The anti-announcement thread

Penguin81

It sounds like a being a twatwaffle but am I trying to avoid announcing my pregnancy like a bad rash - is it just me?

It's not like I don't feel truly blessed I'm old and we've a had a bit of a rough go so far - baby so far has done amazing but my tolerance between "thank you for your well intentioned nosiness and shut the f*ck up" is thin this go around.

cricket1688

I’m only 13+2 but besides our parents and my best friend I have not been into sharing the news either. I’m over the moon but I guess I am feeling possessive and also like it’s no ones business till I decide I’m ready. We told a grandma today and now all 4 aunts on my husbands side know and I was not ready for that. 

ShadeofGreen816

I did a big social media announcement with DD. This time around I did Christmas cards as our announcement so they went to our closest family and friends. But I don’t plan to do a public FB announcement this time. I won’t go out of my way to keep It a secret or anything but I just don’t personally feel like I need to this time around. Whatever you’re comfortable with is fine! 🤷🏼‍♀️

ncm1919

Last time I wasn’t going to post anything at all. I got outed at 32 weeks when someone posted pics from my shower. This time around I kinda want to just post when baby is here. I’m going to have a cute video from our family reveal but I’m not sure if I will share. I’m really reluctant to even tell my boss. 

Dcwtada

Yes me! I had health concerns last pregnancy and with three kids even the few people I have told have not been happy... I have enough kids I shouldnt risk it and I am selfish if I do.

I know it comes from a good place but I swear if I could keep this pregnancy and their subsequent judgements/fears until after baby is here I would. I truly hate no one will be excited for this baby because of it, except DH. I also fear if anything goes wrong they will almost blame me if that makes sense. 

I have never had more anxiety, even with PGAL brain. I now feel like I might be irresponsible and hurting my family. 

canuckbaby

We are excited for you @Dcwtada

BlondePeanut

I second that, we are excited and happy for you @Dcwtada

vv826

+1 for being excited for you @Dcwtada ! I'm sorry that no one is being supportive whether it's out of concern or not.

ShadeofGreen816

@Dcwtada agree on being happy for you! People can shove it. 

skatejawn27

I really don't want to announce to my co-workers and boss.  This is such happy news, and I don't want to share it with people I don't like.

battleangel

My mom is insisting I tell everyone in my family, even without DH there. He and I agreed we’re only telling people we can see in person, and we’re doing it together. Everyone else gets the generic post birth Facebook post of our baby’s nickname and birthday on a little felt board.

My mom just wants to be grandma of the year already, while my dad respects what honey and I chose. I can’t even stand HER nosiness, nor the implication that I’m gonna be a raging hormonal bitch to my husband (from a good friend of ours) so I really wish we hadn’t told anyone. 

die_frau

I am so here for the anti-announcement thread. We're telling close friends and family, but there's zero social media about this pregnancy. And it'll remain that way after baby is born too; we're not big on sharing tons of stuff like this on social media. I'm glad I'm not the only one! I feel like our society is huge on oversharing and I am just not into it. Maybe I'm old. 

eleven_

You are all making me feel so much better about not wanting to announce on social media. I have been feeling that since I announced with my other kids, that I have to do it with this one as well. I feel so protective of this pregnancy and I just don't want to share it with the world. I've felt so guilty about it, but I think it's time to let the guilt go and do what feels right for me. 

gta4334

I'm all about the anti-announcment. We told family directly and friends via a vague message and picture on our holiday card but other than that, nothing. I'm def not for posting each and every personal tid-bit on my social media accounts. I won't even post baby's full name with date of birth and birth location on FB/Insta/etc. I don't know how that information will impact my child 5, 10, 20, 50 years down the line. That information combined with other info can be used to allow access to accounts etc. 

I'm totally aware I sound like some sort of social media doomsday person and I swear I'm not, but at the same time I just can't help to think how this oversharing will be used. After all, to the person sharing it's cute and harmless but to the larger world it's DATA to be bought and sold. No thanks...

Erin1510

I am certainly sharing way less this time around, I think that's normal for 2+ pregnancies. We live over 1000 miles from either family so facebook is an easy way to keep people updated. So far I just made a post that I am pregnant and shared my ultrasound pic from 12 week. I'll probably share another at the anatomy scan and not much after that until baby is born. 

I'm obviously pregnant looking now at 16+4 so anyone who sees me in person can tell if I haven't already told them personally. 

messymyranda

I've always been really uncomfortable posting anything on social media. If we do a family trip or something fun I'll put up pictures so extended family can see the kids but that's about the extent of my use. I have no plans of making any sort of post or announcement about the baby unless it's just included in something family related already. 

harrierwife

gta4334 said:

I'm totally aware I sound like some sort of social media doomsday person and I swear I'm not, but at the same time I just can't help to think how this oversharing will be used. After all, to the person sharing it's cute and harmless but to the larger world it's DATA to be bought and sold. No thanks...

Right there with you. 

I thought for sure that I'd be posting an announcement on social media, but I've recently decided against it. 

The people that we love got a phone call and/or Christmas Announcement card. Those are the only people I care to share the news with. Facebook - especially -  has become this weird, voyeristic platform that feeds people junk information anymore (at least to me). 

I'm a FTM and I'm becoming strangely protective of this pregnancy. 

TW: loss and disability in spoiler

I have a friend that gave birth to a live son in October after being told to expect a stillbirth her entire pregnancy. The first time she mentioned the pregnancy on social media at all was one week after she brought her son home. The comments on the FB post made me want to blow something up - people were ANGRY and HURT that they didn't know she was pregnant in the first place! 

I cannot get over that people felt ENTITLED to the information, and furthermore, felt entitled to more information about the baby's physical condition. 

FUCK. OFF. 

The poor kid has an extremely rare genetic condition that greatly impacts his growth. Hes only 4 lbs now at 3 months old and his only kidney is failing. My friend is handling this all with so much grace - I'd certainly have committed arson by now if I were her. 

carleym93

@harrierwife WTAF. People man. I’d have had some choice words for those people. 

hakele

Hello. FTM here. I'm actually in the July group but came across this in a search. I'm so happy to not feel so alone in not wanting to really have an "announcement". I'm just telling people when it feels right and letting them know that I would appreciate their discretion in sharing my news with others. Everyone has been really respectful of that. 
I have buttloads of anxiety in telling my in-laws because I know that they just won't be respectful about it. And if they aren't then they are going to be banned from receiving future information from me, as well. They are often selfish and show that by disrespecting the wishes of others and it really ticks me off. We are telling them in one week, and I'm sick thinking about it. They will probably want to hug me and stuff, too. And I'm just not close to them like that. I like my in-laws and generally get along with them, but they are so thick sometimes. 

Wait until they find out that I'm not going to force my child to give them any physical attention like hugs.... muahahaha. 

@harrierwife - That stuff is really sad that people chose to have that reaction with your friend. I'm really sad for her. That hurts. I had some friends who didn't say anything at all until about a month after they brought baby home and I was like, *Huh, I had no idea they were expecting, that's cool.* and wrote on the post, "Congratulations, what a blessing." How hard is that? 

vv826

I really felt this way too but DH posted it without even telling me. neither of us post much on FB as it is, or anywhere else for that matter so I didnt see why this would be any different. my thought was we already told the people I was most concerned about, everyone else can know or not know I really don't care. then my dad who I talk to less than other family members ended up finding out because of the stupid post that made me angry.

@harrierwife uuum excuse me no how dare they get mad. why do people think they have the right to know everything about everyone's lives! 

canuckbaby

@harrierwife that is appalling... i have no words. 

My DH and I chose to tell as many ppl as we could in person and did one post on fb. Havent been doing bump or US photo shares or been talking about my pregnancy beyond that. I am looking into using a photo sharing app called tiny beans so i can share pictures with those directly i want to see without having to individually share once baby is born.

antera23

@harrierwife that is disgusting. I feel so bad for your friend. 

harrierwife

@antera23 - To be fair, many responses were sweet, and appropriate. Many, however, just weren't.
I said something to her one day and - bless her - she just smiled and goes, "some people suck". 

Any Tom Segura fans out there? 

chrssyms

I totally understand everyone’s sentiments about not using social media to post pics and info about your pregnancy. I don’t like posting that stuff either. I work in cyber security so that stuff kind of freaks me out but I do get my moments of wishing I could just be more of a social media user. 

However, there is something to be said about how much easier it is to share digital pics with family. I’m using this app called Tinybeans. It basically allows you to have a personal account that only people you invite through email can access. So I invited my close family and friends and I occasionally post things like ultrasound pics or where I’m at with the pregnancy every once in awhile. I really like it because it’s a more private than FB (can’t speak to the real data security or completely how the data is being used) or insta. But I don’t think it’s quite the ad engine like FB is that is mining your data for analytics to determine purchasing behavior and whatnot. You have to pay for a premium version without ads, so that seems to be how they primarily generate revenue as a company. It works for my grandparents too because they can look at the pictures through email which they are comfortable with and also they don’t have a smartphone. 

@Dcwtada I’m sorry you are made to feel that way. I definitely agree that you have the right to make your own decisions and I am happy for you! 

amaren-2

We have told everyone we want to tell via in person or Christmas cards. We will tell FB in a month when we find out the gender. 

It isn't a secret, I just feel like if they knew me they would know.  

At work, I just want people to guess. Lol I told my team and my boss and I just don't feel like announcing to anyone. I WFH 90% so it should be interesting. Lol

canuckbaby

@chrssyms totally what i mentioned above too. My coworker whos daughter had twins is using it and i loved the format. I havent used it yet but i did sign DH and me up

battleangel

The coworkers is a whole other announcement beast. My company holiday party is Thursday and this company DRINKS.  I’m positive I’m gonna get one of the boys’ dumb asses asking “you’re not drinking are you pregnant?” Heaven only knows how some of those idiots have girlfriends, let alone wives with their boorishness. I told my closest coworkers (the girls I lunch with, my supervisor and the department manager) but I really don’t want to tell anyone else. 

harrierwife

@chrssyms - My cousin uses TinyBeans and LOVES it! I may have to check it out...

pbtoast

Semi-related, i need a better way to tell people in person. 😂 I swear, I feel so awkward just being like “by the way, I’m pregnant!” I had the same problem with my son. So whenever I tell anyone I tell them to spread the word. Ha!

chachacharrrmin

@pbtoast I'm having the same issue. I told myself I would tell my coworkers this week and I have no idea how to bring it up in conversation... like... "by the way, I'm not getting fat, I'm pregnant" or "Isn't the weather beautiful today, oh and there's a baby inside of me"

pbtoast

@wearyfuzzball Ha! Exactly. There’s no good spot in a conversation to slip that in. And if it’s more of an “announcement” with people I’m close to (“we have some news... etc..”) I end up just feeling awkward after with all of the fanfare and hugs and stuff. I don’t know why this is so hard for me!

battleangel

@pbtoast ain’t just you boo. I’m with ya

coco2787

I feel so awkward about telling people in person too @pbtoast.  When I was pregnant with my son I announced on FB after my NT scan and work found out about it that way since I was FB friends with most of my coworkers.  I have no intention of announcing that early this time because of my history so I might just let them figure it out when I start showing lol.  

amaren-2

@wearyfuzzball and @pbtoast I told my coworkers at the end of a meeting as sorta a "Oh btw, I'm taking 12 weeks off in June.... For maternity leave"

Felt less awkward that way.

ShadeofGreen816

@pbtoast and apparently everyone else yes! I still haven’t told my boss (although we are supposed to have a bi-weekly meeting tomorrow that’s been cancelled 3 times in a row... and tomorrow is the goal!). And it’s soo awkward. We are not close. I just started in June. So that will be fun. It’s basically announcing that I had unprotected sex with my husband.... 

kjr9519

I’m another one who hates the awkwardness of announcing, even to my family. I also am not big on being the center of attention, so that definitely affects it.

kdcatmom

I’ve told our close family and friends but with extended family, I don’t see the need to go out of my way. There’s a reason the close few people know. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited, but im not really all about shouting it from the rooftops. 

My MIL has been pressuring us to tell people (and asking if she can spread the news) for weeks even though we said we wanted to take it in steps, which makes me want to 

I’m a pretty private person and I don’t like attention so it’s going to be tough to get used to it all. Part of me doesn’t even want to do a social media announcement since really, I don’t cnone of the people 

canuckbaby

@amaren-2 i forced my boss to go for coffee with me right after i found out... she had twins a couple years ago and even though she wasnt my boss at the time i know i was the first work person she sent pics to of her ultrasound so i wasnt actually nervous about telling her just that she would react loudly so wanted to get her the eff out of office lol. I told her basically that way - i will need a few months off in june. She was dying inside every day after that because i hadn't told anyone else lol. 

cricket1688

@wearyfuzzball @pbtoast I feel the same. It’s awkward especially when you aren’t super close to someone. I almost feel like posting to Instagram/Facebook would actually work in that favor of not having to deal with so many awkward one on ones and that will be relieving for me when we actually do announce 

meatballs37

Does tiny beans let you upload videos too? I would definitely be interested in doing something like that for the future. We have a lot of family all over the U.S. so we don’t see them often. FB is basically used to keep up with them. But I’d love for random co-workers not to see stuff. Ugh, the awkward obligation fb has is sort of irritating. 

tuxielove93

I am so pissed off at my family over this right now. I LIKE doing cute announcements and stuff like that, but they are completely ruining it for me. My mother will not stop bugging me and asking me when we’re going to tell everyone and why we haven’t told everyone yet, and now my aunt and uncle are going over there for Christmas, so it’s going to be a tragedy if I don’t tell them before Christmas because how could she possibly get through the day without them knowing. 
I had really cute ideas for all the announcements and it’s all been ruined because no one can wait. At this point, if we have more kids I’m not telling anyone for WEEKS. They’ll be lucky if they hear before birth. 😡