Throwing my own shower

Re: Throwing my own shower

• Bringmemylongswordho member

  January 2018

  Knottie1462851288 said:

  Hey all,
  I've been put in an odd spot. Out of 3 big families, only one person stepped up to offer me a shower. When they asked for the address list, they told me they only wanted to hold it for my family and close friends which would only then exclude my husband's family.They said it was due to budget- mind you, i had already offered to pay for the venue and/or help with food  I felt that it was incredibly unfair to leave out one part of the family, so I was wondering if I could just pay for my own shower and ask someone to facilitate it. Am I off base?

  Yes.

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• msmonalisavito member

  January 2018

  Ditto above.
  
  You are not owed a shower nor should you expect one.  When someone hosts, they have to do what's right for them financially.  And that might mean they can't afford to throw a party for both sides of the family.
  
  Be gracious for what's being done for you.  If the other side wants to be involved in a shower, someone can throw one.  But it's incredibly tacky to throw one yourself.

  
  
  

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• cseley321 member

  January 2018 edited January 2018

  Tough situation... maybe you can cut some of your more distant relatives (cousins, aunts, etc) and invite at least your MIL and any SILs?
  
  ETA hopefully if someone from your husband's side catches wind they can offer to do one for that side. Good luck! 

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• PrimRoseMama member

  January 2018

  Yes you are off base. A shower should be a gift & you shouldn’t have any hand in it. 

  
  LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
  
  
  
  
  

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• dufferoo member

  February 2018

  Well I’ll agree that it’s awkward for someone to deliberately exclude all of your husband’s family members, because frankly, they are your family members too. However, it’s totally true that a gift is a gift and you really only have two choices: take it or leave it. The idea of haggling over financial matters is just crass.

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• lovesclimbing member

  February 2018 edited February 2018

  No, you shouldn't throw your own. It's rude. It's also rude for the host to dictate the guest list. The way the showers are supposed to work is the host provides a number to you of how many people they are willing to host. Then you give them a guest list that is that number or less. So that person is perfectly within their rights to limit the number they host, but they shouldn't be telling you they are only going to host one side of the family. That should be your decision. 
  
  For example, in an ideal world you have about 40 people you want to invite - 20 of your friends and family and 20 of your husband's friends and family. Someone says, "hey, I'd like to throw you a shower." You say, "great, about how many people should I put on the list?" They say, "20." You say, "ok, and curb your list down to 10 of your people and 10 of your husband's people or whatever arrangement works for you and then give that list to the host. 
  

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• katy0990 member

  March 2018

  I would respect their wishes. However, I would ask if your MIL can be included, as the grandmother of the baby.

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