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Bad day

ah80ah80 member
in Infertility
I woke up sad and wavered between really down to angry all day today. I had been feeling better. I wasn't crying every day.  But today was rough. I just couldn't get out of my negative thoughts. :(



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Re: Bad day

  • suzycupcakesuzycupcake member
    Hi @ah80 Sorry you didn't get a response to this post and I'm sorry that you are on the negative thought hamster wheel. I know it well and I feel for you. Looking through your past posts to get caught up, it looks like you are considering donor eggs in October. Are there any updates with that? There is a thread on this board for ladies with low AMH that you might like to join in to get more responses as you go through this journey. I wish you all of the best! 
    People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.

    How I feel all of the time.
    My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
    IVF
    IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
    Back on Levothyroxine
    FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
    FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
    Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 
    1st Beta on 7dpt 93
    2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!

    TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
    Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
    New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF

    IUI
    IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
    BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine 
    IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
     
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  • cxsimo08cxsimo08 member
    @ah80 Thinking of you <3 I know this is from a couple of weeks ago but infertility is so hard.  Hope you're doing better today.  
    Me 32 DH 36, Married 12/2013, TTC Since 9/2015
    Diagnosis: Unexplained 
    2 IVFs, 8 IUIs (2 Clomid, 6 Injectables)
    Nov '16: TI Clomid- 2 Follicles, BFN 
    Dec '17: IUI Clomid- 1 Follicle, BFN 
    Jan '17: TI Clomid - 1 Follicle, BFN 
    Feb '17: IUI Clomid - 1Follicle, BFN
    Mar '17: IUI Inject - Canceled (Cyst) 
    Jun '17: IVF Antagonist, 13ER, 10Fert (5ICSI, 5Nat)  - No Blasts, 1 D5T, BFN
    Sep '17: IVF Antagonist, 14 ER, 4 Fert (All ICSI) - 2 D3T, BFN
    Nov '17: IUI Inject - 4 Follicles, BFN
    Dec '17: Laparoscopy Endo - Neg (No Endo)
    Feb '18: IUI Inject - 4 Follicles, BFN 
    June '18: IUI Inject - 5 Follicles, BFP -> CP 
    Aug '18: IUI Inject - 1 Follicle, BFP -> Ectopic 
    Sep '18: IUI Inject - 7 Follicles, No Trigger, Missed O, BFN
    Currently on BCP to gear up for Nov '18 IUI 
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  • melania86melania86 member
    Yeah I have many days like that :( Sending a virtual hug!
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  • ah80ah80 member
    Thanks....one day at a time :)
    Report Reply
  • crookshanks10crookshanks10 member
    @ah80 It’s definitely a roller coaster of a journey but you have all of us here for you! One step at a time friend (:
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  • mbradfo2mbradfo2 member
    I read a piece in a psychology journal where they suggested IF and its treatments can have the same mental effect as a traumatic event -- since it changes your concept of your future and your life (and can be all consuming). Most of us (me at least!) grew up expecting babies to come when we wanted them and being on this rollercoaster totally shakes that confidence. I also attribute it to IF not being talked about much historically -- although it is improving I think. Before it happened to me, I had no idea people could have so much difficulty getting pregnant in modern times.
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


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  • northbeach3northbeach3 member
    Hey @mbradfo2, do you have a link to that article or have search terms I might try to find it? I’m interested in checking it out. Thanks!
    me: 37 dh: 42; TTC since Jan 2016
    dx: PCOS, low progesterone; 2 MMC
    Sept FET 2018 Spreadsheet
    3 failed IUIs (clomid + ovidrel), unresponsive to femara
    Jan 2 2018 - 1st IVF cycle - 9 retrieved, 7 mature/fertilized, 1 5d transfer + 5 untested snowbabies
    Jan 19 2018 - Fresh Transfer #1 one 5dt; BFP 1/25/2018; EDD 10/7/2018; MMC at 8w3d; D&C 3/6/2018
    May 16 2018 - FET #1 one 5dt; BFP with 4 betas (6.5, 24.3, 165.5, 2250) - EDD 2/1/2019; MMC at 6w; D&C 6/20/18
    Sept 17 2018 - FET #2 one 5dt; BFP 38.9 7dpt, 167 9dpt - EDD 6/5/2019  
    (3 untested embryos remain)


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  • mbradfo2mbradfo2 member
    Original journal piece - https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/719243
    Another piece about the psychological side of IF - https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/The-psychological-impact-of-infertility-and-its-treatment

    If you google search PTSD and infertility, you'll get a bunch of pieces talking about different aspects of the mentioned study and other studies/research.
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


    Report Reply
  • northbeach3northbeach3 member
    Awesome thanks! 
    me: 37 dh: 42; TTC since Jan 2016
    dx: PCOS, low progesterone; 2 MMC
    Sept FET 2018 Spreadsheet
    3 failed IUIs (clomid + ovidrel), unresponsive to femara
    Jan 2 2018 - 1st IVF cycle - 9 retrieved, 7 mature/fertilized, 1 5d transfer + 5 untested snowbabies
    Jan 19 2018 - Fresh Transfer #1 one 5dt; BFP 1/25/2018; EDD 10/7/2018; MMC at 8w3d; D&C 3/6/2018
    May 16 2018 - FET #1 one 5dt; BFP with 4 betas (6.5, 24.3, 165.5, 2250) - EDD 2/1/2019; MMC at 6w; D&C 6/20/18
    Sept 17 2018 - FET #2 one 5dt; BFP 38.9 7dpt, 167 9dpt - EDD 6/5/2019  
    (3 untested embryos remain)


    Report Reply
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