Tell me how you really feel! (Rants w/o 3/26) - Page 2 — The Bump
June 2018 Moms

Tell me how you really feel! (Rants w/o 3/26)

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Re: Tell me how you really feel! (Rants w/o 3/26)

  • Some of the things in that article are really just about showing respect both ways.  It's the tone that isn't cool.  The way I look at it, I've heard daughters talk about their mothers/MILs in the same way on some of these topics (don't buy me gifts I don't want, don't expect me to live up to standards you set, don't talk about me behind my back, etc.)  This author has a chip on her shoulder, so the tone is rude, but some of her points are valid.

     Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    First Son - born 2013
    Second Son - born 2014 - Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV).  First open heart surgery at 5 days old.  He's had 3 open heart surgeries and several other procedures and is currently doing amazing.
    Third Son - due June 9, 2018
    momac1919=caenis=
  • Totally agree it's the tone that makes me mad, and the fact that whole article seems very passive aggressive 
    =caenis=
  • edited March 2018
    @doxiemoxie212 Same. My MIL bought a new car specifically so that we could have her old one (which was old, but still in great condition.) She watches the kids every Wednesday so we can have date night. I swear, she's a saint. 
    Me: 36; DH: 35
    Started Dating 2002; Married 2008

    BFP 8/1/13 - MC (Blighted Ovum) 8/19/13
    DD  7/14
    DS1 8/16
    BFP 9/7/17 - CP 9/11/17
    DS2 6/18
    doxiemoxie212kmurdock925emiliadkaysilvergreen
  • @LaceyBee522 even though it wasn’t my decision or choice to live in Houston (were here bc DH likes it) one of the largest benefits is neither of us really have to deal with in laws since both our parents live In different states. Were lucky if we see them twice a year. We don’t get the benefit of free childcare but we dont have to deal with the hassel. And since the wedding (his family was overly involved since it was in his hometown) i only hear from my in laws 2-3x a year. 

    I dont think #9 applies to me. My MIL actually produced a picky, spoiled, selfish, lazy individual. She apologizes to me all the time. It took a lot of years on my part FIXING her son making him into a semi-productive contributing memeber of this relationship. Growing up DH had 3 women under one roof he never had to lift a finger, he never cooked or cleaned, a chore for him was talking his bike or car to the nearest store for a missing ingredient for the meal that was being prepared especially for him at his request. Laundry, ironing, grocery shopping, making a bed all things he was never taught. I had to teach him all those things. So she gets no mother of the year trophy from me. She taught him other things I value like he’s a very hard worker, great provider, business minding, educated and over all well rounded but when it comes to food (like vegatables which he still doesn’t eat and he’s almost 32), cooking, cleaning and anything domestic she dropped the ball big time. Luckily he’s not a misogynist, he doesn’t actually think its a woman’s job to take of him, he just doesn’t bc he was never taught to, now a misogynist would be a deal breaker. 
    Me:27 DH: 31 Married Since: 08/2016
    TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
    LaceyBee522twelvetwosomeonenew
  • My job is stressing me out so badly that I am so looking forward to maternity leave more than ever--even if it comes with lots of crying, poop, and lack of sleep. To not answer emails for 12 weeks will be a small piece of heaven. Plus snuggling a baby...yes please. 

    Long story short, one of our customers needed a $15,000.00 item ordered. We can order twice daily. Our owner called last night and asked us to order said expensive item. I heard my employee tell him TWICE that it was after cut off and the next available order is for tomorrow. He said ok, just be sure it gets ordered, it's very important. I emailed our purchaser telling her he approved the order, please order in AM for next delivery. I even got up this morning after working 2nd shift to be sure she checked the email in time for the 1st order cut off. She did. Now they are calling saying they needed it by 10am so I have all these emails and texts asking what happened. Ummm hello? Why do I even waste my time trying to communicate. I feel badly bc it's a very important item and idk what our owner promised them, but now we look like schmucks even though we did everything right. And now I've been consumed in emails and texts about work for 2+ hours this morning and I still have to go in and do my regular shift at 4pm tonight. Grrrr 
    LaceyBee5222589
  • @amys614 Gah! Little drives me crazier at work than when I look bad because someone else has the dumb. Sorry you have to deal with that crap. 
    Me: 36; DH: 35
    Started Dating 2002; Married 2008

    BFP 8/1/13 - MC (Blighted Ovum) 8/19/13
    DD  7/14
    DS1 8/16
    BFP 9/7/17 - CP 9/11/17
    DS2 6/18
    rnielsen321amys614
  • I get along well enough with MIL.  We spent more 1 on 1 time during my first maternity leave than we ever had before (she would come and stay 2-3 days at a time).  She wasn't a help per say, but some adult interaction was good. 

    It was a little awkward at times as her schedule was completely different from mine - she's retired so she sleeps until 9:30 or so and then slowly has coffee and watches her usual tv shows/soaps and has breakfast around 11 or almost noon.  She didn't think to get me food or ask if I needed anything, as she honestly just didn't think of it.  If I asked her to fold clothes or help with something while I was taking care of the baby, she did it.  But mostly, she was just there.  At least she didn't demand to be entertained.  She's also turning 75 this summer and now that we're in a bigger house and have a guest room again I'm assuming I'll be seeing a lot of her during maternity leave.  

     Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    First Son - born 2013
    Second Son - born 2014 - Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV).  First open heart surgery at 5 days old.  He's had 3 open heart surgeries and several other procedures and is currently doing amazing.
    Third Son - due June 9, 2018
    2589=caenis=
  • @starla487 long time hemorrhoid sufferer here. I agree with leaning... once mine is flared, I have to lean sideways when I pee also. and wipes! wiping makes it worse for me so I use wet wipes. also, if I sit in a shallow warm bath it relieves some discomfort.

    @2589 good thinking on ordering multiple. ds still loves his blanky. its gross and has a hole right in the middle. but its not sold anywhere anymore.. and I'm pretty sure even a new one now wouldn't be the 'same'. I debated buying multiple of a blanket for new baby, but I don't know what blanket he'll cling to. DS didn't cling to the one I was originally offering/thinking.
    if nothing else, what about ebay? or amazon?

    me:35 DH:34
    DS: born oct 2012
    TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
              BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
              BFP #3 sept17  EDD 5/31/18
    fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
  • 25892589
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
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    @catlady1215 yeah watch like @mytinc said I’ll be all prepared and she won’t even like the one I get duplicates of  :D I should check eBay for that blanket though. It was on sale for super cheap and I hate to have to start my search over. 


    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @krashke DH's mom literally never buys him (or me, obv) gifts ever, and my mom thankfully had a crazy mother who used to bring baaaaggggsss of crap over to our house for me when I was little (like ugly, ugly tacky polyester clothes, etc), and I never wanted any of it. So she gets it. She does not buy stuff we don't want or need.

    For this, I am thankful. 
    Me: 30 // DH: 30
    TTC #1: July 2016
    BFP - Sept 2016 // MC - Sept 2016
    TTC #1 (version 2.0): May 2017
    BFP - Sept 2017 // EDD - June 2, 2018 // DD born June 6, 2018
    mytincrnielsen321=caenis=ramennoodlegif
  • I don't have a MIL so I don't have a lot of feedback on that situation. No one really buys us/DS much of anything but clothes thus far. He got a few toy type things at Christmas (nothing excessive or over the top) and for his birthday, but still mostly clothes. If I don't like the clothes, I take back what I can and donate what I can't. He has a great aunt who buys him a lot of outfits that look like hockey uniforms, for example. No idea why. He never wears that stuff because I don't like him in them. Basically, I've learned not to rely on anyone to get him anything and I kind of like it that way. I provide the birthday and the Christmas and everything in between. Speaking of which, I just packed his Easter basket with some fun things. The stuff I ordered for it came yesterday and I'm looking forward to giving it to him on Sunday. 

    Just set up your kids toy situation however you like and in whatever way works best for your family. DS got some things for Christmas that I didn't take out of the box for him until last month, for example. They were things I bought, and I decided to just save them because he had enough new things at that point. You can also rotate boxes of toys to give them more variety and cut down on clutter. I like the idea of keeping toys at grandparents' (or whoever's) house if they're buying a lot for him. I often stayed with and sometimes lived with my grandparents growing up and I had stuff there that was different than what I had at my dad's. Gives them variety, you're not having the additional work of having to gather toys to go over there, and it cuts down on what you have all over the place at home. This doesn't apply to us because we live 3hrs from everyone and no one keeps him, BUT if they did, I'd probably go that route myself. 
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    stephcat421ramennoodlegifmarcus7676
  • @mytinc I agree with you about the article. I found it hostile, and it sounds like she and her DIL are people who don't get along that well but are forced to be family members. She makes good points in a crappy way. Obviously there's some resentment simmering there, but I could have similar complaints about any family member taking advantage. My best friend had similar complaints about her aunt, who constantly dropped off kids for unpaid babysitting time and would get pissy if she wasn't available, for example. 

    My MIL and I get along well. She is a bossy type of person, but generous and giving. She does a lot for us. Last week she took a day off work for emergency babysitting when my son was sick, as my partner and I both had crazy schedules. She folded all our clean laundry and made dinner. I mean...lifesaver. I just go with the flow and forgive and forget the irritating things because she deserves it, and I'm pretty sure she overlooks a lot of my flaws - hopefully for similar reasons. 
    mytinc
  • So DH and his brothers have been trying to plan a fly fishing trip to Montana as a retirement gift for my FIL for the last two years, yes that's right he retired two freakin years ago. I get a text today that they've finally settled on a weekend and they'll be heading out to BFE Montana may 10-14 when I will be approx 36 weeks pregnant. I'll be home alone for 5 days with a toddler and my family 5 hours away in Chicago...what could possibly go wrong?
    LaceyBee522rnielsen321kmurdock925
  • That MIL article is ridiculous. The author seems like she doesn’t actually like her DIL just deals with her because her son is married to her. 

    My MIL and I get along fine. She is very sweet and thoughtful. They tend to buy the kids stuff that is cheap in quality and breaks quickly though. I just feel bad that I have to throw away their gifts all the time. 

    Kinda going off what @Austenista said about not opening gifts right away. My biggest annoyance with my ILs and BILs family, is they open everything they give my kids right away. I prefer to wait and open things slowly to get more use out of them. But no they rip that stuff open immediately and I have to try and find all the pieces to bring home with me when we leave.  
    DD:3 | DS:1
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    rnielsen321
  • Ugh.  Horrible timing @momac1919.  Tell your DH that in return you get two weekends all to yourself, the weekend before and after the trip. 

     Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    First Son - born 2013
    Second Son - born 2014 - Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV).  First open heart surgery at 5 days old.  He's had 3 open heart surgeries and several other procedures and is currently doing amazing.
    Third Son - due June 9, 2018
    momac1919
  • @doxiemoxie212 I haven't seen him yet today, it's not out of the realm of possibilities 
    2589stephcat421
  • @momac1919 I’d raise hell. 
    DD:3 | DS:1
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    momac1919
  • 25892589
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    @momac1919 yeah NO. I don’t think you should have to be okay with that. 


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    stephcat421ramennoodlegifmomac1919
  • @mommac1919 that is so uncool! I'm sorry! If we lived closer, we could hang together. MH is gone April 29 to May 10 for work trips, so I'm totally freaking out (and I don't even have a toddler to worry about!). 
    Pregnancy Ticker
    stephcat421momac1919
  • @LaceyBee522 @momac1919 yeah, admittedly I am allowing DH to go on an associate retreat May 2-5 (I'm due June 2), but we don't have any outside babies yet -- just a baby dog. And his in-laws are a 15 min walk away. @momac1919 seriously, you shouldn't have to deal with that isht if you don't want to.

    Me: 30 // DH: 30
    TTC #1: July 2016
    BFP - Sept 2016 // MC - Sept 2016
    TTC #1 (version 2.0): May 2017
    BFP - Sept 2017 // EDD - June 2, 2018 // DD born June 6, 2018
    momac1919
  • @momac1919 oh hell no...given his dad and brothers' situations, I don't see why they need to go that weekend. Can YH suggest they postpone it until later in the summer? Not that a weekend alone with a toddler and a newborn is ideal, but still...

    My rant: My OBs office just called to reschedule my appointment tomorrow from 8:30am to 12:30pm. This is the third one in a row they've had to change. Not a huge deal, but I scheduled all my appointments for early in the am for two reasons. 1. So they don't interfere with DS's nap time...now I know he'll sleep for 30 minutes on the car ride home and be up the rest of the day. 2. So I can get weighed before I start chugging my daily water...I know, I'm crazy, but by midday I swear I'm up 3-4 pounds from all the water (and food) I've had. And I'm already all messed up in the head/self conscious about my weight gain ;)

    I should be grateful I know in advance this time rather than getting to the office and finding out she's off delivering a baby. And I'm assuming she needs to reschedule because of someone with an immediate medical need (c section sceduled the day before?) but I'm still pissy about it...maybe this is more a rant on my own bad attitude  :D
    2589stephcat421ramennoodlegif
  • 25892589
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    @sabby2 Sigh. Seriously, people. 


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    stephcat421sabby2
  • @2589 I also got a comment about not wearing my ring... I'm like yup.. Sometimes my hands swell a bit by the end of the day and I don't want my wedding and engagement rings cut off my hand..

    I just don't get it...
    We are so excited to grow our family!
    DD #1 Born 10/3/2014

    Pregnancy Ticker


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    2589
  • 25892589
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited March 2018
    @twelvetwosomeonenew O M jeezus... I know I shouldn’t laugh, but...

    ETA: ...help me, I’m still dying  :D


    Pregnancy Ticker
    twelvetwosomeonenewamys614ramennoodlegif
  • I haven't wore my wedding ring in 5 years now because I lost weight and it doesn't fit anymore. No one ever mentions it though, lucky me? 
  • @May14th2011 it was a weird thing to notice, I thought...
    We are so excited to grow our family!
    DD #1 Born 10/3/2014

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    May14th2011
  • @momac1919 I wouldn’t be cool with it. Can you arrange for some help with your toddler, i doubt anything will happen birth wise but being gaint pregnant alone with a toddler doesn’t mix well. I completely understand what you mean about him being there, I want DH to see his child born but i don’t necessarily want him to see me. I’ll probably be more stressed trying to keep up a brave face for him during the labor & delivery.
    Me:27 DH: 31 Married Since: 08/2016
    TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
    momac1919
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