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knottied6a50a49f5f9e900
Newbie
WTF is wrong with my friend?
knottied6a50a49f5f9e900
Newbie
in Parenting
So my friend posted this exact message on another forum site. I just copied and pasted it below before it got removed but I’m really worrying about her. What should I do and what advice should I give her going forward? Ps how I found this post is that I also scroll through that forum and came across this post that sounded eerily similar to my friend. Here goes
Hiya, first off I’m not a gran but a mum (though I hope to be one in the future) of 3 (one baby two frenchies)
Even though I’m grateful for the life I have and the things and people I’ve been blessed with I feel very stuck in a rut and I have been for a while but tbh I’ve been like that on and off my whole life. I have a disability and was sheltered growing up and even into adulthood, I was prevented from doing a lot of things and having experiences I wanted and I’ve always resented that but even more now because I have a baby. I look at others who had the youth they wanted and had more freedom and luck with me and how well their lives have turned out and I just feel very bitter jealous and resentful. I know I really shouldn’t but I do. The reason I feel like that is that I always have this fear that what I’ve worked hard to build in my life (husband kids house etc) will get taken away from me and lately things have reintensified that fear.
I had a bad time mentally during pregnancy which was made worse by work stresses, job loss and family dramas. I got better after my baby was born but over the summer things got worse. They have got better now but this past week or so has made me feel so angry and fear that I’ll be left at square one again.
Another thing that bothers me is that I work hard but get little reward. I have a YouTube channel which is growing. I put a lot of effort into my beauty and family content but get little back. I get angry because there’s other content creators at a similar or slightly higher level than me but they get more noticed and get free stuff. There’s this girl who got a free portable breast pump and she was very monotone in her video and very ungrateful sounding. It’s as well for her because if I got that sent to me then maybe I would have more success with combo feeding and I can tell you this I would sound more enthusiastic and have makeup on and not look like a tramp in my video. Sorry to say but it makes me so angry especially because I’m stuck in a rut and can’t treat myself like I used to because I lost my job because of my pregnancy and a few girls had told tales and exaggerated some of the mistakes I made in work (wouldn’t have struggled so much with fatigue in pregnancy if the doctors would’ve upped my dose of thyroid med like they are meant to meaning I was left with a very underactive thyroid for months which caused me to be depressed, forgetful and caused my hair to shed a bit). I got instantly treated differently in work once I told them I was pregnant. All the training that was meant for me was given to others, made to climb step ladders to clean cupboards and a co worker told on me to the boss it was taking so long. Well I was heavily pregnant with a disability do you want me to fall and potentially lose my child or cause them a disability or me long term damage e.g. womb damage meaning unlikely to carry again. It took so long to get family allowance sorted because nothing gets done in my house. Today I was out shopping and I really wanted this dark tan but couldn’t because I’ve always got to watch now. I’m happy enough to provide for my kids as they come first but sometimes I miss the days when working that I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at spending £50 on hair and beauty treats but nowadays that’s a rare occasion. I know I sound very ungrateful as there’s loads of people worse off than me but sometimes I wish I had it as good as those other YouTubers.
The situation that happened that made me fear that nothing is truly secure or mine in my life is that I feel like I’m getting judged for being me by my in laws especially FIL (my family never really get me either and I could never really be myself until recent years) he started on me in front of everyone last Sunday night about my choice of not going on antidepressants. He said I need them and should be on them for life no matter what I feel about them because my body isn’t my own anymore. I told him I’m sensitive to meds and I’m scared of the side effects which if they happened would make me more down (weight gain especially loads, hair loss and thinning, loss of sexual function and this can be permanent, loss of my bubbly side of my personality) when I told him this he said stop being so vain. He kept going on and on and by that point I was on my phone to blank him and distract myself from blowing up when he told me get off my phone I’m sick of you being glued to that phone. You don’t care about your baby especially because you won’t go on them tablets. I don’t care what you say you’re going on them and that’s that. I blew up and said it’s took me years to be comfortable with who I am and a lot of work to get my body look look semi how I want it and I’m not having that change, I don’t have many nice features apart from my thick hair and my slim face and body so If I lost that then I’m not going to be here because I’m not going back to how I looked 10 years ago, I’m not looking like a fat ugly retard again. He said that vanity again and that is why you need the tablets shouting in front of your kids like that. I said another thing my skin is too fucking pale. I have to put tan on twice a week to make my skin the colour I want it and it still isn’t dark enough because the fucking companies aren’t allowed over a certain amount of dha. The only medication I need is melanotan tanning nasals as I’m too white and do you know what so is my child. Once I said my baby is too white I regretted it and burst into tears and walked out of the house. I started posting nasty messages to a few girls who are spoilt using a fake account. Really nasty things because I was so hurt and angry. This is out of character for me as I never really do that especially not at the degree that I do now when situations like this happens.
I feel like I’ve not really any security in life and everything could be taken away from me and it’ll take something really bad. My husband is keen on me taking the tablets too but kinda understands my reasons. Sometimes I feel like I’m living on the edge because I don’t really have that security my husband has his parents (friends have commented that he never really defends me and I can see that sometimes) and I don’t have that family who is really gets me because my family can be controlling too yet they do care but I can’t come to them about things because they hold my mistakes against me. My exes family were and are kind of like my security. I did something I am ashamed of in my late pregnancy during a mental breakdown and I fear that if my husband divorces me I will never have custody of my baby (he told me that myself if I had another mental breakdown)
I’ve thought of a couple of solutions that one of them will make me more successful and earn more to treat my family and myself (holidays, days/nights out, presents, beauty and aesthetic treatments etc) and the other will act as my security of things go bad where I lose everything. The first one is to join onlyfans but AI me to the extent that I look like a better version of myself and use a fake name or use a fake AI person or just do legs and feet content. This will earn me money to get the lifestyle back I had and then some. I can get that Botox and lip fillers I need, I can put my baby in daycare (another thing we were meant to get for free but didn’t) twice a week, I can go on more holidays, I can hire a cleaner to organise and clean my house even help to eventually buy a bigger house. I could tell my husband my YouTube has been doing really well and that I’m getting paid for content etc.
The other solution is to become a surrogate to a mixed race couple preferably if the man is very dark black skinned. I will use my own eggs and it’ll be like a do over. It’ll feel amazing to carry a black mans child and I’ll get to see that child whenever I please and even breastfeed them because I’ve learned to be very persuasive and will play that man like a fiddle so he fussed over me. That’ll be like my security If things go bad at home and I lose my child because I’ll have leverage over another and someone to fall back on and be there. Someone I was prevented to date because my family preferred me with white men.
I know I sound nuts and what is wrong with me and why do I feel so unhappy a lot of the time and that I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel just to get something. Has anyone ever felt like this before? Will things get better?
Hiya, first off I’m not a gran but a mum (though I hope to be one in the future) of 3 (one baby two frenchies)
Even though I’m grateful for the life I have and the things and people I’ve been blessed with I feel very stuck in a rut and I have been for a while but tbh I’ve been like that on and off my whole life. I have a disability and was sheltered growing up and even into adulthood, I was prevented from doing a lot of things and having experiences I wanted and I’ve always resented that but even more now because I have a baby. I look at others who had the youth they wanted and had more freedom and luck with me and how well their lives have turned out and I just feel very bitter jealous and resentful. I know I really shouldn’t but I do. The reason I feel like that is that I always have this fear that what I’ve worked hard to build in my life (husband kids house etc) will get taken away from me and lately things have reintensified that fear.
I had a bad time mentally during pregnancy which was made worse by work stresses, job loss and family dramas. I got better after my baby was born but over the summer things got worse. They have got better now but this past week or so has made me feel so angry and fear that I’ll be left at square one again.
Another thing that bothers me is that I work hard but get little reward. I have a YouTube channel which is growing. I put a lot of effort into my beauty and family content but get little back. I get angry because there’s other content creators at a similar or slightly higher level than me but they get more noticed and get free stuff. There’s this girl who got a free portable breast pump and she was very monotone in her video and very ungrateful sounding. It’s as well for her because if I got that sent to me then maybe I would have more success with combo feeding and I can tell you this I would sound more enthusiastic and have makeup on and not look like a tramp in my video. Sorry to say but it makes me so angry especially because I’m stuck in a rut and can’t treat myself like I used to because I lost my job because of my pregnancy and a few girls had told tales and exaggerated some of the mistakes I made in work (wouldn’t have struggled so much with fatigue in pregnancy if the doctors would’ve upped my dose of thyroid med like they are meant to meaning I was left with a very underactive thyroid for months which caused me to be depressed, forgetful and caused my hair to shed a bit). I got instantly treated differently in work once I told them I was pregnant. All the training that was meant for me was given to others, made to climb step ladders to clean cupboards and a co worker told on me to the boss it was taking so long. Well I was heavily pregnant with a disability do you want me to fall and potentially lose my child or cause them a disability or me long term damage e.g. womb damage meaning unlikely to carry again. It took so long to get family allowance sorted because nothing gets done in my house. Today I was out shopping and I really wanted this dark tan but couldn’t because I’ve always got to watch now. I’m happy enough to provide for my kids as they come first but sometimes I miss the days when working that I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at spending £50 on hair and beauty treats but nowadays that’s a rare occasion. I know I sound very ungrateful as there’s loads of people worse off than me but sometimes I wish I had it as good as those other YouTubers.
The situation that happened that made me fear that nothing is truly secure or mine in my life is that I feel like I’m getting judged for being me by my in laws especially FIL (my family never really get me either and I could never really be myself until recent years) he started on me in front of everyone last Sunday night about my choice of not going on antidepressants. He said I need them and should be on them for life no matter what I feel about them because my body isn’t my own anymore. I told him I’m sensitive to meds and I’m scared of the side effects which if they happened would make me more down (weight gain especially loads, hair loss and thinning, loss of sexual function and this can be permanent, loss of my bubbly side of my personality) when I told him this he said stop being so vain. He kept going on and on and by that point I was on my phone to blank him and distract myself from blowing up when he told me get off my phone I’m sick of you being glued to that phone. You don’t care about your baby especially because you won’t go on them tablets. I don’t care what you say you’re going on them and that’s that. I blew up and said it’s took me years to be comfortable with who I am and a lot of work to get my body look look semi how I want it and I’m not having that change, I don’t have many nice features apart from my thick hair and my slim face and body so If I lost that then I’m not going to be here because I’m not going back to how I looked 10 years ago, I’m not looking like a fat ugly retard again. He said that vanity again and that is why you need the tablets shouting in front of your kids like that. I said another thing my skin is too fucking pale. I have to put tan on twice a week to make my skin the colour I want it and it still isn’t dark enough because the fucking companies aren’t allowed over a certain amount of dha. The only medication I need is melanotan tanning nasals as I’m too white and do you know what so is my child. Once I said my baby is too white I regretted it and burst into tears and walked out of the house. I started posting nasty messages to a few girls who are spoilt using a fake account. Really nasty things because I was so hurt and angry. This is out of character for me as I never really do that especially not at the degree that I do now when situations like this happens.
I feel like I’ve not really any security in life and everything could be taken away from me and it’ll take something really bad. My husband is keen on me taking the tablets too but kinda understands my reasons. Sometimes I feel like I’m living on the edge because I don’t really have that security my husband has his parents (friends have commented that he never really defends me and I can see that sometimes) and I don’t have that family who is really gets me because my family can be controlling too yet they do care but I can’t come to them about things because they hold my mistakes against me. My exes family were and are kind of like my security. I did something I am ashamed of in my late pregnancy during a mental breakdown and I fear that if my husband divorces me I will never have custody of my baby (he told me that myself if I had another mental breakdown)
I’ve thought of a couple of solutions that one of them will make me more successful and earn more to treat my family and myself (holidays, days/nights out, presents, beauty and aesthetic treatments etc) and the other will act as my security of things go bad where I lose everything. The first one is to join onlyfans but AI me to the extent that I look like a better version of myself and use a fake name or use a fake AI person or just do legs and feet content. This will earn me money to get the lifestyle back I had and then some. I can get that Botox and lip fillers I need, I can put my baby in daycare (another thing we were meant to get for free but didn’t) twice a week, I can go on more holidays, I can hire a cleaner to organise and clean my house even help to eventually buy a bigger house. I could tell my husband my YouTube has been doing really well and that I’m getting paid for content etc.
The other solution is to become a surrogate to a mixed race couple preferably if the man is very dark black skinned. I will use my own eggs and it’ll be like a do over. It’ll feel amazing to carry a black mans child and I’ll get to see that child whenever I please and even breastfeed them because I’ve learned to be very persuasive and will play that man like a fiddle so he fussed over me. That’ll be like my security If things go bad at home and I lose my child because I’ll have leverage over another and someone to fall back on and be there. Someone I was prevented to date because my family preferred me with white men.
I know I sound nuts and what is wrong with me and why do I feel so unhappy a lot of the time and that I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel just to get something. Has anyone ever felt like this before? Will things get better?