I have two dogs that we had about 5 years before DS came around. They're really good dogs and were very receptive when bringing the baby home. I know we were lucky. They get on my nerves sometimes but they're still my babies!
I'm a total animal lover... but I shouldn't be a pet owner. I have two cats who I adore, but they're crazy low maintenance and once they're gone, I'm done with animals for awhile. My H wants a puppy so bad, but I can't even imagine taking care of a dog and three kids. I personally don't have it in me.
I’m going out on a limb here with my UO... Not all outside dogs are neglected or unhappy. My Mom never allowed them in the house and we had well adjusted happy dogs. But I am VERY strongly opposed to dogs being tied up outside. Thats just cruel and wrong. Mine is a full time inside dog now but back in OH he definitely preferred to be outside. If a dog is well taken care of, has a nice dog house and kennel for at night, and gets plenty of attention I don’t see anything wrong with it being kept outside. Especially if there are 2 or 3 of them. Some dogs are miserable in the house.
@coffee-saur I vote no on the dog. You said you wouldn’t even consider it if your son didn’t need it, but unless this is a service animal (from your post it sounds like it isn’t), he doesn’t need it, he wants it. Kids want all kinds of things that parents tell them no to (or should) and they change their minds all the time. My boys wanted a dog and asked me for 6 months to get one, but I didn’t want to have to take care of it, so I told them no. Now they don’t even want one. If I had gotten that dog, they would have cared for it for a while, but I’d be the one taking care of it now. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you had to give up another dog because you had underestimated how much work/energy it would be. Now you’re thinking about a puppy while you have a newborn (because at 12 months, it is still a puppy). It just doesn’t sound like a good idea right now.
Boy, that escalated quickly! (The help thread) I knew that'd probably get some side eye about being outside only. I grew up with indoor animals so I totally get some have never even heard of it before. And if I lived in like an apartment or something, it would just be ultra confusing why anyone would do that! In truth, it is not uncommon at all out here. It's more uncommon for indoor animals at all, even cats. We're definitely going to make sure we're both sure about it, and like someone said, I don't wanna adopt her just to have to take her back. @sammierose464 fostering isn't even a thing here... Seriously, I live in the middle of nowhere.
In the end, talk it over with your partner and do what you guys think is best. We get SS to help with poop pick up and feedings. However, there's no way he could walk our dog (he's a 70lb beast) and is a little rough in his play. I'd just make sure you and your partner are up for sharing all the responsibilities in case DS? slacks.
We wouldn't even consider it, if DS didn't need a dog, if you know what I mean.
DS doesn’t need a dog. DS wants a dog. There is a huge difference.
Look, if you want to do this, then do it. You don’t need our approval to do it. But this os roughly equivalent to a girlfriend asking you if she should leave her loser boyfriend that she loves so much. You, as a good friend, tell her “yes, he’s a loser and you know you should leave him.” But she knows that he is going to find a job, stop drinking, and start paying half the rent and it will be okay. You, as the friend, might be pleasantly surprised, or you might be telling her “I told you so” six months down the line.
I would never get a dog for a child. Or for any one person in the house. A dog doesn’t belong to any one family member. They interact and form bonds with everyone. They’re work for everyone. The “you can get a dog as long as you take care of it” argument never ends up working. A kid will eventually not do whatever it is they’re supposed to. Then either the dog suffers, the dog gets revoked, or the parents pick up the slack. We have a dog. She’s our first baby. Yes, eventually the kids will have some animal related chores, but that’s different than making the dog their full responsibility.
I don’t see anything wrong with getting a dog while pregnant. As long as you’re fully prepared for the work ahead. Yeah, it’ll be crazy. But it’s doable if that’s what you really want. Not a choice for a 7 year old though.
@purplegoldfish2 I think she was referring to the thread on the chit chat board
This makes so much sense. I couldn’t figure out what I said that was so bad, but figured that I’m also super cranky so maybe my tone was bad. I also somehow missed the posts about that other post. Thanks!
@purplegoldfish2 I think she was referring to the thread on the chit chat board
This makes so much sense. I couldn’t figure out what I said that was so bad, but figured that I’m also super cranky so maybe my tone was bad. I also somehow missed the posts about that other post. Thanks!
And wow, that chit chat thread, who says that?
I always assume things I say come off wrong because it's so hard to convey tone when you're typing. Lol
We definitely won't just jump to a conclusion here. I like to hear other opinions because sometimes, other people think of things that I haven't thought of and, like I said, I for sure don't want to be unfair to the dog either. I do hear you and it has made me think more about what I'm willing for and want to make sure DH is totally on board with it (he loves dogs too, and grew up with ALL animals outside only). @purplegoldfish2 I had been hoping the short corgi legs would counter-act the hyper border collie personality. Border collies don't do well without something to do. And I didn't take you as being cranky! I knew I'd get opinions and that is what I got! I think she was talking about the thread on the chit-chat. That was a doozy! And no not a service dog, and I said need, but I mean more that kids like and it is good to get out and take care of something other than themselves. I just meant it would be good for all my kiddos to have responsibility. And totally agree on not giving it to one child. We'd only get a family dog/animal that belongs to everyone. My parents got a horse when I was a kid (brain isn't working, can't think how old I was) and I was responsible to take care of it. It was too much for me and now looking back, seems unfair to expect a child to be solely responsible for any animal. So I don't want to do that to my son either, and definitely will think about it long and hard before we commit one way or another!
Well, now my brain hurts... December has a thread basically asking if anyone had feelings or Symptoms that let them "know" they were having twins, and then they did. Most people obviously told her symptoms mean little and ultrasound was the only one. What confused me, was as the conversation turned to having/wanting twins, someone said her paternal grandma was a twin. But since it was PATERNAL it didn't run on her side of the family... WTELF?! That can't be a serious comment right? She has to know that, that's still in her genes...I just can't smh
Well, now my brain hurts... December has a thread basically asking if anyone had feelings or Symptoms that let them "know" they were having twins, and then they did. Most people obviously told her symptoms mean little and ultrasound was the only one. What confused me, was as the conversation turned to having/wanting twins, someone said her paternal grandma was a twin. But since it was PATERNAL it didn't run on her side of the family... WTELF?! That can't be a serious comment right? She has to know that, that's still in her genes...I just can't smh
See, that's what I'd been told years ago... that fraternal twins come from a woman's tendency to release two eggs during one cycle and that was a trait that had to be passed from mother to daughter. I have no idea if that's totally accurate, but she seems to think so.
All I know is that identical twins can't be traced to anything specific other than nature having fun with you, but they do tend to run in families. My H is an identical twin. Triplets run in my family. Thank god DS was a singleton and so is #3 because I would not want twins.
FYI - the genetic material in your mitochondria is inherited matirlinearally (i.e. you get no genetic material in your mitochondria from your father). While I have no idea what genes might be responsible for multiple eggs being released, it came to mind as a possible explanation.
@jomama1618 There’s a lot of misconceptions about twins. I’ve heard so many random things and usually have to ignore it so I don’t accidentally lecture random strangers. It’s worse IMO when it’s a twin mom (or even worse, a dr) that says some of the stuff, like 36 weeks is full term for twins... no, no it’s not. Twins do not grow faster than singletons and do not reach term before a singleton. Friends have had their kid’s peds ask if their boy/girl twins are identical. Some of it just gets ridiculous. (ETA I’m a twin mom, that’s why I hear all the random twin comments).
FWIW, without knowing her full family history, it may not be in her genes. (I can explain that if you want, but it might get long). The poster was probably referring to the whole having twins depending solely on the mother (only true for fraternal twins). It doesn’t matter who the father is because he can’t make the mother hyperovulate. She just got confused and somehow thought her father didn’t play a part instead of her baby’s father.
@coffee-saur Glad you didn’t take it as me being cranky!
I used to get asked all the time if my boy/girl twins were identical (never mind one is blonde and the other is a redhead). My usual reply was “yes, except for the penis”, because asks stupid question, get a stupid answer.
Well, now my brain hurts... December has a thread basically asking if anyone had feelings or Symptoms that let them "know" they were having twins, and then they did. Most people obviously told her symptoms mean little and ultrasound was the only one. What confused me, was as the conversation turned to having/wanting twins, someone said her paternal grandma was a twin. But since it was PATERNAL it didn't run on her side of the family... WTELF?! That can't be a serious comment right? She has to know that, that's still in her genes...I just can't smh
See, that's what I'd been told years ago... that fraternal twins come from a woman's tendency to release two eggs during one cycle and that was a trait that had to be passed from mother to daughter. I have no idea if that's totally accurate, but she seems to think so.
All I know is that identical twins can't be traced to anything specific other than nature having fun with you, but they do tend to run in families. My H is an identical twin. Triplets run in my family. Thank god DS was a singleton and so is #3 because I would not want twins.
The trait can also be passed from father to children too. That’s why they say twins skip a generation - because we live in a patriarchal society, so family lineages are traced through fathers. So, if a woman has twins and one is a boy, and she passes the hyperovulation gene to him, then he goes on to have a daughter and passes the gene to her, then she is more likely to have twins. From my understanding, only one copy of the gene is needed for hyperovulation to occur, so there’s a 50% chance of a child inheriting it from their parent.
I saw a study a few years ago that they may have found something having to do with the father that results in identical twins. It was preliminary and I didn’t check to see if there have been follow-up studies, but it was hoped that it might explain why identicals can sometimes run in families despite it being mostly luck.
@purplegoldfish2 Ok, thank you! It never made sense to me why a father couldn't pass that trait on from his mother, because there seems to be more than one female trait that I inherited from my maternal grandma that doesn't run on my mom's side.
You won’t have fraternal twins just because they run in your husband/partner’s family, but could if they run in your family (either side), although it does seem to be more common through the maternal line. My MIL kept telling me I’d have twins because her mom was a twin and could not wrap her head around the fact that that’s not how it works. Now that we’re having our second set of twins I’m sure she’s even more convinced it’s all his grandma
Twins run rampant on both my mom and dad’s sides of the family. One set of identical, but mostly fraternal. And if the skips a generation thing is true, that puts twins on my generation. Both pregnancies the first thing I told my OB to do was count them. Singletons only and we’re done after this. So I guess we’ll never know if I have the gene. Though I did get pregnant in one cycle both times (the only times we’ve ever not used protection). So perhaps hyper ovulation attributes to why we have an easy time getting knocked up. Who knows.
Thanks ladies, my crankiness got the best of me, and I didn't think of the different ways she may be looking at it.
@purplegoldfish2 I think you may be right, and I let my crankiness over run my brain (I didn't say anything to her or on the post). I studied a ton about it because we have quite a few sets of fraternal twins/triplets on both sides of our family.
I just remembered that the ability to hyperovulate can be encoded into the DNA passed from her dad, since grandma had it (the she stated the twins were boy/girl, so fraternal. Sorry I left that out!), as well as from her mom. So dad's chance of having twins isn't higher, but any female children he has, could have the gene from his side. (My paternal great grandma has fraternal twin siblings, my paternal grandma was a fraternal twin. Dad had all girls. I was pregnant with fraternal twins. So it's always been interesting to me!)
You won’t have fraternal twins just because they run in your husband/partner’s family, but could if they run in your family (either side), although it does seem to be more common through the maternal line. My MIL kept telling me I’d have twins because her mom was a twin and could not wrap her head around the fact that that’s not how it works. Now that we’re having our second set of twins I’m sure she’s even more convinced it’s all his grandma
Sounds like my MIL! She wanted DS to be a twin so bad and I told her identical twins were kind of a freak-of-nature thing and it was unlikely to happen two generations in a row. So she started insisting I could have fraternal twins. I told her fraternal twins don't run in my family and she insisted we could have fraternal twins because H is a twin. She did not understand that that's not how it works, even if H was fraternal instead of identical.
@jennybean80 Aren’t your twins from IVF? Have you tried explaining that no matter what’s in your genes, IVF kind of negates that for twins. I feel like I said that poorly, but can’t think of better wording. Basically you don’t ovulate that cycle to get pregnant, drs put already fertilizer eggs back (& sometimes they split), so it doesn’t matter if you have the hyperovulation gene or not. Of course, maybe it isn’t worth the effort to explain that
@jomama1618 No worries! I actually went and looked at the post and almost said something about it but decided against it.
I hope no one minds me.. just have to chime in on the dog conversation up there. Mostly because I need to rant lol... I say no from personal experience. I can’t stand having animals anymore. We have 2 cats and 2 dogs. I wish we stuck to 1 dog. I love animals and I love my pets, don’t be get me wrong, especially “my” cat, but they’re gross, and a lot of work. Yes, so are kids but I gave birth to them, so it’s way different. I’m not cut out for it and I’ve told my SO I shouldn’t have pets.. they irk me constantly and gross me out easily. I sit here and dream about not having to change a litter box. Or smell it. I can’t do litter, I have to force myself to do it. Then to let dogs in and out everyday on top of everything else I have to do. I can’t stand it anymore. But here I am dealing with it because they’re a part of our family of course.. I just regret adding so many animals with 2 kids .. going on 3 now....
@jennybean80 I have a fraternal twin brother and when I say I have a twin brother people always still ask me If we are identical. I usually say something like you said and then they realize the mistake.
My my mother was disappointed that I’m not having twins but I’m personally pretty pleased.
Twins run in my family too...my grandma was a twin, my sister was supposed to have a twin (*TW* my mom miscarried one twin at 12 weeks *end TW*) and then I ended up infertile.
Re: Randoms 4/5
Damn! That thread was a ride from the get! I'm glad it got shut down. OP could've been a troll for all we know, but that last comment was insane.
I'm a total animal lover... but I shouldn't be a pet owner. I have two cats who I adore, but they're crazy low maintenance and once they're gone, I'm done with animals for awhile. My H wants a puppy so bad, but I can't even imagine taking care of a dog and three kids. I personally don't have it in me.
I knew that'd probably get some side eye about being outside only. I grew up with indoor animals so I totally get some have never even heard of it before. And if I lived in like an apartment or something, it would just be ultra confusing why anyone would do that! In truth, it is not uncommon at all out here. It's more uncommon for indoor animals at all, even cats.
We're definitely going to make sure we're both sure about it, and like someone said, I don't wanna adopt her just to have to take her back.
@sammierose464 fostering isn't even a thing here... Seriously, I live in the middle of nowhere.
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
Look, if you want to do this, then do it. You don’t need our approval to do it. But this os roughly equivalent to a girlfriend asking you if she should leave her loser boyfriend that she loves so much. You, as a good friend, tell her “yes, he’s a loser and you know you should leave him.” But she knows that he is going to find a job, stop drinking, and start paying half the rent and it will be okay. You, as the friend, might be pleasantly surprised, or you might be telling her “I told you so” six months down the line.
I’m going with “I told you so.”
I don’t see anything wrong with getting a dog while pregnant. As long as you’re fully prepared for the work ahead. Yeah, it’ll be crazy. But it’s doable if that’s what you really want. Not a choice for a 7 year old though.
And wow, that chit chat thread, who says that?
I always assume things I say come off wrong because it's so hard to convey tone when you're typing. Lol
@purplegoldfish2 I had been hoping the short corgi legs would counter-act the hyper border collie personality. Border collies don't do well without something to do. And I didn't take you as being cranky! I knew I'd get opinions and that is what I got! I think she was talking about the thread on the chit-chat. That was a doozy!
And no not a service dog, and I said need, but I mean more that kids like and it is good to get out and take care of something other than themselves. I just meant it would be good for all my kiddos to have responsibility.
And totally agree on not giving it to one child. We'd only get a family dog/animal that belongs to everyone. My parents got a horse when I was a kid (brain isn't working, can't think how old I was) and I was responsible to take care of it. It was too much for me and now looking back, seems unfair to expect a child to be solely responsible for any animal. So I don't want to do that to my son either, and definitely will think about it long and hard before we commit one way or another!
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
See, that's what I'd been told years ago... that fraternal twins come from a woman's tendency to release two eggs during one cycle and that was a trait that had to be passed from mother to daughter. I have no idea if that's totally accurate, but she seems to think so.
All I know is that identical twins can't be traced to anything specific other than nature having fun with you, but they do tend to run in families. My H is an identical twin. Triplets run in my family. Thank god DS was a singleton and so is #3 because I would not want twins.
FWIW, without knowing her full family history, it may not be in her genes. (I can explain that if you want, but it might get long). The poster was probably referring to the whole having twins depending solely on the mother (only true for fraternal twins). It doesn’t matter who the father is because he can’t make the mother hyperovulate. She just got confused and somehow thought her father didn’t play a part instead of her baby’s father.
@coffee-saur Glad you didn’t take it as me being cranky!
I saw a study a few years ago that they may have found something having to do with the father that results in identical twins. It was preliminary and I didn’t check to see if there have been follow-up studies, but it was hoped that it might explain why identicals can sometimes run in families despite it being mostly luck.
Edit to clarify
@purplegoldfish2 Ok, thank you! It never made sense to me why a father couldn't pass that trait on from his mother, because there seems to be more than one female trait that I inherited from my maternal grandma that doesn't run on my mom's side.
@purplegoldfish2 I think you may be right, and I let my crankiness over run my brain (I didn't say anything to her or on the post). I studied a ton about it because we have quite a few sets of fraternal twins/triplets on both sides of our family.
I just remembered that the ability to hyperovulate can be encoded into the DNA passed from her dad, since grandma had it (the she stated the twins were boy/girl, so fraternal. Sorry I left that out!), as well as from her mom. So dad's chance of having twins isn't higher, but any female children he has, could have the gene from his side.
(My paternal great grandma has fraternal twin siblings, my paternal grandma was a fraternal twin. Dad had all girls. I was pregnant with fraternal twins. So it's always been interesting to me!)
@jomama1618 No worries! I actually went and looked at the post and almost said something about it but decided against it.
I just regret adding so many animals with 2 kids .. going on 3 now....
My my mother was disappointed that I’m not having twins but I’m personally pretty pleased.
Effing universe. Lol