Cheating partner

vickyfm92

I’ve had suspicions that my partner was cheating with his ex. He shares a kid with her and always insisted their contact was strictly coparenting. He didn’t tell her I was pregnant, she found out because I announced it on Facebook. She drunk called him at 2 am and demanded to know if we were serious. This really raises my suspicions because if nothing was going on, why would she care? After arguing with him, I decided to call her. She told me that they’ve been having sex continuously for the past 2 years and she thought I knew. She said she didn’t care if I was pregnant because he told her he wasn’t serious about me and wasn’t planning on being with me. They had sex as recent as last weekend. My suspicions were confirmed, I wasn’t going crazy like my ex made me feel. I’m disgusted and hurt. Scared to be a single mom. But I know I have to stay strong for baby. 

stillcozy

Have you confronted your partner about it?

lovesclimbing

vickyfm92 said:

I’ve had suspicions that my partner was cheating with his ex. He shares a kid with her and always insisted their contact was strictly coparenting. He didn’t tell her I was pregnant, she found out because I announced it on Facebook. She drunk called him at 2 am and demanded to know if we were serious. This really raises my suspicions because if nothing was going on, why would she care? After arguing with him, I decided to call her. She told me that they’ve been having sex continuously for the past 2 years and she thought I knew. She said she didn’t care if I was pregnant because he told her he wasn’t serious about me and wasn’t planning on being with me. They had sex as recent as last weekend. My suspicions were confirmed, I wasn’t going crazy like my ex made me feel. I’m disgusted and hurt. Scared to be a single mom. But I know I have to stay strong for baby. 

Well, first, I wouldn't say that's a reason to be sure he's cheating. She drunk called him at 2 a.m. She could be just saying that to you just to stir up trouble. 

Maybe she's jealous. Maybe she wants him back. Maybe she hates his guts and is trying to ruin his life. Maybe she's afraid that the baby the two of you have together will be prioritized over the child she and him have together. 

As far as him not telling her you were pregnant, I don't see that as a huge deal. Maybe he knew she'd respond this way and thought it could be avoided by not telling her. Not the best idea because of course she'll eventually find out somehow, but people have flawed thinking sometimes. 

It's certainly possible he's cheating, but I wouldn't say it's definitive just based on her comments and actions. You need to talk to your partner, but I would refrain from accusing him of cheating until you're actually positive. I'd start with just laying out your concerns about the drunk calls and what she said and see what he says. 

nackie

I agree with the pp that the word of a drunk, angry ex isn’t enough to know for sure. Were your previous suspicions based on more than the co-parenting?  I would definitely talk to him about it and see what he says.  Chances are he’ll deny it regardless of whether it’s true, but his response will still tell you a lot about how much you can trust him.  Good luck!

izza2

+1 to PP.

A drunken ex is not someone whose word you want to take on something like this.
Talk to your s/o directly. Even if he has cheated and denies it - chances are his response will give you some insight on whether he's telling the truth or not.

Also, don't assume that because he didn't tell his ex about your pregnancy, that he was hiding it or something. I'm the main communicator with MH's ex (SS's biological mother) because H is anti-texting and that's her preferred method of contact. I didn't tell her I was pregnant until I was almost in second tri and had to explain to her why we didn't want to switch up the holiday plan this year. If I didn't have to explain that, I probably wouldn't have told her until I was in third tri or even told her at all. *shrug*
If he's not cheating, he could have chosen to avoid telling her because he knew she'd freak out. Whether it's because she's still in to him, she's jealous, or because she's concerned about how LO would affect his relationship with their child - there's plenty of other reasons an ex can freak out like that.

vickyfm92

I texted him and he just responded “ok.” 

lovesclimbing

vickyfm92 said:

I texted him and he just responded “ok.” 

What did you text him about? This kind of convo where you talk about feelings and concerns and what the relationship with the ex needs to look like going forward so there aren't drunk calls going on needs to happen face to face.

lurvleybunchococonuts

^^^WSS.  

MzFergie77

Follow your gut. Take care of you and baby. Talk to him but don’t be a fool. What are you prepared to do? 

suzycupcake

bean1818

what did you text to him? I agree with the previous people really if he was cheating he probably would have put up more of a fight about you saying you were going to call her , how did he react when he found out that you were pregnant? I also agree with the pp saying its not a red flag that he did not tell her you were pregnant, he probably wanted to avoid drama with her . Good luck with everything