@melissaf22 definitely have your husband talk to a mohel. My husband's family is Orthodox, and when I brought that up to him he explained that the people who do that are so ultra religious that even the religious people are like 'wtf'.
Apparently it was in some talk show in Israel that had a investigative program all about mohel’s and my DH has decided they are barbaric ughh
I will add that when DS had one of his first follow-up appointments, our ped said he had developed a couple adhesions but she was able to just pull the skin back more in the office to take care of them. He didn’t cry at all and it was never an issue after that.
@melissaf22 my husband, his brothers, and all of my nephews were all circumcised by a mohel (my husband and his brothers in Israel) and that never happened. Like other people here and a lot of my friends have said, mohels tend to do a better job because it's literally all they do. And referring to it as barbaric had always felt a little anti-Semitic to me (not accusing you of that, of course, just saying how I feel generally).
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
Care of the circ after coming home was a lot easier than a pp described it. It was healed before the umbilicus so bathing wasn't an issue. Pulling back to prevent adhesions wasn't recommended. Literally all we had to do was keep it clean and use some Vaseline on the diaper to prevent it from sticking. You don't even have to put it on gauze, just put it on the diaper so it doesn't stick and good as done. You're changing them all the time so you don't have to worry about the jelly preventing pee from absorbing in the diaper. I feel like the umbilicus was way more of a PITA.
Leaving it intact can also develop adhesions. There are also instances of phimosis (different than para) where the opening isn't big enough to retract to clean or let urine pass properly.
@jsnakehole trust me you are preaching to the choir but once my DH gets something in his head it’s hard to change his mind. I’ve tried to explain it to him that that was a crazy ultra orthodox practice that wouldn’t be the case in our super reform synagogue but I just will have to get him to talk to a mohel that can provide him actual facts. I’m sure he wasn’t saying that to be anti-Semitic as he is Jewish but the whole blood sucking thing is pretty horrible
I'm glad this discussion was started as it's been on my mind lately too.
We haven't really made a decision one way or the other. H is circumcised, so this LO probably will be too. I've read a lot about it, but I think one thing that may sway my decision is a discussion with my OB about the procedure and anesthesia/numbing agents used/etc. (I read some places don't use anything? - although that may be more rare).
Also, I've noticed I read more stories about guys who had to have it done later in life and wished their parents would have done it as an infant than I read about those guys who had it done and wished their parents had not done it.
A couple thoughts regarding the hygiene argument and the getting it done later in life. First, we ladies deal with a lot of skin and crevices in the vaginal area that need to be cleaned thoroughly. I guess my thought is if I can learn to clean my lady parts then DS can learn to pull back a foreskin and keep it clean. And if he wants to have a circumcision later in life, then he can. And it’ll be painful, yes, but so are a lot of things that adults do. Like tattoos and childbirth. So, I guess I don’t have a lot of sympathy for those men who choose to have it done (not for medical reasons) and then whine about the pain. I’d rather he have the choice than make it for him.
This is more of a "fun" (in a bizarre sense of humor way) anecdote about circumcision later in life but here goes: My great-grandmother came here from Poland in 1930, and in 1932 met my great-grandfather, who was Greek Orthodox from Greece. She asked him to convert to Judaism before he married her, which he agreed to, but part of the deal was that he had to get circumcised- at the age of 20. So he went to the local mohel, who performed the circumcision, and to quote my great-grandmother, who always said this with a look of pride, "Mamaleh, you could hear the screams down the street."
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
We haven't discussed it yet but everyone in DHs family is circed, so we will probably do it. I'm kind of indifferent so DHs opinion will likely be the deciding factor.
My husband is circumcised, but has a wonky one in that his foreskin was apparently highly vascularized, so he still has a flap of foreskin left that is incredibly sensitive for him (in a good way!). Truth be told, I sometimes think he seems disappointed about it being done to him.
If our little one is a boy we've both discussed it and probably won't have it done. My husband doesn't care either way to be honest and mostly left the decision up to me. He doesn't feel that "looking different" would be any sort of problem later down the line, either. And like @ladygali said, I feel as females we deal with a lot of skin crevice cleaning ourselves, so I'm not above learning how to properly clean an uncut penis, or teaching him how to keep it clean or about retracting it when the time is right so that it's stretched and there are no adhesions.
@princesslockness maybe for you but DH just got another one and said it hurt really bad. I just used it as an example of elective pain and it’s probably different for everyone based on their sensitivity to pain. And I’ve had some pretty bad cat scratches in my life, so if that’s what it feels like, no thanks (I don’t have a tattoo. Not against them just never decided on what or where to put it).
Maybe this is a FFTC but I am super relieved we aren't having to make this decision (at least yet). DH is Jewish and I think would insist on circumcising (he is cut obviously) and I imagine my in laws would expect us to do a bris (which is fine, because if I were going to do it, I would prefer a mohel since that is literally their medical specialty although I would have a lot of questions about how to ensure sterilization if it were done at our home.) But the idea of permanently altering my baby's body for cosmetic reasons/my IL's religious desires (DH is not really a practicing Jew) doesn't sit that well with me, and my ex had a botched circumcision that would at time cause him pain during sex. Caveat: I have never actually seen an uncut penis, despite slutting it up plenty in college. I'm glad to read everyone's perspectives though and glad the conversation isn't as heated as some I have seen on the topic.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
We circumcised DS and will this baby too. Our ped's office has 6 locations across the city and one Dr that specializes and does all the circumcisions. They also don't believe in doing it immediately at birth and wait until about 10 days old- making sure they have returned to birth weight first. Taking care of it afterward was not that bad- like others have said make sure you own lots of vaseline and gauze, I had to stop at Walgreens afterwards and I felt like a dumb FTM.
I have known several people from other countries that have had to have the surgery later in life and spoke very openly about how awful it was and wish they had it as a baby. That was just one factor in our decision process, but we both agreed so it really wasn't much of a conversation.
Maybe this is a FFTC but I am super relieved we aren't having to make this decision (at least yet). DH is Jewish and I think would insist on circumcising (he is cut obviously) and I imagine my in laws would expect us to do a bris (which is fine, because if I were going to do it, I would prefer a mohel since that is literally their medical specialty although I would have a lot of questions about how to ensure sterilization if it were done at our home.) But the idea of permanently altering my baby's body for cosmetic reasons/my IL's religious desires (DH is not really a practicing Jew) doesn't sit that well with me, and my ex had a botched circumcision that would at time cause him pain during sex. Caveat: I have never actually seen an uncut penis, despite slutting it up plenty in college. I'm glad to read everyone's perspectives though and glad the conversation isn't as heated as some I have seen on the topic.
Definitely was a relief when I was having DD. But, now I am faced with it. UGH! Enjoy your baby girl!
One other thought I have on care and issues in adults is that curcucisions rates in the us have dropped a ton - so when adults who were left intact were growing up the info on proper cleaning care etc likely was not as available,
which I imagine can lead to issues. It was only like... 20/30 years ago that cdc changed the recommendation of forcibly retracting the foreskin in young children - which causes trauma and likely adhesions etc. I looked it up bc mil who was a nurse and ran a nursing school at the time gave us a VERY hard time about not retracting it, so I not only asked our pedi again but also looked it up to show dh her info was outdated. If memory serves it was changed in the 90s, but I looked it up 6+ years ago so maybe it was a little before or after that.
I think there are are plenty of stories of men with botched circ, including my own dh, and those who needed to have it done later. Personally I’d rather wait to do a surgery unless and until it’s needed, since it very likely will be fine left alone, but there’s certainly a cultural precedent in the us for it, and arguments on both sides. I see it as a parenting choice, though one I feel fairly strongly about myself.
Im not ok with ppl characterizing it as mutilation (not here!!! But I know it happens) any more than I’m ok with ppl saying intact prnises are gross, dirty etc (also not here but on my previous bmb someone said that - that ‘she’d never want her daughter to be with an intact guy because ewww’ not even kidding, though the quote I’m sure isn’t accurate).
All this talk of adhesions is making me shudder. I had adhesions on my ovary and other lady areas when I was pregnant with DS2 and my uterus used to stick to them. I cannot imagine that pain on a penis.
DH and my sons all are not circumsized (I believe it is slightly less common in Canada than the USA). Interestingly, my gay BIL, who is circumsized, says he would never do it because from his experience with men who both are and aren't (and having one himself), he finds sex is a lot more pleasurable for uncircumsized men. Almost all my boyfriends have been uncircumcised, so that may skew my thinking, but sexual stuff seemed slightly easier for those who were not (I'm sure you adjust to whatever you have).
I like that I don't have to do anything to keep my boys clean - I am not supposed to pull back the skin ever because when they are intact it naturally cleans itself in there when they are little.
I didn't feel strongly about it and would have let my husband make the call either way, but now I am glad we didn't do it. Also from seeing my nephew and others who are, the head just is so exposed, I can't help but wonder if it is more temptation to play with it and also dulls the sensation more than having it covered? But totally could not be a factor haha, it just is whatever you're used to I'm sure.
We did a bit of research about this the first go-round and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends circumcision because the benefits outweigh the risks. Of course there are plenty of cultural norms that dictate decisions on both sides, but that is what the health professionals say, FWIW.
We did a bit of research about this the first go-round and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends circumcision because the benefits outweigh the risks. Of course there are plenty of cultural norms that dictate decisions on both sides, but that is what the health professionals say, FWIW.
Actually, although they say the benefits outweigh the risks, they do not recommend it as routine (neither do they recommend against it) but they say it is a decision that should be left to the parents.
Oh man. I live in Portland and this is a hot discussion. It’s about 50/50 here and in all my research the pros and cons to both don’t out weigh one decisions or another.
DH is Jewish but not super Jewish. I always call him Jew-ish...lol We practice what we can but don’t do much beyond the holidays at home. But he wanted it done for our son and so we sought out a doctor who was trained in Germany and does it the traditional way that Jewish people do. So no ceremony but DH did get to hand the tools to her which was cool for him.
I am a little jealous of these husbands that were so involved in the process. I really wanted DH to go when DS was circumcised (10 days old), but he was already back at work and it was very far from where he works. I felt like there was a father/son moment there that he missed out on
Just a comment on the “looking different” thing. I think it’s helpful to know that circumcision rates in the US have been dropping quite a bit. Stats I have seen say that historical rates of 80-90% from our generation are now in the 60-70% range, so I think that our sons are less likely to be the odd one out if they’re intact. Of course there are still big regional and cultural differences. My impression is that the rates of circumcision are lower where we live (New England) compared to national averages.
Me: 40 DH: 43 Married 5/30/15 TTC #1 June 2015 BFP #1 9/28/15, EDD 6/10/16. DS born 5/23/16! TTC #2 May 2017 BFP #2 m/c 11/18/17 5w5d BFP #3 12/17/17 EDD 8/25/18. It's a boy!
After my firstborns had to be redone we have to decided To wait until our second is after one and do it under anesthesia. I am super uncomfortable with doing it so soon after birth which must be stressful on them in itself.
I will say, that’s while I think it’s a personal decision with benefits and detriments either way, I think it’s odd to do it just for appearances, like wanting them to “match” their dad or siblings. It’s a huge decision and I don’t think it should be made lightly.
I will say, that’s while I think it’s a personal decision with benefits and detriments either way, I think it’s odd to do it just for appearances, like wanting them to “match” their dad or siblings. It’s a huge decision and I don’t think it should be made lightly.
I agree with this and also don't think a baby/little boy would ever question his genitals not matching his dad's. Presumably they will have seen their mom's vulva and know that looks WAY different so I would think in their eyes/minds, it would be easy to grasp that everyone's junk just looks a little different. I think the locker room later on could be tougher if there was only like one uncut kid in the class or school, but as other posters said, circumcising is much less universal for this next generation than it even was for ours so that may not be an issue going forward.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
My OB asked if we would be circumcising when I was pregnant with DS1. I told him no and he said that was great. He told me he was one of only TWO doctors in the practice who actually waited the 2-3 minutes after the numbing shot for it to kick in! Like, WTAF? Shouldn't there be some serious repercussions for those other docs? He said they typically just gave the shot, cut and knew the shot would help numb the pain within a few minutes. F that.
Also, after I had DS2, the on-call doc came in asking if we were planning to circumcise. I said no and he replied, "Oh, thank God. I hate doing those."
Perhaps it should have made me second guess my practice, but since we weren't having either DS undergo the procedure, it was kind of a moot point.
I think the locker room later on could be tougher if there was only like one uncut kid in the class or school, but as other posters said, circumcising is much less universal for this next generation than it even was for ours so that may not be an issue going forward.
And hopefully locker room sexual harassment and bullying, which frankly is what this would be, isnt tolerated like maybe a gen or 2 ago. Not trying to be naive that it would go away but I think the culture and acceptance of this stuff has shifted/is shifting.
Real question: does the completely open locker room/shower scenario still exist? That certainly wasn’t the set up even when I was in high school and I graduated in 2001.
^ that's what I was wondering too. My husband wrestled in college, and they would see each other naked every once in a while, but it certainly wasn't a regular thing.
I don't really understand OB's performing circumcisions. They aren't pediatricians, that's not their specialty. I adore my OB, but the pediatrician can do the circumcision.
After my firstborns had to be redone we have to decided To wait until our second is after one and do it under anesthesia. I am super uncomfortable with doing it so soon after birth which must be stressful on them in itself.
If you can find a doc that was trained in Germany go with that one. They do it right!
Here in Portland it’s about 50/50 and it may even be that less are performed now. At the hospital they don’t even ask, and my midwives office just goes over your insurance and says if your plan covers one or not but doesn’t suggest docs to perform it. So it’s definitely starting to be less common here. So I do agree @redheadbride15 that geographics can play a big part on how common it is.
DS is circumcised because DH is and he wanted to do it, I was on board with it during the pregnancy and even after birth but felt regret after he had it done. I felt bad thinking about how painful it was for him even though I know he has no memory of it and it won’t negatively affect him in his life. We also had some minor issues with healing which made me feel terrible. All in all, I don’t regret it so much anymore but I’m so glad we are having a girl and I don’t have to face that decision again.
Interesting that we were talking about this, because we got an email from the Rabbi who did our son’s circumcision, and apparently he’s had some “intactivists” leaving bad reviews on his Facebook and Google page, so he was asking for reviews.
Interesting that we were talking about this, because we got an email from the Rabbi who did our son’s circumcision, and apparently he’s had some “intactivists” leaving bad reviews on his Facebook and Google page, so he was asking for reviews.
That’s too bad when it comes to something like this. It’s about of their religion and culture. I can’t even imagine if we attacked everyone who did things in another religion and culture we weren’t okay with.
DSS is 18, and for what it's worth, he's had no social issues with his intact penis. I asked his opinion on circumcizung his little brother, and he said he wouldn't. It's not uncommon to be intact at his age here on the west coast.
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
@lalala2004 yes they will. I know several people that have gone this route. Do you have a problem with me doing something that I think is more humane for my son that’s 100% my prerogative and decision. We are here to give our opinions and I’ve our reasoning not question each other. The phrasing of your question seems very judgmental “actually do that”. 100% open to different ideas and opinions but do not appreciate the phrasing of your question.
Re: What are your thoughts on Circumcising?
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
Leaving it intact can also develop adhesions. There are also instances of phimosis (different than para) where the opening isn't big enough to retract to clean or let urine pass properly.
We haven't really made a decision one way or the other. H is circumcised, so this LO probably will be too. I've read a lot about it, but I think one thing that may sway my decision is a discussion with my OB about the procedure and anesthesia/numbing agents used/etc. (I read some places don't use anything? - although that may be more rare).
Also, I've noticed I read more stories about guys who had to have it done later in life and wished their parents would have done it as an infant than I read about those guys who had it done and wished their parents had not done it.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
If our little one is a boy we've both discussed it and probably won't have it done. My husband doesn't care either way to be honest and mostly left the decision up to me. He doesn't feel that "looking different" would be any sort of problem later down the line, either. And like @ladygali said, I feel as females we deal with a lot of skin crevice cleaning ourselves, so I'm not above learning how to properly clean an uncut penis, or teaching him how to keep it clean or about retracting it when the time is right so that it's stretched and there are no adhesions.
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
I have known several people from other countries that have had to have the surgery later in life and spoke very openly about how awful it was and wish they had it as a baby. That was just one factor in our decision process, but we both agreed so it really wasn't much of a conversation.
which I imagine can lead to issues. It was only like... 20/30 years ago that cdc changed the recommendation of forcibly retracting the foreskin in young children - which causes trauma and likely adhesions etc. I looked it up bc mil who was a nurse and ran a nursing school at the time gave us a VERY hard time about not retracting it, so I not only asked our pedi again but also looked it up to show dh her info was outdated. If memory serves it was changed in the 90s, but I looked it up 6+ years ago so maybe it was a little before or after that.
I think there are are plenty of stories of men with botched circ, including my own dh, and those who needed to have it done later. Personally I’d rather wait to do a surgery unless and until it’s needed, since it very likely will be fine left alone, but there’s certainly a cultural precedent in the us for it, and arguments on both sides. I see it as a parenting choice, though one I feel fairly strongly about myself.
Im not ok with ppl characterizing it as mutilation (not here!!! But I know it happens) any more than I’m ok with ppl saying intact prnises are gross, dirty etc (also not here but on my previous bmb someone said that - that ‘she’d never want her daughter to be with an intact guy because ewww’ not even kidding, though the quote I’m sure isn’t accurate).
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
100% to each his own.
DH and my sons all are not circumsized (I believe it is slightly less common in Canada than the USA). Interestingly, my gay BIL, who is circumsized, says he would never do it because from his experience with men who both are and aren't (and having one himself), he finds sex is a lot more pleasurable for uncircumsized men. Almost all my boyfriends have been uncircumcised, so that may skew my thinking, but sexual stuff seemed slightly easier for those who were not (I'm sure you adjust to whatever you have).
I like that I don't have to do anything to keep my boys clean - I am not supposed to pull back the skin ever because when they are intact it naturally cleans itself in there when they are little.
I didn't feel strongly about it and would have let my husband make the call either way, but now I am glad we didn't do it. Also from seeing my nephew and others who are, the head just is so exposed, I can't help but wonder if it is more temptation to play with it and also dulls the sensation more than having it covered? But totally could not be a factor haha, it just is whatever you're used to I'm sure.
https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages/newborn-male-circumcision.aspx
DS: Born 5-17-16
DH is Jewish but not super Jewish. I always call him Jew-ish...lol We practice what we can but don’t do much beyond the holidays at home. But he wanted it done for our son and so we sought out a doctor who was trained in Germany and does it the traditional way that Jewish people do. So no ceremony but DH did get to hand the tools to her which was cool for him.
"jew-ish" made me chuckle
Married 5/30/15
TTC #1 June 2015
BFP #1 9/28/15, EDD 6/10/16. DS born 5/23/16!
TTC #2 May 2017
BFP #2 m/c 11/18/17 5w5d
BFP #3 12/17/17 EDD 8/25/18. It's a boy!
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
My OB asked if we would be circumcising when I was pregnant with DS1. I told him no and he said that was great. He told me he was one of only TWO doctors in the practice who actually waited the 2-3 minutes after the numbing shot for it to kick in!
Also, after I had DS2, the on-call doc came in asking if we were planning to circumcise. I said no and he replied, "Oh, thank God. I hate doing those."
Perhaps it should have made me second guess my practice, but since we weren't having either DS undergo the procedure, it was kind of a moot point.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Here in Portland it’s about 50/50 and it may even be that less are performed now. At the hospital they don’t even ask, and my midwives office just goes over your insurance and says if your plan covers one or not but doesn’t suggest docs to perform it. So it’s definitely starting to be less common here. So I do agree @redheadbride15 that geographics can play a big part on how common it is.
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018