GTKY - Bad Bumpie Behaviors

acciocoffee

+1 for mass tagging! I used to do it when I first joined TTGP because I genuinely thought nobody would like me if I didn't interact with everyone. It felt like such a close little community and I really wanted to fit in. I do think it helped me learn who everyone was though. 

I will add to the pee stick complaint. It drives me crazy when drive-bys post pictures of clearly positive tests and then ask if they are pregnant. What?! Read the freaking instructions! It's not that hard!

doxiemoxie212

@galactickates if I understand what you're saying correctly, you have no problem with people "mass tagging" if every person they're responding to gave enough new information for there to be something worth responding to and the person responding gave a thoughtful response that adds something new/worthwhile to the conversation. @Augusta108 in the IF thread, there are a lot of people, and they generally are sharing a lot of personal information with a lot of real questions/requests for past experience. The responses are tangibly helpful -- massive, yes, but still really genuine and helpful. In the dailies, and even in TTCAL a bit, you see the mass tagging more as like, "Yay! The weekend!" and "Glad you had fun!" but like 15x from each person. I have never known how to be that kind of person IRL let alone online, so I always just tried to make an effort to respond to people who were actually asking questions, needed advice, or if I had something more to contribute to continue that conversation. Everything else feels like it can be handled with a love tit. And I think people should try their best to read all the other responses and retain the information so that later they can reference it like, "Oh I remember you said you were visiting your grandmas, ugh this thing you just mentioned must have been doubly frustrating because you were traveling, right?" etc. 

galactickates

@doxiemoxie212 - you said it much more effectively then I. That's exactly what I mean. 

If 15 people tag each of the other 14 people that's 210 tags.  In the first round of responses.  For 15 people!  210! The conversation quickly dies and the people really genuinely asking for help and support that day are quickly buried and don't get the support they need because of these daunting obligated mass tags.  

DoxieMoxie - I like what you said about reading and trying to retain the information.  I would love this which is why I'm having this mass tagging intervention. I would like to get to know the other ladies but it's literally impossible to when you have that much to wade through and it's filled with nothing but "me too" tags.  

SkilledSailor

Oh finally thought of a lame one! When someone has started to become active but still hasn't updated their little photo icon (of course the actual name of that thing slips my mind now). If you're photo is a man holding a baby or a generic pregnant cartoon then I'm probably still going to skim your posts. I'm horrible with names and really rely on those personalized photos to help me remember who is who. 

lovesclimbing

It bugs me so much when people complain about the app being glitchy. So stop using the app! With the exception of the odd one-off post once every couple months from my computer, I bump and knot exclusively via safari on my iPhone. I have NEVER had an issue. It works great. Sometimes, I will be logged out when I first come on, and I just refresh the page once or twice and it auto-logs me in. I have never used the app and never will, moreso because I just don't want another app on my phone, but the complaints about the app influence that too. 

ETA: Oh I thought of another. When people say pregnancy is actually 10 months, not nine. No. No, it is not. They are getting this by saying "a month is four weeks, so 40 weeks equals 10 months." Four weeks is 28 days, and all the months but one have 2-3 days more than that. So pregnancy is actually somewhere between 9 1/4 and 9 1/3 months. 

meggyme

@lovesclimbing I tried using safari but had too much trouble navigating to my pages for some reason. I use the glitchy app instead.

maureenmce

This has been such a fascinating thread, especially because I thought you *had* to mass tag on TTGP. I thought that was part of board etiquette and people would shun you otherwise, haha. But it's cool to know so many people are anti, because I think it can get generic, even when you don't want to. Like, sometimes a person will basically post almost nothing on TWW but their cycle days/dpo and I would be searching for something (anything!) to talk about! I do think mass tags were helpful for me in the beginning to get to know who everyone was, but I can definitely see that, once you know people, personal responses you actually care about are better than mass tags. Especially, especially, especially in TTCAL, where definitely a heartfelt, personal message or silence would be best.

holly321

I think most people mass tag because hey feel like they are supposed to, or they are otherwise being rude.  

lalala2004

When I was TTC#1 on TTGP mass tagging wasn't really a thing. Basically one person was super duper nice and started tagging and responding to everyone just because they were a nice person. Then everyone felt like they needed to do that, but I agree it gets crazy. I never tagged anyone unless I actually had something to say. Also guilty of not always responding if someone already said what I was planning to say. I would feel dumb just saying +1 to a comment that's already there. Mass tagging doesn't bug me unless someone is doing it and not really giving thoughtful responses, but then, that's a lot of effort, it shouldn't be an expectation.

Definitely on BMBs people who intro, ask to be added to the spreadsheet, post their U/S photo and then never participate at all...Why? I'll never understand that. I went through my BMB spreadsheet at over half the people hadn't participated since that first week. I don't get it. 

Also, the people that want to immediately start a Facebook group. Why are you here? I guarantee you could search Facebook for a group of people pregnant and due the same month as you. Have fun with those crazies, but that's not for me. TTC groups on Facebook are crazy enough with people posting picture of CM and pee sticks all the time. The last thing I want to see is somebody's mucus plug. And then once the babies are born...Poop. Nope nope nope.

holly321

@lalala2004, I hate Facebook ttc type groups.  My BMB with DS moved to Facebook about halfway through the pregnancy and it was frustrating. I couldn't comment as much during the day and felt like I could not keep up, as opposed to on here, where I felt it was easier and more user friendly no matter what time of day. The only other group I am on is a TTC/life after molar pregnancy group, it is awful.  They are always showing they are pregnant, with tests and I just don't care shout anyone on there yet.  Plus, they are rather uneducated as to how to reproduction works, which drives me nuts.

I have been thinking a lot about the mass tagging issues, and with what @galactickates said about a recent issue with the TTCAL post, and I think this is an issue that comes from over organizing the board, where no individual posts are allowed.  I am not saying everything should be like it used to, but after my first loss, I remember loss ladies made a reintroduction type post. 

lalala2004

@holly321 I was only on one for TTC while breastfeeding since it’s such a niche circumstance, and the ignorance was astounding. Women taking non-prescribed progesterone, all kinds of crazy supplements, people saying you can know you’re pregnant prior to implantation if you “know your body.” I kept getting into arguments with one lady in particular who was constantly insisting on things with no basis in facts. 

I thougnt of another thing that drives me nuts: When people won’t just say sex or period. We’re adults, here. When you use euphemisms you sound like an immature child.

suzycupcake

@lalala2004 Intercourse....

Our fertility people always say 'intercourse'. It always makes me laugh hysterically on the inside because it reminds me of some conservative old prude or something when they say it. 

@holly321 Maybe some of the organizing causes that but I don't know. For two weeks this cycle, I was so hormonal that I thought nobody liked me. I think we have to remember that a lot of hormones fly around here and all of us are going through certain things. We have to give people the space to be human and make human mistakes. 

I know that speaking for me personally, I'm the sensitive type and I want everyone to like me. It magnifies with adding hormones to my cycle. The board organization keeps me sane though.

Okay, I'm starting to lose my train of thought and have no idea what I'm saying anymore....

But, there are just a lot of people who come on here who don't really give a crap about other women and are only here for themselves. I take issue with that and I think when someone doesn't do something as simple as following the board's etiquette system, I think it can come off as they don't care about anyone else enough to at least try to fit in. 

This wine I'm drinking is really good. 

izza2

Mass tagging sucks monkey butt when the responses aren't genuine. Or if the response is the same advice four other people shared.


Also, piggy backing off @lalala2004's post - BD needs to die out already. Baby Dance sounds creepy AF. I'd take "do the deed" or "ruffle the sheets" over BD.

izza2

OH - because I do this all the time:
More of an UO than a bad bumpie behaviour, but I don't think you need to add a reason for editing your post if all you're doing is fixing grammar and spelling.
I can't spell isht anymore because my brain is fried, so 9 times out of 10 I have to go back and edit my post or I look like I didn't graduate elementary school. I don't think that warrants a reason for editing.

I've seen posts with like four edit reasons for this and I can't help but roll my eyes because no ones dying to know that's why you edited your post.

"ETA: grammar
ETA: punctuation, omg I suck 
Edit3: still can't spell
Edit4: Forgot an exclamation mark"

coco2787

I think the editing explanation came about because of people getting flamed for dirty deleting, but I still think it's annoying/unnecessary.  BD really weirds me out for some reason.  I also don't like DH, DD, DS.  Just say my husband or my son/daughter.  

prpl11butterfly

I actually don't like any of the bump specific acronyms.

jengibre_zorro

I am guilty of the lack of gif abilities.  For some reason it takes me 10 extra steps to gif, (i think its because i use my work computer, but very well could be because i'm an idiot.)  it's embarrassing, and just know everytime i don't post a gif out of laziness/fear, i am at the very least, mentally gifing (giffing? gif-ing?)

+1 for explaining an edit.  its not like everyone is getting notified that you are editing, so most people would probably be none the wiser if you just edit your post, explanation free.

eleven_

I just thought of something that I find annoying. I hate reading an entire post where the font is bolded. It's so unpleasant for my eyes to read. 

@izza2 I swear I edit every single one of my posts because I don't always proofread, but I'm a perfectionist at the same time. I have to edit if I see the slightest mistake.

izza2

@eleven_ - I proofread my posts and still end up posting them with errors
And then I go back to the thread a couple of minutes later and re-read my post and I'm like "are you effing kidding me izza?".

krash_

I was definitely guilty of mass tagging on TTGP and I kind of feel responsible for it's evolution into perceived etiquette. I found that I would have a genuine response to nearly everyone except for like two people and I didn't want them to feel left out so I would just add a generic tag. FFTC; I was kind of proud of my technique of opening two windows and scrolling through posts to tag like 15 people at once. I see now how that is insincere and clogs up the dailies with people who actually need advice/support. 

I hate it when people tell someone "YGPM" my nosy self just wants to know what about. I know people on mobile might not see it but if they don't respond to you in a day or so then let them know. Only exception I could see to this is when someone is actually being a jack ass and you want to make sure they see why they are being a jack ass so they don't continue to be a jack ass. So I guess feel free to tag me with YGPM if you think I'm being a jack ass. 

galactickates

@krashke

doxiemoxie212

@krashke I used to YGPM people in TTGP if I was on early and saw they’d posted a bfp or something in the dailies to try to get them to take it down before everyone saw/flipped out. But then they’d usually just tell me to stop being board police. So ayo, I tried, and then the flaming would begin.  As if I thought it was fun to make up what would upset the board. 

krash_

Another bad behavior that grinds my gears...UPDATE YOUR SIGNATURE!!! Or delete it all together. 

izza2

@krashke - BUT WE ALL NEED TO BE PREGNANT FOR 9047 DAYS.

Gawd, those signatures grate my nerves for some reason. I'm such a sensitive Sally, I guess, lmao.

Those and I saw one with a huge picture of someone's child that took up the entire page at one point. I don't remember which BMB that was, but I was happy when that one was deleted.

spottedginger

Someone popped up on a thread and really rubbed me the wrong way. I let it go, then she doubled down and preached at us and it really pushed me to defcon level five. I shouldn’t bump when I’ve missed meals so today I am my own bad bumpie behavior. 

lurvleybunchococonuts

"No bumping on an empty stomach" should be added to any and all introductory/read first guides   I'm bitchy enough on a full stomach, don't get me started when I'm hangry  
I feel as though I'm guilty of many of these, especially the mass tagging.  I always felt in TTGP that if I didn't comment on other posts I'd look like a self absorbed jerkface.  I totally get the "post actual responses not just generic bs" and am guilty of a quite a few of those.  I didn't want to look like a twat for specifically not commenting back to people that essentially would post nothing.  *shrug* my bad for helping perpetuate that whole practice.
AFM, this might just be a general annoyance, not strictly bump related, but I hate when people *hint* at things.  If you have a question, come out and effing ask it.  Or if you have an opinion, state it!  Granted I'm pretty laid back and could give less of a crap about most things but ugh... if you want to know why the color of your poop is green than ask!  Don't add it to each of your posts hoping we'll all ask why.  

galactickates

@lurvleybunchococonuts - that's vaguebumping and it's super annoying.  I'll change the wording to protect their identity but someone said "anxiety attacks are fun" 

Ok.... instead trying saying "I'm going through a really rough time xyz happened and I struggle with anxiety what do you think I should do about xyz or how do you cope with your anxiety" basically anything but some vague statement baiting us to ask "ooooh what's wrong" let's just skip that and go straight to what's wrong.  

Also I might be senile old lady trapped in 33 year old's body.

prpl11butterfly

@galactickates going to town with the new emojis! Lol

suzycupcake

Ok seriously, I wanna know how to use our phone emojis on here! Somebody show me!

prpl11butterfly

@suzycupcake

kristah2

I just saw this (because I'm a huge lurker on TTGP) and was amazed! It's like secret emjois!!

lurvleybunchococonuts

@prpl11butterfly I feel like my life is now complete thank you

prpl11butterfly

 

meggyme

no eye roll emoji, but this should come in handy...

suzycupcake

Ooooooooh thanks friends!

SkilledSailor

@meggyme TB probably new we'd totally abuse the eye roll emoji, haha. 

galactickates

  I send this one to H 50 times a day

galactickates

I love that we can gif whatever we want on the internet but we're all super stoked on the emojis 

prpl11butterfly

I'm 99% sure emojis are life

doxiemoxie212

Can I get a full cheat sheet pls