@enigmaticjj it makes me feel better too. It’s just the truth and I will never sugarcoat parenthood. We’re allowed to have frustrating moments when we do not want to be around our children, it is what just makes the good times even better. Life would be too easy if it were all rainbows and butterflies!
Let's bring this back. Yesterday I left my husband with the baby to go to the bathroom. I didnt need to go, instead I ate a cookie on the toilet and browsed FB. I needed some alone time lol
last time I went to yoga DH said "OK," in that tone that meant "we're fine you can go, don't worry." It was an hour before I needed to leave. I snuck a book in my bag and left.
I spent over $200 on a naturopath Dr. today in search of the holy grail of energy. I really just need sleep and less stress, but instead I am seeking alternative treatments and spending way to much money bc I know sleep and less stress do not exist for me.
@DDRRT1982 If it's not too personal, let me know what they say!! I have had a growing headache for 2 weeks and NO energy. Not even coffee helps. I'm going to the doctor Monday.
I don’t mind sharing. This might get long. In January I started going through some stuff with my oldest son. Nine months later it still going on and it’s all been a nightmare with him and his father. I have been through troubling times during my life, but I have always been able to come through without any mental hardship. That was until now. I don’t know if it’s because this has to do with my child or not, but I believe the events have caused depression. I have started to notice my energy level is not where it’s usually at and there are times I would rather just not deal with things than face challenges head on. Almost like a hopeless feeling. I have gone to counseling, but I think the long term stress has worn my body down. I know there is conventional medicine that can help me while I am proactive with counseling, but I wanted to try a holistic approach first. I have changed my diet to more plant based, attempted to increase sleep, and have attempted to engage in stress management. Those changes have helped some, but I need more help. The holistic doctor believes I might have adrenal fatigue caused my high levels of stress. She put me on three herbs to support my adrenal gland and depression , encouraged my diet, stress management, reduce sugar, and sleep. This could all be hocus pocus or it could be legit. When I read about the herbs she put me on they have been studied by modern medicine and show promising results, so I am optimistic. The good thing is that I have recognized the issues and even if this doesn’t help I know that I can get more aggressive help with modern medicine. My goal is to make it through this in a positive manner, let myself feel and heal, and hopefully still be good for my other kids. That was probably more than you wanted to know, but I think it’s important to understand how I got here and why I have taken this approach. I did feel silly about the money, but oh well.
@DDRRT1982 good for you for recognizing you needed to do something. Wishing you good results with the holistic approach and I think it’s great you are open to modern medicine if you feel you’re not responding In the way you hoped for. Lots of love to you
@DDRRT1982 Yes, power to you for recognizing that you weren't okay and making a plan - sometimes that can feel like the hardest part. You said something about always coming through mentally unscathed in the past, and I hope you're giving yourself grace now - you're allowed to have moments where you feel damaged or weak and still be a strong person!
@DDRRT1982 - I wish you all the best as well as healing for you. I think you making changes to start, realizing they weren’t enough, and getting additional help was great. Much love to you.
Thanks everyone for the support. My energy is feeling better the last couple days. It could be the vitamin/herbs or it could be me making sleep a priority. I also started dealing with another sad issue with my oldest and I don’t feel angry like I have in the past, just motivated.
I said to my mom the other day “do you ever stop being tired” she just smiled and said “nope” admittedly this is the busy season at work - so that’s adding to it. How os everyone else doing?
@shoretobe My two babies caught colds this week. Currently up with one who can't sleep. They are so helpless and don't understand why all this crazy mucus comes from. It breaks my heart. We are using a baby vac to help clear them out. After months of them sleeping thru the night this is rough on both of us!! And pray for us as we have 5.5 hours of flight time this Friday. Dear God, what were we thinking?!
I woke up this morning after getting home at 430am from a clinical rotation with blood shot eyes. Guys I look high and im going back to clinical tonight. Should we take bets on how fast into the shift some invasive old lady asks me if im tired?
@knuttyplus2 praying for you through all that! i am over exhausted. I had stuff all last weekend plus DH could do nothing last weekend unless he wanted grapefruit sized balls. I was at a fundraiser almost all day Sunday. Every morning this week I have been at DS school doing hair extensions for a fundraiser then counting cookies for a competition. Yesterday and today and tomorrow I had/have to take the little ones too because yesterday DH had a 7am meeting and today and tomorrow is hunting. I also have baked 600 cookies for the competition. That’s all inbetween dance class on Monday, basketball practice and games every night, and terrible top tooth teething. I am beyond tired but don’t know when it all will slow down, probably never.
Love to everyone! To @megpeg's last point, I fully believe that adulthood is having the thought "Things will calm down by _______," but that date keeps getting pushed back and never comes. When I was pregnant with N, I thought all would be great by summer. Then I tore my ACL and decided it would all be okay by fall. Then I got pregnant again, and now I really feel like I'll be IN MY ZONE by Christmas 2019! 😂
OMG ladies. Me too. DH went to another conference (3rd this semester) this week so it was just me Monday through last night. And it's National Novel Writing Month, so I've been trying to write a lot every day. I basically had to give up on that this week. And we also have major upper tooth teething. Poor baby cries out in pain and shoves her hands in her mouth, and is no longer sleeping through the night consistently. My back is killing me. So much love to all of you.
soooo, I am getting that itch to get pregnant again. I wanted to wait until next September, but I feel myself negotiating earlier TTC dates. I guess that’s a confession. I did not have the easiest transition with Sam, so I am shocked that I feel that so soon. Fortunately, I haven’t started my period and know I need to wait to make sure I ovulate in a timely manner. Maybe it will stay away longer so I push it back further. With two of my last four I was pregnant by 10 months. Ugh, the struggle is real.
@DDRRT1982 and @mccurleya - we started back at the Fertility specialist last week...just to get the preliminary testing done. I had to have fibroids removed before being able to get pregnant with Maeve. So far the tests are good and I don’t have scar tissue from the c-section. Part of me thinks “why am I doing this so soon” but it took a while to conceive the first - and I don’t know if there’s ever a “right time”. I’m nervous - but want to enjoy this time because I think (if it works) this will be it. I do want Maeve to have a sibling and I think it would be nice for them to be close in age. DH and I figure if we’re in the bottle and diaper trenches we may as well double down. Sorry for going on about it - we haven’t told many people we’re starting this journey again and I’m worried about big things and silly things - but I do think watching Maeve be a big sister will be a great thing if everything works out.
Thanks @shoretobe I think she has two more teeth up top now! It seems like the last one cut through yesterday. We'll see how today goes.
I'm kinda jealous you ladies have the itch - I've suddenly got The Fear. My midwife said we could start trying as early as 9 months after Vinny was born, but I've started trying to exercise and my c-section area hurts when I do. How am I gonna carry a baby if I can't do anything with my abs? I don't want to shred my body.
I talked to my prenatal yoga teacher, who also teaches postpartum, and she reminded me 9 month of pg, 9 months of recovery. So, I'm hoping by new year I'll be feeling stronger, can exercise and feel healthy for a few months, and then by March start trying again.
@fatstagnation I didn’t even think of that. I finally got feeling back after 7 months - I usually forget that I don’t have an muscle strength because I found work arounds for getting out of bed etc. I just hate when I feel like an upside down turtle when LO and I are laying down and I try to get up while holding her 😂
I keep trying to remind myself that morning sickness gets worse with each pregnancy for me. It’s not working...
Getting pregnant in March is a December baby. I loved my full term pregnancy with a December baby. It’s not that hot during first tri, summer you have extra energy with second tri, then when you get big it’s cooler. I don’t love cold and flu season with a newborn, but it kind of forces you to be homebodies during the winter which is relaxing. Good luck!
Oh man im so far from the itch idk if ill ever be "ready". Im just going to take some time with just the three of us and being done with school for a bit. Ive got the Nexplanon for 3 years and the OB wanted me to wait at least 18 months to get pregnant again because I had a classic C-section. Also that means I'm not a candidate for a VBAC so the thought of another C-section isnt very appealing at the moment lol
For those for that aren’t feeling it now you eventually forget, that’s probably why mine are all 4-5 years apart. This time I feel different but it’s probably not going to happen. Adoption may be in our cards though, we’ve always talked about it.
The only reason we're in a hurry is cause I'm 41 and I had 2 miscarriages before LO came along.
Time for a confession of a new mom: I washed Vinny's clothes last night. Then when I put mine in the washer this morning, I realized I never put any detergent in her load. Guess I'll run em through again. lol
I empathize with everyone thinking through their timing right now. Obviously my current pregnancy was unplanned, but even before, I was stressing about when the timing would be right again.
A timing-related confession, I guess, is that I'm just now starting to really understand all of the logistical and financial implications that come with having kids. I always wanted a big family, and my feeling was always "If you prioritize it, you can make it work!" I still believe that. But I'm also seeing the numbers firsthand - the cost of day care, saving for college, etc. - and it's making the extent of the compromise involved real in a way it wasn't previously. Like, come next fall, we'll have two kids in day care part time, and we'll be stretched pretty thin. We'd like to keep our family growing, and I get how the numbers can be intimidating. I never felt like I had to have all my ducks in a row before having kids, and I don't have any regrets in the way we approached things, but I now understand why some people think in those terms - where I really just shrugged them off previously. If any of that makes sense!
@ashtuesday makes total sense. I’m still trying to figure out the best approach to saving for the future while buying the things that we need now. It’s weird how it all ends up working out even if while you’re in the middle of it you can’t see how it will.
@ashtuesday if you wait until timing is right it would never happen. DH and I freak out every time and then things work themselves out. I think it is awesome that your kids will be so close.
@megpeg that's what my MIL keeps telling DH because I want more and now he's backing off the idea until we're "financially ready." My thoughts are, "nope. As soon as we hit the year mark, let's try again." He deploys again in late 2019 or early 2020 and my confession: I'd like to be pregnant while he's gone and have the baby when he comes back so he doesn't have a chance to be messed up again. Is that wrong? Oh well.
We have a large family and we can do it primarily because of the flexibility of my work schedule keeps the kids out of daycare and where we live. We live in an area that I believe has a relatively low cost of living. Our home is pretty big, but our mortgage is probably very low compared to the national average. We have good schools, so no need for private education and we have access to lots of healthy, low cost grocery stores. I have also encorporated many habits that make daily life cheaper than you would expect. For example, I primarily do things like shop resale for the environment, but it is also a cost savings habit. We have really nice resale shops here, so it not like we are wearing rags. We focus on important daily stuff, but also don’t buy high price ticket items often or go vacationing a lot. There are ways to reduce expenses with a large family that honestly have made our lives more enriched and meaningful. I do worry about college and things like that because I don’t want my kids to have student loans like me, but then again that is not going to be a reason for me to not bring a life into this world. My husband does not want to pay for college (ironic considering his was paid for by his parents), so after 18 worries don’t stop him from wanting kids.
I didn’t start out wanting a large family. After my son I just wanted one, healthy, full term baby so he could have a sibling. Our family just kind of grew from there as my confidence as a mother grew and I realized we can do it. I’ve grown with each child and our family has become more efficient and better functioning. My husband say he always told me he wanted a large family, I guess I never expected this many. The only thing that weighs on me now is that our next one will probably be our last due to the number of cerclages i’ve had and my age and I hope a pray we feel like our family is complete. Most people think we are crazy for having so many, but my everyday reality is what they don’t see. There is a lot of love here and the bonds my kids have make this experience so unique. I don’t want to encourage you to make a decision that could be too stressful in the long run, but I also want you to know that there are so many benefits and learning experiences from having a large family. I really wish there was a large family group on the bump. You can learn so much from other large family moms that would maybe make it less scary to think of the future. Whatever you decide it will be just right for your family and that’s something you just need to trust.
One of my friends just adopted and made a video of their story and now it’s weighing on my heart. He husband said we could Ben fine like we are, we have two little girls that are healthy and happy... and their friend said - what if it’s not about you. That keeps going through my mind.
Definitely, the timing is never perfect. You just have to take the leap, and I'm so glad we did!
We are somewhat worried about money but also finding ways that minimize cost. Vinny has a fabulous wardrobe that is almost all used. We've gotten a lot of stuff from church rummage sales and the Salvation army. (A lot of it hasn't actually been worn, some still has tags!) Most pieces at Salvation Army are $0.99! We also use diapers and formula from Aldi, which I realize we lucky they work for her. We too live in an area where our mortgage is very low and we have a large house. But the schools are not good. Eventually we'll have to do the math on school costs vs. housing for a growing family. We also don't plan to live here forever. I'd like to be closer to my family, or at least in a more cultural location, so we are trying to save for the eventual major increase in mortgage.
I'm more worried about how I'll care for a toddler and a newborn when the time comes! I hope you all with experience will still be here to help keep me sane.
Re: Confessions of a new mom
admittedly this is the busy season at work - so that’s adding to it.
How os everyone else doing?
i am over exhausted. I had stuff all last weekend plus DH could do nothing last weekend unless he wanted grapefruit sized balls.
I was at a fundraiser almost all day Sunday. Every morning this week I have been at DS school doing hair extensions for a fundraiser then counting cookies for a competition. Yesterday and today and tomorrow I had/have to take the little ones too because yesterday DH had a 7am meeting and today and tomorrow is hunting. I also have baked 600 cookies for the competition. That’s all inbetween dance class on Monday, basketball practice and games every night, and terrible top tooth teething. I am beyond tired but don’t know when it all will slow down, probably never.
DH went to another conference (3rd this semester) this week so it was just me Monday through last night. And it's National Novel Writing Month, so I've been trying to write a lot every day. I basically had to give up on that this week. And we also have major upper tooth teething. Poor baby cries out in pain and shoves her hands in her mouth, and is no longer sleeping through the night consistently. My back is killing me.
So much love to all of you.
soooo, I am getting that itch to get pregnant again. I wanted to wait until next September, but I feel myself negotiating earlier TTC dates. I guess that’s a confession. I did not have the easiest transition with Sam, so I am shocked that I feel that so soon. Fortunately, I haven’t started my period and know I need to wait to make sure I ovulate in a timely manner. Maybe it will stay away longer so I push it back further. With two of my last four I was pregnant by 10 months. Ugh, the struggle is real.
I'm kinda jealous you ladies have the itch - I've suddenly got The Fear. My midwife said we could start trying as early as 9 months after Vinny was born, but I've started trying to exercise and my c-section area hurts when I do. How am I gonna carry a baby if I can't do anything with my abs? I don't want to shred my body.
I talked to my prenatal yoga teacher, who also teaches postpartum, and she reminded me 9 month of pg, 9 months of recovery. So, I'm hoping by new year I'll be feeling stronger, can exercise and feel healthy for a few months, and then by March start trying again.
Getting pregnant in March is a December baby. I loved my full term pregnancy with a December baby. It’s not that hot during first tri, summer you have extra energy with second tri, then when you get big it’s cooler. I don’t love cold and flu season with a newborn, but it kind of forces you to be homebodies during the winter which is relaxing. Good luck!
Time for a confession of a new mom: I washed Vinny's clothes last night. Then when I put mine in the washer this morning, I realized I never put any detergent in her load. Guess I'll run em through again. lol
A timing-related confession, I guess, is that I'm just now starting to really understand all of the logistical and financial implications that come with having kids. I always wanted a big family, and my feeling was always "If you prioritize it, you can make it work!" I still believe that. But I'm also seeing the numbers firsthand - the cost of day care, saving for college, etc. - and it's making the extent of the compromise involved real in a way it wasn't previously. Like, come next fall, we'll have two kids in day care part time, and we'll be stretched pretty thin. We'd like to keep our family growing, and I get how the numbers can be intimidating. I never felt like I had to have all my ducks in a row before having kids, and I don't have any regrets in the way we approached things, but I now understand why some people think in those terms - where I really just shrugged them off previously. If any of that makes sense!
I didn’t start out wanting a large family. After my son I just wanted one, healthy, full term baby so he could have a sibling. Our family just kind of grew from there as my confidence as a mother grew and I realized we can do it. I’ve grown with each child and our family has become more efficient and better functioning. My husband say he always told me he wanted a large family, I guess I never expected this many. The only thing that weighs on me now is that our next one will probably be our last due to the number of cerclages i’ve had and my age and I hope a pray we feel like our family is complete. Most people think we are crazy for having so many, but my everyday reality is what they don’t see. There is a lot of love here and the bonds my kids have make this experience so unique. I don’t want to encourage you to make a decision that could be too stressful in the long run, but I also want you to know that there are so many benefits and learning experiences from having a large family. I really wish there was a large family group on the bump. You can learn so much from other large family moms that would maybe make it less scary to think of the future. Whatever you decide it will be just right for your family and that’s something you just need to trust.
That keeps going through my mind.
We are somewhat worried about money but also finding ways that minimize cost. Vinny has a fabulous wardrobe that is almost all used. We've gotten a lot of stuff from church rummage sales and the Salvation army. (A lot of it hasn't actually been worn, some still has tags!) Most pieces at Salvation Army are $0.99! We also use diapers and formula from Aldi, which I realize we lucky they work for her.
We too live in an area where our mortgage is very low and we have a large house. But the schools are not good. Eventually we'll have to do the math on school costs vs. housing for a growing family. We also don't plan to live here forever. I'd like to be closer to my family, or at least in a more cultural location, so we are trying to save for the eventual major increase in mortgage.
I'm more worried about how I'll care for a toddler and a newborn when the time comes! I hope you all with experience will still be here to help keep me sane.