December Randoms — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

December Randoms

Me: 31 DH: 31
  <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
CP 3/2019

Re: December Randoms

  • I just called an RE to schedule my first appointment. I did not expect the level of trepidation I have - I expected to be excited. I don't know if it's the financial aspect or if it's just made the whole thing more real to me, but holy conflicted feelings.
  • @ruby696 I felt the same way. When do you go in?
  • Loading the player...
  • @ruby696 that was 100% me, too!  Once I got in, I was pleased by how fast things moved on the testing at least. I hope you get in soon! When’s your appointment @prpl11butterfly

    AFM, my second opinion is tomorrow. And I’m really hoping all my records made it. I finally got my paper copy from one practice and they have me listed as refusing blood transfusions—which NO.  I’m 100% about not bleeding out. So that’s fun. 
  • @mwmiller4 next Thur. I'm hoping things can move just as fast for me. And yeah, I second the no bleeding out. I love when they mess up such things. And I'm really glad you found that, God forbid it ever become an issue.

    I'm super frustrated with DH. He sent me a message that he has to go on a work trip from Dec 17 to the 19th and said we will have to "work around it" for appts. Oh, yes let me just tell my ovaries to release that egg now and then force my period to come at 8dpo so my appt will fall on CD2 for testing. Dude, it doesnt effing work that way. Sh#& happens when it does. There are so many "what ifs" and he is acting like I shouldn't be upset. 17m and now finding out things could be pushed back another 2 cycles, no, no reason to be upset. If I don't have to go to the main facility to get labs and such done, this is all a non issue. But that place is over an hr away on highways I don't dare drive. I cant get a ride from my mom because the traffic that way is hit or miss and could screw up her work day. Plus I dont think I'll be driving if they take a ton of blood....
  • @ruby696 I was that way as well but as soon as consult was over I felt better

    @prpl11butterfly that’s so frustrating.  Hopefully things work out and his work trip doesn’t interfere.  
  • ruby696ruby696 member
    edited December 2018
    @prpl11butterfly My appointment is next Thursday, which feels really soon. But I feel like I need answers as part of the grieving process.

    @Mack2342 As soon as I booked the time, I felt like a huge weight was off my shoulders. The first thing the scheduler said when I gave her my number of losses was, "I'm so sorry it took them so long to send you to us." I seriously almost started crying. I'm hoping that's a sign that I'm in good hands.

    ETA: Oh hey @prpl11butterfly, it looks like we are appointment twins. Imagine that...😂
  • @ruby696 I hope that is a good sign.  Glad you are feeling better about it now
  • @prpl11butterfly thats SUPER frustrating! I hope your body cooperates so you don’t have to shake some sense into your husband!

    Just got back from my second opinion and WOW. He was completely different—read my records, immediately said my history was weird and ordered more testing. They’re looking for clotting, a specific infection and he wants a 3D SIS to check for scarring and then a hysteroscopy if he sees anything remotely concerning. He didn’t question my accreta dx and I actually feel like he cares about me and getting to the bottom of things. I’m also going on something to stop me lactating since I still am (a year post weaning) and he discussed treating my short luteal phase as an easy first step. Overall, I feel so much better. I can’t wait to hear about your appointments @prpl11butterfly and @ruby696 Lets hope for some good news from someone soon!!
  • @mwmiller4 Glad you had an encouraging appointment!  It makes such a difference to feel like the doctor truly gets it and cares about your history.  I'm curious about the medication to stop your lactation.  I'm still leaking milk 14 months post weaning.  It's such a small amount, I haven't been that concerned about it.  It's more annoying than anything.
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
  • @mwmiller4 that's great this RE is more compassionate! I hope that his approach works out well for you.

    Re: all the TMI maybe... I weaned DS 2 years ago (as of last week) and I still have leakage every now and again. And I can squeeze some out still. Esp in the shower (which is how I discovered this). 
  • mwmiller4mwmiller4 member
    edited December 2018
    @SpongeWorthy and @prpl11butterfly yes!!! That’s exactly what it’s like for me, too, and they say it’s totally normal for 2 years+ so I didn’t take much notice. This doc said it’s sometimes just enough to tip your hormones and may be contributing to our difficulties. The drug is called parlodel. 

    Edited to add that my prolactin levels are within the normal range and he still thought it was worth trying. Which is so much more proactive than the other RE who told me it was all fine. 
  • @mwmiller4 I’m so happy for you that you found a RE that seems to be on the same page as you! It’s so nice to feel like they actually care and are working toward a solution with you. My friends doctor just put her on something to stop lactating as well, she had weaned over a year ago and he said that could definitely be contributing to her issues.
  • I guess maybe this is something worth mentioning. @mwmiller4 did you bring it up or did they question? Just curious because I'm pretty sure DHs head will spin when if I "announce" it because I don't think I've mentioned it to him....
  • Okay, you guys. The milk thing? I have that too. I haven't breast fed for 2 years, so I thought it was odd but I didn't think anything of it. I guess I'll have to mention it to my RE too. I'm trying not to get hopeful, but can you imagine if some of us (or all, fingers crossed) are having issues because of that??
  • This makes me feel SO much less weird, you guys!!! I thought it was just me. The way he talked about it sounded like it wasn’t necessarily a silver bullet but it could be making enough of a difference in my hormone levels that it impacts implantation since I seem to be having problems with the chemical pregnancies (and I got pregnant with my last MMC soon after weaning—but it seems like it may be lots of little things that aren’t helping). It’s also an easy fix—he definitely seemed like someone who loves puzzles and really wanted to eliminate as many factors as possible. 

    I didn’t bring it up @prpl11butterfly it was on a screening form for my initial paperwork and he actually came back to the room because he hadn’t talked to us about it yet. I would totally say “oh, my friend had this and normal prolactin and she went on meds and it helped” because I’m that person now apparently :lol:
  • Last year I had mammogram and lactated during it.  I had no idea I was still lactating and that was 18 months after I stopped nursing.   My RE said it was nothing.   I guess I should ask again. Although I think I stopped now 
  • Mine only happens if I squeeze, so its probably not my smoking gun. But maybe it contributed to my CP's? Now if only my eggs weren't old and tired...
  • @prpl11butterfly MH just raises an eyebrow now when I tell him about some weird thing my body is doing. I'm pretty sure the female body is more of a mystery now than when he was a teenager and completely ignorant  :D
  • I mean. I know the first RE would have said there’s nothing to support treating lactation if the prolactin level is low, but he also doesn’t believe in ERAs because there’s not enough research behind it yet apparently—but there really are women who need longer to build up a lining before transfer so I’m not sure being conservative is always the best route.

    This new RE has the highest success rate in the state and doesn’t turn people away (he also doesn’t freak out about BMI according to this Facebook group I’m in) so I’m hoping his less traditional approach is helpful. 
  • @ruby696 I'm pretty certain the female body is more of a mystery to me now then when I was a teenager too 😂
  • @mwmiller4 I'm hoping me RE doesnt care about BMI either. I'm 5'3 and 164 so *technically* over weight and boarding on "obese". I effing hate BMI.
  • @ruby696 my husband was mind blown that that the luteal phase is a thing and that mine is very short. I think he just zones out when I talk about anything reproductive that isn’t actually sex. Glad mine isn’t the only one who is always slightly confused :lol:
  • @mwmiller4 you are not alone my DH raises his eyebrows all the time when I tell him stuff about cycle.  Many times I have said “that’s not how it works”.  He says just tell me when we get to babymake lol 
  • @Mack2342 Even when I tell DH when to BD (I give him a couple of options so it doesn't interrupt anything in his schedule), if there's a day he's back from work and he's tired or he arrives late enough that I'm about to go to sleep, he asks "can't we do it tomorrow?", to which I just facepalm because who knows if the egg will last until then.

    But yeah, they don't get it no matter how many times you explain it to them, haha
  • Anyone else struggle with intimacy after loss? After the first it was easy. But this time.... I dont know. I just can't. Last night was rough. We were close and snuggling and I was ready to try. But he started rubbing my belly and it all went down hill for me emotionally. I feel bad because I want to but my emotions are getting in the way. Of course it led to fighting and me sleeping on the couch followed by minimal talking this morning (he didn't even wake me up, he let the dog do it with his gross breath and wet nose). 

    I don't drink otherwise I'd get buzzed and then probably be good to go.
  • @prpl11butterfly My experience is a little bit different, since I have not had a pregnancy loss.  But DH and I definitely lost our connection and had to rebuild it over the past year.  Honestly the drive to TTC is what helped us reconnect the most.  Have you guys ever been to couples therapy?  We’ve been going semi-regularly for almost 2 years now, and that has helped us a lot.  It helped us work through trauma together and helped us come up with tangible ways to rebuild intimacy.
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
  • Hey guys I hope it’s ok if I jump in here like this but I have a curiosity question...I’m getting the impression reading all the threads and lurking that a lot of you ladies are in the same age range and it sounds like hyperfertility and ‘any old egg’ is coming up a lot....I’m curious because I’m in the opposite end of the spectrum with fertility issues including PCOS and I’m only 28 anyone out there in a similar boat? Just kinda feeling a bit left out and lonely since our last PCOS member got her rainbow and moved on...
  • justarius Uncertain what my issue is actually... all the testing came back fine. I'm 34 right now and won't be 35 until June... but I had my first MC at 31. So I was right in the 'good' range to be PG and show no problems. :frowning:
    I've gotten PG anywhere from a few cycles into trying to over a year later... even with temping and good timing. So I'm not sure that hyper-fertility is my issue either.  *sigh*  No PCOS, but that's about the only 'positive' thing I can say...
    Guess we're not in the same boat, but I'm also not similar to some of the others here either....

    For some reason it seems as though we don't have as many 'new' members lately, but just a lot of us 'old' (as in time-wise, not age-wise) ladies right now... RPL and women who've been through the ringer more than 1 and done as far as MCs go.
  • @justarius I’m 30, so pretty close to you age-wise.  Unlike (I think) all of the women here, I have not had a pregnancy loss.  I have had child loss.  I do not (as far as I know) have IF or RPL.  It seems to me like the TTCAL thread on TTGP is where new members seem to be going instead of this board.  Maybe you could join in over there if you’d feel more comfortable?
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
  • @dpjennifer and @SpongeWorthy I appreciate your guys’ answers just helps to feel less like an outsider. I feel comfortable here don’t get me wrong, it’s been so nice getting to know everyone and seeing familiar names and knowing stories is nice. I lurked the infertility board but they have this list of names with diagnoses next to it that just comes across as so impersonal and hard to jump into as an outsider :S I think I’m just having an ‘off’ month all around lately is all
  • I think it’s just that lately I can’t get this sad thought out of my head that I missed my one and only chance - in the sense that it took us two years to conceive the one and only pregnancy I’ve ever had and lost it. And now a year later and we haven’t been able to conceive again it’s just starting to feel like maybe we never will again. And I KNOW that RPL wouldn’t feel any better but I just can’t help but feel more isolated because of it? If that makes any sense? Sorry I’m just having a pitty party over here right now. Thanks for listening to my rant. 
  • Sorry for the multiple messages but I think I just have to throw this in here too...
    @SpongeWorthy I’m so sorry for the loss of your DS. I’m not going to pretend I know even remotely how you feel, but I just wanted to let you know I’ve held my fair share of little angels as they pass because I’m an NICU nurse. So maybe that helps you feel even a little less alone? Sending creepy internet hugs! 
  • justarius No, I totally get it. Your feels are very valid. I've been trying since my last loss for about a year and a half now, and we have been unsuccessful in conceiving. Part of me wonders if the 4 losses are all that I'll ever have. Part of me is looking at giving up. We gave ourselves til the end of the year and/or one more loss to decide, and I really just wanted to get it over with and move on with my life.  So I get it.
    The IF board over on TTGP is rough. I posted in there for a bit, but just didn't feel like I 'fit.' I mean, I totally qualify, but like you said, they almost all have diagnosis and treatment plans... and I'm sitting over here with my 4 losses, and testing showing nothing, with husband not wanting to even attempt IVF, and IUI wouldn't help... So I just don't relate as much.
    But after my first loss, it took me like 9 cycles to conceive again.... and around cycle 7/8 I was losing it and is the reason I now have my 'son' Starlord. That dog saved my life.
  • ruby696ruby696 member
    edited December 2018
    @justarius I tend to either get pregnant very easily or it takes about a year. So back to back miscarriages or I've had two 11ish month gaps of nothing. I know that doesn't compare to two years, but I can understand the frustration and don't want you to feel alone. I have heard about people with PCOS getting a surprise a couple months in, so try not to lose hope, even though it's hard.

    ETA: words
  • @dpjennifer and @ruby696 thank you so much ladies ❤️ That honestly makes me feel a lot better, thank you! And I know what you mean my sanity is largely because of my dogs! 
  • @justarius just throwing my experience in.  With each of my losses it has taken my 9+ months to get KU.  I have no diagnosis just old 
  • @prpl11butterfly  yes, I have definitely struggled with intimacy recently (not really after 1st loss, but definitely after this one) For me it has been so long trying and manipulating my body (most recently with IVF hormones) that now everything seems so measured and calculated and my body just feels exhausted so I often seem to be physically not into it either...sometimes it it comes in waves, though!

    @justarius I am also experiencing something different as I had a natural MC after trying for 1.5 years and then went to IVF and had a MC (after doing pregenetic screening so it wouldn’t be “any old egg”) but it is still comforting being here with all these ladies - @ALLTHELADIES though I wish none of us had to be here ❤️
  • @rozpre I hear you on the intimacy thing. It feels so cold and calculated - ok every other day for these days and the peeing on sticks and the meds. Where’s the romance!? Ugh no more candles and lingerie in my house lol

    @Mack2342 and @rozpre thanks for your stories too ladies I appreciate that. Nice to know others are experiencing long times between getting KU too. I just feel so on the clock because my doc has only given me so long to try on the femara and then he wants to do IUI or cut me off to natural (which I don’t have high hopes for) 

    I’m so thankful for this board and all you ladies. It’s so nice to feel heard when you need to rant and get comforting words when you need them and share experiences with ladies that understand! And I agree with @rozpre I wish none of us had to be here
  • @justarius and @rozpre DH and I basically just get deed done during FW.  I’ve even told him no foreplay needed just get in and out beach EOD is a lot.  We leave romance for the rest of the month.  

    @rozpre while I didn’t just do femara.  I did femara with IUI but only so many cycles so I understand the need to get KU.  It’s stressful.  I wAs able to add injections in so that extended our try and finally on last try we got KU but lost it so I asked for a couple more cyclesand RE said we could do that before either going back to natural or IVF.   IVF was out for us so we are back to natural for a bit before we give up.  Hopefully femara works for you but IUIs were not too bad. 
  • @justarius This whole “journey” is completely f*cked and isolating and I’m sorry that you feel even a little bit on the outside even here :confounded:

    AFM my sister in law’s dad (who is amazing and I’m close to) ended up in the hospital unconscious with a horrible bleeding ulcer and my SIL was just told he needs open heart surgery. I swear to god, I want to punch 2018 right in the face. It’s just all too much right now.   
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards