@MRDCle, are you finding out the sexes? I'm not familiar with twins or what kind you have (I know there were some terms, mo and di?), are they both the same sex or could you have one of each?
@kangstadt yep we'll find out whenever they cooperate (we have an anatomy scan on 10/29). They're mo-di, so they are identical, so they will be the same sex!
@kangstadt I get it, and you don't have to feel guilty about it. I'm in a similar boat with my second boy brewing, and I had mixed feelings when I found out also. I'm kind of pumped about being a boy mom, and really I always expected this, but girls are adorable and I'm kind of girly myself so I would also love a daughter. The dream was always 2 boys and 1 girl for me, but H is wavering on a third baby and so, like you, I've had to come to terms with the possibility of never having a daughter (and obviously even if we have a third it may be a boy and I'm definitely not chasing a girl with a fourth).
Take your time getting used to the idea, and try not to beat yourself up about it. You will absolutely bond with your son when he's here, and you'll love him just as much as you would have loved a daughter - all of these feelings are fleeting. Plus, little boys are so cool and awesome - imagine two of them stomping around together...amazing! I can't wait for my guys to be best buds, even if they destroy my house and eat everything in sight (as long as H handles the crusty socks - mom is not addressing those issues).
It really sucks to shop for swimwear...but maternity swimwear is even worse. We are traveling with DH's family for vacation in December/January and will primarily be on the beach. Any recs for supportive swimsuits? I'm a d cup when I'm not pregnant....
That sounds absolutely terrible @candicek15! Glad you're feeling better finally. I turn into the biggest baby when I'm sick and also pregnant. I can't take it.
Mommy to an angel baby and a sweet little girl Earth side.
@kangstadt I feel ya. Both DH and I think this one is another girl. And I’m trying to be okay if that ends up true since we have talked and will probably stop after this. Hugs.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
This is my first (and only), but my husband has 4 girls and 1 boy from previous relationships! I've always wanted a little boy, but I have a very strong feeling it's a girl (although we aren't finding out until I give birth). I'm wondering if any of the other kids - most of them are adults now - will be disappointed if the babe is a girl. I hope I won't be, but you can't help feeling how you're feeling. Don't feel guilty about it!!
Thanks for all of the support ladies. I'm trying to let myself have time to get over feeling disappointed. Maybe once we announce the sex and tell DS I'll be able to get more excited. It's funny, because I've always been closer to my brothers than my sisters, but the idea of raising a strong, independent, wild-spirited little girl was always in my mind when I thought of myself as a mom. Now I've gotta reconcile the fact I'll be raising two strong, wild-spirited little boys!
Fingers crossed for all the women having bleeding. I’m so sorry!
@kangstadt I had a little disappointment when I found out we are having a second boy too. I had convinced myself this one would be a girl. But I’ve been reminding myself that if I cared that much about the sex, then I should have just adopted. Also, I read this REALLY sweet blog post on having boys that made me happy. https://cupofjo.com/2017/05/having-a-boy/
Fingers crossed for all the women having bleeding. I’m so sorry!
@kangstadt I had a little disappointment when I found out we are having a second boy too. I had convinced myself this one would be a girl. But I’ve been reminding myself that if I cared that much about the sex, then I should have just adopted. Also, I read this REALLY sweet blog post on having boys that made me happy. https://cupofjo.com/2017/05/having-a-boy/
Well I just read that blog and now I'm near blubbering at my desk.
@Piccola1988 yeah, she slept til morning using my arm as a pillow, because I thought it better for her. Steamy shower also was good but then she became really feverish. So now it’s scheduled Motrin plus me trying to convince her to nap so I can nap!
@ everyone with sex disappointment - I get it. We’re hoping for a boy because of FIL’s failing health and the plan to name a boy after him, and if we never get that boy, we’d both be disappointed.
After all the crap I’ve been through to get and stay pregnant, I’ll be grateful if my family ends up with a healthy child that identifies as an iguana. We all have hopes and dreams about what our families may someday look like, but it’s really hard to understand sex disappointment.
After all the crap I’ve been through to get and stay pregnant, I’ll be grateful if my family ends up with a healthy child that identifies as an iguana. We all have hopes and dreams about what our families may someday look like, but it’s really hard to understand sex disappointment.
My attitude about sex disappointment, as well as about feeling annoyed with ppl who have sex disappointment, is that we all feel how we feel. As in, all legitimate feelings. It’s not the pity olympics here (not that you implied that, at all), there’s no contest re whose feelings are the most legitimate. I think sometimes we (society) dismiss negative feelings if they aren’t over something deemed “worthy”. But the reality is that we all have disappointments and struggles, and it could ALWAYS be worse. So.... all I’m saying is... all your feelings are legitimate, all of you! All the love and sympathy ❤️
After all the crap I’ve been through to get and stay pregnant, I’ll be grateful if my family ends up with a healthy child that identifies as an iguana. We all have hopes and dreams about what our families may someday look like, but it’s really hard to understand sex disappointment.
I wouldn’t call it disappointment. It’s a sadness at things that you are going to most likely miss out on. Because while I don’t believe in the whole blue for boy and pink for girl bullshit there are differences and it’s a sadness at not getting to experience them. I will not be disappointed at the child if she is a girl. I will be a little sad for me that I won’t ever get to know what it’s like to have a son.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Well that was fun. Made it a full 13.5 weeks into pregnancy before barfing at dinner. At least I made it to the kitchen sink instead of losing it all over the table / food.
@lin0442, I understand how you feel, which is part of why I hesitated to even post my comment about feeling sad. I agree with @professormama and @thatbaintforbetty though.
Throughout my life, I've struggled with depression and anxiety, and it becomes a cycle of me feeling even worse and actually feeling guilty for being sad when there's "no good reason," for me to have those feelings. I try to remember that all feelings are valid, and just because someone else has it "worse," or is in harder circumstances, it doesn't mean I don't have a right to my emotions too.
I'm sorry you've struggled, and congratulations to you. Here's to healthy babies for all of us mamas.
Well that was fun. Made it a full 13.5 weeks into pregnancy before barfing at dinner. At least I made it to the kitchen sink instead of losing it all over the table / food.
This was almost me tonight. I’ve been carrying my big mixing bowl around the apartment all night in case it progresses from dry heaving.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I had the worst migraine all day yesterday. I couldn't eat anything because I felt so sick. Tylenol did absolutely nothing to help, but that's all I could take. Ended falling asleep at about 7:30 and now I've been wide awake since 4am. I'm sure I could use more sleep, but my mind isn't letting me. Ugh. At least the headache is gone for now.
To those struggling with gender disappointment, I get it. While I'd ultimately definitely be happy with either, I would like to experience raising a boy. I'm one of 4 girls, my only sister with kids so far has 4 girls, and I have a girl so far. So I'd be totally in my element if we have another girl and I know DD would love having a sister. But still... I like the idea of having a boy and naming him after my dad.
At first I was so grateful to have this baby that I didn't care what the sex was. But now I'm really, desperately hoping for a girl even though I have such a strong feeling that it's a boy. So sex "disappointment" or sadness seemed silly until this baby was real to me.
I've had a migraine for a couple days on and off and it's bringing back all the nausea plus this hungover feeling. Really hope it mysteriously goes away since I'm trying not to take anything at all.
@sheepshepherdess I hope the migraine goes away quickly for you! I totally know the feeling, I was there yesterday. I have chronic migraines (like 3-4 days a week) when I'm not pregnant. I somehow had 0 migraines while pregnant with my first, and yesterday was my first time having one during this pregnancy. It was a doozy.
I don't really know how to feel/do about finding out the gender of the kids. Both of our parents have been bothering us about knowing the sex of the kids since they found out we're pregnant, and I know mymom's desperate for a granddaughter since my sister only has boys. Being pregnant with twins I could end up having one of each, but I worry about that too because I feel they might be more connected to each other if they're the same sex. Well, in the end I can't do anything about it, so we'll just have to wait and see.
I’ve never understood sex disappointment either. My parents had been rooting for this one to be a boy and it’s always irritated me, how about just a healthy and happy child regardless?
Now we know we’re having a girl and I was happier to hear she’s healthy over what sex she was.
To each their own, but when I know so many deserving women that are struggling with IF as well as losses, unhealthy babies, risky pregnancies etc....it just isn’t important and really shouldn’t be.
I’m in the I want a baby boat. In some ways I’d love a girl next, so that my dd can have a girl closer to her in age than if we have a boy and then a girl later on. But I also really want a boy someday, I think my hubby wants a boy next.
If if we don’t have a boy biologically I’m not worried. After we have a few kids and they get a bit bigger we want to adopt a sibling set of 2+ kids so, I figure we could have a bit that way too.
We don’t find out until after Thanksgiving.
As as far as others feelings of sad or grief over not having one sex or another, if you respect people’s feelings about their own gender and who they are it seems odd not to respect if someone feels loss over not having the experience of boy or girl. Everyone is different and processes their world differently. I would love my daughter to have a brother someday and I do value that experience and would be sad if she didn’t get to experience that.
@MRDCle pelvic rest sounds terrible. Any idea how long you're stuck on that?
And srsly, I'm going to keep saying it. Let's not shame people for their feelings of loss / disappointment re sex of baby. Yes, we all know that the MOST important thing is have a baby, and we all hope for babies without genetic disorders or disabilities. But all feelings are legitimate, and it's important to allow people to process those feelings. You feel how you feel, and it doesn't help to have people shaming you for it, telling you that you SHOULD feel happy to have a baby, or whatever else. There is always someone who has it worse than all of us. Lets of women feel grief because they struggle with infertility, and that's legitimate grief. But if there's some magical standard for which you get to feel sad or disappointed, then there's always someone out there who can make you feel like you don't deserve to feel how you feel because they have it worse. Some people are infertile and too deep in poverty to afford adoption, some people watch their children starve to death in their arms, some people know their children were tortured to death by a brutal political regime, some people never have the chance to want or have children because they don't reach adulthood. Lets PLEASE not make this a contest of whose sadness is most deserving. *gets down off soapbox*
Also, I'm very grumpy today because I'm grading. I SHOULD be happy because I'm working from home and I have 'Friends' on in the background. But no one is going to tell me how to feel today damnit!
@kangstadt this is 'randoms,' so I don't think you derailed anything. Also, I'm in your corner. I'm feeling pretty happy now, and I'm starting to get excited about having sweet brothers who will (hopefully) be best friends and have tons in common. But I had really been hoping for and imagining a girl during the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy, and it took me a few days to let go of that image I had in my head. I also HATE when people try to delegitimize other peoples feelings. I'm pretty sure basically every person on this board lives in the West and the vast majority of us have very 'first world' problems. I seriously doubt a single person here lives in a refugee camp or under a brutally suppressive government. That doesn't mean we don't all have our struggles and worries and heartaches, and those are all real and legitimate and deeply felt. We have a right to our small and large sadnesses, just as much as we have a right to our joys.
@professormama, I completely agree, and get upset when people delegitimize others' feelings also. However, in my own mind I do it to myself all the time. It's a vicious cycle.
I'm still wrapping my mind around two boys. I'm having a hard time today with my son being something of a jerk as I'm babysitting my nephew, and a huge part of me is wondering why I even wanted to try this a second time around.
@professormama, I completely agree, and get upset when people delegitimize others' feelings also. However, in my own mind I do it to myself all the time. It's a vicious cycle.
I'm still wrapping my mind around two boys. I'm having a hard time today with my son being something of a jerk as I'm babysitting my nephew, and a huge part of me is wondering why I even wanted to try this a second time around.
Your feelings are legitimate! But I know it can be hard to quiet that voice in our heads that says "you shouldn't feel this way" or "you're a bad person for these feelings." That voice is lying! Having children is hard, parenting is hard. Amazing, but freaking hard.
Parenting is really freaking hard. If it helps, daughters can be real jerks too (I know, because I'm one of 4 girls in my family). My favorite phrase I've heard about how to deal with kids being jerks is: "babies be babies." In other words, he's just acting like a normal toddler, and toddlers are ridiculous! Another thing that helps me (sometimes) give a little more grace to my child is to try to imagine how he's feeling. For you son, it might be: "Oh man, it must be so hard to share your mama for the day, this is a new experience." Or maybe it's "being 3 is really hard, and it's really hard to understand why you can't have everything you want right when you want it, and the part of your brain that regulates emotion and patience and self control literally hasn't developed yet. so you LITERALLY cant control yourself because your brain isn't fully formed"
Having two will be really hard, I'm nervous about it as well, especially because I already feel like I'm drowning between parenting and work and being a half-decent spouse and everything else. But I also try to imagine the joy - like when my kids play together (which they will sometimes), or when they're grown and everyone comes home for a holiday and I have two amazing grown sons who will maybe have their own families...
We found our last week that we're having a boy. I was kinda numb when I found out and feel bad that I wasn't more excited, but given my history, it is what it is.
I think I get where @lin0442 is coming from. --TW-- We had 3 consecutive losses before DD. At that point we had two criteria, 1. alive 2. healthy. We also had a lose after DD, but genetic testing revealed it was a girl. So maybe the numbness I have is because in my mind, I can imagine having 2 girls or maybe it's just because I'm scared to connect still. --
DH reacted to last weeks news in an interesting fashion. When he found about DD, he wasn't excited and said, I don't know anything about girls (he is an only child with mostly male cousins). Last week I asked him if he was excited about having a boy and he said, but now all my experience is with DD, I don't know anything about raising a boy!
I’ve never understood sex disappointment either. My parents had been rooting for this one to be a boy and it’s always irritated me, how about just a healthy and happy child regardless?
Now we know we’re having a girl and I was happier to hear she’s healthy over what sex she was.
To each their own, but when I know so many deserving women that are struggling with IF as well as losses, unhealthy babies, risky pregnancies etc....it just isn’t important and really shouldn’t be.
I have said nothing about the subject thus far but this is unfair. People are allowed to feel how they want. There are a MILLION things that I shouldn't complain about bc someone somewhere doesn't have what I have. We are human and have desires in life and when they don't pan out it can be disappointing and THAT IS OK.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
Some people would say that it shouldn't be important to have a child biologically, something that's especially important to many of the women on this board. After all, adoption is a wonderful way to have a child that is 100% yours (I say this coming from a family with both biological and adopted children). But saying that 'having a biological child shouldn't be important' to someone who desperately wants to get pregnant and has struggled with infertility would be INCREDIBLY insensitive and unkind. Who gets to decide what should and shouldn't be important to someone, and what they should and shouldn't feel sad about? Ugh.
Seriously, I'm clearly very grumpy today. And this issue just bugs me SO much. Plus people here constantly say things like "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as the baby is healthy." Well fine. But how do we think that makes mothers feel who find out their baby won't be perfectly healthy or might have some kind of genetic disorder? That their baby isn't as desirable or lovable? I mean, jeeze.
@thatbaintforbetty - I wouldn't say I noticed a different taste. But I LOVE pasta and something about it turns me off completely now and I have gotten sick the last 2 times I ate it. It just wasn't good anymore.
Pregnancy is a strange thing
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
Re: Randoms w/o 10/15
Take your time getting used to the idea, and try not to beat yourself up about it. You will absolutely bond with your son when he's here, and you'll love him just as much as you would have loved a daughter - all of these feelings are fleeting. Plus, little boys are so cool and awesome - imagine two of them stomping around together...amazing! I can't wait for my guys to be best buds, even if they destroy my house and eat everything in sight (as long as H handles the crusty socks - mom is not addressing those issues).
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@kangstadt I had a little disappointment when I found out we are having a second boy too. I had convinced myself this one would be a girl. But I’ve been reminding myself that if I cared that much about the sex, then I should have just adopted. Also, I read this REALLY sweet blog post on having boys that made me happy. https://cupofjo.com/2017/05/having-a-boy/
Haha, same @MRDCle!
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Throughout my life, I've struggled with depression and anxiety, and it becomes a cycle of me feeling even worse and actually feeling guilty for being sad when there's "no good reason," for me to have those feelings. I try to remember that all feelings are valid, and just because someone else has it "worse," or is in harder circumstances, it doesn't mean I don't have a right to my emotions too.
I'm sorry you've struggled, and congratulations to you. Here's to healthy babies for all of us mamas.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
To those struggling with gender disappointment, I get it. While I'd ultimately definitely be happy with either, I would like to experience raising a boy. I'm one of 4 girls, my only sister with kids so far has 4 girls, and I have a girl so far. So I'd be totally in my element if we have another girl and I know DD would love having a sister. But still... I like the idea of having a boy and naming him after my dad.
I've had a migraine for a couple days on and off and it's bringing back all the nausea plus this hungover feeling. Really hope it mysteriously goes away since I'm trying not to take anything at all.
Now we know we’re having a girl and I was happier to hear she’s healthy over what sex she was.
To each their own, but when I know so many deserving women that are struggling with IF as well as losses, unhealthy babies, risky pregnancies etc....it just isn’t important and really shouldn’t be.
DD born: 3/31/19
If if we don’t have a boy biologically I’m not worried. After we have a few kids and they get a bit bigger we want to adopt a sibling set of 2+ kids so, I figure we could have a bit that way too.
We don’t find out until after Thanksgiving.
As as far as others feelings of sad or grief over not having one sex or another, if you respect people’s feelings about their own gender and who they are it seems odd not to respect if someone feels loss over not having the experience of boy or girl. Everyone is different and processes their world differently. I would love my daughter to have a brother someday and I do value that experience and would be sad if she didn’t get to experience that.
And srsly, I'm going to keep saying it. Let's not shame people for their feelings of loss / disappointment re sex of baby. Yes, we all know that the MOST important thing is have a baby, and we all hope for babies without genetic disorders or disabilities. But all feelings are legitimate, and it's important to allow people to process those feelings. You feel how you feel, and it doesn't help to have people shaming you for it, telling you that you SHOULD feel happy to have a baby, or whatever else. There is always someone who has it worse than all of us. Lets of women feel grief because they struggle with infertility, and that's legitimate grief. But if there's some magical standard for which you get to feel sad or disappointed, then there's always someone out there who can make you feel like you don't deserve to feel how you feel because they have it worse. Some people are infertile and too deep in poverty to afford adoption, some people watch their children starve to death in their arms, some people know their children were tortured to death by a brutal political regime, some people never have the chance to want or have children because they don't reach adulthood. Lets PLEASE not make this a contest of whose sadness is most deserving. *gets down off soapbox*
Also, I'm very grumpy today because I'm grading. I SHOULD be happy because I'm working from home and I have 'Friends' on in the background. But no one is going to tell me how to feel today damnit!
@professormama, couldn't have said it better myself. Sorry I seem to have derailed the conversation with sex/gender discussion!
I'm still wrapping my mind around two boys. I'm having a hard time today with my son being something of a jerk as I'm babysitting my nephew, and a huge part of me is wondering why I even wanted to try this a second time around.
Parenting is really freaking hard. If it helps, daughters can be real jerks too (I know, because I'm one of 4 girls in my family). My favorite phrase I've heard about how to deal with kids being jerks is: "babies be babies." In other words, he's just acting like a normal toddler, and toddlers are ridiculous! Another thing that helps me (sometimes) give a little more grace to my child is to try to imagine how he's feeling. For you son, it might be: "Oh man, it must be so hard to share your mama for the day, this is a new experience." Or maybe it's "being 3 is really hard, and it's really hard to understand why you can't have everything you want right when you want it, and the part of your brain that regulates emotion and patience and self control literally hasn't developed yet. so you LITERALLY cant control yourself because your brain isn't fully formed"
Having two will be really hard, I'm nervous about it as well, especially because I already feel like I'm drowning between parenting and work and being a half-decent spouse and everything else. But I also try to imagine the joy - like when my kids play together (which they will sometimes), or when they're grown and everyone comes home for a holiday and I have two amazing grown sons who will maybe have their own families...
I think I get where @lin0442 is coming from. --TW-- We had 3 consecutive losses before DD. At that point we had two criteria, 1. alive 2. healthy. We also had a lose after DD, but genetic testing revealed it was a girl. So maybe the numbness I have is because in my mind, I can imagine having 2 girls or maybe it's just because I'm scared to connect still. --
DH reacted to last weeks news in an interesting fashion. When he found about DD, he wasn't excited and said, I don't know anything about girls (he is an only child with mostly male cousins). Last week I asked him if he was excited about having a boy and he said, but now all my experience is with DD, I don't know anything about raising a boy!
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
Some people would say that it shouldn't be important to have a child biologically, something that's especially important to many of the women on this board. After all, adoption is a wonderful way to have a child that is 100% yours (I say this coming from a family with both biological and adopted children). But saying that 'having a biological child shouldn't be important' to someone who desperately wants to get pregnant and has struggled with infertility would be INCREDIBLY insensitive and unkind. Who gets to decide what should and shouldn't be important to someone, and what they should and shouldn't feel sad about? Ugh.
Seriously, I'm clearly very grumpy today. And this issue just bugs me SO much. Plus people here constantly say things like "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as the baby is healthy." Well fine. But how do we think that makes mothers feel who find out their baby won't be perfectly healthy or might have some kind of genetic disorder? That their baby isn't as desirable or lovable? I mean, jeeze.
Had anyone had food that they normally eat suddenly taste different?
We we had pizza last night (not new, I’ve had it dozens of times before) but all of a sudden it’s super spicy.
Work brought in donuts today and the regular chocolate which I’ve had several times before tates weird.
This is just in the last 12 hours, but it’s been happening for a couple days at least I think?
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Pregnancy is a strange thing
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18