God Parents?

mamabearcj

Something I've been thinking about and wasn't sure if it should go in the random or question thread since it could be its own thing. And I honestly can't remember if it's been brought up already... 
Anyways!
STMs did you choose godparents for your children or no? 

All mom's, do you plan to choose godparents for your LOs? 

MoMs if you chose godparents for your twins did you choose the same people for both babies or different people for each baby? 

Lastly, if you did choose godparents how did you ask them?? Just ask, small gift, over the phone? Etc. 

sammierose464

I haven't really thought about this yet. Growing up Christian, God Parents are common if you're baptising. Since we don't plan to baptise (since we arent involved in a church) I haven't thought of it.

If we did, we would give them a small gift. And it would depend on the person how we did it. My one friend is in Chicago (I'm in MI) so it would probably be over the phone if we chose her.

Another thing to think of!

hellopartyof5

We did siblings for our first. Then we did husband of SIL and my bff from forever (who I no longer speak to which sucks). This one I think I'm going to do DHs best friend and his wife. The majority of my friends live in MA where I'm from, and I'd have a very hard time picking from my new friends I've made. I'd get nervous one of them would be offended. 

chopchop25

FTM, and we plan on asking my brother and sister in law. Not sure how to arrange the baptism yet with family on the other coast, but we will figure that out later. I’m not sold that it’s a need, but I think it’s a ‘nice to have’ that will hopefully make bro and SIL also feel more involved and all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

DunkinDecaf

With our first we chose one of my best friends from high school and her new husband, planning to have them be the godparents to all of our children. We didn’t know her new husband well, but he seemed like a good guy. Welp, turns out he is a nutcase and my friend and I hardly talk anymore.

With DD2 we chose SIL and BIL, because they were offended that we hadn’t chosen them the first time. BIL is Argentine and we didn’t realize how important it was to him culturally. Also SIL converted to catholicism when she married him so she was very excited to be a potential godparent, and then disappointed when we didn’t pick her. Honestly knowing now how much it means to them and how it went down with DD1’s godparents, if I had it to do over I’d have made SIL and BIL the godparents to all of our kids. Oh well. Hindsight is 20/20.

For this one we’re going with my brother and my H’s best friend from college. I’m expecting some “you can’t do that”-s from the church (we’re catholic) but I don’t really care. If they push back hard and insist on a female godparent we’ll tack SIL on there to make them happy, but plan A is for Isaac just to have two godfathers and put them down as co-sponsors of his baptism.

mamabearcj

See DH and I aren't really religious but I have god parents so I wanted the twins to have god parents as well, even though DH doesn't have any. When we told his parents we were pregnant they suggested his brother and SIL, we agreed but since they live in Montana we called them, told them we were pregnant and wanted them to be the god parents. They were really happy to be.
Since finding out we have twins we decided we want each baby to have their own set of god parents. We chose my brother and his gf. I want to do something special to ask them but kind of feel bad all we did was call the inlaws.. we're still going to do something small I'm just having a hard time deciding what to do at this point.

Laumb11

I    think I    just called and asked, no special gift. My brother and my sister for DS. They flew from NY/NC to AZ for the Baptism. We aren't really religious and never go to church but I    feel I    need to do it for this LO also. I      am not sure who I    would ask, either my cousin and her DH or my SIL and someone else. 

tinattt23

Nada. Even though we weren’t religious my mom did have me baptized (she said she felt like she was supposed to) so I do have god parents (my aunt and uncle). But since we didn’t/don’t plan to baptize, it just never really came up. I honestly don’t know who we’d pick anyways. 

hellopartyof5

I will say if you're catholic, see if you can do the baptism class now. It's only once a month at my church and at the exact time babies melt down. I would also give your godparents a heads up because they need to have paperwork from their church that they're parishioners. Aka if they aren't parishioners, they need a join a church asap lol. 

mommy2ane

 We’re Catholic and we chose my good friend from childhood and her now husband to be our son’s godparents. For our daughter, we intended to ask two other childhood friends of mine, both women. One was going to be the official and the other an “honorary” one by church standards. But then we found out about Squish so we’re delaying E’s baptism so we can do both together and they’ll both be official godmothers to one of the kids. I haven’t found anyone to be their godfathers yet. 

ladyofarlington

DH and I have been taking about this recently. Most of our friends, and the folks we will choose as baby’s guardians, are not practicing so we have very slim pickings. I suggested DH’s sister and her husband, but surprisingly, DH is leaning against it as his BIL has been causing some family drama lately. So who knows at this point!

lest12

I am Catholic, but DH's family is Atheist and do not believe in Church.  Christening our kids caused so much drama *eyeroll*

But anyway, it also made it hard because we were looking at my family for Godparents (eta: and it would have been nice to ask his siblings). 

For DS, we asked my sister and brother - that was easy.  For DD, we asked my godparents to stand up for her.  Which is fine but honestly, my godfather (uncle) is kind of a jerk and now I wish we hadn't.  For DS2, we have already asked my sister (same as DS1) and her husband.

We didn't do anything fancy, just a phone call. 

 

ETA2 - I'm so worried that is coming out wrong about DH's family.  I mean, it would have been nice to have been able to include them, but also, they don't believe so I respect that.  However, they didn't respect that we were Christening our kids and therefore did not show up and made a big deal about it to extended family, which was pretty shitty. 

And it made it harder because I have a sister and brother, that's it, and we don't have a lot of close friends who are Catholic, so we didn't really have a lot of Godparent options.

knottieamusements

@lest12 - As someone who is not Christian, I totally understand what you meant.  Being assholish is independent of faith.  Even if they don’t agree with your choices on how to raise your family, they should still respect them.  

sliztee

We won't be assigning god parents (I must confess I don't really know what that means, I just know lots of people have them in the south where I grew up; Jeff and I are not religious), but we will be naming Jeff's sister and her husband as the babe's legal guardians, should something happen to us. Does that count?

krzyriver

We're Presbyterian and we don't really have godparents in my religion. Z has them anyway because H wanted it, but they didn't even come to his baptism because H invited them last minute. Not even sure if they're the same religion as us, although that wouldn't matter to me all that much anyway since I'm kind of anti-organized religion. I'm more spiritual. I don't know if we'll ask anyone for #3 or if I'll even get him baptized. It was a huge ordeal... I had to take a class to become a member of a church that I was already a member of. They considered me "inactive." Now I'm over an hour away from that church and haven't been there in almost two years.

doula-mama

@sliztee We're also not religious, and are just doing legal guardianship. One thing I did read about it, which I thought was really good advice, was to just name a single guardian. That way, should anything happen to their relationship, your child would not be involved in any custody battle. Plus, depending on your reasons for choosing his sister and her husband (i.e. is it important that they stay with family), there is no risk that someone outside the family would end up with custody. 

You can phrase it as just being easier for the will/legal side, and explain that of course you want both of them to be involved, but it definitely protects your child to only name the one person.

quiltandknit

We are Catholic and will name godparents as my brother and SIL. However they live in a different state so we will use other family members as legal guardians for baby once she arrives. Wasn’t planning on doing anything fancy to ask them, probably just talk about it when I see them next.

nasalot188

My siblings and I all had godparents, but we were baptised Christian and parents were required to choose god parents. My parents chose a different set of close friends for all of us. My eldest sister got the worst of the bunch, they are divorced and now 1 is dead from an overdose. Mine are alive and well, but I never speak to them and my parents aren't super close with them either. My twin brothers were the luckiest of us all. Their godparents were my Dad's best friends who are still very involved with our family. 

This may be an UO and I certainly don't mean to ruffle any feathers, but I don't really understand the point of Godparents. From a religious point of view, I understand the idea of course....but back in the day Godparents were chosen to be guardians/look out for your child should anything happen to you. Nowadays I find it to be a bit antiquated as most people assign legal guardians in their will, and very often those guardians are not the same as the Godparents that were chosen. Just my two cents.

DS doesn't have Godparents, but my sister and BIL would be their legal guardians should anything happen to us.

knottieamusements

To add to what @Sailing_Mama said- you can name them both, but successively- as in if Person X can’t serve, Person Y is named.  That way they both end up in the will, but only one person is actually the legal guardian.  

I actually have two separate people named- one is a family member, and the other is a close friend.  However, only one will become baby’s guardian if something happens to me.  

FYI- No godparents expected; it isn’t a thing in my family or my religion (which is different from my family’s religion).

Actually, probably worth mentioning- one of the conversations I had with the family member I asked to serve as guardian was about religion. This particular person is deeply involved inhis parish (Catholic).  It was important that they know that I am not planning to bring baby up Christian.  It isn’t an issue if something happens to me when baby is young, but is a whole different issue when baby gets older.  (I don’t have a strong opinion on how baby is raised as long as they are allowed to make their own spiritual choices as they grow older.)

krzyriver

@nasalot188 Same. I think it's more of a symbolic thing these days. I have a goddaughter, but I'm not first (or second) in line to take her if something happens. And her parents are Z's godparents. Josh assumed that meant he would go to them, to which I gently told him that those are two separate questions to ask our friends. We decided not to ask them. Z (and #3) will go to my parents or E when he's old enough.

sammierose464

I kind of shy away from the idea of having parents best friends, unless they've been friends for a while.

With my mom being so young when she had me, my God Parents are my aunt and her best friend from that age. She hasn't talked to that friend in a LONG time. Which doesn't bother me, but is something to consider.

rabtaido1214

Ahh this is a topic I’ve been avoiding thinking about. I’m the type that has a small group of close friends. Sad to admit but my closest has drifted apart of the years. I’m an only child so no siblings. My husband has a few close-ish guy friends, but I’m not sure he would consider any of them close enough to call a god father to our baby. He has 2 sisters and a brother. He doesn’t really keep in touch with one sister and the brother because they’re both a bit troubled and bad news. His other sister is closer to us but much younger, 16. So I’m struggling between a kind of drifted apart childhood friend and my teenage sister-in-law and for god father I have no clue. 

drurose

I'm not doing godparents but I am naming a guardian... we were thinking of asking my stepdaughter's mother. We have a great relationship and that way the girls can stay together if anything happens. 

rabtaido1214

@drurose that’s amazing that you all have such a great relationship!!! 

jynjer4

Not doing godparents.. we will need to decide who will raise this baby though if something happened to both of us. We have 3 options and I truly don’t know which to go with.
  My parents would do a great job but our religious beliefs are different than theirs. Not the end of the world I guess because they would do a wonderful job and love him so much but it does make me a bit uncomfortable. Not that I’ll mind if he decides that’s what he wants when he’s older but I don’t want him raised to believe he has to do things one certain way or he’s hellbound. Also they are both 54 and I feel like a child at that age might just be a burden even though they’re still both in fantastic health.
  My youngest sister is married and part of the same church but I think she would be a little more considerate of our wishes. Both she and her man are very level headed and responsible. She has endometriosis really bad and has been told it’s possible they won’t be able to have their own kids. If that’s the case I would love for her to have the chance to raise my son if I can’t. 
  Third is my middle sis who just had her first baby. I would trust her most to raise my baby the way I would but her bf is a joke. 

chyvie

This is a hard decision for us. We aren't religious so we don't need godparents but we are doing our will and want to name guardians. Since my family and I aren't close and DH only has his mother left it's becoming a struggle. Asking friends is nice but like others have mentioned friends come and go. Luckily DH has a handful of friends from kindergarten and for a 40 year old that is rare but you just never know. 
We are considering a couple friend that we hang out with the most. They have two kids already. Hopefully they will be willing. 

DunkinDecaf

Godparents are totally separate from legal guardians for us. Godparents are meant to guide them in their religious upbringing (theoretically... not expecting DD1 to probably ever meet her godparents and the guys were choosing for Isaac are not religious). Practically it’s just an honor for those people and a formal way of asking them to be role models and mentors for our children. Obviously we will name the same legal guardians for all of the kids in the event that we both get hit by a bus or something. Planning to ask SIL and BIL when we see them this summer and then hopefully if they accept we’ll change our wills to reflect that.

SweetSweetTooth

Not Catholic.  Are Catholics the only one that do God parents? We are non demoninational Christians and are not doing God parents. 

MissBridg

Both my kiddos have Godparents, a different set for each, and we will have a new set for this little one as well.  We wait until baby is born and like to ask in person.  We have asked the 4 previously when they came to meet the baby in the hospital and will do the same this time if we can.  

DS has my brother and DH's sister
DD has my BFF and DH's dad
DS2 will have 2 friends of ours

MissBridg

DunkinDecaf said:

Godparents are totally separate from legal guardians for us. Godparents are meant to guide them in their religious upbringing (theoretically... not expecting DD1 to probably ever meet her godparents and the guys were choosing for Isaac are not religious). Practically it’s just an honor for those people and a formal way of asking them to be role models and mentors for our children. Obviously we will name the same legal guardians for all of the kids in the event that we both get hit by a bus or something. Planning to ask SIL and BIL when we see them this summer and then hopefully if they accept we’ll change our wills to reflect that.

This 100%.  We have SIL and BIL in our wills to take the kiddos should something happen to us, but that's separate from God parents in my mind.  In our formal Catholic ceremony the Godparents take the vows for the child- the same vows the child will presumable take at confirmation.  However, in reality I see it more as formalizing their relationship with the child and asking them to be involved with their lives in a special and recognized way.  

knottieamusements

@SweetSweetTooth - I don’t think it is the only denomination, just the biggest.  

I had a friend in college whose family wasn’t Catholic (I want to say they were Luthern, but probably wrong on that).  She was pissed when her sibling didn’t ask her to be a godparent.  I never understood that because she claimed to not be Christian; I always thought being a Godparent was about helping to guide a child in matters of faith.  

chopchop25

Just wanted to say thanks for making a post on this @mamabearcj. Forced me to get off my a** this morning and email the church I grew up in to see if we could do the baptism there when we are home for the holidays the year after next. It'll be late for a baptism, but Episcopalians (at least where we are) usually seem pretty happy to roll with the punches. Fingers crossed they say yes! Then next project of finding a cute way to ask my brother and SIL...I'm thinking Christmas ornaments!

lest12

knottieamusements said:

@lest12 - As someone who is not Christian, I totally understand what you meant.  Being assholish is independent of faith.  Even if they don’t agree with your choices on how to raise your family, they should still respect them.  

Thank you @knottieamusements!  I was just hoping it didn't come out wrong.  As for my IL's, well, they're kind of jerks but that's another story for another day!

pajamstagrams

Oh goodness, we haven't really thought much about this. My bro and I have different good parents/legal guardians, so if something were to have happened to my parents we would have been split up. One with my paternal aunt, one with my maternal uncle. Both had children of their own, so we'd grow up with cousins. 

DH and I aren't religious and don't go to church, but will probably baptism because it means a lot to my family and it's not something I feel strongly about either way. I'm assuming that priest that married us, who still is at the church my parents go to when they are in town would do it, but I haven't thought that far ahead. Idk who the godparents would be, maybe my bro and SIL since they go to church?? 

sammierose464

Several denominations do God Parents, I know Methodist do. However, I know in Catholicism you have to be Catholic to be named a God Parent in a Catholic baptism. I don't think it matters for Methodist. I think you just have to promise to help raise the child to follow God.

mamabearcj

@chopchop25 happy to help!

knottieamusements

@sammierose464 - I guess I am weird then...  I was baptized Methodist, but as far as I am aware, I do not have godparents.  I honestly don’t remember it being a thing at our church, but it is worth noting that I stopped attending when I was 12 or so.  

sammierose464

I'll have to ask my mom, but i thought it was a thing for Methodists. I know I have some and had a sponsor when I was confirmed.

knottieamusements

@sammierose464 - I honestly don’t know.  It may be one of those sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t kind of things?  Or I had some, but they weren’t part of my life, so I never knew?

shortstack930

DD’a godparents are my brother and DH’s sister and for this baby we already asked our friends (a married couple) who we’ve been close with for over ten years. 

@knottieamusements @sammierose464 we had DD baptized Catholic because that’s how we were both raised but when we moved out of state we switched denominations.  We go to a Methodist Church now and they do baptize also but I don’t think it’s a requirement like it is in the Catholic Church (i.e. the whole your child will be stuck in pergatory if they aren’t baptized thing). 

knottieamusements

@shortstack930 - I think our actual point of confusion is whether Methodists normally have a godparent stand up for the baby at Baptism, or if that is something done at the discretion of the parents (or perhaps the specific congregation).