+ 1 for it being okay to ask for certain brand! I’m sure your guests want to make sure you’ll get use out of their gift.
FTM here and my SIL is planning my shower. Anyone else have the issue where the planner wants your input on EVERYTHING? Honestly I just don’t want/need to be involved in every detail of the planning process and I’m having trouble articulating that.
@ashbub714 My mom has been like that! I had to pick out invites, theme, help her decide on games, ideas, food, seating arrangements, etc. I just became short on my replies to all her texts (I know kinda rude) but just kinda let her talk herself through all the planning, since I kept saying "whichever's easier!" and then would give some input if I had any.
They'e coming from a good place! Want to make sure we are happy with whatever they plan. :P
My poor mom, right after she finished sealing envelopes and addressing all the invites, she showed my grandma a copy of the invite and my grandma asked "why is the party starting at 11pm?" Oooops. I told her don't even stress about it and send the invites out anyway. I'm sure people will figure out it starts at 11:00am. haha
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
@rachelsogo I like that approach. I think I’ll just start saying something along those lines when I get the dreaded opinion texts. And I know she just wants to make sure I’m happy with it. I’m just not picky about details for something like this/ I’m not good at making decisions so I would rather not have to lol
And I’m sure your guests will know it’s 11am. That’s the kind of thing you just have to laugh at
@ashbub714 she literally just texted me saying we should have a prize for the 1st person who noticed the 'PM' and says something about it at the party.. haha I'm glad she's laughing about it now too..she was really freaking out for a bit
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Thanks for all the feedback on the diapers guys! If they do throw me a shower, I'll definitely bring up the diapers and wipes idea and put the ones that worked for me in the past on it!
My mom and a friend are hosting my shower. It will be at the friend’s. We are waiting until late June (luckily I’m not due until late July). I’d rather have it earlier, but we are still recovering from a hurricane and her home literally just got redone and they moved in but are still getting things right.
@kissableviv why veto diaper cakes? I’ve always done those (usually in addition to a gift) and people have always loved them. But I do the kind that are like tricycles or baby carriages and we don’t tape or glue the diapers so they can be used.
After reading through all responses, i think my shower that my sister is hosting will be the earliest. Scheduled for April 21st which will be right before the official start of the 3rd trimester. After a bunch of research, they saw the best time to host was between 26-32 weeks due to energy and prep. We also took into consideration all family schedules so the most could attend. I can’t help but still think it’s early and we should have done it in June (since all May weekends we had plans). I don’t know if I’m just overanalyzing at this point now.
@And846 in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. The bright side of having it early is you have more time to figure out what you need to buy. The good thing about doing it later (mine was at 37 weeks) is it gave me something to take my mind off of being big, fat pregnant
@and846 I don't think there's right or wrong! And not everyone feels tired and huge later on - though most people do. Since everyone is different you do you:)
@angleyeskkhr because they cannot be returned and if the size or brand is not something you can use it kind of sucks...
One thing a friend did, she had envelopes for thank you cards on a table for people to write their address on. Smart, and saves lots of time, unless you're obsessed with arts and crafts and really into writing your own fancy calligraphic addresses (hint:not me)
@kissableviv diaper cakes are meant mostly as a cute decoration.. usually people make them from the cheap diapers anyway... if you can use them, great. otherwise, it was just another decoration... try not to sweat the small stuff
Also you may want to keep your options open as a FTM, different diapers work better for different babies. I tried pampers, huggies, honest, they all leaked for my daughter except for the cheap target brand, Up and Up. I started using those around 8 months and never looked back, and they cost so much less than leading brands. Some people swear by Walmart brand also, but those leaked for my daughter as well.
@cseley321 totally agree, I probably used a strong word haha, ultimately I don't really care, a diaper cake is totally cute and fine to have as decoration but too many can be a waste of money in my opinion, if the stuff is cheap and not usable it just generates more trash and I just can't stand clutter! I'm not doing anything for this shower so I'm enjoying not sweating anything at all, especially so fresh from wedding planning - never again!
I'm sure a lot of brands will not work for us either and it will be trial and error just like wothmost baby stuff - I'm still hoping to give cloth diapering an honest try around 3 months but haven't decided yet!
@kissableviv the write-your-own-thank-you envelope idea is easier on the mom-to-be - but be warned you will piss off any old school etiquette or miss manner's peeps. I have seen it a lot on pinterest and stuff, so it is picking up popularity but there's still a generational gap. To each their own I keep a spreadsheet of names/addresses and print envelopes through a mail merge to save everyone from my crappy handwriting.
Everyone at my shower is under 40 and my in laws could not give a care, so I think I'm safe there also...they can get pissed off, if what they care about is how we write thank you cards! So incredibly ridiculous. Too much time on their hands if you ask me!
Some people are hubby's co-workers so those are all new addresses and I have no intention of spending hours on thank you cards at 33weeks pregnant:)
Ah. We’ve always used size 1-2, never newborn. And if the person had a preference (which none have so far), we would buy those. But honestly, personally I prefer to have a variety because each child can be different and tolerate/not tolerate different diapers.
Edit: we always encourage people to take ours apart—whether or not they use the diapers, as there’s always other goodies in it—receiving blankets, socks, bibs, washcloths, onesies, etc. I also do the “shakes and sundaes” a lot with the plastic cups and bowls with onesies, washcloths, bibs, pants, socks, etc all rolled up and put inside to look like milkshakes and ice cream sundaes.
The guests filling out their own thank you envelopes?? Eh.... major side eye from me, sorry. You should already have their addresses from the shower invitations. It only takes a few hours out of your life to do notes and envelopes. To each their own, but if I spent money on another grown adult, I wouldn't be super enthused to write out my own thank you note or envelope.
I don't consider myself old school when it comes to etiquette, the MTB can print them out or use labels for all I care, but I personally feel like this is reaching.
@cseley321 not necessarily. I’m inviting people from work and am sending the invite to the office (well 4 offices since we are spread over several counties).
@cseley321 give me more side eye...I'm using Evite so nope, only electronic invitations! And they only write their own address...not the actual thank you card. I mean, that would be weird! It's also a way to get updated addresses and making sure things are addressed correctly.
Eta: I'm spending money on alcohol and food for all those invited...I don't know if spending another $50 so they get a piece of paper they eventually throw away makes them feel better? And they are not obligated to bring a gift. They are invited because they are close friends and we want to have some fun with them before we have a baby and life changes not because they are bringing a gift! I have dear friends who came to my wedding, ate, drank, got their favor and never sent a gift. We still sent them a card to thank them for coming.
@angleyeskkhr thanks for the insight, those sound really cute! And ultimately I'm grateful for whatever people want to do...of we get a variety of diapers we'll try them and maybe leave some with the in laws for traveling and such. The point of the shower for us is having some fun and good food with our closest friends after all!
@kissableviv I’m totally in the same boat as you in terms of spending money on invitations that get thrown away, and also thank you cards! Tbh I don’t keep any. For my wedding shower the guests filled out their addresses for the thank you cards and I thought it was a great idea. I think people understand this is a busy time for you and it would make sense to cut corners where you can with time! And money!
For my bridal shower we made the filling out your own envelope into a door prize thing. My mom collected all the envelopes and shuffled them and I drew a couple to get prizes.
We're doing my shower at the end of May and I'm a little worried about it being too late, I'm due July 2nd so I'll be 35 weeks. I'm just hoping I'm not too miserable to enjoy myself!
@carsonraynee such a cute idea! I'll also be around there, 33 weeks. Have no idea whatsoever what to expect. Someone told me 3rd tri reflects your first...which means I'll be exhausted lol. I'm sure you'll have a great time! No need to move around too much anyways:)
I love reading these threads. You all really help provide insights and ideas!
We were hoping May 27th at about 32 weeks for our shower because it should be warm enough for outdoors and I don't want to be too far along. BUT a friend told me she will be away and just asked me to please choose May 20th or June 10 because she wants to make the cake. My BFF who's helping plan, asked me what to do since this baker friend's cakes are always really dry and not too tasty. She's right, but her cakes are a lot of work, it will probably look like a baby jumping out of a gift box or something, and I'm moved that it's so important for her to make it for me. Personally, I don't like or eat cake, I'm a cookie/brownie person but i am honored by her excitement to contribute. My real concern is, May 20, I worry about the weather being too cool for an outdoor party, and June 10th I worry 34 weeks may be too far along, though the weather will likely be nice and warm. Something inside me gives a feeling I may have a premie, maybe my age or because I was one, but I'm kind of nervous about waiting too long!
@carsonraynee I’m having my shower 6/23 and am due 7/26. With my first, I had manor hemorrhaging at 28 weeks and was on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. And I too am worried about going early this time, but I’m gonna just roll with it.
Mine's planned for June 9th and our due date is July 9th. Between Mother's Day, Father's Day, dance recitals, and the weddings (I think everyone I know is getting married in 2018) it's all that worked. I'm feeling hopeful that I'll feel okay! I live on a lake and my mom is hosting it in our backyard, so at least I'll be right at home!
regarding thank you cards, do whatever you want ladies. You'll never be as bad as I am and I still have friends. At my best effort, I write thank you notes and then never deliver them. My mom is foreign and NEVER writes thank you notes so I didn't grow up with the obligation and now I'm too old to care. Have your guests write their addresses on the envelopes and you're already two steps ahead of me.
@carsonraynee I’m having my shower 6/23 and am due 7/26. With my first, I had manor hemorrhaging at 28 weeks and was on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. And I too am worried about going early this time, but I’m gonna just roll with it.
@angleyeskkhr we’re due on the same day and having our showers on the same day! How awesome is that?
Also, hope you’re able to enjoy it and don’t go early!
How do you all feel about the big gift opening "ceremony" lol. I went to a shower today and it took an hour and a half to open gifts and aside from a couple of aunts no one was paying attention!
Every shower I threw, I made sure there was a friend on one side handing the presents to the bride/mom to be and another one on the other side to grab the present away to put it back in the box. We got all of those presents opened in less than an hour. Sometimes 30 min!
@ashbub714 that is crazy! Knowing my luck, I’ll probably end up overdue just because I had a feelings my I might go early. This child is already making sure I know she has a mind of her own! I can be pretty rigid about things sometimes, so I’m really just trying to focus on the here and now and enjoying as much as possible. It’s gotten harder lately, but I think I do a pretty good job most days.
@kissableviv@chaser61 that’s always my least favorite part about showers! And I know it’s basically the main attraction. I like the efficiency in how you do it. Gotta get on that. Lolol
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Looking like I will be having my shower on May 12, due July 8. A little early compared to my first shower for my son which was 5 weeks prior to my due date. The original plan was not to have another shower if this was a boy as well since we have a lot we can reuse from when my son was a baby but I'm having a girl this time so we are starting over essentially. I'm very grateful my mom offered to throw the shower for me and has a lot of close friends helping her with it as she did with my son. We are doing a very neutral nursery in terms of color but adding in plenty of color by doing a floral theme with blush pinks, peach, coral and cream colored with gold centers for the flowers. Aside from the theme my mom basically plans it all and just asks questions as she goes and I am okay with that because she finds a way to always make it to special and perfect.
My sister has said she wants to do a party/shower for us. It will probably just be a party with everyone bringing diapers/wipes. We already have everything we need. The few things we didn’t already have, we’ve already bought. Anyways one of the two date options is the Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend. Thoughts? I definitely would never do it ON mother’s day, but is that Saturday inconsiderate for guests? It will likely be mostly family though my sister does love about an hour from us and most of our family. Some family are even further but I’d be surprised if they came anyways.
ETA: this date was one of two suggested by my sister, so she’s 100% ok with hosting that day.
My sister has said she wants to do a party/shower for us. It will probably just be a party with everyone bringing diapers/wipes. We already have everything we need. The few things we didn’t already have, we’ve already bought. Anyways one of the two date options is the Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend. Thoughts? I definitely would never do it ON mother’s day, but is that Saturday inconsiderate for guests? It will likely be mostly family though my sister does love about an hour from us and most of our family. Some family are even further but I’d be surprised if they came anyways.
ETA: this date was one of two suggested by my sister, so she’s 100% ok with hosting that day.
My mom suggested the Saturday before mothers day as well. Personally for us it will be a better option because a lot of out of town family will be in town that weekend visiting anyway for mothers day. Our family usually only celebrates on actual mothers day so the Saturday before is free regardless for us, and allnof our friends will be in town as their mothers live here.
@tarheelgirl8 +1 with @kbernal2021 - it depends on your family. We used to do one side Saturday and one side Sunday because we have to travel for both, but if that's not your family it does sound convenient! We had my bridal shower labor day weekend because a lot of family was already in town for a reunion or had a long weekend for my girlfriends to travel.
Re: Great Big Shower Thread
FTM here and my SIL is planning my shower. Anyone else have the issue where the planner wants your input on EVERYTHING? Honestly I just don’t want/need to be involved in every detail of the planning process and I’m having trouble articulating that.
They'e coming from a good place! Want to make sure we are happy with whatever they plan. :P
My poor mom, right after she finished sealing envelopes and addressing all the invites, she showed my grandma a copy of the invite and my grandma asked "why is the party starting at 11pm?" Oooops. I told her don't even stress about it and send the invites out anyway. I'm sure people will figure out it starts at 11:00am. haha
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
And I’m sure your guests will know it’s 11am. That’s the kind of thing you just have to laugh at
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
@angleyeskkhr because they cannot be returned and if the size or brand is not something you can use it kind of sucks...
Also you may want to keep your options open as a FTM, different diapers work better for different babies. I tried pampers, huggies, honest, they all leaked for my daughter except for the cheap target brand, Up and Up. I started using those around 8 months and never looked back, and they cost so much less than leading brands. Some people swear by Walmart brand also, but those leaked for my daughter as well.
I'm sure a lot of brands will not work for us either and it will be trial and error just like wothmost baby stuff - I'm still hoping to give cloth diapering an honest try around 3 months but haven't decided yet!
Some people are hubby's co-workers so those are all new addresses and I have no intention of spending hours on thank you cards at 33weeks pregnant:)
Edit: we always encourage people to take ours apart—whether or not they use the diapers, as there’s always other goodies in it—receiving blankets, socks, bibs, washcloths, onesies, etc. I also do the “shakes and sundaes” a lot with the plastic cups and bowls with onesies, washcloths, bibs, pants, socks, etc all rolled up and put inside to look like milkshakes and ice cream sundaes.
I don't consider myself old school when it comes to etiquette, the MTB can print them out or use labels for all I care, but I personally feel like this is reaching.
Eta: I'm spending money on alcohol and food for all those invited...I don't know if spending another $50 so they get a piece of paper they eventually throw away makes them feel better? And they are not obligated to bring a gift. They are invited because they are close friends and we want to have some fun with them before we have a baby and life changes not because they are bringing a gift! I have dear friends who came to my wedding, ate, drank, got their favor and never sent a gift. We still sent them a card to thank them for coming.
We're doing my shower at the end of May and I'm a little worried about it being too late, I'm due July 2nd so I'll be 35 weeks. I'm just hoping I'm not too miserable to enjoy myself!
We were hoping May 27th at about 32 weeks for our shower because it should be warm enough for outdoors and I don't want to be too far along. BUT a friend told me she will be away and just asked me to please choose May 20th or June 10 because she wants to make the cake. My BFF who's helping plan, asked me what to do since this baker friend's cakes are always really dry and not too tasty. She's right, but her cakes are a lot of work, it will probably look like a baby jumping out of a gift box or something, and I'm moved that it's so important for her to make it for me. Personally, I don't like or eat cake, I'm a cookie/brownie person but i am honored by her excitement to contribute. My real concern is, May 20, I worry about the weather being too cool for an outdoor party, and June 10th I worry 34 weeks may be too far along, though the weather will likely be nice and warm. Something inside me gives a feeling I may have a premie, maybe my age or because I was one, but I'm kind of nervous about waiting too long!
Mine's planned for June 9th and our due date is July 9th. Between Mother's Day, Father's Day, dance recitals, and the weddings (I think everyone I know is getting married in 2018) it's all that worked. I'm feeling hopeful that I'll feel okay! I live on a lake and my mom is hosting it in our backyard, so at least I'll be right at home!
Also, hope you’re able to enjoy it and don’t go early!
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
ETA: this date was one of two suggested by my sister, so she’s 100% ok with hosting that day.