Facebook/Private Group When&Where — The Bump
March 2019 Moms

Facebook/Private Group When&Where

So it's almost 2019 and I think we need to start setting up whatever private March19 group we want to transition to. To make it as democratic as possible, I'm starting this poll so we can decide when we want to move and where we want to move to. The purpose of this private group would to protect any personal information that people want to share with the friends they have made over the last several months from public view. The group will eventually decide what determines that, and feel free to use this thread as a discussion board for that.

Before Babies: Likely sometime in January so we can get moved and settled before any (more) early arrivals. This does not mean that we cannot still keep a fairly active presence on the public March '19 board.
After Babies: March/April. Again, this does not mean we have to abandon the public board completely.

Facebook: I'm unsure how people typically make this transition as I'm not in a FB BMB group, but I'd imagine it would eventually be a closed, secret group. This would expose everyone's information that is made available to the public and would exclude anyone that does not use facebook.
Private Bump Group: For anyone not aware, The Bump has private groups that are essentially private boards without Bump God moderation. We would choose our own moderators and set our own rules and would more or less be left to our own devices to enforce them. Because it is on the bump there is still a level of anonymity by using screen names, but we can transition there pretty seamlessly. Provided that they are working because the Bump app/community/website can be a bit buggy at times. We would be at the mercy of the Bump in that regard.

Facebook/Private Group When&Where 57 votes

Before Babies / Facebook Group
35% 20 votes
After Babies / Facebook Group
17% 10 votes
Before Babies / Private Bump Group
40% 23 votes
After Babies / Private Bump Group
7% 4 votes
ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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«1345

Re: Facebook/Private Group When&Where

  • I voted before babies / private bump group. Only reason I didn't chose the facebook option is because I found with other groups I'm with on there, some times I have to look for them and can get easily overlooked. 
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    June 2016 - CP
    2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
    IVF w/ PGS  - January 2018
    FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
    ERA Cycle May / June 2018
    ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
    FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP <3 Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410
    U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
    Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
    EDD March 28, 2019
    Baby Girl born 3/26/19  <3



    beachbaby0523ashley14598
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited December 2018
    I voted for "before babies, private group," but I honestly don't care between the private group before or after babies or just staying here. I am not in favor of an FB group. If that's what people decide to do, I won't be joining. 

    I dislike FB groups in general. I do not find them easier. I find them harder. There's no way to easily jump to what's unread in a thread and, with nesting, it's hard to find what you haven't read previously. Notifications clear as soon as you close or refresh the page regardless of whether you've actually viewed the new information.

    Considering how many children I hope to have (at least 3), that's potentially a lot of FB groups to keep up with when I already don't like them. 

    I don't friend people I don't know in real life, and I believe joining a private, closed group would require friending at least one person.

    From what I've heard, these groups often tend to have implosions. There's often at least one crazy who makes it through. There's also frequently a scammer who catfishes everyone. I never joined FB with my previous BMB, and several months later, a comment from a supposed "catfisher" and responses popped up in a thread in the June board about the woman supposedly using her NICU baby to get gifted money and going to Disneyland. As I was not a member of the FB group, I have no way of knowing who is right. But I prefer to avoid all of that drama in general, even though I would not ever give money to someone I don't know extremely well in real life. 

    I would ask that, whatever is done, we have a rule that no one is allowed to ask for money, post GoFundMe's, etc. As I mentioned above, these frequently go wrong, and even though I wouldn't contribute to one, I think just having a blanket ban would help avoid all the potential unpleasantness.

    ETA: more info. 
    kristimh80Kenneylynn3kapowfal
  • @lovesclimbing I agree that the way FB organizes everything I often don't see new items, where as I know exactly what I've already read on TB. I also agree that TB allows people to come out of their shell and share personal information at their own pace, where as with fb you don't really have a choice. People can still become facebook friends with other individuals if find someone they really click with, but it should be an option not a requirement. The no money transaction thing seems like a good rule also.

    I ended up with the "leftovers" in my last BMB after we got left out of the facebook group. We eventually made a private bump group and it has worked out great. We have a couple of threads, like Vent, Baby Health, Randoms, etc. that just get bumped up as needed and then the weekly type threads like FFFC and HDBD get started new each week. I'm not even sure how that sort of simple organization would translate to facebook. It seems like it would be as if we each started our own thread every time, which is not what we've come to enjoy here. 
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
    kristimh80
  • So I'm not part of any private bump group, but so far I'm quite unhappy with the technical issues the boards are going through regularly. I'm often unable to log in. And the app is definitely sub par to the facebook app, and at least with facebook a single minute of downtime is a world calamity and seldom happens. 
    One thing I want to mention about facebook - you don't need to be friends with someone to join. We created the groups as private, made sure everyone is in (you have to ask to join and answer a few questions) and then made it secret.
    This is what I see as pros/cons, at least from my side:
    The Bump
    Pros: 
    1. Based on the comments, it seems more people are likely to join, so there'll be more of us
    2. Those who are not on facebook don't need to create a new account
    Cons:
    1. I wanted to delete my account soon after we go private to make sure no details about my kids are searchable, which won't be possible anymore if we stay here.
    2. Technical issues - unable to login, whole forum down etc.
    3. Don't get me started on the app - I find it mostly unusable so I only check the bump on my laptops or work desktop. 
    Facebook
    Pros:
    1. I already go to facebook for my October 2015 group and a few local mom groups - great place to learn about events happening in the area
    2. Better integration with other services, it's also easier to share content with the group, especially public posts about motherhood, baby gear recalls, etc.
    3. I feel it's more informal and allows for less structured communication, which I personally like (to the point of topics getting lost - we just ask again, nobody minds).
    Cons:
    1. I see lots of comments against facebook, so I guess less people will join
    swanbroonersejicaLoboandSuperNinja
  • @mihaelams1 I don't think anyone would be offended if you decided to create a new account and then submit to be accepted into a private group with that one so you could subsequently delete your current account and all the info re: kids. We'd just have to find a way to verify it's you. Maybe send a message from each account to one of the chosen moderators with the same thing or something.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
  • @mihaelams1, I only come on TB via the mobile website in a web browser on my iPhone. I've never used the app, partly because I've heard there are issues and partially because I'm very particular about what apps I have on my phone and don't like having lots of extraneous apps. I've had occasional issues with the site, but nothing like what I've heard about with the app. The browser (Safari) keeps me logged in, so I don't have to sign in every time. Just open the browser and type in the address or click a bookmark or whatever. 

    I will say, to your point about FB vs. TB issues, I have plenty of issues with the FB app. Not issues with the site itself going down, but individualized issues. I frequently have the app crash. I'll just be scrolling along, and the app will suddenly close, and I'll be back on my phone's home screen. This seems to especially happen when I'm looking at a group. If that happens, then all the markers of what's new are gone, and I have no way of knowing what's recent. I also find the FB website itself on a computer to be extremely clunky and slow with lots of lag and load time, much worse than TB. 
    mayoduck
  • mihaelams1mihaelams1
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited December 2018
    @meggyme - thank you, that's a great idea! :smile:

    @lovesclimbing - interesting. I'm on android (and just a Moto G5, nothing new or fancy or pricey), but I'm wondering if they are optimizing the facebook app for android vs iPhone and that's why you have so many issues with it.

  • Echoing here what I posted in the randoms: I'm part of the October 2015 FB group which moved from the bump, and I would love if we do the same. It's a private and secret group, we didn't add anyone after the beginning (in fact we did a few clean-ups over the years). I feel safe enough there to post absolutely everything, we stopped talking only about babies loooooong ago :smiley: We supported each-other through new weddings and divorces, house purchases, moves across the country, more babies (and *TW* some miscarriages unfortunately as well *TW*). We exchanged birthday and Christmas presents for our kids, we cheered each-other through sleep training, and potty training, and childcare transitions. When I need some advice I often tell DH "I'll ask my October moms" and together we help each-other make decisions or find appropriate solutions to our problems. I really hope we can become as close with the March 2019 group! :smile:

    I was in (still am in it turns out on FB, just never post) that group too. *tw* I distanced myself  after my daughter passed at 32 Weeks. I didn’t even know I was still in the group till I went and checked a few mins ago. 

    I’m still friends with a fellow loss mom from the group. *tw* Our girls passed a day apart from each other *end TW*


    October 2015 ladies even on the bump were super close and supportive of one another. I can see this group being similar in that way. 


    We have two sleeping beauties in heaven.
    Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. 
    Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
    They will be forever missed. <3
       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I voted before babies and stay on the bump. I have loved connecting with all of you here but I don't think I'd remember to log in to another site regularly, even one as popular as FB!
  • I feel so out of the loop sometimes LOL. my first interaction with a group was way back when, i am not sure if you guys remember Parents Connect? it was a Nickelodeon website for pregnancy and children. I was in the April 09 group then and i think once everyone had their babies we all just went to facebook. We didnt even make a group, just added each other as friends. (I don't think they had groups 10 years ago LOL).  Some of us have grown apart but for the most part i am still really close with about 10 ladies from the group from all over the country. I consider them close friends even with never meeting. Some of the stories you guys tell make me feel really naive about FB bc i have never come across those kinds of privacy or weirdo things happening, but i believe you so i would err on your side definitely. I am open for either, Bump or FB even tho i had to specifically choose one. I chose the Bump just bc it seems that more people are comfortable with that.. And i don't mind, once we splinter off if anyone wants to be a FB friend. I don't post anything on mine i wouldn't show the world, just because of how social media is, so yeah. 
    kristimh80LoboandSuperNinja
  • mihaelams1mihaelams1
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited December 2018
    @bdesterhouse I'm really, really sorry! I didn't know! In fact, I joined the October 2015 bump BMB after DS was born (during one of those MOTN feedings), but I was lucky to be accepted right away and to find so many supportive ladies. I actually just posted there asking for what their subsequent BMBs did when moving privately, since I'm not familiar with private bump boards at all. Let's see what they say :smile:
    bdesterhouse
  • I don't have a strong preference on before or after babies but I don't like FB group formats and don't want to exclude our group's non-FB users. Personally, I would like to use FB less myself.
    kristimh80dtspmama
  • swanbroonerswanbrooner
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2018
    My June 2017 BMB didn’t really get close until we went to our private, closed Facebook. I actually prefer this option over the thin veil of anonymity TB provides, although TB definitely served as well throughout our pregnancies.

    We migrated shortly before the babies were born and did have some stipulations. People had to have been semi-regularly contributers to join. It wasn’t a free for all.

    We’ve had some minor hiccups and GBCFBs along the way, but for the most part, I love our community and don’t know how we would’ve done it with out each other sometimes.
    mihaelams1sejicaLoboandSuperNinja
  • To echo @mihaelams1 I'd be down only if it's both private and secret. 
    Pooka8
  • @navete I feel the same way. Glad you chimed in here!
    naveteswanbroonerbeachbaby0523
  • @navete and @dtspmama same!! Exactly. At times, I feel inauthentic with my vague generalities and face hidden behind a heart so err on the side of participating thru Love its. I really appreciate this forum and the community it’s built, though, and hope going private provides extra security so I’m comfortable participating more. 
    navetedtspmama
  • I’m good with whatever we end up doing, I just don’t want to get left out! I’ve been a little MIA lately because work stuff + pregnancy related issues are totally zapping my energy. I still follow along and love your updates! I’m hoping to be more active soon :blush:
    Me: 30 DH: 31
    Married: 2012
    BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 <3 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
  • I am always only on mobile and am getting more annoyed with the bump ap problems by the day. I actually like Facebook, so won’t be following to the bump private group, but I understand if that’s the preference. 

    Me: 36, DH 37.

    August 2014- 6w MMC

    July 2015- CP

    PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.

    Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!

    mamakate1616sejicaLoboandSuperNinjaPooka8
  • @3rdtime_charmed what problems have you been having? I’ve been having issues since the summer and I think I just tracked it down to my internet provider being the issue.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
  • It’s terribly slow and it doesn’t respond, so I have to hit the back button ten times, etc. Sometimes I can’t get the boards to load at all. Our internet is pretty fast, I ask a lot of it working from home so I don’t think it’s an ISP issue.

    Me: 36, DH 37.

    August 2014- 6w MMC

    July 2015- CP

    PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.

    Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!

  • lindseyb918lindseyb918
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2018
    I'm assuming that if we moved before babies, people could still request to join afterwards, like there wouldn't be a "deadline"? I just know for my first BMB, as a first time mom with an uneventful pregnancy, I wasn't active until DS was born. Then I needed a lot of support and had so many more questions!

    I would guess there are some people who will become more active after the babes are here, and I think it would be nice to keep the door open for them if they become regular participants on the BMB in the future. 

    ETA sorry if this was already addressed, I missed a ton today so I'm quickly catching up!
    beachbaby0523mihaelams1kbear28thedaint87
  • meggyme said:
    @3rdtime_charmed what problems have you been having? I’ve been having issues since the summer and I think I just tracked it down to my internet provider being the issue.
    You were who I was taking to on chit chat about my issues, right? It's so weird because it seemed to be an issue with my router? Which doesn't really make sense? 

    We moved and switched ISP's but kept the same router. I had the same issues, but also the similar issues off and on with other sites. We ended up buying a new router, and I've had no issues since. It makes no sense!
  • @lindseyb918  the board generally dies/falls off once the private group starts, so
    there really wouldn’t be the opportunity for late joiners to become regular participants.
  • @swanbrooner that's what I am kind of afraid of. I'm sad for anyone who would miss out on the support that a new mom needs, but understand people's reasons for moving before babies, too.
  • I totally get being a FTM myself the extra support I'd want / need. But I think we all would like to share more with, which is why the whole private group thing. Not that no one would not want to be supportive, but if someone all the sudden pops out of no where that hasn't said a word for 8-9 months...it maybe a red flag / rub some the wrong way esp since private chats would be more open about our lives. 
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    June 2016 - CP
    2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
    IVF w/ PGS  - January 2018
    FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
    ERA Cycle May / June 2018
    ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
    FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP <3 Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410
    U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
    Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
    EDD March 28, 2019
    Baby Girl born 3/26/19  <3



    swanbrooner
  • @kristimh80 true, I didn't think of it that way! :)
  • My vote is to move before babies and I don't care whether we do a private bump group or Facebook. I use the Bump on my phone but thru the web browser not the app, so I don't have any issues with it. I'm also on FB and happy to transfer to a secret, closed group there. I agree with PP that I'll feel more comfortable sharing more info and sharing pics when we are in a private group :smile:
    kristimh80
  • @mihaelams1 I was an active participant of Oct 15 BMB with DD2 but somehow missed the boat when everyone transitioned. The friendships you've formed sound really great and I'm sorry I missed out on that! :(
    mihaelams1
  • I voted for a private bump group, but would be okay with FB too. I exclusively use the bump app on my phone and have occasional issues, but not so often that it keeps me from using it. 
    kristimh80
  • Lbloom said:
    @mihaelams1 I was an active participant of Oct 15 BMB with DD2 but somehow missed the boat when everyone transitioned. The friendships you've formed sound really great and I'm sorry I missed out on that! :(
    I didn’t realize till yesterday afternoon that you were in that group too. My screen name in that group was mrsdhouse89 . Sorry it took so long to realize. 

    We have two sleeping beauties in heaven.
    Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. 
    Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
    They will be forever missed. <3
       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @lindseyb918 I don't see why we can't come up with a process for accepting late members, but like you and swanbrooner said the board typically dies off after the regulars leave. That's not to say that people can't check up on it and newcomers can't still post questions/ask for advice. But it will be harder for them to form the relationship that might be expected of someone wanting to be invited into the group. Perhaps we could have a rule for a nomination and second of any new members and put it to a vote or something.

    @lovesclimbing I've been telling my husband we need a new router for months, so maybe it's a combination of problems. There was someone in Jan19 who was having the same issue I am with the icons at the top of the post box not coming up and not being able to loveit who recently switched ISP's and the problem went away. Sadly I only have one internet provider where I live so switching isn't an option. I have Cox and would switch in a heartbeat.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
    lindseyb918kristimh80
  • Like @3rdtime_charmed I would also probably not join a private bump group. I don't love FB, for sure, but several disparate circles of irl acquaintances use it, so I prefer the consolidation. That's part of the reason I've not been posting so recently, it's hard to get on another platform regularly, especially this time of year. Truthfully though, I've not been posting on FB much either because of other life stresses surrounding work.
    BabyName Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • I love my previous bmb that moved to Facebook and we are still very active 4 years later. I would maybe give a private board a shot but not sure I’d stick with it since it’s a platform I don’t use often. My vote is before babies/Facebook. 

    Pregnancy Ticker


    swanbroonermihaelams1LoboandSuperNinja
  • It seems like a lot of prefer this bump app over Facebook. Personally, I hate the app due to all the glitches, but it sounds like people are experiencing similar issues with Facebook. Regardless, I’m okay with either group, but I thjnk creating the group before babies are born would be beneficial.
    zionsmama85
  • I get being uncomfortable with a public forum like this sharing information. But I am also uncomfortable with people joining after private groups start that have barely said anything and know nothing about. This may should go under the UO thread lol
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    June 2016 - CP
    2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
    IVF w/ PGS  - January 2018
    FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
    ERA Cycle May / June 2018
    ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
    FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP <3 Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410
    U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
    Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
    EDD March 28, 2019
    Baby Girl born 3/26/19  <3



    meggyme
  • @kristimh80 I agree, I would imagine it would be very difficult for someone to get to know everyone after the transition to the point where the group would feel comfortable bringing them in, but I guess if someone that was active in the beginning came back and we wanted them to join we should have a process in place for it. That's really the only situation I can imagine that happening in.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
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