UO Thursday 10/25

peachy13

mrsdee15

Not sure if this is an UO or really more of a FFFC, but... I'm all for professionalism.  I strive to maintain a professional presentation at work, and expect my departments to do the same.  That being said, sometimes I really wish it was professionally responsible to tell someone all the reasons they're crappy, and then end it with telling them to cordially eff off.

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@mrsdee15 ahhh wouldn't that be awesome? 

mrsdee15

@expandcontract I know this isn't a nice thing to say, but sometimes I really wish sucky people would just finally have to face just how awful they are. 

peachy13

One trend I don't care for is destination bachelor/ette parties. Maybe your wedding party was crazy excited for you and whisked you off somewhere – that’s great. But when the bride/groom demands to get on a plane and go somewhere fab, that’s a different story. It seems like it’s at a point now where if you’re not doing a destination party, you’re doing it wrong, and that kind of sucks.

DuchessOfCambridge

peachy13 said:

One trend I don't care for is destination bachelor/ette parties. Maybe your wedding party was crazy excited for you and whisked you off somewhere – that’s great. But when the bride/groom demands to get on a plane and go somewhere fab, that’s a different story. It seems like it’s at a point now where if you’re not doing a destination party, you’re doing it wrong, and that kind of sucks.

100%. A friend planned our other friend's and she made me feel like an asshole for not wanting to drop hundreds and hundreds on a trip to Disney or a beach vaca. It was winter here so we would HAVE to fly somewhere. I was getting married a few months after her, I couldn't afford all that! Then when it was time for my bach, I just wanted to stay in our home city and this same group tried to cut all the corners for mine (I assume because they'd blown everything on her bach/wedding) and it was really hurtful. I didn't feel like I asked for much but they totally tried to get away with doing as little as possible for me, it almost felt like it would have been better to go away...but I was specifically trying to AVOID making them pay for all that!

mrsdee15

@peachy13 @DuchessOfCambridge YES, I am against those!  And the matching required outfits, etc. I feel like they're so common now, though.  I hope that trend dies down.  I've had to turn them down before due to cost and I felt like such a bad friend.

robyn2201

@peachy13 I recently declined a spa day for an expecting friend. It was a mass text message saying let’s celebrate the expecting mom and go to the spa and pamper her instead of a shower. It was about $100 just to sit by the pool. It would have been fun, but I politely declined. Why couldn’t it have been a nice lunch or something? Totally would have gone! 

DuchessOfCambridge

@mrsdee15 I'm going to think very seriously the next time I'm asked to be in a bridal party (IF I'm asked to be in another). My first experience was terrible. The bride was engaged for two years and we got her little gifts throughout but at one point her now husband asked us to get her a gift and sent us what she wanted, and she gave me a talking to because she didn't think I was excited enough about the wedding. I spent over $100 on an engagement basket for her when she first got engaged PLUS a separate gift for her engagement party, I can't keep that going for two years! She made me a basket too - but she doubled it as my engagement present and included her old wedding magazines she'd cut things out of and her leftover stamps. The stamps were actually useful but overall I was like wow thanks for your trash. I also dropped $300 on a bridesmaid dress for her wedding and she made a big deal about spending $200 total on dresses for my two weddings. I asked them all to buy $100 dress for one wedding and gave the option of another for the other (one was cultural). I didn't require anyone to buy and I said they could borrow what I owned so she took me up on that but then also complained about the cost.

Maybe this makes me sound horrible haha. I'm just going to think really hard next time. The cost is significant and you don't always get back what you give.

peachy13

@DuchessOfCambridge that is insane. You definitely don't sound horrible - that bride sounds insane!!

knottie0d8cc4d43bacc09f

@DuchessOfCambridge Her husband ASKED you to get her a gift? And then sent what she wanted like a Christmas list or something? Also can't believe she gave you CUT OUT magazines. That is ridiculous. 

I agree, it seems like bachelorette parties these days are all destination. I am planning one for my bff and we're flying for it... Her argument for traveling was that no one has to travel for the wedding, so they shouldn't object to traveling for her bach. @peachy13 You're totally right, it seems like staying local is not even "acceptable" anymore. I'm sure if I had suggested we all go somewhere within driving distance people would have thought I was half-assing things. We will all easily be spending $1000 on this I bet by the time everything is paid for (flights, airbnb, dinners, activities). Yikes. 

DuchessOfCambridge

@secicc12 that's so absurd. we barely spend that much on vacations for OURSELVES! Granted we use lots of credit card points, etc but still. I don't want to use my cc points on a bach.

knottie0d8cc4d43bacc09f

@DuchessOfCambridge I know...I'm trying not to think about it. Part of me doesn't mind too much because I have a feeling I won't be able to go to her wedding (wedding is May 4th, I'm due May 8th). But I'm sure I'll end up going to both and being out another couple hundred for all the other wedding expenses. Ughhh why am I not a millionaire? 

DuchessOfCambridge

secicc12 said:

@DuchessOfCambridge I know...I'm trying not to think about it. Part of me doesn't mind too much because I have a feeling I won't be able to go to her wedding (wedding is May 4th, I'm due May 8th). But I'm sure I'll end up going to both and being out another couple hundred for all the other wedding expenses. Ughhh why am I not a millionaire? 

I ask myself this all the time. The current SAHM thing is probably part of it.

lappymom2019

I was completely happy with going out to dinner with my bridesmaids and then having a slumber party watching Disney movies and drinking wine? I guess spending time bonding with your girlfriends isn't enough it has to be extravagant...what a waste.

knottie0d8cc4d43bacc09f

@lappymom2019 That sounds lovely. That's basically what we did for mine too. One of my bridesmaids was nice enough to offer up her parent's beach house, so we all stayed there and just hung out. Did go to a show Saturday night, but really just enjoyed each other's company! I don't know why/how the bach party culture has changed so drastically. It's like if you're not traveling/wearing matching shirts/spending at least $500, it doesn't "count". So dumb. 

kvh22

@lappymom2019 that sounds great! My sister and 2 friends flew to CA from Boston and one friend flew up from LA but we just road tripped to Sonoma with my local friends. Then most of the local friends flew to Boston for my wedding and the ones who flew for the bachelorette didn't have to travel (except my poor friend in LA who was a trooper...she's not even 30 and has been in 15 weddings).

DH went to Miami which sounded great but I wasn't looking for something like that. He's gone to New Orleans and Las Vegas and has another in Las Vegas in February. Since all his college friends are on the east coast these are actually easier for him (especially LV). I was the first of my friends to get married and the friend in LA got married last year right after I had DD and didn't do a bachelorette party so I haven't had to deal with any of this yet.

lappymom2019

I bailed on a LV bachelorette party because I couldn't afford it since we were already traveling to the wedding. I felt bad but I was also kinda nervous with that group of friends to be in vegas. Think the hangover.

I am in a wedding next year and I heard mention of going to nashville. I hope that doesn't come to fruition because cost and pregnancy because I will have to pass on that one too probably. I don't think it is fair to have to put people in that position.

knottie0d8cc4d43bacc09f

@lappymom2019 LV bach sounds like a nightmare to me. When's the wedding next year? Will it be soon after your due date? I have my friend's bach in February...just at the end of 2nd tri, so hopefully I'm still feeling okay. 

lappymom2019

@secicc12 it is only a couple of weeks after the due date so it is going to be awful but it is my SIL so I don't really have any choice but to make some sort of appearance!

knottie0d8cc4d43bacc09f

@lappymom2019 I hope they stay local so you can just pop in for a few hours!

peachy13

@lappymom2019 i saw a meme recently that was like "Did you know if white girls don't go to Nashville for a bachelorette party they literally die."

lappymom2019

Yes, thankfully the wedding is fairly close. We are both lucky and cursed to live near our families 😂

lappymom2019

@peachy13 😂😂 sounds right to me
Eta it does seem to be the new trend

missy052819

lappymom2019 said:

I was completely happy with going out to dinner with my bridesmaids and then having a slumber party watching Disney movies and drinking wine? I guess spending time bonding with your girlfriends isn't enough it has to be extravagant...what a waste.

I love that idea!

brie_and_almonds

All this talk of expensive AF bachelorette parties is making me really glad I don't have friends.

robyn2201

I'm so glad that we are done with the wedding stage of life. No bachelorette parties to pay for and no showers to hosts. It's so nice. Our friends are pretty much done with the baby stage as well. Most of our friends have older elementary kids and some even middle school age. We are old!! haha

eatinwatermelonseeds

@brie_and_almonds I only have one friend (out of 4) who actually had a wedding. And she just wanted to go to a gay club for her bachelorette celebration. The rest of us got married at the courthouse. One got married on the internet 🤷 we did a party for hers. That was fun because it was in Germany. We made tshirts and sold little baggies that had condoms, shots of alcohol and breath mints to earn money for her wedding thing. I have no idea why she didn't get married at a courthouse in Germany, but it was still fun. We made like $400. 

brie_and_almonds

@eatinwatermelonseeds Married on the internet?! How is that even possible?

eatinwatermelonseeds

Internet byproxy? I really can't remember how, but I guess these people stood in her and her husband's place? I have no clue how it works. 

pumpkin_belly

I would do so much internet by proxy if that were a thing. Except maybe pick up my daughter from daycare, I wouldn’t want someone to do that in my place. I guess grocery delivery is basically internet by proxy right? Maybe you can just task rabbit someone to go to the courthouse for you.
 
I always have interesting UOs when it isn’t the day to post them and then I can never remember what they were. I’m like George Costanza with the awesome come back long after the appropriate time.

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Im actually so sick of being a guest at weddings.  I think i mentioned this before.  Indian weddings are so long and so expensive even without the gift.  I used to love going to them when i was younger to check out "fresh meat." Lol. 
I also hate speeches at weddings.  Most of the jokes are inside jokes that others can't usually appreciate.  Dammit let me eat already!

knarlytaurus

I completly agree about the costs for weddings and showers, etc.! I feel like such a cheapskate, but it kind of sucks when people have destination weddings and are surprised when people can't afford to go. Not everyone makes 250k a year! I did make it a point to go to a childhood friend's wedding this past spring and had a good time. But she and her bridesmaids went to Jamaica for her party! That's f*ing crazy! 

knottie0d8cc4d43bacc09f

@pumpkin_belly “The jerk store called, they’re running out of YOU”

pumpkin_belly

@secicc12 exactly!!!

poshspice

I understand destination bach parties or weddings when everyone is spread out all over the country anyway (like my friends). BUT my BIL and his new wife (so new SIL?) had sooooooooooooo many freaking parties for their wedding and very few people had to travel for the actual wedding. Luckily they live on the other side of the country and only DH attended the bachelor party (destination) and I did not go to the bachelorette party, which was in Ft Myers, FL (destination). There are no direct flights from the Bay Area to Ft. Myers and it would have cost me $900 round trip and 10-12 hours of travel, not including getting to the airport/being there early, EACH WAY. It's absolutely bonkers. And let me list out all the parties I know of that they had leading up to their wedding: engagement party hosted by FIL, engagement party hosted by bride's family, bachelorette party, bachelor party, wedding shower hosted by SIL (DH's sister) and other bridesmaids, co-ed wedding shower hosted by the bride's family, wedding shower/luncheon hosted by FIL's girlfriend, rehearsal dinner (80+ people), and the actual wedding. I think that's everything? It was CRAZY. I didn't have even close to that many parties. I think that's SO EXTRA and absolutely ridiculous. 

I guess my UO is that I hate decorating for holidays. 

eatinwatermelonseeds

My UO. I don't particularly like smart phones. I was so much more at peace and happy when I lived in Germany and I had one of those brick phones that I could only text and make phone calls on. But it's really my own issue, I'm addicted to my phone and that was never a thing when I could only make phone calls on it lol. I've considered getting a flip phone or something but realistically I'm not sure how I'd do it lol

mcewen3

@eatinwatermelonseeds when the new Apple update came out with the screen time tracking and controls DH and I started challenging each other to see who could have the least at the end of the day.  I'm really bad usually, but 1st tri has been kicking my butt so between caring for the kids and trying to stay caught up on life I just haven't had too much spare time for my phone.  During my spare time I nap!  BUT, I did set up time limits on there anyways to make sure that I don't mindlessly scroll through facebook, TB, etc.  On my good days that's what's kept me in the winner's circle.  I've noticed that I reach for my phone WAY less now that I've been actively trying not to use it too much, and I think that update's only been out a few weeks? A month maybe?

eatinwatermelonseeds

@mcewen3 maybe I need to do that. It wasn't as much an issue when I was in school because if I was home, I had to study. But I have hobbies and responsibilities I've been neglecting because I've been sick and sitting on my phone is the easiest thing to do.

RoseShadow873

I don't care for the British monarchy. The whole idea of people being born to live so extravagantly and all that just bugs me. These royal women need a new designer dress to wear each day? It's so excessive. And then every little thing they do is in the media and I am tired of hearing about all the things. They don't even seem like real people to me either but more like an image, like the Quaker oat guy or something.

bluesky24

I 100% agree on destination bachelorette parties. I say this as I am currently committed to go to my SIL’s next month in Scottsdale AZ of all places (?!) I think she feels entitled to it, she’s the last of her friends to get married so she’s gone to all sorts of places for her friends. Mine was one night in the city we all lived in- dinner and a dive bar. These traveling extravaganzas are too much! 

My UO is that I’m really relieved every year that we don’t celebrate Christmas. It seems like so much work.