@mermaidca@kbirchtree thanks, yall. My real issue is the fact that she is determined to know the sex of my baby before DH and i do. She’s generous and so loving, so the party isnt an issue. It’s the weird control factor that’s throwing me off. She’s throwing me a shower, and I’ve been trying to redirect her attention that way. Hopefully it works.
oh good grief. Just because you are pregnant doesn’t mean your whole damn family is pregnant! I hate when people start telling you what you should and shouldn’t do with baby because it’s their niece, nephew, third cousin twice removed, whatever. Sorry @sdelg09 ! Maybe give her a sealed envelope with a paper inside saying “ it’s a turtle” .
I have some good news, sort of. DH has 3 interviews scheduled for this week. I’m feeling hopeful! I’m keeping everything crossed that one of them turns into a job opportunity.
And @sdelg09, that's just weird that she cares so much about knowing before you guys. I agree with previous posters that you should redirect if possible, although sounds like she's stubborn about this. Maybe she needs a reality check talk?
As for me, had my second prenatal checkup today and got to hear baby's heartbeat on the Doppler . DS got to hear it too, and the doctor made a big fuss about it for him. Hopefully it's getting him a little bit excited for a baby sibling.
@BarefootContessa oh, they have no idea we’re doing the NIPT and will know in October. They (both of our families) think we aren’t finding out until November. DH and I plan on sitting on the news of the sex for a while. We told our families about my BFP very, very quickly and while we don’t regret that, we want a little time to enjoy this part for ourselves!
@professormama You love your career Watching students get it is the best feeling ever
...but working late still sucks.
over here, DH or FIL scorched MIL’s countertops with a hot frying pan (probably, we don’t know for sure) and she is upset. But then when DD starts pulling cookie sheets out of one of two drawers she is allowed to touch (because it’s really easy to put everything back and impossible to break anything), MIL flips. And I flip back. Ughhhhh, I am so bad at maintaining household harmony. It’s like the third time in 24 hours we’ve raised voices at each other.
I have been there. We were living with my parents when we had DD and it was really rough. And my sister broke up with her bf and moved back in like a year later and nobody got along. My sister and I clash and my mom and sister clash and everybody clashes with my 2 youngest siblings who do not listen. There was a lot of yelling and taking sides. We ended up having to move in with DHs mom when they decided to move and she doesn’t even like DH, hates me and wants nothing to do with DD. She treated us like slaves and it was the worst year and a half ever. I had had to quit my good paying cushy job and was working retail and DH was unemployed for like a year. We didn’t have another option so it was what we did.
We are both working much better jobs now and have our own place and it’s all good but we survived 3+ years of hell.
So I get it. And I’m sorry you have to be in a situation that’s in anyway similar. I will say that DH and I are stronger now then ever. So at least something good came out of it.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
My DH works from home, which is amazing, but his "office" is just in a corner of our bedroom. The last month or so he's been consistently working all hours of the day... week and weekend. Some nights, like last night, he's up until 3am or later with the light on and clicking on his keyboard. Then gets phone calls at 6am bc heaven forbid anyone he works with think about time zones. Im not sure how much longer this phase of crazy work is going to last but I really want my husband, and my bedroom, back. Sorry for the pity party.
That's rough @chelseay416. My DH works from home a lot too (luckily he has an office downstairs), and he has a hard time separating work from family time because of it. He's gotten better about it, but it's still a struggle sometimes.
I hope this phase passes quickly for you! Is there any way he can take those 6am calls into another room instead of waking you up?
@chelseay416 I would have a rule that the bedroom office is only open 8-5. If he wants to work outside of those hours, he can go to a coffee-shop. aka the kitchen. That's so frustrating. I would probably stab DH if he was messing around in the bedroom while I was trying to get my necessary sleep.
My DH works from home, which is amazing, but his "office" is just in a corner of our bedroom. The last month or so he's been consistently working all hours of the day... week and weekend. Some nights, like last night, he's up until 3am or later with the light on and clicking on his keyboard. Then gets phone calls at 6am bc heaven forbid anyone he works with think about time zones. Im not sure how much longer this phase of crazy work is going to last but I really want my husband, and my bedroom, back. Sorry for the pity party.
That sounds awful. He's got to move his desk somewhere else! Any chance he can set up in the living room or kitchen at last at night?
This is going to be really long. TLDR: I’m really mad. I just had a terrible OB experience. Trying to put this under a spoiler so it doesn’t take up half the page.
I had an ER visit a couple of weeks ago. I go through a large public health system in my city and all of the practices for this system are connected, including the hospital. The ER visit was honestly really smooth and as usual, I had a good experience with this system. So I guess after this ER visit, someone decided to schedule me for an OB follow up at my regular clinic where I see my midwife. However, instead of scheduling my ER follow up with a midwife, they scheduled me to see an OB I’ve never met before. I’m now kicking myself for not canceling this appointment. Continued:
First they sent in a med student who was asking me way, WAY too many questions. He seemed extremely alarmed by the fact that I’m having vaginal discharge, and kept asking me the same questions over and over. I get that he was a med student and was just trying to be thorough, but no means no and even if you ask me the same question three times... the answer will still be no. Then came the OB, whose first question was about fetal movement. When I informed her that I hadn’t felt any, she turned to the med student and said “oh yeah, it’s too early for that, isn’t it?” ??? Then why did you even ask me? But here’s the kicker: she kept asking me over and over about my symptoms, and after hearing about my complete lack of vomiting told me she is “really concerned about the pregnancy” and my “lack of symptoms is worrisome”?? First off, I’ve never met you one single time. My baby’s heartbeat was and is strong (she picked it up on the Doppler today) and I just happen to be fortunate enough to have had light digestive symptoms. It was like her and the med student WANTED me to be sick. It was so, bizarre. I know for a fact that there is literally nothing for me to be worried about. The ER OB told me I’m fine.
And then I found out that this visit takes the place of my midwife visit I had previously been scheduled for next Wednesday, which is the worst part for me. I absolutely love my midwife, and instead of having a calm, peaceful appointment with her I got... whatever today was. My midwife keeps things short and sweet, and the last time I saw her she was so happy to hear that my symptoms are light and easy. At least I’ll see the midwife again at the end of October. I have my NT ultrasound on Monday and I’m just hoping that I don’t get stuck with the same OB I had today.
I know this was a little long but I needed to whine somewhere. I just can’t stand the fact that a doctor who knows NOTHING about me or my pregnancy decided to scare me today for literally no reason. The differences between my midwife experience and my OB experience are so jarring. Today was just a bunch of fear mongering and poking for no reason.
I still love the practice. The nurses are amazing, the hospital really caters to women and it’s worth going through the public system to get a midwife for an affordable price. I just wasn’t a fan of being a guinea pig for a med student and a strange OB today.
@sdelg09 wow that sucks so bad... I'm so sorry.. as if you don't have enough to deal with, I don't even know on what universe the pregnancy is in danger due to lack of symptoms. Blech... I hope venting was at least a little helpful.. I wish they'd let you see your own midwife sooner just to make things better... all the stranger internet hugs I was going to come on and whine about my lame MIL but now I feel ridiculous when you're dealing with this
@kaleesi93 I feel so much better after venting. Also, DH took me out for pancakes and I stuffed my face so that probably helped too. Honestly, it is tough not to worry even if I know that OB was stupid. But I have to remember to trust my ACTUAL midwife and my instincts, too. I’m just happy I get to see the baby again in 5 days! also, please feel free to whine about your MIL. I’m constantly whining about my SIL on here!
@mermaidca right? I just want to know what her idea of a healthy pregnancy is. How many times a day am I required to vomit by her rules??
Wow @sdelg09 what a frustrating experience. I'm so sorry!
I have been SLAMMED at work today. I wanted to take some time to write up some questions to ask the potential doulas I'm talking to tonight but I think I'm gonna end up winging it unless things sleep way TF down in the next two hours.
@sdelg09 I would absolutely let the office know about your experience, that is ridiculous.
Someone told me once to remember that not every doctor got a A in med school. Sometimes you get the C or D student. It reminds me to advocate for myself and my experiences.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@sdelg09, that blows, I'm amazed that they were so unprofessional about it too.
My complaint is minor but along a similar track. My doctor yesterday tried telling me that it's too early for sciatica and round ligament pain since my uterus is only the size of a grapefruit. Uhm, I'm sorry, but my sister (who is an OB) said it's never too early, and I'm definitely having both so you can shove it doc. Plus if you had something the size of a grapefruit in your gut that wasn't there normally, you're telling me you wouldn't feel it?!
Moral of the story: just like all people, not all doctors are worth their two cents.
@kangstadt You're so right! My doctor, bless her, is in her 60's, not married, never had kids of her own, likes to tell me all about pregnancy. To an extent, yea you can tell me what is "normal" and after all this experience tell me what most others experience but I know what I'm feeling.
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
My boss just called and asked me to move to full time hours! I’m currently a temp and she loves me and has been working towards getting me on permanently and this is the next step!
Plus extra moolah!!
I needed to put my excitement somewhere, lol.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I have so much to reply to, but for now can I just bitch that I need ice cream from a drive through and this mcD’s soft serve machine is broken. Noooooo
It's a legit conspiracy @lyse01 that every damn time you need something from a frozen machine, they're broken.. My thing is Auntie Ann's frozen lemonade mixers and guess who can't freaking get any maintenance. Ever.
@thatbaintforbetty I wish I knew. I went to 3 different auntie Ann's in one day just to get a damn lemonade and all the machines everywhere were broken.
I just saw my ex boyfriend got married yesterday, I was 8 years younger than him and his wife is 11, so all the rude jokes he made about how old I was were apparently how he actually felt. Good riddance.
@professormama@thatbaintforbetty thanks for the sympathy on the living situation. I wish it wasn’t so, I wish I didn’t feel constantly on the defensive, I wish I was independently wealthy and owned a house outright that I could insist we live in (or a yacht, or both, whatever...). It will, it must get better.
@chelseay416 that sounds awful (and familiar). Why is he working from your bedroom in the first place? Do you have a spare room that can become his office (even if it means swapping a couch or something into your bedroom)? Can you guys discuss how a different space might make his working easier and sort out a better location based on that? It might then impact the rest of your day but at least not your sleep.
@sdelg09 I would be enraged too. I know military medicine has something called ICE forms (nominally for positive or negative comments, really only used for complaints though). It is a fast track to the clinic or hospital leaders who can address the issue, and it almost certainly came from civilian best practices. The challenge for you (and me, based on my nurse intake appt at my ob) is to figure out how to file a constructive comment with this practice, and to frame it in a way that will make a lasting difference. I’d recommend a format that includes a succinct issue (eg lack of supervision during examination for medical student) and desired outcome (eg additional supervised examinations, a better knowledge base, and a better bedside manner before solo exams again).
@kaleesi93 complain away about your MIL so I feel less guilty about complaining about mine. Also frozen lemonade sounds amazing.
I just got back from a five hour trip for an MFM consult with a crying/hungry/wet baby in the car. It should not have taken two and a half hours to get home, but accidents. And on the way back I got told I need ANOTHER appt for my primary care doc to sign off on progesterone shots so insurance will pay, AND that my first draw for NIPT came back without enough fetal dna so I need a redraw. Hence the need for ice cream.
@lyse01 it's SO good MIL is just being a snippy jerk because she invited family to town, didn't tell me or my BF and apparently I was supposed to go over and dance a pregnancy jig for people I've never seen before..
@sdelg09@kangstadt I’m sorry you had bad experiences with your OBs. It’s no fun when doctors treat you like that. @sdelg09 I’d definitly mention it to your midwife the next time you see her. Especially if they are a teaching hospital, they should be teaching their med students better bedside manners. I’m lucky that I’ve had the same group of OBs for all 3 of my pregnancies now, and they’re all wonderful. There is a new one in the practice whom I haven met yet (a guy in a typically all woman’s practice lol)
Re: Weekly Randoms w/o 9/24
My real issue is the fact that she is determined to know the sex of my baby before DH and i do. She’s generous and so loving, so the party isnt an issue. It’s the weird control factor that’s throwing me off.
She’s throwing me a shower, and I’ve been trying to redirect her attention that way. Hopefully it works.
@harveyisaboysname everything crossed here too for you/DH!
And @sdelg09, that's just weird that she cares so much about knowing before you guys. I agree with previous posters that you should redirect if possible, although sounds like she's stubborn about this. Maybe she needs a reality check talk?
As for me, had my second prenatal checkup today and got to hear baby's heartbeat on the Doppler
Sending your dh multiple job offer vibes @harveyisaboysname!
DD born: 3/31/19
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
Why work so so much?
Working in the evening sucks.
Blah. Blah. Ugh. Blah. Ugh.
You love your career
Watching students get it is
the best feeling ever
...but working late still sucks.
over here, DH or FIL scorched MIL’s countertops with a hot frying pan (probably, we don’t know for sure) and she is upset. But then when DD starts pulling cookie sheets out of one of two drawers she is allowed to touch (because it’s really easy to put everything back and impossible to break anything), MIL flips. And I flip back. Ughhhhh, I am so bad at maintaining household harmony. It’s like the third time in 24 hours we’ve raised voices at each other.
Also, that living situation sounds ROUGH.
Super hugs. All the hugs. And ice cream.
I have been there. We were living with my parents when we had DD and it was really rough. And my sister broke up with her bf and moved back in like a year later and nobody got along. My sister and I clash and my mom and sister clash and everybody clashes with my 2 youngest siblings who do not listen. There was a lot of yelling and taking sides. We ended up having to move in with DHs mom when they decided to move and she doesn’t even like DH, hates me and wants nothing to do with DD. She treated us like slaves and it was the worst year and a half ever. I had had to quit my good paying cushy job and was working retail and DH was unemployed for like a year. We didn’t have another option so it was what we did.
We are both working much better jobs now and have our own place and it’s all good but we survived 3+ years of hell.
So I get it. And I’m sorry you have to be in a situation that’s in anyway similar. I will say that DH and I are stronger now then ever. So at least something good came out of it.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I hope this phase passes quickly for you! Is there any way he can take those 6am calls into another room instead of waking you up?
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
BFP: 8/20/2018 - EDD 5/4/2019
This is going to be really long. TLDR: I’m really mad. I just had a terrible OB experience. Trying to put this under a spoiler so it doesn’t take up half the page.
I had an ER visit a couple of weeks ago. I go through a large public health system in my city and all of the practices for this system are connected, including the hospital. The ER visit was honestly really smooth and as usual, I had a good experience with this system. So I guess after this ER visit, someone decided to schedule me for an OB follow up at my regular clinic where I see my midwife. However, instead of scheduling my ER follow up with a midwife, they scheduled me to see an OB I’ve never met before. I’m now kicking myself for not canceling this appointment. Continued:
First they sent in a med student who was asking me way, WAY too many questions. He seemed extremely alarmed by the fact that I’m having vaginal discharge, and kept asking me the same questions over and over. I get that he was a med student and was just trying to be thorough, but no means no and even if you ask me the same question three times... the answer will still be no. Then came the OB, whose first question was about fetal movement. When I informed her that I hadn’t felt any, she turned to the med student and said “oh yeah, it’s too early for that, isn’t it?” ??? Then why did you even ask me? But here’s the kicker: she kept asking me over and over about my symptoms, and after hearing about my complete lack of vomiting told me she is “really concerned about the pregnancy” and my “lack of symptoms is worrisome”?? First off, I’ve never met you one single time. My baby’s heartbeat was and is strong (she picked it up on the Doppler today) and I just happen to be fortunate enough to have had light digestive symptoms. It was like her and the med student WANTED me to be sick. It was so, bizarre. I know for a fact that there is literally nothing for me to be worried about. The ER OB told me I’m fine.
And then I found out that this visit takes the place of my midwife visit I had previously been scheduled for next Wednesday, which is the worst part for me. I absolutely love my midwife, and instead of having a calm, peaceful appointment with her I got... whatever today was. My midwife keeps things short and sweet, and the last time I saw her she was so happy to hear that my symptoms are light and easy. At least I’ll see the midwife again at the end of October. I have my NT ultrasound on Monday and I’m just hoping that I don’t get stuck with the same OB I had today.
I know this was a little long but I needed to whine somewhere. I just can’t stand the fact that a doctor who knows NOTHING about me or my pregnancy decided to scare me today for literally no reason. The differences between my midwife experience and my OB experience are so jarring. Today was just a bunch of fear mongering and poking for no reason.
I still love the practice. The nurses are amazing, the hospital really caters to women and it’s worth going through the public system to get a midwife for an affordable price. I just wasn’t a fan of being a guinea pig for a med student and a strange OB today.
I was going to come on and whine about my lame MIL but now I feel ridiculous when you're dealing with this
Oh no @professormama!! Hope it passes quickly and painlessly.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
also, please feel free to whine about your MIL. I’m constantly whining about my SIL on here!
@mermaidca right? I just want to know what her idea of a healthy pregnancy is. How many times a day am I required to vomit by her rules??
edited to add reply.
Actually I think the MIl takes a backseat to how horrid roasting ribs smell. Dear lord give me a sealed smellproof room until April.
I have been SLAMMED at work today. I wanted to take some time to write up some questions to ask the potential doulas I'm talking to tonight but I think I'm gonna end up winging it unless things sleep way TF down in the next two hours.
Someone told me once to remember that not every doctor got a A in med school. Sometimes you get the C or D student. It reminds me to advocate for myself and my experiences.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
My complaint is minor but along a similar track. My doctor yesterday tried telling me that it's too early for sciatica and round ligament pain since my uterus is only the size of a grapefruit. Uhm, I'm sorry, but my sister (who is an OB) said it's never too early, and I'm definitely having both so you can shove it doc. Plus if you had something the size of a grapefruit in your gut that wasn't there normally, you're telling me you wouldn't feel it?!
Moral of the story: just like all people, not all doctors are worth their two cents.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
My boss just called and asked me to move to full time hours! I’m currently a temp and she loves me and has been working towards getting me on permanently and this is the next step!
Plus extra moolah!!
I needed to put my excitement somewhere, lol.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
My thing is Auntie Ann's frozen lemonade mixers and guess who can't freaking get any maintenance. Ever.
I will ugly cry when/if that happens to me.
Also @kaleesi93 you are so right, why is always when you need it the most that they are broken?
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@chelseay416 that sounds awful (and familiar). Why is he working from your bedroom in the first place? Do you have a spare room that can become his office (even if it means swapping a couch or something into your bedroom)? Can you guys discuss how a different space might make his working easier and sort out a better location based on that? It might then impact the rest of your day but at least not your sleep.
@sdelg09 I would be enraged too. I know military medicine has something called ICE forms (nominally for positive or negative comments, really only used for complaints though). It is a fast track to the clinic or hospital leaders who can address the issue, and it almost certainly came from civilian best practices. The challenge for you (and me, based on my nurse intake appt at my ob) is to figure out how to file a constructive comment with this practice, and to frame it in a way that will make a lasting difference. I’d recommend a format that includes a succinct issue (eg lack of supervision during examination for medical student) and desired outcome (eg additional supervised examinations, a better knowledge base, and a better bedside manner before solo exams again).
@kaleesi93 complain away about your MIL so I feel less guilty about complaining about mine. Also frozen lemonade sounds amazing.
@thatbaintforbetty also yay for FT hours!
I just got back from a five hour trip for an MFM consult with a crying/hungry/wet baby in the car. It should not have taken two and a half hours to get home, but accidents. And on the way back I got told I need ANOTHER appt for my primary care doc to sign off on progesterone shots so insurance will pay, AND that my first draw for NIPT came back without enough fetal dna so I need a redraw. Hence the need for ice cream.
MIL is just being a snippy jerk because she invited family to town, didn't tell me or my BF and apparently I was supposed to go over and dance a pregnancy jig for people I've never seen before..