Randoms W/O 12/31

ballofmeat

Happy new year! I can’t sleep (sinuses are killing me) and thought I would get another random thread going since our holiday one was shut down.   

luckystar28

I missed all the fun. Wahhhh. 

luckystar28

We are away from DS for a few days and I can’t sleep yet again. Any time I’m leaving DS I think “I can’t wait to get awesome sleep!” And I’m wrong. Every time. I sleep worse knowing he’s not in the house. Being a mom is weird. 

chachacharrrmin

What the heck happened to our last weekly thread? 😂 Geez!!!

ballofmeat

luckystar28 said:

I missed all the fun. Wahhhh. 

Stuck in box.

not sure I would consider it fun when a member gets banned without having any warnings. And yet the OP was posting horrible stuff and gets off scot free

luckystar28

@ballofmeat Really? That sucks. Who was banned? ETA: Sorry, just went and read more closely. That’s a bummer. 

ballofmeat

@luckystar28 YGPM

nmbrcrnchr1

Random question...does anyone know how the “view” count works on threads? Our latest random thread had 2k views!?! I mean I know I opened it quiet a few times so does that mean it counts it every time I opened it or does that mean 2,000 users viewed it? I’m curious if we have that many lurkers who aren’t participating or if people from other boards think we are entertaining 😂

ohheyitsb

holy cow I missed a lot....Happy NYE all.

Just to make sure I'm following...someone can just come onto a well-established board and do what they want with complete disregard for everyone else and yet the people who have been contributing/supporting/monitoring since the beginning are banned and warned?

I mean, baby brain is real but that makes zero sense.

Dcwtada

@ohheyitsb yep. This is part of what caused the max exodus a few years back. Granted there may be reasons more than the surface ones I see but thebump was more concerned about creating a welcoming environment (aka getting more accounts/visitors) than the loyal members that built and shaped the boards into what it is - a supportive and great COMMUNITY. It seems like a business decision but I can’t say for sure, definitely backfired on them before though. Even now the regular boards (like the different parenting boards) never recovered. 

messymyranda

That someone apologized for doing it incorrectly and honestly it looked like they'd have been fine if they hadn't gotten such a hostile response from some of the regulars here. I read the posts before they were deleted and I can see why it happened the way it did. 

ballofmeat

messymyranda said:

That someone apologized for doing it incorrectly and honestly it looked like they'd have been fine if they hadn't gotten such a hostile response from some of the regulars here. I read the posts before they were deleted and I can see why it happened the way it did. 


stuck in box. If you mean apologize and in the same sentence say loss isn’t her problem then no, that’s not an apology. Along with OP indicating she can say whatever she wants. No, also not an apology.

Real Apologies are sincere and not followed up by a
“#%*k you and God bless” 

she was told to GTFO after that

ballofmeat

I definitely gotta drop this now though because I don’t feel like getting the double hammer. 

@nmbrcrnchr1 2K views....yeah that makes me want to move to a private platform even earlier than third tri. Too many creepers out there

Anywho, I waited at urgent care yesterday after work for two hours for what I really think is a sinus infection. I have horrible jaw and cheek bone pain on my left side, haven’t tasted food in a five days and am just miserable. I’m maxed out on acetaminophen, I’ve done mucinex, Vick’s vapor rub, hot showers, elderberry, you name it, I did it. I even broke down and took one ibuprofen last night because the pain was so bad. The nurse practitioner at urgent care said because it had only been 8 days and not 10 that she wouldn’t prescribe antibiotics. I left defeated. She said, keep taking acetaminophen and try Flonase.

I slept maybe three hours last night. I called my OB this morning and talked to her nurse about my symptoms. And she said, sounds like you have a sinus infection and prescribed me a z-pac. I was surprised I didn’t need to be seen and told her I wasn’t at the ten days and urgent care wouldn’t give me one. The OB nurse was like “oh no, you have classic symptoms, she shouldn’t have let a pregnant woman suffer on just acetaminophen. I’m calling in your antibiotic right now.” This makes me love my OB’s office even more than I already do. 

messymyranda

If someone had responded to me the way you responded to her there's a chance I'd have been completely unsympathetic in my response too. Nobody is saying anyone was innocent in the exchange but posts did cross the line. You've said yourself that you have a lot of anger and it shows. I get it, I really do. Just because I don't post I the loss thread doesn't mean I've never lost and have no idea what you're feeling. I just don't feel the desire to talk about it and let it define who I am. 

ballofmeat

@messymyranda no you don’t get it. *TW* If you got it, you wouldn’t be saying what you are to me right now. The day I stop talking about my sons, is the day their memory dies. People with living children get to talk about their kids all the time. I won’t be silenced. Their death doesn’t define me, their memory does, and I will never ever apologize for their life. This is the problem with grief in our society. Saying things like “I don’t let my loss define me.” And then to say “I totally get it” in the same breathe is a complete and utter oxymoron. You basically have told someone how they grieve is wrong or it needs a timeline. Don’t ever say that.

Dcwtada

I do like the idea of a PG on the bump, it seems the the quality of conversation and posts always gets better without bump admin drama (not our great unofficial #admin) plus it nice to know lurkers and randos aren’t going to pop in or are creeping on posts without ever even introducing themselves so it feels more open. Obviously more people can be added if they join late but I have no idea about the vetting process, I like having different opinions and even clashes in personality. Obviously to a point, just more weeding out the crazies and trolls.

I just know I would appreciate a more sincere, genuine and close forum. 

cricket1688

Someone in the name thread mentioned a very obvious name of a famous pornstar in the 70’s(it’s not a regular name) and I don’t know if I should point this out? Her husband chose it... likely not my place to point out but if I found out my husband wanted to name our daughter after a pornstar I’d be upset 

eleven_

@messymyranda +1 to you being nowhere even remotely close to getting it. You continuing to WK the poster shows just how little you understand. If you cared at all about @ballofmeat 's losses, you would not be bringing all of this up again. 

battleangel

@ballofmeat girl. I start to get a sinus infection and my doc antibiotics me all up. I have a history of them so they’re like “better OD on antibiotics than not!”

luckystar28

I stand with @ballofmeat on this one. 

momerath81

A lot of y'all on here were pretty horrible to toy bear. Or, a few of you...obviously the ones that count around here. You all said yourselves the Xanga posts were cringeworthy.  The only difference is that you were not ganged up on and told to GTFO. I don't have time to read all the posts and create a presence on here between my job and my toddler. I even have been scared to respond to people or ask questions because I was afraid to do something wrong.  I read the read first posts and I see how what she did was annoying, but she was apologetic. I would have also been defensive if I was treated the way she was. I know I won't be accepted in this community after this post, but I have to say I'm fine with that. I really don't want to be a part of this negative atmosphere. 

tuxielove93

I CAN POST! Stupid app has been non-functioning since yesterday. 

@ballofmeat  Im so sorry for all of that. Creepy internet hugs. 

@Dcwtada  I totally agree that the experience becomes soooo much better when we go private where the bump admins can’t get us. And the no more drive bys and randoms reading our threads is so nice. Im
just worried that we haven’t been here long enough to weed out the crazy. I’m still scarred from
the ... what do you call her? Idk if catfish is the right word, but there was a woman from our July 17 bump who was a fairly regular participant who halfway through the pregnancies turned out to not even be pregnant..... it was bananas. Idk who has that kind of time, but she was scary and then started threatening our members. So I’d love a private group, but idk when would be the best time to make sure we don’t get people like her in there. 

eleven_

@momerath81

messymyranda

The pornstar jab is pretty funny, if petty, but about what I've come to expect here. I'm sure I could find pornstars that share names with a lot of people's name choices if I cared to look. 

I'll never forget what I lost or what I went through before and after that but I won't use it as an excuse to be a bitch to anyone that doesn't understand me. I've never felt comfortable enough here to share any of it and the more time has passed the more that's cemented as a good decision. Happy pregnancies to all of you. 

cricket1688

I happen to think the drive by posts are SUPER annoying and certainly at times offensive/insentive even if they don’t mean to be. I have also stated before that I believe sometimes the reactions to those posts are too strong. However when you make 3/4 separate posts about yourself, just NO. In the same breath I know @ballofmeat is valid in not feeling comfortable and feeling offended by those posts and that’s her right. I believe the woman’s intentions were to apologize and then she got wrapped up in the back and forth and that can be damaging for everyone. 

nmbrcrnchr1

@crickett1688 but how’d you know it was a pornstars name 🤣 I don’t read that thread all the time but I knew exactly which name you were talking about

eleven_

I love how many WK there are for a one-off poster. It's nice to see their true colors now instead of having to wait until FB. 

cricket1688

@messymyranda honestly not at all meant to be a jab. Lovelace is so uncommon and random I genuinely wasn’t sure if you knew. But if you do know then More power to you do what you and your husband want, obviously as you should. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sex work at all. Just wouldn’t want you to find out in 5 years and be like “oh”

cricket1688

I also want to add how simple it is to come in late to this group and follow the guidelines and also incorporate yourself correctly and get support. I did it and all it took was reading the guidelines and watching the group for a small amount of time. 

carleym93

I’m sorry @messymyranda but did you birth a human being and then have them take their last breath in your arms? Because if you haven’t, then you possibly can not understand what that is like. Meatballs has been supportive and giving to all members of this group who NEED it. There have been drive by posts by members who need support because something was wrong with their baby, and she will be the first one there offering encouragement. But for someone to come by MULTIPLE times and just have SS posts but not contribute when women in this group are dealing with scary NIPT results, that is flame worthy. Nobody else gets to decide how and when someone grieves. The fact that Meatballs even gets out of bed in the morning after what she went through with those sweet boys is incredible to me because I can’t say I’d be able to do that if it were me. 


ETA: It cut me off, but I feel Meatballs was kind when explaining why those posts were triggering. It wasn’t until she insulted her loss that she became angry, and rightfully so.

cricket1688

@nmbrcrnchr1 a movie was made about her with Lindsay Lohan not that long ago and I’m a big follower of pop culture. Never seen her movies but I’m a big fan of watching porn with DH and solo!

nmbrcrnchr1

@eleven_ I love tit does not do your post justice. 

And for anyone who who doesn’t know my stance on this...

I need to watch this movie today ❤️

nmbrcrnchr1

@crickett1688 just read the last few posts and that’s not the name I noticed 😳 so there are at least 2 I guess

dntstpbelieveing

**Removed for TOU Violation**

cricket1688

@nmbrcrnchr1 lol oh shit

Dcwtada

I am glad every loss, pregnancy and other loved ones, has defined me. I am proud and honored by my grief. They mattered and still do. 

coco2787

momerath81 said:

A lot of y'all on here were pretty horrible to toy bear. Or, a few of you...obviously the ones that count around here. You all said yourselves the Xanga posts were cringeworthy.  The only difference is that you were not ganged up on and told to GTFO. I don't have time to read all the posts and create a presence on here between my job and my toddler. I even have been scared to respond to people or ask questions because I was afraid to do something wrong.  I read the read first posts and I see how what she did was annoying, but she was apologetic. I would have also been defensive if I was treated the way she was. I know I won't be accepted in this community after this post, but I have to say I'm fine with that. I really don't want to be a part of this negative atmosphere. 

What??  You have a job AND other kids?  You must be the only one.  Do you feel sorry for our husbands too?

Who has their bingo card?

KissMeImScottish

I read something the other day - I’m not sure where - that really struck a chord re: grief. It described grief as a ball inside a box that has a pain button on one wall. When the grief is fresh and new, the ball fills the box and hits the pain button all the time because it presses against it. As time goes on, the ball shrinks to a manageable size within the box, but it still occasionally bounces around and hits that pain button, and the amount of time that must pass for that ball the shrink to “manageable” size is different for everyone. There is no timeline for grief, and because that ball never fully shrinks away, we never can “get over” it - we quite literally must carry it with us the rest of our lives, not knowing exactly what might shake the box and cause the ball to bounce around and hit that button. We are, quite literally, defined by it. You are more careful when you carry a glass of water that may spill. So are you more careful when you have to carry grief. I liked the analogy.

All of that is to say, @ballofmeat, that while I cannot begin to fully wrap my head around what you carry with you every day, I can wrap my heart around it and I have so much empathy and love for you. You are part of a club that no one should have to belong to. For what it’s worth (and I COMPLETELY recognize that it’s not the same thing), I lost my best friend to suicide when I was 20 (he was 21). His mother is my second mother. It took me a long time to feel like I could say his name around her because I was afraid to upset her. When I had my own son, seven years later, I finally understood why that was worse than talking about him, even if it hurt. He existed, he was a part of both our lives, she grew him, raised him, loved him, and lost him. Talking about him acknowledges the impact he had on the world, and that is important. I understand completely your need (and it absolutely is a need) to talk about Abraham and Shepard. They existed, they were loved, they mattered, and that’s important.

I hope I’m not overstepping in saying any of this. Your story has had a profound impact on me and, while I know you probably do not need any validation from any of us, I suppose I just want you to know you have it, regardless. All the love to you and your family.

cricket1688

I hope @ballofmeat and most of the women in our group are taking today easy on themselves. You are loved and valued here on the bump and outside of it! 

ballofmeat

@KissMeImScottish I’m in tears after reading all you wrote. The ball anaology is so true and a wonderful description of what it’s like. In the beginning it’s all consuming. I am so sorry you lost a friend who should still be here with you. And you make such a good point, I think before anyone experiences a loss, they think they shouldn’t mention their name for fear it will cause heartache. But when they are never talked about again, it’s worse, because it makes it seem like they didn’t matter. 

We have had a few comments in our family when they found out this June baby of ours was another girl “oh man we need some boys in this family, there aren’t any.” My heart sunk. It’s as if my boys already never existed. And that is the hardest part of grief, when people expect you to be silent and swallow your own grief for the comfort of everyone else. 

I hope your friend is up there in heaven holding my boys today and saying they know us. It’s the only hope I hold onto knowing I will get to see them again. 

And maybe i do I do come off angry to some. But I think those are the kind of people who don’t get loss, or don’t understand it. 

A flameworthy SS post is no where near the same as someone disrespecting loss. A few here seem to be confusing the line between that. 

ncm1919

Welp- I took my vacation off work and the Bump. It’s actually impossible to catch up and even if I could, I’m not sure my opinion would add much to the conversation. Suffice to say, I hope we can get to a point where we are back to all getting along. 

It was nice having time with my daughter and not be answering emails. She’s getting a brother which was an exciting surprise. I wish I could share the pictures because the look on her face when she got the boy balloon out of the box was actually priceless.