July 2018 Moms

Weekday Randoms - 4/9

Ahhhh....Monday, we meet again. 

Re: Weekday Randoms - 4/9

  • @foxbaby2016 holy cow 14 kids!!! We moved DS because of 5 kids. Don’t give up on looking for something new if you really feel the cost will break the bank too much. But glad you followed your mommy instincts! 
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  • @wildtot I felt really uncomfortable with seven kids for sure but when I counted 14, it was over for me. It also makes me feel like she hasn't been totally transparent with us. 

    Plus, we called her last weekend and asked if my parents could bring my DS down last Monday to play with the kids and "transition" a bit. (I wasn't comfortable just dropping him off at her house without having a little bit of a transition because he doesn't do well with strangers). She was totally fine with it and said to come around 2:30 - 3pm. So my parents drove 45 minutes to get to her house and when they showed up at 3pm, she answered the door, shut it behind her and said that the kids were still sleeping and she only had two kids so "today isn't a good day" ---- It felt rude and a little "off" that she would do that. She never even called us to follow up after that either. I think that was the final straw for me. 
  • This all reminds me of Daddy Daycare. @foxbaby2016 I would say, definitely go with your gut!
  • @foxbaby2016 Wow that is insanely shady! I'm glad you went with your gut. It stinks that childcare costs so much, but it's worth it to put them in a good environment.
  • @foxbaby2016  14 kids?! Is that even legal?? Good thing you stopped by and followed your gut, that’s crazy! I would keep on looking for cheaper options if I were you, you never know if you’ll find a gem in the rough after all. 

    I made the most perfect bagel and cream cheese for breakfast.. Then DS ate half of it. With zero shame, just a “mmm bagel” and snatched it off my plate piece by piece. I was really hoping to enjoy what might have to be my last delicious carby breakfast bagel because I take my 3hr GD test tomorrow  morning.
    I might have cried...  Which is ridiculous because I could have just made another bagel. 
  • I went to a preschool fair to talk to a bunch of preschools this weekend. I was pretty shocked thst there was some decently priced schools... but my big concern is they start in August, and the new baby is coming at the end of July. It feels like I will be making the transition super hard on her. She has only ever stayed with me and does not do well without me around. Ugh, such bad timing
  • @cseley321 I’m in a similar predicament. There aren’t many decently priced preschools in my area- they’re all basically day care pricing. And there’s ONE PT option, which is super cheap but has a long waiting list and a director that isn’t responding to my voicemails. I got DS into a magnet school a town over, but literally 2mi away that was totally free but I’m conflicted about sending him full time, especially right after the new baby when I’ll be home all day. So frustrating! 
    So much mom guilt for possibly sending him off but at the same time I think it would be great for his speech and socialization and his birth-3 teacher is really encouraging it. 
  • @acunamatada 100% illegal.

    Also, a bagel sounds insanely good right now *drooling* 
    I always say that having kids is a great diet plan. I can't remember the last time I ate my entire meal without part of it being snatched away from me from my son. 

  • @foxbaby2016 I definitely think you made a good choice. That definitely sounds kind of shady and her lack of communication ahead of time the play date day is weird
    April Siggy Challenge Social Distancing

  • @acunamatada I think it’d be great for him! Life with newborns is hard and demanding (as you know) so it would give him something really fun and beneficial to do and not feel bored at home. That’s how I think anyways. My 3 year old will be doing a part time preschool this fall because she doesn’t get a whole lot of socialization with me and both of my kids love school! 

    @foxbaby2016 happy birthday to your DS!! Also I totally don’t blame you for keeping him in the expensive school. It really sucks to have to pay more for something when you *could* pay less but if it’s a better environment then it’s totally worth it! 14 kids seems like 3x the kids one person could handle all on their own! 

    Today is my DD’s 3rd birthday!! All the mom feels for me today too. It is helpful that she’s being a little bit of a PITA today though lol. 
  • @foxbaby2016 I'd run from that place. 14 kids with 1 teacher? That's illegal and dangerous. I mean I don't know what your state's law is on ratios, but I'd be shocked if 14:1 was a legal ratio for a daycare. We're pulling my son out of his daycare for being sketchy and playing  games with ratios. 

    @wildtot the scale can really mess with your head. Try not to stress too much over weight gain - I know, easier said than done. 

    I really want a bagel now. @cseley321@acunamatada Don't feel bad about sending your kids to pre-k! Think how good it will be for the whole family for you to be able to just focus on the baby for those hours - in return you will be less stressed, and everyone will be happier. My son is turning 2 in September and we went ahead and enrolled him in a 2's preschool program. It's only 5 hours a week (over 2 days) but I do think being around other kids their age is important, and it might actually help him during the transition of getting a sibling - he will have a routine, and those hours will be time during the week when the focus is on him instead of being home and fighting for attention. 
  • @zande2016 yeah that’s why we never got a scale. DH is trying to lose some weight and is actually trying (thank goodness!) it’s was more of a curiosity thing. 
    Watching Hoarders makes me feel WAY better about my house lol 
  • cseley321cseley321 member
    edited April 2018
    Yeah my husband is sort of against sending her because he strongly feels like her speech is behind (I disagree. I know it's not super advanced, but I feel like she has average speech for her age). We don't want to put our kids in another adult's care until we can communicate well enough to know if anything inapporpriate is going on also... and I am on board with that. I think she is at the point that she would tell me though.

    It would only be part time if we do send her. I am just so torn. I know it would be great for her development, but I don't want her to feel pushed aside. 
  • Happy birthday to all the kiddies! 

    @hillbillywife that’s sort of where I’m leaning, I know there’s no way I can teach him and enrich him as much as he would be in pre k while also juggling a newborn. @zande2016 I like the fact that I’ll have more time to bond with the baby like I did with DS, then that nagging mom guilt in the back of my head is saying I’m sending him off and replacing him. I just have to keep telling myself he’ll probably love pre k more than he would sitting around trying to occupy himself even though I’ll miss him. 
    @wildtot hoarders makes me feel soo good about my house, even on my worst day lol. But I find myself cleaning way more when I watch it because I don’t want to let it get that bad (not that it would lol). I can’t do bugs! 
  • Yay- today we have a new cleaning lady coming for the first time. Such a relief! 

    Backstory is im highly allergic to dust - the lady that was cleaning had surgery and then just kept canceling. Found out I was pregnant and decided to try and save money and just clean myself. Did it three times and each time hives (as before but I was hoping it had changed). It sucks because the cost is more for this lady and basically anyone else. But I was over the other lady not following through.
  • @hillbillywife Happy birthday to your little one! <3

    @acunamatada Mom guilt is hard but sending DS will be great for him (socialization, fun activities, getting out of the house a while), you (your sanity and recovery) and July baby (more 1:1 bonding time with Mommy).

    I am sending my DS to daycare two times a week while I am on maternity leave....I think it'll be good for everyone. 

  • @foxbaby2016 - wow!! I agree with the others that there's no way 14:1 is legal.  I had a conference with DD's teacher on Friday and they're going to move kids to other rooms so that there's 14 in her class....with THREE teachers!  

    I'm a working mom, so my DD has gone to school full time since she was 4 months.  I don't feel like I can relate to some of the conversation above, but I'll say that my DD definitely learns a TON at school and she loves it.  While she can't tell me word for word what they do, we see signs constantly that she loves it:  she runs to her teachers to hug them, she doesn't cry and cling to us when we leave, etc.  

    I shared some concerns I had about her school and teachers a few weeks ago.  I met with the regional director a couple weeks ago, then with her primary teacher on Friday.  They're making a lot of changes in the classroom that I'm very excited about.  If they all go as planned, it will be the changes we needed to feel comfortable leaving her there this fall!  
  • @foxbaby2016 that's super illegal! 14 kids in an in home day care. Licensing for day care is strict and they do unannounced visits reasonably often, it this even a licensed business? I don;'t think in home day cares are allowed to take in more than 4-6 kids. I would report this. I am a huge fan of day cares (not in-home ones) and believe that they can be amazing for even little babies but this sounds so dangerous. 
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  • @elizabethrn87 yay for a cleaning lady! We hired one awhile ago and she came once and then got another job.. I finally had a new one come do the walkthrough and I'm excited to have her start next week! Its so nice to know everything is getting done well at least every few weeks. 
    Me: 31 DH: 34 :heart: Married: April 2016
    TTC December 2016
    BFP 2/28/17 // CP 3/1/17
    MFI Diagnosis: Aug 2017
    BFP 11/1/17 // DS born 6/18
    TTC January 2019
    BFP 3/21/19 // D&C (MMC) 5/8/19
  • We hired a cleaning lady back in February and she only came once before my H lost his job and we had to cancel her. Now that we're finally getting back on our feet I want to hire someone again, but I'm also in freak out baby is coming in 3 months must save all the money mode. Nothing better than coming home to a clean house though. 
  • zg49zg49 member
    Our DD (almost 4) finally made it a whole day on Saturday without wetting in her pullup. Sunday? Only used the potty twice. This morning? Refused to sit on the potty. UGH seriously I give up! I can't get this girl to potty train for anything! We are missing out on so much like pre-school and dance classes because she isn't potty trained but she couldn't care less!

    On the daycare line - we had to switch in October because my MIL who did daycare hurt her back and decided to quit. We love our new place, it's in home but has two providers so it is larger with 18 kids at the most on no school days. Our kids love it and have made so many great friends and their policy is only one infant at a time so she's holding the spot for me which just makes it 1000X better. Price is obviously high compared to what MIL charged us but it's worth it for our kids happiness and our peace of mind!

  • +1 to daycare being enriching.  My kid gets way more out of day care than home with me - and she actually eats for them things she won't eat at home.  DD starts full time this week.  Going to be weird...first week in her 22 months of life I'm not with her more than anyone else but being on rest and DH traveling - it's time!
    - Now i totally want a cleaning lady...wonder if I can get a dr's note...but clutter is more our issue than dust
    - any other STM's already feeling that wishbone/split in half pelvic pain? I know OB said the pressure/pain earlier was normal with second because you already start lower, but I'm feeling 40 week baby about to fall out waddle level at 24 weeks already...
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  • Any working STMs keeping their first in daycare full time while on maternity leave? I hate to pull DS out for 12 weeks only to have him have to adjust to going full time again. But like others here, I feel guilty sending him off while I am home. Maybe I can reduce his hours there and keep him home one day a week. 
  • @chaser61 I am - zero guilt here.  She got the benefit of my undivided attention during her maternity leave, why shouldn't little brother get the same?  Plus she'll be running around on the playground and singing songs with her friends and won't notice.
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  • @gingerbride26 It's weird but I feel like I am carrying DD much higher than I carried DS. I'm 28 weeks and I've been feeling her kick up near my ribs. I know the feeling you are talking about though....
  • @chaser61 My DD is currently in daycare/preschool full time and we are keeping her in even though I will be off for 7 months. We are reducing it down to 3x a week instead of 5 to save some $ but if that wasn't an option we'd be keeping the 5 days. 

    Our reasons are that we do not want to completely change her schedule, she LOVES going to school and has a ton of fun, more fun than everyday with mom and newborn would be and we do not want to risk losing our spot. On days that she's home I will try to do fun outings with both kids. I feel like I am doing what is best for her and what she will have the most fun with so I don't really feel guilty. 
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  • @foxbaby2016 maybe there is something to the high/low wives' tale...DD was a lot higher than this DS has been...I'm kind of assuming this is tied to my loose ligaments and pre-term risk and i'm not the norm...yea I'll def go back to bed the rest of the week... nesting and restricted activity DO NOT mix.
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  • @chaser61 when I was preggo with #2 I had to keep paying for daycare over mat leave.


    When we lost dd I took mat leave still and sent ds to daycare 3 days a week and would have done the same if things had gone normally.

    END TW 

    @gingerbride26 inam having the pelvic pain...ibfind in bed if I try and use my lower body to turn myself over I get the pelvic pain, and I have it on one side while walking sometimes and when I wake.

    +1 to preschool struggles. Vt does free preschool 10 hrs per week but my town doesn't operate one at their school so I get to find my own and they pay. One in my town just got back to me after 4 emails and a fb message and they are full, another has 1 day open I want, and another in the neighboring town has a 12 person wait list! IN A TOWN OF 900. My town is similarly small. I found a preschool with openings 2 towns over and we go visit next week, hopefully the days match up. It sounds really great! I have a few great activities that DS and I love to do in the fall so I don't want to take those days and fill them with preschool, bit it's making it hard to find a good fit.
  • DS will still be going to his sitter while I’m on leave. I think it’s good to continue an established routine so it’s less of an impact for him. No guilt at all with that. I also hope it let’s me enjoy the first months more this time around. I feel a little guilt because it’s like my second chance at this and i wish i could of had the same experience with DS. 
  • @chaser61 - yep, DD will still go to school during my leave too.  She needs/wants the routine and time with kids her own age.  I need/want the time to bond with a newborn and get extra rest (since I'll be nursing and know we won't be sleeping well at night).  I'm sure that her drop off and pick up times will be adjusted to fit whatever our new routine will be, but she'll go to school daily.  

    I normally hate chicken salad, but just ordered some from McAllister's because it sounded good. I'm trying to minimize my carbs and sugar intake the next couple days before my glucose test because I was borderline high last time.  Of course - what did DD and I do yesterday??  Made a double batch of oatmeal raisin cookies.  LOL.  I had several yesterday but will avoid them completely until after my test on Wednesday.
  • @gingerbride26 that's so true about eating at daycare...when he's home all my kid wants to eat is yogurt and fruit pouches. At daycare he eats every morsel of food they put in front of him, including whatever they cook that day. So weird. 

    We are pulling my son out of daycare regardless, but even if we weren't doing that right now (due to the issues we had with them), we'd be keeping him home while I'm on leave. It's purely financial - it would be too much of a struggle to pay for daycare without my income, I only get  less than half pay during leave, and we can't afford to have both kids in daycare so we'd be pulling him out eventually anyway. We'll be paying my mom to be their nanny, and possibly hiring someone to fill in a day or two, but the toddler will be in preschool for a few hours a week. I might have someone like a mother's helper come a few days a week while I'm on leave to help me out a bit though. Child care decisions are hard, no matter what you might end up questioning if you're doing the right thing....I'm just trying to go with my gut and our finances, and keeping in mind that kids are resilient and will thrive as long as we love and support them....or some mushy b.s. like that :wink:
  • Okay I need opinions....I am just sprucing up my Amazon registry and getting ready to spend that completion discount ASAP, and I am stuck on the carrier. We have an Ergo 360 that my husband liked but it never felt comfortable to me. I want to get the Tula Free to Grow for myself, and my husband can keep using the Ergo. My dilemma is, the design I like the most is really girly....is it strange for a woman to use a girly carrier for a baby boy? I don't really buy into the gender stereotype stuff, just curious if people think of carriers as more an accessory to match the person wearing it, or should it "match"  the baby? Link below to the one I like. 


  • @zande2016 I love that Tula! I think that you’d find that people will guess the gender of baby wrong if you use a girly carrier for him but they do that anyways no matter what they’re wearing or what so if you love it and you don’t like gender stereotypes anyways then do whatever floats your boat. 
  • @hillbillywife @MichelleAG05 you’re probably right, people will probably just assume he’s a girl. Meh I don’t really care about that. I just like the design more than any of the others lol. 
  • @zande2016 I think get the design you like. With DS I got a Moby covered in flowers!
  • chaser61 said:
    Any working STMs keeping their first in daycare full time while on maternity leave? I hate to pull DS out for 12 weeks only to have him have to adjust to going full time again. But like others here, I feel guilty sending him off while I am home. Maybe I can reduce his hours there and keep him home one day a week. 
    I suggest keeping your DS's routine the same as much as you can. A new baby is hard enough to adjust to. When I was essentially back to being SAHM but was still getting maternity leave benefits after DS was born, we kept DD in daycare on her normal days. It helps a lot.

    Isabella & Julian & and now #3!
  • Thanks all. DS has been upset during drop off lately and it is making me question my decision. Of course there are days where he gets upset that I am picking him up because he is having too much fun playing, so I need to remember that too.

    I second that people will get confused about the gender no matter what you have the baby in. I hung out with a couple of mom’s with baby girls. All had bows in their hair and dresses on while my son had pants on with a dinosaur onesie. A woman said, “oh SHE is so cute.” We kind of chuckled because one was not like the others. Oh well.
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