@kangstadt You could also get dried stevia leaves to add to the tea mixture. I think you can buy it as a tea mixture or on its own and would sweeten it.
I was was looking into a blend that’s red raspberry leaf, nettle, rosehips, chamomile and stevia leaf. No idea how/if my blood sugar will react to it though.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Really late to the tax conversation but I've always preferred to break even or owe a small amount versus getting a ton back; that just means I loaned the government free money all year that I could have brought home when I earned it rather than months later.
I already told DH that we need to change our withholding again now that this LO is coming because we're paying too much upfront now for 2019.
Add me to the absolutely no motivation group; I just want to be at home.
I’m absolutely useless this evening. Thank goodness for my husband and kids TV. I planted myself on the couch after work and I’ve only gotten up to pee since then. Pretty soon I’ll have to get my ass up and do bedtime for the 4 year old, but until then, here I sit.
Great news! My dad is recovering well and was actually discharged today. I spent the day with him at the hospital to get all the clear instructions on what he needs to do and helped be a second set of ears for my stepmom (and asked a ton of questions). He’s got a long road ahead of him, but he seems to be taking everything pretty well (although there may have been some major eye rolling when he was being briefed on his new lifestyle). He’s home and very happy to be there and I feel a lot better after having spent the day with him. And we’re staying close by for a few days just to make sure he’s all set.
Now if only my son would stop shoving himself up into my ribs so I could be more comfortable and get some sleep tonight, that would be great.
So happy to hear that, @jlklec19! Also, I second you on the babe pushing into ribs comment... I'm having trouble breathing when I bend over or move too fast, hah.
@jlklec19 that’s awesome your Dad is doing so well!
Somehow after telling my mid-wife about my sciatica pain Tuesday afternoon it miraculously cured itself last night. Yay!
And add me to the list of always distracted/no motivation at work lately. I have blocked my calendar to work on a few projects, get nothing done, then reschedule projects to another day/time. And repeat all week long.
@mrstmoose we had another snow day too! Actually an ice day and yesterday was because the school has no power. I’m so over them
Add me to zero work motivation and I only work part time. I’ve been super hard on my swimmers this week because I have no patience. Luckily my last two swim meets for the season are tomorrow and today I’m amazed by some of you ladies working full time and having kiddos at home.
Taxes: I like getting some money back. Hopefully this year as it will be super helpful when baby gets here. The first year we could declare DS, DH forgot to tell our tax lady that we had another child. So we had to go thru the pain of amending our returns and didn’t get our refunds till Aug.
I swear every muscle in my body hurts today, and especially my back
@kangstadt I made a cup last night, I just followed the directions on the back of the package; boiled 8 oz of water, let tea bag seep for 10-15 minutes. So IMO it definitely tastes like black tea. I read online its good with a splash of coconut milk. Also, I am not sure if its a fluke but I had 0 restless leg problems last night!
I had horrible pregsomnia last night. I actually have been really productive at work this week. I have been working on this reporting project and I finally got over the hill of the hard part so now I am getting it all finished up!
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
9:30 this morning - tell my work friend how bad I want to order Chinese food for lunch. 10:30 this morning, one of my F15 friends out of the blue tells me she ordered me Chinese for lunch. These two do not know each other and would not have talked to one another. It's a Friday food miracle.
@kosmo86: Me too. The past few nights have been pretty bad.
And I can't lie: their corresponding half-days with DD have me nervous in a whole new way about this summer (full days home with DD + baby). Granted, my husband has been working into the evenings, but, still, he's basically come back to me in tears every night. I'm just praying to God that DD is back to being more independent and pleasant by then.
I'm working from home today, and I have a huge to-do list trying to get ahead before baby comes. But all I want to do is house stuff and online shop! Both are bad choices. Especially because we are doing a shopping-free-February. It's so hard, because I feel totally gross and unattractive (especially with this huge cold sore on my mouth), and I just want to buy stuff to compensate! Which is stupid, because obviously buying stuff will not make me feel more attractive. It also means I can't buy any baby stuff, like new changing pad covers or whatever else. But, we are getting a new hot water heater on Monday. WOOOOO!!! Our current hot water heater is literally, actually the same age as me - 34 years old.
@TheSouffleGirl we are working with DD on more independent time in small increments. She usually HAS to be in the same room as us. So whenever she says, "I want to play babies." Ok, go play with your babies, I'll be there in a little bit. Things like that. We've been playing more in her room too, just with the stuffed animals we keep in there, so if I'm in the baby's room or something, she can go to her room and play too.
@professormama I just want to spend all the money too. It's hard not to.
@MRDCle Chinese food sounds amazing! I may have to forgo heating up leftovers and go get some crab ragoon instead.
+1 on the no motivation front, I keep counting down the mornings that I have the dreaded opening shift and keep looking at my calendar willing the weeks to go faster.
DD is officially with Grandma until Tuesday afternoon when my husband gets back from Cali. If I had a full weekend I would be devoting it to cleaning and preparing things I can never seem to get to but instead I'll be counting down hours at drill until I get to go home and relax Sunday night and all day Monday with no screaming toddler in my house. I love my daughter but the terrible twos are stressing me out hardcore.
Warning ⚠️ Apparently this turned kinda Debbie downer...ugh sorry guys.
We went by my parents place last night to drop something off and I was talking to my mom about the itchiness I’ve been having and mentioned the possibility of cholestasis, she was completely clueless. We were also talking about my growth scan and i was saying they want to keep an eye on her size and watch for IUGR. And she again had no idea what it was. She has 4 kids and the youngest is 9, so it’s not like she’s a stranger to pregnancy.
It just makes me sad that my pregnancies are so beyond complicated. They are a constant source of stress, anxiety, and worry and I don’t have joyful/loved/miraculous feelings associated with it. I feel like it should be a happy thing but it just isn’t.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@thatbaintforbetty big, huge hugs. It's hard to think about pregnancy as being a burden or something we don't enjoy. Everyone tries to shove down pregnant women's throats that they should be enjoying every minute, but there's a lot of shit that goes down in any pregnancy, let alone one with complications. There is nothing wrong with not enjoying pregnancy. I'm sorry that you're feeling down, but please don't feel that you're wrong.
@thatbaintforbetty we've had different "issues" that have come up in our pregnancies, but I totally get the anxiety/stress/frustration/etc about never getting to experience a "normal" pregnancy. From 29 weeks on with DD I was constantly stressed out, I had to check her heart rate 3x daily, take anti-arithmic medications to control her heart rate and constant appointments between OB, MFM and the children fetal cardiac unit. Now with this one, I have the placenta previa and won't go to term. So it's hard for me to listen to my SIL who had a basic, normal pregnancy because I just don't understand it.
Not to continue to be a Debbie Downer too but just know that you aren't alone and I totally get where you're coming from. We've been on the fence about having a 3rd, and at this point, I don't know if it's worth the anxiety it will cause.
@thatbaintforbetty ^WSS. Lots of people thing pregnancy is all sunshine and rainbows and its SOOO not. Yes I am grateful to be pregnant but I really hate it. I hate the way my body looks and feels and my pregnancy has been pretty easy. I couldn't imagine adding more complications.
My stomach is out of sorts today. I had 1 breakfast sandwich and a cup of tea and then had horrible heartburn and nausea. I couldn't eat my lunch and went and got a small salad. I need to pick up dinner for us and my mom today but NOTHING sounds good.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
@thatbaintforbetty my mom also had a "magical" pregnancy, and she LOVED breastfeeding (like - joined la leche league, nursed all her kids until they were 5 etc). She doesn't understand why I hate pregnancy and found breastfeeding to be practical but very unpleasant. And I know she judges me for not enjoying those things, plus she constantly tries to push them - like buying my baby onesies about breastfeeding or that say la leche league on them and stuff. When it comes down to it, we just had/have different experiences. I think every parent wishes to see themselves, their priorities and passions, and their experiences replicated and reflected in their children. I don't think they always know how to handle it when that doesn't happen. Some women get lucky and have magical worry free pregnancies... but many (most?) of us don't. And really, if you look historically, pregnancy and childbirth were the leading cause of death in women for most of human history. I know I always get on this tangent, but the myth that pregnancy should be "magical" is totally wrapped up in western glorification of the virgin Mary and women as vessels of life and a very paternalistic/sexist view of women as breeders (rather than as human beings who have challenges and may not want to bear children continuously). You do NOT have to enjoy pregnancy, and in fact, your experience is probably reflective of the experience that a majority of women have. Pregnancy kind of sucks.
@thatbaintforbetty you’re not being a Debbie downer. Just honest about your feelings.
Honestly, I wouldn’t know about choleostasis or IUGR if it weren’t for being active on these boards, and I certainly wouldn’t know about PPROM except that it happened to me. It’s simply not something that doctors bring up until they need to. DH has VERY little idea of the complications possible in a pregnancy and the chance that many have lasting effects beyond pregnancy (looking at you, diastasis recti). But I’d rather know about the negatives, learn to empathize with women who are experiencing them, and participate in a supportive community than float in a magically uncomplicated pregnancy without all of you. Muah.
I second what everyone has said regarding not having to enjoy pregnancy. Also, the idea that you can be grateful to be pregnant but also hate being pregnant at the same time seems to be a foreign concept for some people. It's the same argument people have used with me before when I'm expressing my unhappiness at the state of some things in the world ("but you should be grateful for what you have/where you live/etc"). I can be miserable with the symptoms of pregnancy while still being excited to meet this little human I'm growing.
Never apologize for your feelings - they're valid and nobody else needs to understand or "get it," to make them so.
Thank you guys. Lots and lots and lots. Seriously. I don’t know what I’d do without this board.
It’s just been a super awful frustrating week and I think the possible cholestasis was the straw that broke the camels back on top of all the pregnancy and non pregnancy related stress. The nurse said the test results will take a couple of days and we have the growth scan next weekend, plus I have a follow up literally as soon as possible afterwards (like 8am Tuesday since Monday is a holiday). Hopefully after both of those I will know more/feel better about everything. It just was a really eye opening conversation with my mom and not really in the good way.
And @mrstmoose I understand completely about the third. We always planned on 3 but I honestly don’t know if I could handle it physically and emotionally if the pregnancy ended up just as complicated as the first 2.
My DH has been super understanding and supportive of me and all this mess but there’s only so much he can really get. Thankfully we don’t have much planned for this weekend so hopefully I can relax and de-stress a bit. And my mom offered to watch DD next weekend for a bit since she doesn’t have my siblings if I need it.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@thatbaintforbetty but also everyone else who went through a complicated pregnancy and then committed to doing it again: I think it's an incredible testament to your strength and devotion to your children that you are doing this. I've thankfully had a pretty uncomplicated pregnancy (my doctors asked me to do a bunch of extra tests for various risk factors that I had, but thankfully they've all come back negative) -- but it's still been one of the hardest things I've done. I think you guys are brave and determined in ways that I'm not sure that I could be.
Also, another thing to potentially consider re: our mothers' and just long-standing societal narratives on pregnancy: it used to be more women's main jobs to do this with fewer obligations and expectations of other careers and successes. In light of that, people may have just been quieter about suffering through and not questioning it.
meanwhile, @kosmo86 I hear ya. All food seems terrible to me now... mostly I've been eating cookies. Dinner last night? Cookies and milk. Breakfast this morning? Cookies and milk.
FWIW, I also think it's okay to feel sad that you aren't in a place to enjoy the goods of pregnancy. Pregnancy is a LOT of things, but exciting and hopeful should be two of them. Some people get to experience that and some people find it overshadowed by medical problems, personal stress, anxiety, etc. I think it's legitimate to call what you're experiencing a kind of grief because I think there's a legitimate loss. (or at least that's how it has helped me think about my 3 MCs and the anxiety they have caused me through my 2 other pregnancies.)
Seriously, everyone has basically covered it @thatbaintforbetty. But it really is a testament to how strong you are (as I think all pregnant women are). This is without a doubt the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do and I never realized just how hard pregnancy could be. I feel like I’m surrounded by people who say they loved being pregnant, but I honestly don’t. I love my son and I am beyond thankful for him (as someone said those two things don’t negate each other), but after three trimesters of nausea and constant discomfort at being too short for this kid to have room to grow, I’m just ready to be done. My one saving grace is that my mom admitted to me shortly after I started complaining that she also hated pregnancy (and she did it 4 times).
Lots of hugs to everyone because I think we’re all kickass. Whether you enjoy pregnancy or not. Like @kangstadt said - all of our feelings are valid.
This has been so nice to read. My mother enjoyed pregnancy and says it wasn't that bad. Meanwhile I don't remember the last time I wasn't miserable. I'm a ftm and I really don't think I'll be doing this again and I think you stm's are so brave! I'm in so much pain I just want these 9 weeks over with.
This whole conversation also makes me really wonder how my grandmother handled 4 pregnancies in 8 years as a high school teacher. I really wish I could talk to her...but probably will have to settle for a chat with my aunt, since my grandmother was entirely too practical to have left a dear diary entry about it.
@lyse01 I asked my Grandma yesterday how the heck she had 4 kids in less than 5 years. She just shrugged and didn’t really give me an answer. But I was genuinely asking because she was maybe 5 feet tall (she’s a little less than that now) and my dad alone (baby #2) was 23 inches long and a little over 9lbs. Where did he fit?! Meanwhile I’m slightly taller than her (5’3) and I’m like “Grandma, I swear this kid is in my ribs and my pelvis and literally has no room with 9 weeks to go.” She just chuckled and patted my shoulder.
I’m so grumpy this morning. I couldn’t get to sleep last night and my kiddo woke up early. Of course my husband has no trouble sleeping in, because the 4 year old isn’t climbing on him. So I ended up with 6 hours of sleep, plus up 4x in the middle of the night (because I’m also the one who wakes up when kiddo has a nightmare). Massive headache, baby in my ribs. Ugh. Happy freaking Saturday.
I’ve also enjoyed reading everyone’s encouraging thoughts. I’ve had two fairly uncomplicated pregnancies so far, though the first tri with DD was hard, primarily as far as mental health went, since (TW) I had lost my first only two months before and was still in some serious depression and anxiety. I was jokingly complaining recently about sciatica with someone who knew my story and she said “don’t forget you wanted this.” Like, of course I want my pregnancies and my children. But you’d think I could complain a little to a fellow mother who understands. Pregnancy isn’t easy. We shouldn’t have to pretend it is. Relatedly, I see things posted on social media about how when we only post the good things online, we make it look like our lives are perfect, which adds to others’ feelings of insecurity, etc. and how we should be more real with one another. But when a woman posts a complaint about pregnancy or parenthood, she gets a slew of responses about “remember you’re lucky you can get pregnant,” and “treasure the good days and the bad.” So which is it? Do we share genuinely or do we pretend pregnancy and parenthood is easy? That bothers me a lot. /endsoapbox haha.
I think people should be allowed to vent. Pregnancy is definitely no fun even when it’s not complicated. With my first I vented a lot.
This time I’m trying to not vent as much because I felt like it affected my mental state of mind more than I liked. Right now I’m trying (trying mind you) to focus my mind on anything that makes me happy.
Also with respect to mothers. I think it gets hard to remember how things were as time goes by. My mom had really rough pregnancies. She remembers that. But when I was having a hard time with DS she couldn’t really remember any struggles with us kids when we were babies. This pregnancy has been a reminder that even after 6 years it was definitely foggy. Like how did I forget that awful taste in your mouth that never leaves?!?!
@HGRich I’ve been told the same “you wanted this” or “you chose this” comments as well. It’s so unbelievably rude. I knew pregnancy wouldn’t be a walk in the park. It doesn’t mean I enjoy pain 🙄
Re: Randoms w/o 2/4
I was was looking into a blend that’s red raspberry leaf, nettle, rosehips, chamomile and stevia leaf. No idea how/if my blood sugar will react to it though.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
This thought brought to you by the fact I had to go out to get lunch and figured grilled nuggets would be the healthiest of all the options around me.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Really late to the tax conversation but I've always preferred to break even or owe a small amount versus getting a ton back; that just means I loaned the government free money all year that I could have brought home when I earned it rather than months later.
I already told DH that we need to change our withholding again now that this LO is coming because we're paying too much upfront now for 2019.
Add me to the absolutely no motivation group; I just want to be at home.
DD born: 3/31/19
BUT DH just took her for 45 min and I banged out a birth plan that’s been swirling around in my head for weeks so that’s making me feel much better.
Now if only my son would stop shoving himself up into my ribs so I could be more comfortable and get some sleep tonight, that would be great.
+1 to no perineal massages.
@MRDCle usually I’m not productive either. Having a list to check off has definitely helped!
@jlklec19 I’m so glad your dad is doing well!
Somehow after telling my mid-wife about my sciatica pain Tuesday afternoon it miraculously cured itself last night. Yay!
And add me to the list of always distracted/no motivation at work lately. I have blocked my calendar to work on a few projects, get nothing done, then reschedule projects to another day/time. And repeat all week long.
Add me to zero work motivation and I only work part time. I’ve been super hard on my swimmers this week because I have no patience. Luckily my last two swim meets for the season are tomorrow and today I’m amazed by some of you ladies working full time and having kiddos at home.
Taxes: I like getting some money back. Hopefully this year as it will be super helpful when baby gets here. The first year we could declare DS, DH forgot to tell our tax lady that we had another child. So we had to go thru the pain of amending our returns and didn’t get our refunds till Aug.
I swear every muscle in my body hurts today, and especially my back
Also, I am not sure if its a fluke but I had 0 restless leg problems last night!
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
And I can't lie: their corresponding half-days with DD have me nervous in a whole new way about this summer (full days home with DD + baby). Granted, my husband has been working into the evenings, but, still, he's basically come back to me in tears every night. I'm just praying to God that DD is back to being more independent and pleasant by then.
@professormama I just want to spend all the money too. It's hard not to.
+1 on the no motivation front, I keep counting down the mornings that I have the dreaded opening shift and keep looking at my calendar willing the weeks to go faster.
DD is officially with Grandma until Tuesday afternoon when my husband gets back from Cali. If I had a full weekend I would be devoting it to cleaning and preparing things I can never seem to get to but instead I'll be counting down hours at drill until I get to go home and relax Sunday night and all day Monday with no screaming toddler in my house. I love my daughter but the terrible twos are stressing me out hardcore.
We went by my parents place last night to drop something off and I was talking to my mom about the itchiness I’ve been having and mentioned the possibility of cholestasis, she was completely clueless. We were also talking about my growth scan and i was saying they want to keep an eye on her size and watch for IUGR. And she again had no idea what it was. She has 4 kids and the youngest is 9, so it’s not like she’s a stranger to pregnancy.
It just makes me sad that my pregnancies are so beyond complicated. They are a constant source of stress, anxiety, and worry and I don’t have joyful/loved/miraculous feelings associated with it. I feel like it should be a happy thing but it just isn’t.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Not to continue to be a Debbie Downer too but just know that you aren't alone and I totally get where you're coming from. We've been on the fence about having a 3rd, and at this point, I don't know if it's worth the anxiety it will cause.
My stomach is out of sorts today. I had 1 breakfast sandwich and a cup of tea and then had horrible heartburn and nausea. I couldn't eat my lunch and went and got a small salad. I need to pick up dinner for us and my mom today but NOTHING sounds good.
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
Honestly, I wouldn’t know about choleostasis or IUGR if it weren’t for being active on these boards, and I certainly wouldn’t know about PPROM except that it happened to me. It’s simply not something that doctors bring up until they need to. DH has VERY little idea of the complications possible in a pregnancy and the chance that many have lasting effects beyond pregnancy (looking at you, diastasis recti). But I’d rather know about the negatives, learn to empathize with women who are experiencing them, and participate in a supportive community than float in a magically uncomplicated pregnancy without all of you. Muah.
Never apologize for your feelings - they're valid and nobody else needs to understand or "get it," to make them so.
Thank you guys. Lots and lots and lots. Seriously. I don’t know what I’d do without this board.
It’s just been a super awful frustrating week and I think the possible cholestasis was the straw that broke the camels back on top of all the pregnancy and non pregnancy related stress. The nurse said the test results will take a couple of days and we have the growth scan next weekend, plus I have a follow up literally as soon as possible afterwards (like 8am Tuesday since Monday is a holiday). Hopefully after both of those I will know more/feel better about everything. It just was a really eye opening conversation with my mom and not really in the good way.
And @mrstmoose I understand completely about the third. We always planned on 3 but I honestly don’t know if I could handle it physically and emotionally if the pregnancy ended up just as complicated as the first 2.
My DH has been super understanding and supportive of me and all this mess but there’s only so much he can really get. Thankfully we don’t have much planned for this weekend so hopefully I can relax and de-stress a bit. And my mom offered to watch DD next weekend for a bit since she doesn’t have my siblings if I need it.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I think it's an incredible testament to your strength and devotion to your children that you are doing this. I've thankfully had a pretty uncomplicated pregnancy (my doctors asked me to do a bunch of extra tests for various risk factors that I had, but thankfully they've all come back negative) -- but it's still been one of the hardest things I've done. I think you guys are brave and determined in ways that I'm not sure that I could be.
Also, another thing to potentially consider re: our mothers' and just long-standing societal narratives on pregnancy: it used to be more women's main jobs to do this with fewer obligations and expectations of other careers and successes. In light of that, people may have just been quieter about suffering through and not questioning it.
meanwhile, @kosmo86 I hear ya. All food seems terrible to me now... mostly I've been eating cookies. Dinner last night? Cookies and milk. Breakfast this morning? Cookies and milk.
FWIW, I also think it's okay to feel sad that you aren't in a place to enjoy the goods of pregnancy. Pregnancy is a LOT of things, but exciting and hopeful should be two of them. Some people get to experience that and some people find it overshadowed by medical problems, personal stress, anxiety, etc. I think it's legitimate to call what you're experiencing a kind of grief because I think there's a legitimate loss. (or at least that's how it has helped me think about my 3 MCs and the anxiety they have caused me through my 2 other pregnancies.)
Relatedly, I see things posted on social media about how when we only post the good things online, we make it look like our lives are perfect, which adds to others’ feelings of insecurity, etc. and how we should be more real with one another. But when a woman posts a complaint about pregnancy or parenthood, she gets a slew of responses about “remember you’re lucky you can get pregnant,” and “treasure the good days and the bad.” So which is it? Do we share genuinely or do we pretend pregnancy and parenthood is easy? That bothers me a lot. /endsoapbox haha.
This time I’m trying to not vent as much because I felt like it affected my mental state of mind more than I liked. Right now I’m trying (trying mind you) to focus my mind on anything that makes me happy.
Just super dry and itchy I guess, lol. Got my test results just now and I’m at 6.1, yay! (Standard range is less then 10)
Finally some good news.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019