FB group first time moms 30(ish)+

NEAM2014

Hi! I read the rules and I don’t think this is against them...

 I’m making a FB group for first time moms over 30 (ish) due May 2019. 

I say 30ish because if you 28-29 I think that’s fine, it’s just easier to say 30+. 

sleepy33

NEAM2014

what?

k2k2tog

megsb615

NEAM2014

can someone explain instead of posting gifs? 

zuuls_mom

@NEAM2014 we usually do a FB group for the BMB, but that doesn't come until later...when we all know none of us are creepers. 

NEAM2014

Thanks... I'm new to the board, and new to this and I'm just surprised by the gifs instead of anyone saying something.  

k2k2tog

@NEAM2014 I generally have a significant amount of stranger danger this early on. If you want an awesome Facebook group, it will come eventually, but probably not until after our babies are born. I recommend joining in the fun here, get to know people, and develop relationships over time. I’m not a first time mom so you don’t want me in your group anyway, it seems, but in my experience, Facebook groups started to early implode really early too. 

sleepy33

It's just kinda random. Like I've never seen you before and we're talking about FB already? Maybe things are different these days, but my first BMB didn't transition to FB until waaaaaay later in the game. I don't need everyone knowing my name/employer/family, etc, nobody IRL even knows I'm knocked up yet. That being said, do you mami, I'm not your target demo anyway, maybe you'll get a ton of takers. 

megsb615

@NEAM2014... What @ktk2tog and @sleepy33 just said.  It’s all still very early. Take time to get to know people here first.

NEAM2014

@sleepy33 thank you, you could have said that instead of posting a side eye gif. This group just seemed so big I thought of finding a smaller group. Given I'm a first time mom and new to the boards I obviously didn't realize it would be taken that way. But so far cattiness gifs have come from you who "don't fit me target demo" instead of supporting or explaining to a new mom until begged for it.  I will happily delete this post 

sleepy33

Yeah, online communities are just like IRL communities. Gotta lurk and read the room. Just my 2 cents. You get back what you put in. 

knottie0d8cc4d43bacc09f

NEAM2014 said:

Hi! I read the rules and I don’t think this is against them...

 I’m making a FB group for first time moms over 30 (ish) due May 2019. 

I say 30ish because if you 28-29 I think that’s fine, it’s just easier to say 30+. 

The point of this board is to get to know each other and offer support throughout our pregnancies. I'm not sure why anyone would join here to then immediately move to a FB group with people we barely know yet. Also, isolating anyone under 30 (or 28, as you allowed) isn't very welcoming either. 

keighty80

It's generally recommended that you feel out the group and get to know each other before FB is brought up. It's not a matter of being new to the boards, but more a matter of, for lack of a better term, common sense. Nobody really wants a bunch of internet strangers knowing their info. Sorry that you're upset, but people are entitled to GIF their feelings if they want to. Just saying...

ETA: Deleting a post usually isn't looked upon super well either. They call it DD or dirty deleting. Especially if you're upset because someone disagreed with you so you just deleted the entire post. Doesn't look great or go over very well. 

zuuls_mom

Think about it from our perspective....someone who we have seen post once say "hey, if you're a FTM and 30ish, come join my group!". It's weird because FB is a personal space with personal information. It was so out of the blue that it seems suspicious. Also, why would they need to be 30ish? I know a lot of awesome FTM that are younger. Also, STM+ have a lot of support and advice to give so it seems like you'd be missing out on helpful info by only limiting it to FTM. We usually migrate to a FB group that includes all ages and momming levels (couldn't think of a better way to phrase that lol). 

poshspice

No offense, but this is a pretty scary request this early on in the game. The Bump has had some pretty intense catfish tales and we really need to get to know each other better before the moving to Facebook. In my experience, you move to a private group on TB first, then to FB after everyone has confirmed they are actually pregnant women and not some creepy dude or a catfishing teenager living the lives they’ve represented on this forum. 

sleepy33

poshspice said:

No offense, but this is a pretty scary request this early on in the game. The Bump has had some pretty intense catfish tales and we really need to get to know each other better before the moving to Facebook. In my experience, you move to a private group on TB first, then to FB after everyone has confirmed they are actually pregnant women and not some creepy dude or a catfishing teenager living the lives they’ve represented on this forum. 

Oh man, I remember back in my day, there was some catfish where her group bought her an expensive glider and they turned out to not be pregnant. Or something. Twas legendary. 

k2k2tog

Catty gifs are just so fun... 
Honestly, if you stick around and participate and get to know people, an awesome facebook group will come. You won't get an awesome facebook group now - these relationships are built in anonymity. But you do have to be open to all - STM+, those under 30, etc. I think that part of your post really rubbed me the wrong way. You can learn so much from other people if you step out of the bubble of people who are just like you.

sleepy33

Also, giffing is part of TB culture. Welcome. Don't take it so hard, you didn't know better, you raised some red flags, you asked what was up and we told you. No harm, no foul. Stick around, participate, make friends, have fun. 

NEAM2014

THank you all for explaining... I'm (obviously) very new to boards and didn't even realizing catfishing or anything like that would go on here.  I'm just still surprised that the first three responses were side eye gifs instead of anyone explaining or asking me something directly...  

sleepy33

It is our way. #itscultural. Gif is life. Gifs convey so much more than mere words. 

keighty80

sleepy33 said:

It is our way. #itscultural. Gif is life. Gifs convey so much more than mere words. 

k2k2tog

sleepy33 said:

It is our way. #itscultural. Gif is life. Gifs convey so much more than mere words. 

I used to teach a Facebook workshop to seniors at a public library and they had such a hard time understanding the purpose behind them. It was fun trying to explain it to them, but so hard outside of any sort of context and most of them just thought they were ridiculous. Gif is life indeed.

sleepy33

keighty80 said:

sleepy33 said:

It is our way. #itscultural. Gif is life. Gifs convey so much more than mere words. 

Oh no, gif fail?!?!

SpaceBurger

@sleepy33 I too have heard stories about that glider haha

kvh22

@NEAM2014 it might have been partly what you would perceive as cattiness, but also, from the perspective of people interacting with strangers on an open forum, I took those as at least "skeptical cattiness." Like "is this a trap?" because it's basically the #1 rule of the internet to not share info with strangers and we will all be teaching our children this very soon, as well. I think that's a big part of why it wasn't taken seriously, until you asked why.

SpaceBurger

poshspice

sleepy33 said:

Oh man, I remember back in my day, there was some catfish where her group bought her an expensive glider and they turned out to not be pregnant. Or something. Twas legendary. 

@sleepy33 ugh, there are too many to recount, sadly. I know of one group who had a person claiming they were collecting money for a loss mom, but was really keeping it for herself. The epic group in which a teenager or 20ish year old was posting as two screen names pretending to be a lesbian couple with like 3 kids... I mean... I know there's plenty more. You used to be able to read the thread where they sniffed her out. It was cached somewhere. She also apparently came back to the group and tried to get on the show Catfish, but MTV decided they weren't interested. 

I know it's shocking OP, but not everyone on the internet is who they say they are. 

sleepy33

kvh22 said:

@NEAM2014 it might have been partly what you would perceive as cattiness, but also, from the perspective of people interacting with strangers on an open forum, I took those as at least "skeptical cattiness." Like "is this a trap?" because it's basically the #1 rule of the internet to not share info with strangers and we will all be teaching our children this very soon, as well. I think that's a big part of why it wasn't taken seriously, until you asked why.

This. It wasn't cattiness like 'you can't sit here'. It was a response like you might be trying to steal my identity or something, idk you. You'd get a similar reaction or worse asking strangers on the street for their email addresses; as someone who once worked in retail, in fact, I assure you that would be the response. 

poshspice

For anyone who is interested here is the epic July 14 catfish thread. I couldn't find the cached version, and a lot of users and posts have been removed/deleted, but you still get the idea. 

keighty80

sleepy33 said:

keighty80 said:

sleepy33 said:

It is our way. #itscultural. Gif is life. Gifs convey so much more than mere words. 

Oh no, gif fail?!?!

Is it not showing up for you?

kvh22

Also, as a STM who has been a part of a BMB on TB before, those who actively want to support each other somewhat thins down. My Aug '17 BMB went to FB about a month before our EDDs and I still communicate with them (I think there's 80-90 ladies, might have been 100+ at the beginning). It was not exclusionary at all, but included those who had participated continuously. Also, like @zuuls_mom said, I heavily relied on STMs' advice during my first pregnancy and it was invaluable! The exclusionary nature of your comment probably rubbed younger (and maybe older) FTMs as well as all STMs+ the wrong way.

peachy13

@kvh22 same... our fb group started like a month (maybe less) before we were due, and it was very clear who was who.

kvh22

@peachy13 I was due on the 21st so it may have just been a month before *my* EDD, I can't remember now. @secicc12 was there

sleepy33

keighty80 said:

sleepy33 said:

keighty80 said:

sleepy33 said:

It is our way. #itscultural. Gif is life. Gifs convey so much more than mere words. 

Oh no, gif fail?!?!

Is it not showing up for you?

No. I haz sad. For I love the gifs. 

sleepy33

kvh22 said:

Also, as a STM who has been a part of a BMB on TB before, those who actively want to support each other somewhat thins down. .

I just went on a weekend trip to Florida with my core group of 8 from my first BMB (out of the 150+ originally migrated to our FB group). Love those girls to death. 

zuuls_mom

Wow, @poshspice that thread was a ROLLERCOASTER! 

SpaceBurger

YES @poshspice !! I remember that thread being passed around our BMB group too! It will go down in history

expandcontract

NEAM2014 said: 

@sleepy33 thank you, you could have said that instead of posting a side eye gif. This group just seemed so big I thought of finding a smaller group. Given I'm a first time mom and new to the boards I obviously didn't realize it would be taken that way. But so far cattiness gifs have come from you who "don't fit me target demo" instead of supporting or explaining to a new mom until begged for it.  I will happily delete this post 

QFP

NEAM2014

@expandcontract what is QFP?