Throwing my own shower — The Bump
Baby Showers

Throwing my own shower

Hey all,
I've been put in an odd spot. Out of 3 big families, only one person stepped up to offer me a shower. When they asked for the address list, they told me they only wanted to hold it for my family and close friends which would only then exclude my husband's family.They said it was due to budget- mind you, i had already offered to pay for the venue and/or help with food  I felt that it was incredibly unfair to leave out one part of the family, so I was wondering if I could just pay for my own shower and ask someone to facilitate it. Am I off base?

Re: Throwing my own shower

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  • cseley321cseley321
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2018
    Tough situation... maybe you can cut some of your more distant relatives (cousins, aunts, etc) and invite at least your MIL and any SILs?

    ETA hopefully if someone from your husband's side catches wind they can offer to do one for that side. Good luck! 

  • Yes you are off base. A shower should be a gift & you shouldn’t have any hand in it. 

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  • Well I’ll agree that it’s awkward for someone to deliberately exclude all of your husband’s family members, because frankly, they are your family members too. However, it’s totally true that a gift is a gift and you really only have two choices: take it or leave it. The idea of haggling over financial matters is just crass.
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited February 2018
    No, you shouldn't throw your own. It's rude. It's also rude for the host to dictate the guest list. The way the showers are supposed to work is the host provides a number to you of how many people they are willing to host. Then you give them a guest list that is that number or less. So that person is perfectly within their rights to limit the number they host, but they shouldn't be telling you they are only going to host one side of the family. That should be your decision. 

    For example, in an ideal world you have about 40 people you want to invite - 20 of your friends and family and 20 of your husband's friends and family. Someone says, "hey, I'd like to throw you a shower." You say, "great, about how many people should I put on the list?" They say, "20." You say, "ok, and curb your list down to 10 of your people and 10 of your husband's people or whatever arrangement works for you and then give that list to the host. 
  • I would respect their wishes. However, I would ask if your MIL can be included, as the grandmother of the baby.

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