GTKY - Bad Bumpie Behaviors

galactickates

What bad bumpie behaviors drive you crazy. We're all guilty of them and/or know someone that is. Maybe instead of building up frustration we can laugh about it. 


Or light the match to burn this place to the ground.  Hopefully not though 

I'll go first
- Mass tagging - President of the anti mass tagging campaign. Please join my cause. 
- Hugs as a one word response to someone going through a difficult time.  At least end your thoughts with it.  
-T&P can kiss my @$$.

galactickates

Ok,  I've got another one:

When Facebook crosses into TB and you get the learned bad behavior of vaguebumping... except it's worse, because unlike Facebook where your friends will ask you what you mean by your vague post,  we don't know you,  nor do we care.  If you want to spit out some random thing just do it, but I don't need to be baited into asking. I'll spare us all from the example. 

maureenmce

This is a super obvious, very bad one, but **TW BFP** posting photos of BFPs! There is something about it that's SO jarring and painful, especially after a recent loss, and it just makes me mental that anyone would think that's okay. 'Oh, a group full of people I've never met and know nothing about? COOL, let me shove my pee stick in their faces!' Whhhhhyyyyy. And why is the photo always GIGANTIC? end TW**

galactickates

@maureenmce oooh good one! Why didn't i think of that? My eyes always start burning when I see those posts. Possibly from tears.  Not confirming or denying that last part. 

catlady2015

All the "Could I be pregnant" posts. whether they're like @maureenmce mentions or the "lemme dear diary my symptoms and ask strangers on the internet instead of peeing on a stick and calling my doctor". 

galactickates

Then they say "I didn't ask if I was pregnant, I just said has anyone who is pregnant experienced this? But I mean if we're going to go there...  am I?" *Slips pee stick into comment*

coco2787

@galactickates I don’t like mass tagging in the dailies but I think that in threads like IF and TTCAL they’re nice and more genuine/heartfelt.  

galactickates

@coco2787 I invite you to go back through the ttcal this week and REALLY read the mass tags. Ask yourself if I was the person tagged would this be comforting to me. I think you might be surprised at how filled it is with empty careless words.  I can pm you examples. Your eyes might be opened.  

spottedginger

People who complain about not knowing how to gif or comment in gif threads just to say they can’t. This new version of the bump has an insert link place so you just drop and go. When I was first on the bump we had to actually use code to embed a gif and we all still did it. If you can’t figure it out just use the damn search function. I don’t care about you as an individual enough to explain it or search for you and tag back to a how to. 

galactickates

I've said this before but since we're getting things off our chest officially - I hate the people who feel like they should post in the grad thread but then on their bmb don't know how to gif or ask if the bump has an app. Biotch... if you don't know these simple things you haven't been around long enough for us to care if you got a BFP.

jrm_14

Holy crap @galactickates. ❤️ Love this. 
-People who have been here far long enough to do at least a few tags when they first post vs people who post & only respond to tags. 
-Mass tagging with very generic responses. 
-Regulalry butting into BMBs if which you are not a part. 
-People who constantly don’t TW their children talk. Take it to TFAS!  The occasional is super fine, when relevant. (ETA: on TTGP board)
-T&Ps (I’ve been guilty of this). 
-People who have a late DD & participate in two BMBs (I’m judgey-it’s okay, I own it). 
-Giving advice or responding with your own semi-relatable stories instead of genuine support. 
-(usually newer) regulars who will c&p things, apparently not read them, and commit the exact thing their c&p says NOT to do. 
-Even is you have tried 4/4-6/6 or whatever, if you have been here 1, 2, sometimes 3 months & graduate, silence is best. 

meggyme

+1 for mass tags. I’m more a fan of quotes, just so I don’t have to scroll back up and down to follow a conversation.

People that get butthurt when we don’t want to guess the sex of their children based on profile shots.

galactickates

Boring redundant gtkys in the dailies 
My favorite season is summer. Hasn't changed.  All super hero questions need to be retired. Like for forever.

prpl11butterfly

People who change their stories when they don't get the response they want. What are they like IRL?

People who get (or even act) butt hurt over things. No offence but I'm not going to go running crying if I have a difference of opinion with someone here. It does not affect me IRL.

prpl11butterfly

Oh and also, asking Qs but not bothering to acknowledge answers. If I take the time to respond with an answer, at least give my comment a love tit.

spottedginger

People who come to the bump just to complain about the bump and express preferences for another platform or forum. Yes, we realize the app is glitchy and difficult, but we all think that what this community has to offer is worth working around that. If you don’t, we don’t care. Go join the other site of your preference and good riddance. 

galactickates

Eww no @meggyme quoting is too intrusive. 

meggyme said:

+1 for mass tags. I’m more a fan of quotes, just so I don’t have to scroll back up and down to follow a conversation.

People that get butthurt when we don’t want to guess the sex of their children based on profile shots.

Feels gross right? 

spottedginger

Ahh, but @galactickates I do love a good QFP. 

nmbrcrnchr1

oh man, this could get fun:

+1 to mass tagging, I’ve done it on TTGP but only bc I thought that was the norm. Sometimes I just don’t have something to say but I feel bad if I respond to others and not all, not anymore since I guess I’m not alone with this.

+1 to people joining more than 1 BMB, especially when people are like “I’m due the 3rd, but I’ll prob have a repeat CS and give birth the last week of _____” and then go join that BMB, please...I don’t need to lurk your story in 2 locations 

-when people don’t QFP and I miss out on drama
-the GTKY threads with vague titles...ex - GTKY #1,2,3... don’t make me click on a title to see if it’s interesting or not lol 

i may be back later to add more, let me go lurk some threads

SkilledSailor

@jrm_14 I’m definitely guilty of the advice/own experience thing rather than support. That’s just the way I think and offer support but I do need to get better at active listening. 

I can’t think of any of my own right now. Most are general things I find annoying, that are not necessarily Internet forum specific. 

Example: People who complain about x,y, and z a lot but don’t ever seem to do anything to change the issue. Usually job related ones agitate me most. 

galactickates

@spottedginger that's why quoting feels ick... because quoting is reserved for qfps. I don't want to be quoted just because I said I'm going to Disneyland next week, and they want to quote me to say "I love Disneyland too!" - LT that ish. 

galactickates

@SkilledSailor - I think we're all guilty of some of these offending behaviors. I wouldn't worry about owning up to it.  

My whole hope with this thread was to make eachother laugh,  vent, and then go be better bumpies for it.  


Also I hate the term bumpies.  I cringe everytime I write it.  I don't have a better term though. Help me! Also probably won't stop until a better term shows up.  

SkilledSailor

@galactickates Haha true! It’s just one that I’ve already been trying to get better at. Got me right in the feels. 

kristah2

I really think I’m a crabby human because literally all of these things bother me. 

It drives me bonkers when people post photos and don’t use a spoiler. 
This feature is so convenient and I mobile, stop taking over my phone!

oaklandava

Ugh. I did the BMB board thing. I ended up staying in N18 though mostly. After today's news though, I am truly praying I get to stay. 

+1 to the grad threads. I didn't spend a lot of time on the bump fortunately prior to my bfp, but common sense says nobody is genuinely going to be happy for a person who only tried for a small period of time. Not when people have been trying for years. 

I don't know where the messages are on the mobile app any ideas?

galactickates

@oaklandava - scroll up

kristah2

@oaklandava why wouldn’t n18 let you stay?

oaklandava

@kristah2 Oh, no it's not them that wouldn't let me stay (I don't think!). We didn't get the best news at our US today, so I am hoping that I get to stay.

coco2787

@galactickates I’ll have to go look, I’ll admit I don’t read a lot of the stuff that are tagged for other people. I try to write genuine responses in TTCAL but sometimes people don’t write much so it can be hard.  I do know I’m guilty of sometimes doing the personal anecdotes instead of offering genuine advice or empathy. 

offtoneverland

+1 to people not understanding how to post gifs. It seriously is so easy, and if you can't figure it out, Google it! It drives me nuts how people can't figure out how to copy a link.
+1 to repetitive, boring GTKYs. How many pets do you have? What did you want to be when you were little? Ugh.
+1 to people who can't bother to do any tags at all in the dailies. They definitely don't need to tag everyone, but if they just post their own stats and move on, they're not really getting to know anyone. Obviously this is fine if people are really busy and can't come back to tag every once in a while, but there are some who did this every day for months and it got irritating.  

Mine:
-Related to the mass tagging, it drives me crazy when in response to someone saying they got a BFN, 100 people respond to just say "Sorry for the BFN! FX it's just too early!" ( @galactickates Your post on TTGP reminded me of that today. I'm such a stalker!) 
-When people post once on a BMB to post a pic of their u/s and never come back. I don't know you and I don't want to see your uterus! (Am I supposed to TW things like this here? I don't think so, but I can add one if anyone thinks I should. Still learning the ropes over here!)

meggyme

@galactickates I guess I like it because it’s just a quick button click vs scrolling up and down trying to remember how to spell people’s sn’s. Especially as a newer reg to TTGP it’s hard to remember everyone. It’s not as difficult on my old bmb, but I still go up and down going “who said that again?”

I keep requesting a tag button feature on the app, but I never see it go anywhere. Something you could click as you read and automatically put the sn’s.

coco2787

I hate when people who are 1/1 complain about the TTC waiting game 

galactickates

There might be some tw idk talking about IF and TTCAL I'll put in a spoiler not to dampen the fun but this is why I hate mass taggings

@coco2787 - that's the problem.  It's impossible to wade through it and carry on a conversation. People don't speak like that naturally. Honestly I find it offensive in ttcal. The ladies in IF know eachother and have been together a long time and it works for them.  Thats different. They are going through testing and treatments together.  They can follow up with eachother without even a first post because they've been together.  


TTCAL is different. You can have someone pop in after a CP and get ku the very next cycle and they're gone again.  Getting empty word responses hurts.  You go through something very tragic and hard losing a pregnancy. There are a lot of feelings involved with that.  TTCAL is supposed to be a place of respect and reverence.  We're greiving for a life that was lost as well as that future. I just saw someone that shared her heart, who spent so much time,  money, and emotion not including all of the physical ttgp and was given stock answers in return among other messages when she shared her loss:

Sorry for your loss. 
Sounds like a nice weekend 
Hugs.
Sorry you find yourself here. 
Hope your appointment goes well. 

And so on and so forth...

It isn't the first time I've seen that,  but it's what set me off. It's so unbelievably disrespectful to the person.  It's just wrong. If you don't know the person or their story silence is kindest.  I won't apologize for what I'm saying because I mean it.  

Also @coco2787 none of this is directed at you.  I really adore you. I promise  I just needed to get this off my chest.  It's something that has bothered me for a long time.  Maybe I should have started with that.  

jrm_14

@SkilledSailor I was not thinking about you at all!  Like someone said, we are all guilty of some of these now & again.  

IRL, it irks me when people are in a group of at least three and say to one person, “When we were hanging out together...” and the other person feels like a third wheel/left out/or like the speaker is just showing off they have a friend.  That irritates me here, too. Unbelievably. 

ETA: I know it is common curtesy to write why you edit. But does it really matter?  I’m queen of not proofreading and having clumsy thumbs. I could hypothetically edit out an comment and then say “ETA: Grammar.”  

doxiemoxie212

PEOPLE WHO INTRO AND NEVER PARTICIPATE 

It. Is. So. Weird. 

doxiemoxie212

I’m actually a fan of quoting but I don’t do it because I know I’m in the minority. I wish the bump’s UX was more like reddit though where it grouped responses and conversations so neither quoting nor tagging was necessary. 

suzycupcake

@SkilledSailor That one got me in the feels too and something I have to work on daily. I wear Mrs fix it hat a lot and come come off as way too bossy/intense/sensitive, especially to people who don’t know me super well. 

@galactickates How about bbs for bump bitches. Well, I wouldn’t be offended by that. Maybe others might. For a long time, I thought bfp meant big f#ng positive I actually remember when I first saw you mention mass tagging. I did it at first when I became more active and then stopped after you said something. But now I do it when I genuinely want to know some things. I think there’s was goodness in your mentioning of it. 

@coco2787 I love your stories. It always helps knowing someone can relate and what they did to get through something. Everyone is different though. 

Its hard socially on tb for me, but at the same time, it forces me to actually think about what I say before I say it. Sometimes I say ridiculous things (like possibly my bbs idea) and I do get butt hurt when someone calls me on it. I have a rule though that the other person’s feelings are a lot more important than mine in the moment.

I have to remind myself that it’s not an attack on my character or a competition so much as learning how I am perceived and how that affects others. Life is too short to hold grudges. We are all here struggling together to make our dreams of having a family or for some, adding to the one they already have. The ladies here have shown me better friendship than most of the people whom I call friend offline that I never seem to argue with.

That’s weird to me. Friends should argue and call each other out on shit. And the support here, Idk what I’d do without you ladies. I want to thank each of you for letting me in in your own ways. Ive learned so much here and I’m a better person for it. Coming here every day and getting to know your stories has been such a blessing to my heart!

josie12367

I am so so guilty of some of these! Mainly being a bad bumper (<<not any better than bumpie huh?) and not responding to others... 



But dang it... it's hard to write a nice personal response if people post super generic updates, or just a few words on the dailies. That's partly why I stopped responding. 

coco2787

I definitely understand what you're saying @galactickates, and I agree that generic responses are not very comforting when you’re really hurting.  Also, YGPM  

Augusta108

I do agree about "shallow" responses in general on here, especially if they seem to be the only response the person ever gives. I can also definitely see how those kinds of generic responses would be especially hurtful on TTCAL.

However, I will defend mass tagging a little bit and say that I think that the expectation that you need to read and thoughtfully (key word: thoughtfully) respond to the majority of the people who post in a thread where you're expecting to receive support is one of the things that makes TTGP so different from other TTC boards and is a big part of why we have the community we do. I too have had the days where it was just too daunting and I didn't post because of it, especially back when I posted in the dailies, but overall I think it is a good thing to be common practice. (Should I have saved this for UO?)

galactickates

@Augusta108 the thing I hear over and over again is mass tagging/daunting. I bet you'd be able to come up with more thoughtful responses if the thread wasn't filled with empty worded mass tags.  it also wouldn't be so daunting. Just a thought.