What are your thoughts on Circumcising?

ssthomps

I know there are opposing sides about this topic so let me hear them.
 
 Our doctor posed the question and it will cost 350.00 out of pocket, if he does it. DH is all for it. Due to me not having a penis, I don’t feel like I can really make that call. DH did it later in life and says he wouldn’t want his son to experience that as a grown man.

What are your thoughts and what are your husbands thoughts? If you had it with your son was it difficult to take care of? How long did it take to heal? Are you happy with your decision either way? I may have more questions as I hear your responses. 

scottishlass1213

Ours was covered by insurance so I didn’t have cost to consider and I guess honestly didn’t think about NOT doing it though either. It was easy to heal and you just have to push back the skin back for a while after diaper changes and wiping, if I remember correctly haha

ssthomps

scottishlass1213 said:

Ours was covered by insurance so I didn’t have cost to consider and I guess honestly didn’t think about NOT doing it though either. It was easy to heal and you just have to push back the skin back for a while after diaper changes and wiping, if I remember correctly haha

I am going to check my insurance to see if they cover it, but for sure my doctor doesn’t take insurance for it. Not sure why. 

mapleandbacon

You mean your husband *wouldn't* want your son to have to experience the procedure as an adult?

Your bound to have "intactivists" from all over the board jump out at you on this one.  For us there was no question about it.  If you've ever worked in a nursing home and seen how older gentlemen cannot properly care for themselves and skin start to die, or paraphimosis, you'd probably elect to do it. Rare, I know, but when you're care is in the hands of others mistakes can happen.

Personal decision for everyone.  At least in this day and age your son can elect to do it later if he wanted to, so no harm in waiting if you're undecided.  You've got first hand experience from your husband though, I'd let that be your most influential source of information!

carrotsandpeas3

No experience with a child of my own, but from a medical perspective, I agree with @mapleandbacon. It might be a few days of taking care of while he is an infant, but much less work for later in life hygiene-wise. 

ssthomps

mapleandbacon said:

You mean your husband *wouldn't* want your son to have to experience the procedure as an adult?
Yes, LoL. 
Your bound to have "intactivists" from all over the board jump out at you on this one.  For us there was no question about it.  If you've ever worked in a nursing home and seen how older gentlemen cannot properly care for themselves and skin start to die, or paraphimosis, you'd probably elect to do it. Rare, I know, but when you're care is in the hands of others mistakes can happen. 
That is fine, I want to hear all perspectives good and bad. 

Personal decision for everyone.  At least in this day and age your son can elect to do it later if he wanted to, so no harm in waiting if you're undecided.  You've got first hand experience from your husband though, I'd let that be your most influential source of information! For sure, I can’t even imagine. I want to puke. 

princesslockness

We will 100% do it for son #2 and any others. H had a pretty rough go on our first time dtd, and had to have an emergent one on our honeymoon. It was super complicated and I’m not risking that for my boys or their partners.

derbysquirrel

Older son is not circumcised, but husband is. I lean towards not, but asked DS if he thought we should circumcise because he actually has, ya know, a penis. He said "Na, I think it's mostly just for religious reasons." It seems to have mostly lost the stigma of previous generations, though trends vary dramatically regionally and culturally. I figure that even if it's unpleasant, he can always make that decision for himself later in life, but it can never be undone. DH is slightly disappointed someone messed with his nerve endings, but no one here has particularly strong feelings about the practice. 

ssthomps

@princesslockness you can’t give a story like that with out the deets. OMG!

@derbysquirrel gives a different perspective of a man who has it but is not thrilled about it. Thanks. 

lalala2004

It’s pretty controversial, but a personal decision. We did have DS circumcised for the reasons described above, but ultimately it is an elective procedure and usually unnecessary, so I totally understand people not wanting to have it done, as their are risks involved with it as well. To minimize the risks, we actually did a lot of research and went with a Jewish mohel instead of a doctor. They have more experience and use gentler methods. We were there for the procedure, it took seconds, and as soon as he was swaddled up (the mohel was also an expert swaddler!) He told us he’d see us in a couple of years (I guess he was right!) And we were on our way. He gave us his phone number and encouraged questions and even pictures if we were concerned. Our pediatrician even commented on how good it looked and how well it healed. All that to say, if you have that option available to you, I highly recommend it. I don’t know how many mohels will do this for non-Jews, but we have a pretty good size Jewish population nearby, so actually had a couple options. We paid $300.

melprop

We had DS circumcised to help prevent medical issues later in life and so he’d look like DH for ease of potty training. We’ll have this boy circumcised too for the same reasons. 

Our insurance covered DS’s circ. Our family doctor had regular shifts at the hospital where I had DS, so he did the circ in the hospital before we were discharged. Now we have different ins, and I’m delivering at a different hospital, so I’m not sure how everything will work. Adding “call ins about circumcision” and “ask OB how hospital handles circ” to my list of things to do. 

jsnakehole

We're Jews, so there was never a question about whether or not our son will be circumcised. We will be having a bris eight days after our son is born, as religious law dictates. He'll be circumcised by a mohel (and the whole thing with them sucking the blood with their mouths only happens in very few ultra ultra religious sub-sects of Judaism that even the ultra orthodox look at like "damn, we could have left that one with the first temple"- definitely not a thing that will happen in my progressive-reform synagogue). I'm resisting the urge to only have vaguely phallic food catered in for the lunch to follow (my cousin has already offered to make a penis cake that says 'This baby is a cut above the rest!'). From what I've heard from my friends at my shul, mohels actually do a better job because it's literally their only job, so they've had plenty of practice. 

Both my mother and MIL say that it was easy enough to care for and healed quickly. Quite a few of my mom's friends had sons who had to have it done later in life for medical reasons and were left wishing it had just been done when they were babies. 

princesslockness

@ssthomps Well MIL is a firm ‘nature is perfect so don’t mess with it’ camp. So H never learned how to clean, or even how/when to pull the foreskin back.

He had re-attached in some spots and didn’t know. So upon ‘entrance’ he tore about 3/4 of the foreskin off. Made for a huge bloody, traumatizing, and expensive mess. It took us months to be cleared and want to try again.

It might have been that he was uneducated, it might be genetic, or a mixture of both. So with our personal experience and the benefits the CDC has found it’s a no brainer for us.

ssthomps

princesslockness said:

@ssthomps Well MIL is a firm ‘nature is perfect so don’t mess with it’ camp. So H never learned how to clean, or even how/when to pull the foreskin back.

He had re-attached in some spots and didn’t know. So upon ‘entrance’ he tore about 3/4 of the foreskin off. Made for a huge bloody, traumatizing, and expensive mess. It took us months to be cleared and want to try again.

It might have been that he was uneducated, it might be genetic, or a mixture of both. So with our personal experience and the benefits the CDC has found it’s a no brainer for us.

My mouth dropped open. I can’t imagine this happening on your honey moon. What a first time experience. Poor guy. 

mrs_drc_rn

Nurse here. And as one that works with older adults, totally echoing what @mapleandbacon said. That was my main reason for wanting it done, and despite DH being circumcised, he actually didn’t want it done. Also, as @melprop mentioned, I took into consideration that if we didn’t get it done, DS potentially having an issue with “looking different” than DH. It was covered under our insurance, so we didn’t have the financial aspect to consider. 

calimom2524

Both of my boys are and I don’t regret having it done. I knew a guy who didn’t take good enough care of his and had to have an emergency one at 20 and was so pissed at his parents for not doing it at birth. They heal pretty quick just make sure you have lots of easy to use petroleum jelly on hand for every diaper change. 

lolog531

We did it with DS and will also have this one circumcised. We chose to mostly for all the reasons listed above. The doctor did it in the hospital before we were discharged and it was a few days of being extra gentle and lots of petroleum jelly. It’s definitely a personal choice though and I understand and respect others who choose not to have the procedure. 

Secretstapler

Wow, I didn't expect to be so much in the minority here.  DH is not circumcised, and neither is DS.  I felt pretty much the same way, I don't have a penis, so I don't really feel like I'm qualified to decide.  DH didn't want to. 

I read up on it and found that it really does seem to be a wash either way as far as risks and benefits, so I felt better going with the option that was reversible if my son changes his mind when he's old enough.

So far, caring for it has been really basic.  The pediatrician warned us that the foreskin is not supposed to retract in the first few years, so not to try.  I'm counting on DH to teach him how to care for himself when he's old enough.

If we had chosen to circumcise, it was covered by insurance if we had it done while still in the hospital, but we'd have to pay for it if we chose to do it later.

princesslockness

@ssthomps Yeah, not memories we talk about like ever.

I will say this about L’s. I was in the room when it and his tongue tie were taken care of. L threw more of a fit about being strapped down then he did about the actual procedure. He had the bell thingy on afterwards. Our only care was to make sure it was clean, and fell off on its own.

Mkrosieo

I left the choice up to DH who is not. And I was surprised with his answer that he wanted the baby to be circumcised. 

F47

H is from England and not circumcised. Neither are our boys. This one is a girl, so don’t have to make the decision. H, DS1 & DS2 have never had any issues stemming from being uncircumcised. I’m glad H wasn’t because I would’ve had trouble agreeing to let the doctor cut on my newborn. 

pghctwife

We did not circumcise and it was a joint decision - I don’t agree that because I don’t have a penis I don’t get to have a say. 

We decided against it despite dh being circd. Its much less of a given nowadays - circ rates have gone way down. I didn’t see the need to do something invasive like that with no persuasive benefits, and I did a lot more f research at the time even read the cdc materials on it. 

Care of if a newborn intact penis is much much easier - there’s nothing beyond just wiped it clean and bathing like the rest of the body - no open wound. As they age, it’s still easy. No pulling back until it retracts, and at that point they are doing it themselves. And it may take years - my 7yo hasn’t yet and it’s a non issue. And it’s just... washed. They wash a bit the inside themselves. They are encouraged to stretch it in the shower, but never would I pull it back. The cleanliness thing is a myth. 

The driving reason fof my husbsbd to opt against it was because he felt it was rooted in a religion we don’t practice. That and the increased pleasure from an intact penis lol. There’s never been one iota of mention of comparing dicks with daddy. Never other than noting the size difference - and frankly I don’t think any of them have seen his in a really really long time. 

A silver lining was it helped get us home faster too, depending on the timing a circ can delay your discharge (if you are like me and want to go home at 24 hrs)

proudparent2b

Like others have said, I left the decision w/ DH. He’s nor circumsized and decided DS shouldn’t be either.

KonaCoffeeBean

No, we didn’t circumcise. We do not belong to any religious tradition that requires it, and we actually talked to a urologist about the benefits. He basically said that there really aren’t any—medically—if you practice proper hygiene. 

jsnakehole

As far as the whole pleasure aspect is concerned, I had been with mostly Jewish guys before I met my husband (and a non-practicing Muslim guy, but that's a long story), and they all seemed to be enjoying things/operating just as well as the few uncircumcised guys I was with. Not that my college/grad school years were a scientific study (though I may have claimed they were to justify some of my fun). 

Secretstapler

I think my idea about not being qualified to decide was largely based on the sensitivity question.  I just really have no idea what it feels like either way.  Then again, most men have only experienced one way, so they can't speak to the comparison.

When it comes to the medical question, I definitely think moms have an equal say with dads.

hannerbananers

I grew up in a family that circumcised it's boys and I'm pretty indifferent towards it. I agree with some previous bumpies in that it can always be done in adulthood should an intact person decide they want it done. The way I have always seen it is that if I was to marry someone with it done, then our boys would get it done, and vice versa. My hubby is not, and therefore we won't either. I did however already tell hubby if we have a boy, it's his job to teach baby boy about penis hygiene and foreskin health! (Yes, I am an RN and could do it but I'm still going to make him do it). Also as a woman who has dated men both intact and not, I just don't really see a big deal either way. 

brzvice

I haven't had to make a decision on this for a child but can share my highschool sweetheart was uncircumcised and was really embarrassed because there was always a smegma odor even when he was fresh out of the shower. I don't know if that is unusual or not but he did want to have the surgery to remove the foreskin as an adult because of that issue.

hannerbananers

Also, anyone wanting more info on the medical aspects of circumcision, and also the public health considerations should check out this World Health Organization Document. SO MUCH INFO!  https://www.who.int/hiv/pub/malecircumcision/neonatal_child_MC_UNAIDS.pdf

kburg15

My husband is and our son isn’t. If this baby is a boy, he also won’t be. As far as the husband making the decision, I disagree. I think it should be a joint decision, just as all major decisions regarding our child are. However, honestly, I don’t think it should be a parents’ decision at all unless there is a specific medical reason to do so—I know this may be unpopular. Basically I agree with everything @pghctwife said previously. 

Also I couldn’t even stand to watch the heel prick blood collection thing done (which DS had to have 3 separate times) so I know I couldn’t emotionally handle anything more invasive done to my newborn haha. 

elsieisamoocow

I’m surprised at the majority here! I also agree that it’s a joint decision, but I do think that men often have stronger feelings about it one way or the other. 

I have only been with one uncircumcised man and though it wasn’t an issue, it wasn’t my favorite, personally, so I was pro-circ. DH is circ’d and he is also half Jewish, so it wasn’t even an option in his mind. He’s not really practicing, so we didn’t have a mohel do it, or a bris, we had the OB do it. It was covered by insurance. We plan to do it again with this boy, and hopefully it’ll be covered again. Care is super easy, just make sure you use lots of neosporin or whatever they recommend when it’s healing. 

tops-2

We're having a boy and definitely not circumcising. Even if my husband was done I still wouldn't want it. To me it's unnecessary cosmetic surgery. Yes something COULD go wrong in the future, in which case we can have it addressed then; but in that sense we should be removing babies appendixes when they're born too incase they get appendicitis later in life.
Just my two cents

7425cait

Thanks so much for this post and everyone's experiences with circ. DH is, but we have debated on not having it done. One of the pp comments above is really having me think. I never considered an instance when my son wouldn't be able to care for it himself (accident, developmental issues, getting older). So that is the only reason I'm now leaning towards circ. 

melprop

I’ll add this... I don’t know what the status of FIL’s was, but he had to have some sort of a circ or partial circ done last month in his 70’s. He was a home birth on a family farm in the 1940’s, so I’m guessing circs were either not done regularly or not done well back then. 
It took him at least a week to recover enough to be up & moving around without bleeding. 

redheadbride15

I don’t have strong feelings about this at all, but we chose not to circumcise DS1 and I’m assuming we will decline for this boy too. My family is British and none of the men are circumcised. No one has ever had a problem, even as elderly men with dementia. My DH is circumcised and I was surprised that he was actually the one with strong feelings against it. He told me he thought it was barbaric and wishes his parents had not made that decision for him as an infant. So I followed his lead. I find that caring for an uncircumcised penis in a kid is easy - our pediatrician says that there is no need to retract the foreskin. Just regular cleaning at bath time is all we do. I don’t think there’s a wrong decision. The medical data is really equivocal at this point, so I think it comes down to culture and personal experiences and preference.

pghctwife

Ftr my pleasure comment was mostly tongue in cheek - supposedly there is a difference so it was a kinda joking reason dh used not to, but I am pretty sure most intact and circumcised men get ample pleasure from their penises

ladygali

I basically agree with everything @pghctwife said. DH is circumcised and it’s actually slightly botched. My brother isn’t and I assume my dad is not since he was born in 1932 at home in the country, lol. I saw no medical reason to cut off a piece of my newborn son’s skin at birth, especially in such a sensitive place. My first ped gave us bad hygiene advice but I’ve since learned to just clean it like you’d clean a finger. DS loves to give himself a little erection and pull on the fore skin, so I’m sure he’ll figure out how to pull it back and clean it (we will help him, obviously). DH initially wanted to circumcise because he didn’t want our son to be made fun of in middle school, which I thought was a really dumb reason. If baby 2 is a boy, he will stay intact as well. 

aj1327

DS is circumcised. So is DH. We don’t have strong feelings either way, but my OB (who did it) did tell us it is purely cosmetic. If I had it to do over, I probably wouldn’t do it. This baby is also a boy though, and since the other 2 are done, I’ll probably circumcise him too. We haven’t discussed it yet. 

mrsbubbles-2

We decided to circumcise DS. It was a joint decision for us.

Care was pretty easy, we had a bunch of small squares of gauze (think like 3"x3") and a Popsicle stick next to a tub of petroleum jelly on the diaper changing station. At each diaper change we would use the stick to scoop out a good amount of the jelly, put it on the gauze, then gently 'teepee' it over his penis. He healed up pretty quick and the pediatrician told us when we could stop using the gauze and jelly.

melissaf22

I really happy to see those of you that had a mohel do it. We are Jewish but my husband watched some videos of the whole blood sucking thing and has decided we will forgo the ceremony and have it done in the hospital problem is my family is very upset since this boy will be the only boy in the family. This news caused quite the fight last weekend at a family function and my grandmother is very upset. I personally think a mohel is the way to go but my DH is very stubborn! I sent him what you guys said about mohel’s and am hoping to get him to go talk to a local one and get some real information 

jsnakehole

@melissaf22 definitely have your husband talk to a mohel. My husband's family is Orthodox, and when I brought that up to him he explained that the people who do that are so ultra religious that even the religious people are like 'wtf'.