November Randoms — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

November Randoms


Me: 31 DH: 31
  <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
CP 3/2019
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Re: November Randoms

  • I’ll be lurking and supporting in the WTO and TWW but won’t really be in them since we are starting our second round of IVF. Just got my new protocol today and my next egg retrieval is tentatively 12/12, then we will have testing done so won’t be in the TWW till the new year. Bring on great things in 2019!!
  • Hoping this IVF cycle is the one @char245.  Here’s to 2019!
    char245rozpre
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  • @char245 I am in a similar spot as you! Just had my 2nd MC (first was natural preg, 2nd was IVF). I have to wait for one month of AF with some more testing and then start off with the following month (right around 12/17) so here’s to a good start to the new year for us! What has been your journey?
    char245
  • @char245 did you get the test results back for your dad? I could have missed them so sorry if I did!

    I have an RE appointment scheduled for the 12th and another for Dec 4th for a doc that’s super hard to get into and supposedly the best microsurgeon in the area which is good since I’m guessing I have scar tissue. I feel weird going to 2 different doctors but everyone has told me to shop around so here we are. I guess I just wish some part of this was easy but that ship has sailed a long time ago. Anyway, sorry for the DD!
    char245rozpre
  • *TW*
    @rozpre I’m sorry for your losses but it’s nice to go through this at the same time as someone else. I have a DD that was conceived pretty easily. Since then we have had two MMC at 9 and 10 weeks and a couple CPs. We have done one round of IVF where I ovulated early so we are on our second and last round with a new protocol. If this does not work we will try an adopted embryo. Here’s hoping these next rounds work for us both!!

    @mwmiller4 thanks for asking! We found out this week that I am a match for my dad!! It’s awesome news but even better then that, they think they can use his own stem cells which would be awesome! He should be done all treatments by the end of the year so we are really looking forward to 2019!! I think it’s great that you are “shopping around” for doctors! You definitely need to find the one that is best for you! Keep us updated on how your appointments go! 
    rozpremwmiller4SpongeWorthy
  • @char245 that’s such great news all around!!! I’m so hopeful for 2019, too!
    char245
  • I had a friend tell me today that infertility always works out—and I was like FALSE and then named a coworker who it didn’t work for. And she admitted I was right and then told me about a clinic in Denver (I’m guessing Schoolcraft’s) who a friend of hers used after trying for years. And it really made me think about how far I’m willing to chase this. I know 3 people who’ve gone from a Chicago to Denver. And one who’s gone to NY and I’m not sure I’m brave enough to take that kind of chance. 

    Not sure what my point is, but it’s been on my mind all day...so thanks for reading :lol:
    dpjennifer
  • @mwmiller4 I know what you mean! My sister told me the best place to go was CCRM in Denver so of course I looked them
    up lol. Turns out they have a location near me, so I haven’t decided yet if we should get a second opinion or not. Ugh too many decisions!!
    mwmiller4
  • @char245 you hangin in there, chica? I’m having a rough day. RE told me that if we try again and have another MC, we need to start considering a surrogate. I’m not ready to start thinking about that. Sigh. Any positive vibes from you, my upcoming fertility buddy? :)

    @mwmiller4 wow such a great question...kinda relates to my above comment to char...I’m not ready to do a surrogate or throw in the towel, but am I ready to go above and beyond? Ahhhhh...stress helps, right?! Lol how are you doing, btw?!
    mwmiller4
  • @rozpre ugh I’m sorry for the rough day! Hopefully this next round will be it for the both of us and we won’t have to worry about those next steps! AFM Mostly just waiting over here. We will start Lupron on the 21st and go in for a baseline on the 29th if all looks good we will move forward with another round of IVF. I’m happy to have a plan but trying not to get my hopes up at the same time. 
  • mwmiller4 said:
    I had a friend tell me today that infertility always works out—and I was like FALSE and then named a coworker who it didn’t work for. And she admitted I was right and then told me about a clinic in Denver (I’m guessing Schoolcraft’s) who a friend of hers used after trying for years. And it really made me think about how far I’m willing to chase this. I know 3 people who’ve gone from a Chicago to Denver. And one who’s gone to NY and I’m not sure I’m brave enough to take that kind of chance. 

    Not sure what my point is, but it’s been on my mind all day...so thanks for reading :lol:
    My Good friend tried 6 rounds of IVF and mentally couldn’t take it any longer because it was wearing on her mentally. I think if I have another loss I think I’m done. It breaks you down a little more each time. 

    dpjennifer
  • justsuzie  Agreed... I'm thinking one more loss and I'll be done. I really hate that I may be walking away from years of this with nothing but losses, but I can't mentally take much more. 
    I'd love to just stop trying right now and adopt, but DH isn't on board, and that route has a lot of financial drama with it as well.
  • justsuzie  Agreed... I'm thinking one more loss and I'll be done. I really hate that I may be walking away from years of this with nothing but losses, but I can't mentally take much more. 
    I'd love to just stop trying right now and adopt, but DH isn't on board, and that route has a lot of financial drama with it as well.
    Yah, it’s almost like you put in so much heartache and energy it’s hard to just stop and walk away with nothing. I wish adoption wasn’t so expensive. 

    dpjennifer
  • justsuzie Exactly! I feel like I've lost over 3 years of my life with nothing but heartache and pain and a giant hole in my soul... ugh...
  • @justsuzie @dpjennifer I am so sorry you are both struggling right now. I wish more people understood the mental anguish/constant heartache of RPL. Of course, as @mwmiller4's story highlights, people say the stupidest (this is not a word but I like how it sounds so I am rolling with it) and most insensitive things at the exact times that you either need them to really step up their empathy game or just STFU. 

    After our first loss, I felt like it was my job to help other people in our family deal with the pain they were feeling about it and so I definitely let my MIL get way too close to the situation. When my hcg was (finally) under 5 again, I texted her to say as much and ended it with a simple "Onward." Of course, texting is notoriously bad for this kind of stuff anyway, but I meant that as like, "This is sort of a milestone to be finally 'done' with the physical part of this. One day at a time; here we go." But apparently she read, "Well, now that my body doesn't think I am pg anymore, I am completely over this hellscape I have been living in, have forgotten all about my baby, and am ready to continue as if it never happened!" 

    Two weeks later, I got upset when she was like, listing all these people we knew who had difficulties TTC and they had kids so we DEFINITELY would too, when "our time came." She was so shocked that I was upset, and said to me, "Well, really. I thought you were over this by now."  :/

    It's been almost two years. Not over it. And haven't forgiven her for that either. I spend a lot of my anxious energy trying to make sure I don't tell her ANYTHING about our TTC adventures. 
    dpjennifer
  • I'm so sorry you had that experience. Not talking about our problems doesn't mean we're not thinking about them.
    dpjennifer
  • @char245 it shocked me how many people I know travelled! I hope this is both your and @rozpre lucky cycles and you don’t have to make any more decisions! 

    @justsuzie and @dpjennifer I think my next loss is my last one, too. I think that will be my ceiling for heartbreak. 

    @minnek8 I’m so sorry—it’s hard enough when it’s not from family :heart:
    char245dpjennifer
  • Michelle Obama is opening up about her miscarriage and using IVF to conceive her daughters:

    https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/michelle-obama-reveals-she-had-miscarriage-used-ivf-conceive-daughters-n934376

    I think it’s great that she’s talking about it.  One more step towards normalizing our experience.
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
    coco2787lokibear89dpjennifer
  • @SpongeWorthy yes! It made me tear up for sure and made me realize how hungry I am for stories that make me feel less alone. 
    SpongeWorthy
  • @SpongeWorthy @mwmiller4 It's so refreshing to see famous people go public about this issue, at least for me. We haven't told anyone about our loss, and it's something I wish to share at least with my parents one day. The biggest problem for me was how lonely I felt, especially a couple of months after my BO. Hopefully one day it won't be such a taboo subject. In the meantime, this forum is God sent.

    On other news, I have my cousin's baby shower in two weeks and I already bought her a gift. Shopping didn't go as bad as I thought it would. The cuteness of baby clothes was stronger than the sad memories. Now the problem is evading the dreaded baby question at the shower. I'm not looking forward to it. Before, it was mildly annoying, now it's also a sad reminder. I read somewhere that I could answer "you can't always get what you want" but that would reveal my situation and though I don't think it's mean it would make everyone else uncomfortable. I just wish there was an appropriate answer that would make people just stop asking that.
    SpongeWorthydpjennifer
  • @luromi I’m glad the shopping wasn’t too difficult for you.  It breaks my heart that you and most others who have a miscarriage have to suffer in silence.  At least with my situation, people acknowledge that DS existed and can empathize with my heartbreak.
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
  • I work in  a pharmacy (Pharmacist) and I was talking to a lady about a product (Mito Q, its like a super coQ10) and happened to say that its great and I take it too. She looked at me sharply and said, "Why?" I tried going through its general benefits but then she fully scienced me about why I don't need to take it at my age. I just sighed and said, "I take it for fertility." Then had to explain to her that I had 3 miscarriages and I was quite worried about egg quality for her to drop it. I just got so flustered I didn't know what to say. She wished me luck and left and I got to stifle back tears yet again. 
  • @luromi ughhh that conversation at parties is the worst. I really believe that it’s not your responsibility to make sure people are comfortable—I really like “great question! I wish I knew” or something like that and then changing the subject really quickly. 

    @lokibear89 I’m so, so sorry. People really are nosy assholes sometimes and they just suck :confounded:
  • dpjenniferdpjennifer member
    edited November 2018
    Ugh. Rough day and it's not even noon. So I'm a Fed and I'm off for Vet Day today. Trying to work on some craft projects and getting some organization and errands done. So, I'm almost done embroidering a Thanksgiving tablecloth and next project up is an Afghan for my Gamora puppy. (I made Starlord one too when he was around the same age)

    I have a book of baby Afghans I stashed away when we started having MCs and I was getting depressed. Now i have an excuse to use it, and i can't find it. I'm freaking out. So I look in with my finished projects.... and mistake. Big mistake.

    So now I'm bawling and losing my mind. Sigh. This all just sucks.
    Guess I'm sharing just so when I talk about not knowing what to do with stuff I made for my babies (that I'm pretty sure I wont have after this past cycle), it's not just stuff I purchased. Think I just wanted to share it with someone....
    Sorry for the DD post. Feel free to flame me with some GIFs to lighten my day. :smile:
    suzycupcake
  • @dpjennifer I’m sorry this is a rough day! It’s so hard to come across the stuff we bought for our babies! I hope your day gets better from here and the stuff you’ve made is beautiful! I would post a gif to brighten your day but I don’t know how  :D 
    dpjennifer
  • @dpjennifer Sorry for the rough day  :( Here’s a gif for you:


    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
    dpjennifer
  • People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.

    How I feel all of the time.
    My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
    IVF
    IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
    Back on Levothyroxine
    FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
    FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
    Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 
    1st Beta on 7dpt 93
    2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!

    TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
    Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
    New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF

    IUI
    IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
    BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine 
    IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
     
    dpjennifer
  • @dpjennifer I, too, cannot gif and I really wish I could now.  But I want to hug you (and your puppy). The baby “stuff” is so hard...especially the pieces you pour your love into. I’m not sure why some people get things so easy and other people get crapped on constantly. I’m so sorry 
    dpjenniferrozpre
  • @dpjennifer feeling sad for you. So sorrry. All the love that you put into those blankets and bibs will be appreciated by a little angel whenever that will be. And you are very talented. So sorry that you can’t look at your work without the sad association. 

    @minnek8 I’ve realized that people say the worst things thinking they are being considerate. I really hate when people try to relate. You are not me and you do. Okay know how I feel. Please stop talking. 

    @SpongeWorthy wow! Did not know this. The more people share the less isolating it will feel when it happens to “you”. 

    @luromi I had to miss my best friends baby shower because it was just to hard for me. Glad you were able to go shopping and make it through the experience. 

    @lokibear89 ugh. It sucks when that stuff happens.  Like can a day go by when we don’t have to think about this stuff?




    Didn’t mean to post and ghost. We are all SICK. I know I got it from the tiny humans at school. I’ve been following just not posting!

  • @SpongeWorthy that’s awesome she is making it public! It does help to not feel so alone.

    @char245 how are things going?! I’m waiting on my AF for tests this round. Trying to stay positive :-/

    @suzycupcake great gif. Thanks!!!



    hope you all are hangin in there!!!
  • @dpjennifer that is so awful, cant say I have looked in my crochet box since my last mc but I can imagine the heartbreak. (You are very talented btw)

    @justsuzie as if I am not consumed by thoughts of it enough. It just threw off my whole day. Hope you and the family feel better.
  • @rozpre just waiting to start my new protocol at the end of the month, hoping this cycle is a good one! FX your tests go well! It’s just so much waiting!
  • Is I bad that I kind of wish I could walk around with a "scarlett letter" for MC? I'm having a rough work day. Bombarded by a vendor first thing this morning. Then, when I went to talk to the other dept about that issue, the guy was cracking jokes about how much time off I've had. I tried to brush it off and said "we can talk about that after of you'd really like to" and he responded "well we are talking about it now".  Honestly, I would have said something but there were customers there
    ( I didnt want if to look like a total a$$). 

    I just want to be able to have people know that I need a little slack right now. Just a little. But of course its totally not okay to talk about it because I might make other people uncomfortable......
  • @prpl11butterfly good for you for being professional! Depending on my mood that day sometimes I just don’t hold back so I probably would have said something. Too bad if my MC makes you uncomfortable! Sorry he made you feel bad  :(
    prpl11butterfly
  • @char245 I have no issues saying anything to people but to drag customers into it. He really would have looked like an a.. and I know he was joking so I didnt want to do that.
    char245
  • @prpl11butterfly I totally agree with @char245 .  I ended up telling some coworkers because I wanted them to back off. And also just understand that people go through shit in life, and just to be easy on people because you never know what they’re going through. 
    prpl11butterfly
  • @prpl11butterfly Oh I am so sorry you had that interaction at work.  What a bunch of a-holes.  I've seen this discussion on other loss forums - you can either bite your tongue and suffer through the rudeness, or you can ruin someones day.  Neither option is good.  Sometimes I lie and sometimes I tell people I used to be a SAHM until my son died.  I hope tomorrow is a better day.  Hugs to you <3
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
    prpl11butterflymwmiller4
  • @rozpre a handful of people know. Its something I try to bring up tactfully and in the right moment. When I came back Tue, one of the guys said I looked stressed (had just been talking to my boss about it) so I told him. I did say something to the guys boss today because he knows about the first loss too. I said "hey, could we maybe not joke about my time off as of late?" He immediately was concerned so I filled him in. Everyone has been amazing and supportive once I tell them. It's just getting to a point of being able to. Hence I'd like a scarlet letter so they just know *shrug*

    I actually had a coworker upset I didnt tell him last time. He found out from his wife who had been at a baby shower that I couldn't bring myself to attend.
    char245
  • @prpl11butterfly I hate when people are stupid.  You have much more self control than me.   When I was out for my ectopic and then MMC people were all gossiping.  I didn't tell anybody anything which made the gossiping even worse. 

  • I’m sorry for all the bad days everyone was having or is having.   I took a few days off.  Sunday should have been a 1st bday and this Saturday is the anniversary we found out we were pregnant with our last loss.  So I’ve been having pitty party for one over here.   I’m doing better now and trying to focus on other things now 
    prpl11butterfly
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