Lots of people don't have middle names. Really how often do you use your middle name? Only suggestion is if your last name is common and the first name is too then a middle name would be good to distinguish from other people. Especially if that person does a bad crime or is on the no fly list!
Me 33 DH 41 TTC since 2016 Due: October 12, 2018 Location: Ontario, Canada
I didn't want to use a middle name, but my husband felt (for whatever reason) pretty strongly that our kids should have middle names. He's a pretty go-with-the-flow kinda dude, so I didn't push the issue with him. Didn't matter as much to me.
Deciding what middle name works best for the purpose of properly yelling at the kids was a huge deciding factor for me lmao
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
My dad and all 14 of his siblings just have a letter for their middle names. Yes 15 kids. All singletons. Maybe no middle name isn’t such a bad idea! We can’t come up with one anyway.
Now that we’ve had time to absorb that we are team blue, we’ve started talking more seriously about names. Right now we like both Henry and Finley (but not together), but are definitely not set and are having trouble with middle names to go with either of them. Our last name is also two syllables so for flow it seems to need a single or three+ syllable middle name... suggestions??
@ladyofarlington - My aunt and two of my great aunts were not given middle names; they retained their maiden names as middle names when they got married.
My dad and aunt 2 weren't given middle names, though my aunt's first name is hyphenated. So if it was ever an issue she called it. There's a lot of random crap that require a middle initial - not sure why. My dad picked a random one, E, and it was never a problem. So I'm certain there's no need for a middle name.
I apparently have the opposite problem. I've got the middle name, but we're having problems with the first. Had this issue with DS too. I guess it's a me problem, but ugh. I wish I'd get over it.
@Mylitta We have the same issue - middle name is pretty set as we use family names for middle names but DH won’t get serious about discussing first names. I know we still have lots of time but it’s causing me anxiety!
DH has vetoed my favourite name (Jasper) because he found out one of his coworkers son is named it (he is 8) and now he is using the bullies will call him Casper the friendly ghost! Back to the list!
Me 33 DH 41 TTC since 2016 Due: October 12, 2018 Location: Ontario, Canada
@ladyofarlington - my sister and I do not have middle names, neither does DH and his 3 siblings... so I don't find it weird at all. It's literally never made a difference in my life, ever.
@ladyofarlington - My aunt and two of my great aunts were not given middle names; they retained their maiden names as middle names when they married.
I think that’s pretty cool, but also there’s some gendered stuff there too because what if they didn’t get married or take their partners last name? Obviously it was all a different generation but not sure how that would play now.
I almost changed my middle name to my maiden name when I married but I like my middle name and I’m a weirdo who actually uses my middle initial in my formal signature so it would have been a pain.
My dad doesn't have a middle name, and he is the only one of his siblings without one. And he wasn't the first or last child. Lol. It's caused some issues before for me when I'm trying to fill out paperwork and have to list my parents' full names, and I just use "X".
I think I finally convinced DH to come around to the name I wanted for this boy! He never disliked it, he just wanted to see the other options. But last night he admitted he hadn't found anything he liked. Nothing is set in stone yet, but I really don't see DH coming up with another name (that I would actually agree to) before October.
There really is nothing more satisfying than full naming your kid when they're in trouble. E is especially fun since his mom gave him two middle names. Our last name is SO common, our kids need middle names. Although the little one's names aren't super common, so that helps too.
I think that’s pretty cool, but also there’s some gendered stuff there too because what if they didn’t get married or take their partners last name? Obviously it was all a different generation but not sure how that would play now.
I’m sorry my point wasn’t clear- I only meant to say that middle names aren’t required.
What I am going to say next is going to sound really bitchy, and I apologize in advance.
Yes, making allowance for a woman to keep her given last name as a married adult is definitely gendered thinking. But so is the default assumption that when a woman gets married, she will somehow assume her hisband’s name and that their children, regardless of whether she takes the his name, will have his name. Frankly, I find those two issues to be far more reprehensible than parents attempting to name babies now making it easier for a woman to somehow keep her name when she gets married.
Additionally, why is it okay to consider Blake, Ryan and Alex for little girls, but not Sara, Anna, or Lucy for little boys?
A few points to consider:
1) Yes, I know it is no longer automatically assumed that a woman will take her husband’s, but it is still far more common for women to do so than not. Additionally, you almost never hear of a guy taking the woman’s name.
2) When I got married, I broached the subject of him taking my name. He laughed in my face.
3) I kept my maiden name as a middle name, had two middle names and used all four initials for the duration of my marriage.
4) When discussing middle names as part of daydreaming about having kids, he flatly refused to use either my maiden name or my original middle name (a family name) for any children we might have.
Seriously, so much of everything that is around baby is gendered. It isn’t just the naming conventions we use. It is in how we decorate our nurseries, the washcloths we are marketed, and the fact that we even have to be told something is “gender neutral” when attempting to decide what we want for our babies.
I find it to be radically disturbing- both that somehow I need to be told what is gender neutral and that I have to search for options that fit my idea of gender neutral.
(I’m afraid my soap box might fall apart for all the foot stomping I just did- sorry y’all- that touched my last nerve because I only woke up with one this morning.)
@knottieamusements Interesting that he wouldn't consider using your maiden name as a middle name. That is very common in my culture, either as the sole middle name or a second middle name. I'm glad my parents didn't do it because my name would've been SO long. But I always found it interesting since most Mexican men are not exactly on the feminism bandwagon. Lol.
And my H (also Mexican) actually *wanted* to take my last name (his last name isn't his blood family, it's his half-sister's dad's name ) but E already had his last name, so I took his so we'd all match.
Also I was super annoyed when I was considering the names Eden and Echo for baby boy and everyone said "That sounds feminine, don't do that to him."
@knottieamusements you don't sound bitchy whatsoever. I hesitated even saying what I said, and the only reason I did is because from everything I know about you here, I felt you would understand my point about all the gender bullshit that naming entails all over the place, which was my point as well. Like, I consider you very awake and open to those conversations - I hope you see that as a compliment of sorts, which is what I intended.
Almost every norm around names pretty much was always created to support the patriarchy. There's no winning, amiright?
When I married my DH it was like, do I keep my name (which is my dad's name), or take my husband's name (which is his name and his dad's name)? Either way, those are both patriarchal names - at that point it really struck me. I guess I could have made up my own new last name? Even if I took my mom's last name - that was her dad's last name. Crazy when you think about it.
@HoosOnFirst - Thanks for understanding- and I agree 100%.
Although- I will say that I objectively like my Dad’s last name better than my Mom’s maiden name. (And really- even the term “maiden name” comes from the patriarchal system!)
After finding out it's a boy we are officially moving forward with Clark!
Wanted to start calling baby by his real name to test run it, but DH has been calling him "Stormaggedon" since we found out I was pregnant and wants to ride that out as much as possible.
@knottieamusements from what I know about you and learning about your ex... there's no surprise he's your ex.
My maiden name was my mom's maiden name due to my dad not being in the picture. Since my GPA was my true father figure, I liked having his name. I'm also really glad I never went through with having her first husband adopt me and taking his name.
I highly considered keeping my maiden name as my middle name when I married. I considered hyphenating or keeping my maiden name. I loved the idea of becoming Mrs. M though. I decided not to keep my maiden name in any way, because my middle name is after my gpa's mom and he also called me Sammie Rose.
A friend from high school told her hubby she was hyphenating her name with her maiden and his. So he did the same, which I thought was really cool.
@sammierose464 - When I told my Dad I was getting divorced, his response was basically “it’s about time; we were expecting that 5yrs ago.”
I think the only people genuinely surprised were his parents. (This is actually a major source of greif for me; I did not mean to hurt them, even if their decision to move was the catalyst to me leaving.)
My husband has a favourite for a first name that I’m on the fence about. I feel like I should be a little more lenient because baby will be getting my last name and my mother’s maiden name as a middle name. We both think it will be hilarious that he’ll have a Chinese last name and be only a quarter Asian, especially if he inherits my husband’s red hair.
Now that we know we are having a boy, I think we have the names narrowed down:
Nolan Howard (after DH’s late grandfather)
Dylan Michael (after DH)
Thomas Jeffery (after both our dads)—we would call him TJ
I’m not sure we will officially decide until he is born, but I just don’t know! Boy names have been so hard for us so I’m glad we’ve at least narrowed it down a bit.
@ladyofarlington neither I nor my brother have middle names. We have a hyphenated last name though. My parents always said we could choose our own middle names. At one point (age 5) I suggested ArielCinderellaBarbie and so they squashed the whole plan.
Since kiddo is taking my hyphenated last name we are using my husbands last name as a middle name.
@midwestmom12 one of my close friends has a son Cooper. It totally suits him and is adorable. I will admit when I first heard it I thought of a dog but I have since really grown to love it
Re: Baby names!
TTC since 2016
Due: October 12, 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
Maybe no middle name isn’t such a bad idea! We can’t come up with one anyway.
I apparently have the opposite problem. I've got the middle name, but we're having problems with the first. Had this issue with DS too. I guess it's a me problem, but ugh. I wish I'd get over it.
TTC since 2016
Due: October 12, 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
@ladyofarlington - my sister and I do not have middle names, neither does DH and his 3 siblings... so I don't find it weird at all. It's literally never made a difference in my life, ever.
I almost changed my middle name to my maiden name when I married but I like my middle name and I’m a weirdo who actually uses my middle initial in my formal signature so it would have been a pain.
What I am going to say next is going to sound really bitchy, and I apologize in advance.
Yes, making allowance for a woman to keep her given last name as a married adult is definitely gendered thinking. But so is the default assumption that when a woman gets married, she will somehow assume her hisband’s name and that their children, regardless of whether she takes the his name, will have his name. Frankly, I find those two issues to be far more reprehensible than parents attempting to name babies now making it easier for a woman to somehow keep her name when she gets married.
Additionally, why is it okay to consider Blake, Ryan and Alex for little girls, but not Sara, Anna, or Lucy for little boys?
A few points to consider:
1) Yes, I know it is no longer automatically assumed that a woman will take her husband’s, but it is still far more common for women to do so than not. Additionally, you almost never hear of a guy taking the woman’s name.
2) When I got married, I broached the subject of him taking my name. He laughed in my face.
3) I kept my maiden name as a middle name, had two middle names and used all four initials for the duration of my marriage.
4) When discussing middle names as part of daydreaming about having kids, he flatly refused to use either my maiden name or my original middle name (a family name) for any children we might have.
Seriously, so much of everything that is around baby is gendered. It isn’t just the naming conventions we use. It is in how we decorate our nurseries, the washcloths we are marketed, and the fact that we even have to be told something is “gender neutral” when attempting to decide what we want for our babies.
I find it to be radically disturbing- both that somehow I need to be told what is gender neutral and that I have to search for options that fit my idea of gender neutral.
(I’m afraid my soap box might fall apart for all the foot stomping I just did- sorry y’all- that touched my last nerve because I only woke up with one this morning.)
edit: apparently I can’t spell today either.
And my H (also Mexican) actually *wanted* to take my last name (his last name isn't his blood family, it's his half-sister's dad's name
Also I was super annoyed when I was considering the names Eden and Echo for baby boy and everyone said "That sounds feminine, don't do that to him."
I hate gender stereotypes.
Almost every norm around names pretty much was always created to support the patriarchy. There's no winning, amiright?
When I married my DH it was like, do I keep my name (which is my dad's name), or take my husband's name (which is his name and his dad's name)? Either way, those are both patriarchal names - at that point it really struck me. I guess I could have made up my own new last name? Even if I took my mom's last name - that was her dad's last name. Crazy when you think about it.
Although- I will say that I objectively like my Dad’s last name better than my Mom’s maiden name. (And really- even the term “maiden name” comes from the patriarchal system!)
Wanted to start calling baby by his real name to test run it, but DH has been calling him "Stormaggedon" since we found out I was pregnant and wants to ride that out as much as possible.
My maiden name was my mom's maiden name due to my dad not being in the picture. Since my GPA was my true father figure, I liked having his name. I'm also really glad I never went through with having her first husband adopt me and taking his name.
I highly considered keeping my maiden name as my middle name when I married. I considered hyphenating or keeping my maiden name. I loved the idea of becoming Mrs. M though. I decided not to keep my maiden name in any way, because my middle name is after my gpa's mom and he also called me Sammie Rose.
A friend from high school told her hubby she was hyphenating her name with her maiden and his. So he did the same, which I thought was really cool.
I think the only people genuinely surprised were his parents. (This is actually a major source of greif for me; I did not mean to hurt them, even if their decision to move was the catalyst to me leaving.)
Nolan Howard (after DH’s late grandfather)
Dylan Michael (after DH)
Thomas Jeffery (after both our dads)—we would call him TJ
I’m not sure we will officially decide until he is born, but I just don’t know! Boy names have been so hard for us so I’m glad we’ve at least narrowed it down a bit.
Since kiddo is taking my hyphenated last name we are using my husbands last name as a middle name.
DS and DD both have names that aren’t common but aren’t too weird either. We need help, and I hate naming babies