@doxiemoxie212 I am sorry you had to pay $250+ to feel uncomfortable and not really get anything that you needed. After seeing that you got mostly books, why would people think you had everything you needed?!?!?! "Gee, I needed all of the things I REGISTERED FOR and you see how that turned out, so..." Maybe it's better you don't have photos? Can you pretend it didn't happen or only the better parts happened? On a positive note, at least you won't have to do it again anytime soon, and I'm sure you looked amazing. Don't let it get you down. People generally don't know how to act at showers, so try not to take it personally.
@doxiemoxie212 bummer it didn't turn out better than anticipated. This day should have been all about you and your baby girl. You shouldn't feel bad about being disappointed. It was supposed to SHOWER you....with love, gifts and attention. Bet you rocked your dress and converse!
Awww, @doxiemoxie212 I'm sorry, man! That honestly sounds like a really tough day. No excuses for your friends, but I think it is really hard to be the "first" in friends groups. I.E. the first to get married, the first to have kids, etc. It is like your other friends won't get it until they go through it. I'm glad to hear it sounds like YH stepped up to the plate when you needed him to - that's team work! It also sounds like the book your bf is creating will be a really sweet keepsake for you and baby Doxie. (((hugs)))
@LaceyBee522 totally agree about it being difficult to be the first -- we were the first to get married of any of our friends, and now we have some friends who are married but not in NYC. But this.....I actually think this is what most upset me about yesterday -- that clearly our friends here are no where near able to imagine what having a kid would be like, and I think we'll probably see them once when the baby is born and then probably not really again until they have kids, which could be a decade or more from now at this rate. It was like I was sitting in a room full of people watching our friendships fade away. And that's part of life, but it's also really sad.
aw @doxiemoxie212 I'm so sorry. I think aside from the start of the shower it wen't as well as it could have. The worst part is the emotional/life changing aspect of having a baby that your friends didn't really understand. It seems like they were just looking for an opportunity to have a party but not really concerned about the significance of a baby shower. I'm sorry you're going through this change with your friendships and I hope that having a baby will help make some new friends that might be in the same place as you are.
+1 to YH stepping up
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@doxiemoxie212 so sorry to hear your shower turned out less than perfect, but glad you found a few bright moments in it at least.
My shower went pretty good overall. I arrived about 15 minutes after start and to my surprise all our guests were there, about 50 in total! I was cheered as I came in so that wasn't awkward at all lol.
Anyways, my mom(who was on as good of behavior as she knows yesterday, yay) was in charge of flowers and had gotten my a "corsage" which was really a boutenier so my DH handy but particular aunt spent like ten minutes holding on to my in the doorway turning it into a wrist corsage so the pin wouldn't rip my dress which I appreciated but was a really inopportune time to put of my guests.
After that was resolved, I made my ways for the better part of an hour to say hi and thank you to everyone. I fully expected I'd have more time to catch up with most people. Most of them were eating when I came around so I was awkwardly standing over them with their mouths opened so.... But nevertheless, I greeted EVERYONE and vetted the same questions time and time again but fully expected I guess.
We received most of our big items from the registry (crib, stroller, car seat etc) and most of the other items though not necessarily from our registry. So for example, we would register for a certain bed sheet but didn't get the one we registered for but received a comparable which isn't a biggie to me because nothing struck me as hideous or out of bounds so overall good stuff. I think all we really need is a mattress, mattress pads, baby gates/safety stuff which isn't necessary for newborn but would've nice to get a jump start on, and a pack n play. We received very few dups, only rock n play, and nose frida... Oh and quite a few duplicate books but oh well. I'd say at least half bought not on registry items so I'm really surprised at such few duplicate items! We also included a diaper raffle so we've got a good start to a diaper stash.
Overall, it was nice but mostly occupied with DH and I opening gifts so I was so worried for the enjoyment of our guests the whole time! I kept apologizing to them for the long haul. Then when gifts wrapped DH and I said that's it, and all guests immediately starting leaving! I was like omg not that's it y'all get going, just that's it for gifts. It was too late, most were already in coats and saying goodbyes. Then some family that was helping with set up and cleanup started breaking down tables and making all the cleanup commotion pretty much forcing anyone that would want to stay out.
I'm overall really grateful for the experience and more excited than ever for our son to come! Now comes the full preparation mode. Sorry I don't have better bump pics on my pink blush, DH kindly kept holding my belly so this is best I've got! And I'm sorry I don't have pics right now of the venue, setup, guests, food etc they are of course supposed to be coming in next days... Maybe? But grabbed a shot of the loot in our rec room. Looking forward to hearing all your experiences!
@doxiemoxie212 Sorry to hear you had such a rough time That's annoying about the lounge. Not just for spending the money, but for having crashers. I mean if you knew ahead of time there was a fee, would you have had an issue? Glad to hear your H was in a good mood That probably helped you a bit.
@doxiemoxie212 I’m really bummed about your experience. It is definitely hard being the first in the friends group to take these different steps in life. I was lucky to have several girl “Mom friends” but DH had a very rude awakening with his particular friend group when we became parents and it was a big struggle. I’m glad that your H was able to take some of the pressure off of you with his good attitude!
@stephcat421 sounds like you had a lovely time! You & your H look so happy and looks like you got a lot of great things! Doesn’t it feel so much more real now that all the things are in your home??
@2589 YES! It feels so much more real! I was so exhausted but couldn't help myself to at least unpackage all the items and lay them out to get the organization started!
@MissKittyDanger If we'd known about the fee ahead of time, I probably would have told the hosts "you can host it here, but it costs $250" and they either would have paid for it, or decided on another location (no idea where that could've been, though). So maybe shower wouldn't have happened at all. But finding out about it day-of, I just felt too bad telling any of them about it, so only my BFF and mom knew, and my BFF had already spent so much money, and my mom can't afford it, so DH and I paid.
@stephcat421 I'm so glad you have a more uplifting shower experience to share in this thread so it's not so doom and gloom - this should be a happy thread! You look super cute in that pic!
@doxiemoxie212 sorry you felt kinda ignored. I’m sure you looked great the guest of honor is supposed to dress better than everyone else. I hate that they included that book poem on the invites (stop trying to be cute, this is supposed to be helpful not cutesy). Its really hard being the first to do stuff. My bridal shower my MOH asked each BM for $20 to help cover the food (the venue & decoration was free bc it was at my aunts church and they have everything imagining already- her and my uncle are the pastors) no one chipped in the $20, my dad found out the day of that his daughters/ my sisters contibuted nothing (3 of the 9 BMs) so he gave my MOH $200. My bachelorette got cancelled the week of bc everyone except my MOH and one friend backed out in the last 2 weeks, and the hotel cost was being shared so I didn’t think it was fair that they had to absorb all the cost for everyone who dropped out (i paid for my own plane ticket so I Im the one who lost the most). A couple of my friends think I’m joking, but when they get married my answer to being in their wedding is a hard NO (except my MOH/ best friend). That includes my own sisters. I paid for everything: dress, makeup, lodging, jewelry. All they had to do was get to the wedding. I’d never do it again. It’s probably better if they dont have kids for another decade bc it’ll give you time to forget this bc its been 2 years for me and I’m still bitter.
And FYI for future shower posters personally complain as much as you want on TB. You’re not ungrateful bc you tell the truth. Just because its a party in your honor doesn’t mean it was perfect, useful, fun or worth it.
@ffw0617 I know you have mentioned that you used to be on wedding wire as well and this thread reminds me of the BAM (back and married) posts excpet like BAS (back and showered). Its definitely an opportunity to AW away so we can all ooo and ahh at the pretty dresses, food and gifts but also a safe space to vent about how things didn't go according to plan or how you would have liked them to.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@stephcat421 You look adorable! Love love love that dress on you! I might have to copy for my own shower! It sounds like you had a big crowd. That's great! Also, in your loot picture, what is that round "pack and play" looking thing with the roof over it? It looks really cool.
@doxiemoxie212 sorry your shower was such a bust... DH and I moved out of NYC when we decided to have kids, as did so many of our friends (and all of us have left the state now as well). It is hard watching your friendships dissolve, but hopefully you will find that the friendships just change with some of your friends and not completely dissolve. It sounds like your BFF will be a lifelong friend, though she is already a long distance friend. Did your friends write in the books or will you be able to exchange some of them for store credit to go towards the items you actually need? Did you get any copies of the Marlon Bundo book?
@stephcat421 your dress was so pretty. So glad your shower turned out nicely- and that your mom behaved herself. Your baby gear score looks great too!
@jsl82 No one wrote in the books, but no one gave us gift receipts either, so I have no idea where they were purchased from lol. And no Marlon Bundo book! Alas. (And yes, my BFF and I are friends from preschool, so it is a very long term friendship at this point )
@LaceyBee522 thank you so much! I felt really quite comfortable and as confident as I could be! The circular thing is called the on the go baby dome! It is really just like you mentioned almost like a smaller pack n play and the dome closes entity to shade but there is screening on sides for venting. Here's a link, check it out....I foresee it getting used a lot for a summer baby
@doxiemoxie212 you may want to try to return to a baby store for store credit without a gift receipt. Usually store credit without a receipt is standard (no cash back) but since you have to buy the stuff you need- it would be worth the store credit. I know I was able to exchange a lot of baby clothes for store credit after my shower with DD (I ended up spending an additional $100 .
@jsl82 I guess I could try that... I feel a little guilty since I'm 99% certain none of these books came from baby stores (one is the new Bachelor Nation book...).
@catlady1215 thank you! Boy, those strollers/carseats are complicated business. The thread we helped definitely helped particularly when it came making the weight of the systems and possible terrain factors. I ended up going with the Graco SnugRide SnugLock DLX Car Seat in Holt (which is the black and white striped design---hello baby eye and brain stimulation!) The stroller was the Graco Modes Click Connect Stroller in Holt. It maneuvers like a dream, is all very lightweight and converts to a lot of options. Plus folds and opens with one button so we are hopeful it'll a good fit for us!
@doxiemoxie212 I was so hoping you would magically have a wonderful shower, and I'm sorry it ended up being exactly like you thought it would. I guess if you can't return any books, maybe your daughter will grow up to be a voracious reader?? Also I'm really glad YH stepped up to try and make it as positive as possible. I bet that helped a lot. And on the plus side, now that it's over, you don't have to stress about it anymore.
@stephcat421 omg those gifts!! You got so many crucial things!!! And you look gorgeous in that dress! I'm glad it was a good shower, even if it sounds like it could've been a little longer to give you more time with your guests.
Edit- typos everywhere
Me 30 Him 30 Married August 2015 DS born 5/23/2018 TTC #2 July 2020
@doxiemoxie212 Well, that kind of baby shower trainwreck is more what I'd expect abroad when Americans assume everyone knows how to do a baby shower, but it isn't part of the local tradition so things go cray. Color me surprised that this happened to you in NYC. It must indeed be that "first syndrome" where the hosts just don't understand what it's like to be in your shoes yet. Unfortunate that this was not a financial or productive help and really highlighted the different directions some of your friends are headed. But cupcakes! And friends and family who love you enough to trek it over!
I didn't have a shower at all, but it didn't really bother me. I have never even attended one because I left before most people in my age group were starting that phase, so possibly I don't quite understand what I'm missing. I mean, hearing how many big-ticket items a lot of you are getting does make me a wee bit jealous! Also that I order things off friends' registries but never received anything for my son (but didn't register, so...).
I don't need much stuff this time around. Just some cute girl outfits and am considering a bakfiets (bike with a big crate in front; big enough to strap in kids, groceries, etc.), which will set us back around 2k euros. Ouch. We also need to get a toddler bed for my son so baby girl can take his crib, and a little stroller add-on so he can hitch a ride on it sitting or standing once she's here.
@=caenis= that and people tend to get excited for the first of anything and then completely forget (neglect to consider) how much work it is. Its like surprise birthday parties, they sound great in theory but they are total shitshows usually and so much work on the person hosting.
@ffw0617 true! Like, “Oh yay we finally get to have a baby shower for someone! All aboard!” And then months later, “Oh wait, we have no clue what we’re doing and it doesn’t sound that exciting anymore..”
@=caenis= when DH and I were in Amsterdam last year, I was fascinated by all the bike configurations for kids. I'd see ones with like 3 child seats plus the adult seat plus a wagon. Strong legs! Good balance! lol
@doxiemoxie212 There's some crazy bike gear here! Some of the higher end ones have electric motors so you don't struggle to peddle around with all that cargo...but that seems like a wasted exercise opportunity to me! So far I have a baby seat on the front part of my bike (for approx age 1-3), and my partner just got a child's seat for the back of his bike (for approx age 2-6). The problem is that it isn't safe to stick a baby in a bike seat until they can truly support their own heads, which is 9 months to 1 year. So using our bikes to get to the creche would be impossible at first, plus we will need to take TWO kids now. And using the stroller is so so so slow compared to the bike. They do have bikes with the big crate/wagon in front where you can snap in a car seat, and transport multiple kids, which sounds really convenient.
Shower yesterday went really well! I was pleasantly surprised based on the number of women hosting it and having 40+ guests. We had just the right amount of food and everyone was so generous. There are a few things we still need but we have another small shower in a couple weeks. Surprisingly we need more clothes and diapers which is usually what I think you have an excess of from showers.
Funny story, my SIL ran out of size 1 diapers for my 7 week old niece. She had size 3 for my nephew and was just going to put her in one of those. My sister overheard her and my brother saying this and pointed out we just got diapers from the shower. My SIL felt bad but my niece would have had a poop explosion in a size 3 so we opened our brand new box of diapers to give her some.
AW photos:
MH and I My sister and I Food! Before After Unrelated, but the aforementioned 7 week old niece
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
Re: Shower Thread
Maybe it's better you don't have photos? Can you pretend it didn't happen or only the better parts happened?
On a positive note, at least you won't have to do it again anytime soon, and I'm sure you looked amazing.
Don't let it get you down. People generally don't know how to act at showers, so try not to take it personally.
+1 to YH stepping up
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
My shower went pretty good overall. I arrived about 15 minutes after start and to my surprise all our guests were there, about 50 in total! I was cheered as I came in so that wasn't awkward at all lol.
Anyways, my mom(who was on as good of behavior as she knows yesterday, yay) was in charge of flowers and had gotten my a "corsage" which was really a boutenier so my DH handy but particular aunt spent like ten minutes holding on to my in the doorway turning it into a wrist corsage so the pin wouldn't rip my dress which I appreciated but was a really inopportune time to put of my guests.
After that was resolved, I made my ways for the better part of an hour to say hi and thank you to everyone. I fully expected I'd have more time to catch up with most people. Most of them were eating when I came around so I was awkwardly standing over them with their mouths opened so.... But nevertheless, I greeted EVERYONE and vetted the same questions time and time again but fully expected I guess.
We received most of our big items from the registry (crib, stroller, car seat etc) and most of the other items though not necessarily from our registry. So for example, we would register for a certain bed sheet but didn't get the one we registered for but received a comparable which isn't a biggie to me because nothing struck me as hideous or out of bounds so overall good stuff. I think all we really need is a mattress, mattress pads, baby gates/safety stuff which isn't necessary for newborn but would've nice to get a jump start on, and a pack n play. We received very few dups, only rock n play, and nose frida... Oh and quite a few duplicate books but oh well. I'd say at least half bought not on registry items so I'm really surprised at such few duplicate items! We also included a diaper raffle so we've got a good start to a diaper stash.
Overall, it was nice but mostly occupied with DH and I opening gifts so I was so worried for the enjoyment of our guests the whole time! I kept apologizing to them for the long haul. Then when gifts wrapped DH and I said that's it, and all guests immediately starting leaving! I was like omg not that's it y'all get going, just that's it for gifts. It was too late, most were already in coats and saying goodbyes. Then some family that was helping with set up and cleanup started breaking down tables and making all the cleanup commotion pretty much forcing anyone that would want to stay out.
I'm overall really grateful for the experience and more excited than ever for our son to come! Now comes the full preparation mode. Sorry I don't have better bump pics on my pink blush, DH kindly kept holding my belly so this is best I've got! And I'm sorry I don't have pics right now of the venue, setup, guests, food etc they are of course supposed to be coming in next days... Maybe? But grabbed a shot of the loot in our rec room. Looking forward to hearing all your experiences!
Glad to hear your H was in a good mood
@stephcat421 sounds like you had a lovely time! You & your H look so happy and looks like you got a lot of great things! Doesn’t it feel so much more real now that all the things are in your home??
@stephcat421 you look great! It looks like you made out with quite the haul too :-)
@stephcat421 I'm so glad you have a more uplifting shower experience to share in this thread so it's not so doom and gloom - this should be a happy thread!
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@doxiemoxie212 sorry you felt kinda ignored. I’m sure you looked great the guest of honor is supposed to dress better than everyone else. I hate that they included that book poem on the invites (stop trying to be cute, this is supposed to be helpful not cutesy). Its really hard being the first to do stuff. My bridal shower my MOH asked each BM for $20 to help cover the food (the venue & decoration was free bc it was at my aunts church and they have everything imagining already- her and my uncle are the pastors) no one chipped in the $20, my dad found out the day of that his daughters/ my sisters contibuted nothing (3 of the 9 BMs) so he gave my MOH $200. My bachelorette got cancelled the week of bc everyone except my MOH and one friend backed out in the last 2 weeks, and the hotel cost was being shared so I didn’t think it was fair that they had to absorb all the cost for everyone who dropped out (i paid for my own plane ticket so I Im the one who lost the most). A couple of my friends think I’m joking, but when they get married my answer to being in their wedding is a hard NO (except my MOH/ best friend). That includes my own sisters. I paid for everything: dress, makeup, lodging, jewelry. All they had to do was get to the wedding. I’d never do it again. It’s probably better if they dont have kids for another decade bc it’ll give you time to forget this bc its been 2 years for me and I’m still bitter.
TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
@stephcat421 your dress was so pretty. So glad your shower turned out nicely- and that your mom behaved herself. Your baby gear score looks great too!
BFP#4- 9/26 edd 6/5/18
@doxiemoxie212 sorry it turned out so crappy. but I love how your hubs handled it all. and atleast its all behind you.
@stephcat421 looks like a good turn out! you look great! annnnd I love that carseat/stroller set.
DS: born oct 2012
TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18
fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
https://m.buybuybaby.com/m/product/fisher-price-reg-windmill-on-the-go-baby-dome/1060111968?skuId=60111968&mcid=PS_googlepla_nonbrand_general_online&product_id=60111968&product_channel=online&adtype=pla&adpos=1o2&creative=87521942940&device=m&matchtype=&network=g&mrkgadid=3008040697&mrkgcl=611&rkg_id=h-7bf47fe0be1946321452404748924ba7_t-1522083669&gclid=Cj0KCQjwtOLVBRCZARIsADPLtJ1d98CvKCM86bJK5lDm6KQ-yoJOydFhVOnFCW7a2oCKaqbH1S_Ac1IaAj1JEALw_wcB
BFP#4- 9/26 edd 6/5/18
@stephcat421 omg those gifts!! You got so many crucial things!!! And you look gorgeous in that dress! I'm glad it was a good shower, even if it sounds like it could've been a little longer to give you more time with your guests.
Edit- typos everywhere
Married August 2015
DS born 5/23/2018
TTC #2 July 2020
I didn't have a shower at all, but it didn't really bother me. I have never even attended one because I left before most people in my age group were starting that phase, so possibly I don't quite understand what I'm missing. I mean, hearing how many big-ticket items a lot of you are getting does make me a wee bit jealous! Also that I order things off friends' registries but never received anything for my son (but didn't register, so...).
I don't need much stuff this time around. Just some cute girl outfits and am considering a bakfiets (bike with a big crate in front; big enough to strap in kids, groceries, etc.), which will set us back around 2k euros. Ouch. We also need to get a toddler bed for my son so baby girl can take his crib, and a little stroller add-on so he can hitch a ride on it sitting or standing once she's here.
TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
Funny story, my SIL ran out of size 1 diapers for my 7 week old niece. She had size 3 for my nephew and was just going to put her in one of those. My sister overheard her and my brother saying this and pointed out we just got diapers from the shower. My SIL felt bad but my niece would have had a poop explosion in a size 3 so we opened our brand new box of diapers to give her some.
AW photos:
My sister and I
Food!
Before
After
Unrelated, but the aforementioned 7 week old niece
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
DS: born oct 2012
TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18
fingers crossed for our rainbow baby