contention for us. I hope you can convince him to communicate with you and work through it. I wonder if maybe reality is setting in for YH and he’s going into panic mode thinking about how much his free time will change. Best of luck to you! 
    themadcamel
  • @themadcamel I am so sorry. I hate that you feel alone. That is the worst feeling. It is also hard to fight with dh at such a big time of life. As a FTM too, fighting feels more serious now (like well I guess we are stuck together now). I hope you can figure out a way to talk with him that he is receptive to. Big hugs 💕.
    themadcamelrms924
  • @themadcamel I'm so sorry you guys are having a rough week. Don't be upset with yourself for yelling, if he is refusing to open up to you and just smoking and drinking his way through the week that isn't healthy for anyone. I hope you're both able to communicate openly soon & resolve whatever is going on ! 
    TTM - EDD 4/23 - Team Green <3 
    themadcamel
  • @themadcamel I/ we're all here for you! Hoping things improve for you two soon.
    themadcamel
  • @themadcamel My love tit is a hug. I'm sorry you're going through this.
    *TW* TTC history
    Me:32 DH:31
    Married: 8/2015

    TTC #1: 4/2017
    Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal
    DX: Unexplained
    8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN
    9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
    11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst
    1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019
    10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!

    TTC #2: 12/2020
    2/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
    3/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
    4/2021: Surprise! Natural BFP! \\ EDD Jan 6th, 2022 \\ Chemical, betas not rising
    8/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    9/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    10/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    11/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD July 29th, 2022

    themadcamel
  • @themadcamel I'm so sorry you guys have been fighting! I always hate when that happens. MH was like this a lot before DS was born. Just overall seemed very uninterested in all things baby and would get pretty stressed/agitated when I'd try to talk about it. It's hard, but I tried to be patient with him since as a FTD he had no idea what to expect except that his entire life was about to change and it was really overwhelming. He was wonderful the second DS was born though and totally in love so I know it was just all fear and anxiety manifesting before. Things weren't perfect by any means during the newborn phase, but honestly way better between us than during my pregnancy. And this time around he has been a completely different guy. Way more excited, patient, willing to talk about stuff. He'll get there! And like others have said, we are here for you!  <3
    *TW*
    Me: 32 │ DH: 35 
    Married 8/16/13
    BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
    BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
    BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle  <3


    nomangos23LJMoon6themadcamelkaceyallan
  • @themadcamel I’m sorry you and H are struggling. It seems perpetually worse to fight while pregnant. Perhaps because we can’t have wine? Or those pesky hormones. We are all here for you, and I hope you can get some much needed QT together this weekend. And don’t feel bad for snapping! Well warranted. Good for you for communicating it, even if it was more of a yell. I’m famous for snapping about one million unrelated things but never just pointing out the actual issue. 
    themadcamel
  • Napped all day and now reading all of these responses. You guys are the best. ❤️

    @lillywonderland 😆 they really do suck! I’m glad to have friends (here and IRL) and family, but damn he needs to start acting like more than just a sperm donor! 
    @RedBreast35 @duewithpu2 I think a lot of it definitely has to do with panic mode and getting overwhelmed about a baby coming. He seems to be taking the “husband as the family provider” role very seriously these days and overdoing it at work. I guess it’s a combo of work burnout and feeling obligated to excel in all areas of his life right now. 
    @kgg2241 @kiddiesandkitties omg yes, fighting feels 10x worse as a pregnant person! Must be a combo of the hormones and just thinking about how it might be to fight AND have a baby. 
    @MsBeachNJ @cammie0526 @LJMoon6 thank you, ladies 💕.
    @zuuls_mom it’s comforting to know YH was similar but exceeded expectations in the end. I think the FTD mentality vs. how I feel as a FTM is so different. Like a lot of FTD’s maybe just can’t process everything all at once. 
    @blitzybee hugs to you in regards to the situation with your husband. I like your idea that maybe MH is feeling like he might be losing a wife/scared of change. Definitely a good way to bring it up. And yes, if that doesn’t work, I will personally be pulling his head out of his ass for him. 
    LJMoon6blitzybeezuuls_momRedBreast35
  • ternsetcternsetc member
    edited June 2019
    @themadcamel ugh, that is hard. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time and feeling alone. As others have said, we are here for you. I felt like DH and I had to relearn how to communicate when I was pregnant with DS/for about the first year after he was born. We're not pros at it now by any means, but we've figured some crucial stuff out and things are much better. I hope YH will be willing to talk about what he's feeling soon, and give you some support.
    ETA: @themadcamel don't want to double post but reading your responses - my DH definitely took the husband as family provider very much to heart and felt a lot of stress around that - and it didn't help that I'd never been career oriented and was going to stay at home with the baby (which he is glad I'm doing, but I'm definitely a SAHM until they're in school at most, and not for the duration) so the sole responsibility really was/is on his shoulders. He's always taken work super seriously so I wasn't prepared like I probably should have been for this reaction and I think he probably wasn't either.
    themadcamel
  • @nomangos23 replied ❤️❤️
    @ternsetc that’s awesome to hear you guys found your groove again. Pregnancy/a new child is definitely a huge change for a couple. 
    ternsetc
  • @themadcamel Can relate and it sucks re: video games + drinking. I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely. I have been, too. MH and I finally talked about it last week (there was also yelling and crying so don't judge yourself it's ok to emote). He is feeling lonely too but didn't want to tell me because life has been "a lot" recently and he didn't want to add to "my" worries. I feel like we have to *work to make time for each other / do fun things together, and it kind of blows that it doesn't just *happen all the time when there's so much going on. We your internet friends are here for you and are "in the boat with you" so you are not alone!

     
    themadcamel
  • @themadcamel sending you internet hugs.
    Is it Division 2 he is playing? Because I'm about to lose my damn mind to that game always being on. 
    themadcamel
  • Today is DS' last day of daycare before he starts his new one on Monday and I've already cried twice. We've been there since he was 4 months old and they have been so amazing to us and him these last 2+ years. One of the moms even cried when she dropped her son off this morning and said they needed to send a lot of pics of him with DS. I'm gonna miss everyone so much! 
    *TW*
    Me: 32 │ DH: 35 
    Married 8/16/13
    BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
    BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
    BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle  <3


    MsBeachNJ
  • @zuuls_mom If you don’t mind me asking, why are you switching? 

    We have to switch because DS’s school is no longer accepting infants. I’m still pissed and it’s been like a year since they told us (and some of the teachers are upset still, lol).
  • @cheshyre319 not division 2. He’s been really into some game called the binding of Isaac lately. He’s also been super pumped about the Cyberpunk 2077 release (coming April 2020 I think) and in my head I’m like, “yeah, buddy... there’s no way you’ll be playing that with a baby around.”

    @zuuls_mom aw that stinks. It sounds like it was an amazing place. I hope the new one ends up being just as wonderful!
    cheshyre319
  • Side note to all the talk about gamer husbands.  Skyrim was released right when I was due with my son.  Literally as I am in the middle of pushing my husband and Dr were having a conversation about the game.  DH hadn't gotten it yet, and it was just before xmas and I bought it for him for a gift.  I was like if you don't shut up about stupid skyrim, you aren't getting it! The conversation was dropped quickly. 
  • @lillywonderland our current one just doesn't make sense for us location wise anymore. It used to be on my way to work and only about 15 min from our house, but now it's totally out of the way for where I work and 30 min from our house. We're moving to one that's only like 5 min from our house and on the way to both my office and H's so it makes way more sense. I'm sad about it though. I've been dragging my feet in switching for like a year because I didn't want to do it. With the new baby coming, it was time. And thankfully the new place had slots that opened up to work well for us timing wise! I'll have to figure out something with baby girl for the month of Dec. since I start back at work on the 2nd, but everything else lined up well. 
    *TW*
    Me: 32 │ DH: 35 
    Married 8/16/13
    BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
    BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
    BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle  <3


    MsBeachNJlillywonderland
  • @zuuls_mom That was me last week!  We started at the new one this past Monday.  I had all sorts of sadness and anxiety about it before the switch too (thinking about him missing his friends makes my heart hurt), but he LOVES the new place and had no problem at all with the change.  I hope the same is true for your DS!
    MsBeachNJzuuls_momternsetc
  • @taeleigh oh my goodness!! I will be thinking of you and sending so much love and strength your way! I hope you can get in the PG at some point, but we’re definitely here for you no matter what. This is absolutely NOT your fault, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Hugs!! 
    *TW*
    Me: 32 │ DH: 35 
    Married 8/16/13
    BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
    BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
    BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle  <3


    kaceyallan
  • @taeleigh thinking about you, your boys, and YH. All the love and strength to them! Please keep us posted, hopefully in the PG when you get it sorted out, but here works too. And of COURSE you should stay in our group! 
  • @taeleigh Please stay with us! I am SO sorry that this happened so soon, and it's good to hear they are doing okay! All i can say is that we cannot control all circumstances in our life, and this is NOT your fault. I know that mind game where you go over it and over it and over it, and please please know, that these things happen and as much as we want to, we cannot control everything. As a mom (CONGRATS!!), you would do anything for those babies, so don't blame yourself. I assure you, that they can feel your love. We are all thinking of you and your husband and your babies. Keep talking to us so we can all continue to support you. Sending hugs, prayers, good vibes, and positive thoughts to you and those babies!!
  • @taeleigh congratulations on your two little ones! Even with a long road ahead, I’m glad they’re doing as well as expected. Please stay with us and keep up posted! All the love and positive vibes!!
  • @taeleigh first of all, congratulations! I am so sorry for the scary experience. Ill be thinking of you and your boys on the road ahead. Spending love and prayers for you all. 💕💕💕
  • @taeleigh of course, please stay with us! Sending you and your baby boys and husband positive thoughts - I'll be thinking of you all. How incredibly scary; it is certainly not your fault. I'm glad your boys are doing well. Please do keep us posted and I do hope you can get into the PG but will check here too, we all want to support you.
  • Congratulations @taeleigh on your sweet boys ❤️❤️❤️ Sending so much love and strength to all of you!!  Please please keep us posted on how you all are doing and let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you! 
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