@wildtot Im sorry what a dick! im also have a freaking terrible trip because dh and no that doesnt mean "dear". you should sleep in the kther room maybe he will finally take thr hint
@lindsayleigh1989 ugh travel can be horrible, sorry DH isn’t being so “dear”. I told him i was going to sleep in the other room once we stop having guests and he said that i would be the cause of pushing him further away because of that. So now it’s my fault. Ugh
@wildtot sorry he is being a pain! My husband sleeps on the couch a lot for the same reasons. He hates the mattress on our bed and apparently when I'm pregnant I kick and snore
@wildtot wth?! what selfish baby!! tell him to grow a pair and stop only thinking about himself and if he wants some closeness to take steps to draw you in instead he is the one pushing by refusing to do anything to help! I'm sorry maybe give him an accidental groin kick tonight and claim jt was a bad dream
also new idea! based on the tattoo thread whenevee a random thread gets started whoever gets their first picks a random gtky you topic and we only engage in that haha the OP should get the hint pretty quick and we dont get warnings
We have been saying for 5 years now that we're getting a king bed, just too cheap to go through with it though because he insists on getting all new bedroom furniture when we make the switch. I don't care about that stuff, i just want more room in the bed
@wildtot I’m sorry what an ass! DH gets mad at me when I bring DS to bed too, always whining that he doesn’t get enough sleep. But he’ll spend 2+ hours watching TV in bed after he gets home late from work.. Go to sleep and you won’t have that problem!
@christycalifornia Glee was great until Corey Montieth (Finn) died. That episode where they play his real life death into the show, I bawled. Tried watching episodes after and just couldn't do it.
TOTALLY. I tried to power through after that, but they totally lost me and jumped the shark when they did the shooting episode shortly after...Sandy Hook, was it? I forget which mass shooting it was after, but it struck me as super tone deaf, then the show lost any cohesion as they tried to tackle one major teenage dramatic experience per episode instead of having running story lines. Poor show, it had so much promise. Also, I was NOT sad to see Rachel go off to college and thought it was beyond dumb that we continued to follow her and others who should have moved on. They needed to Degrassi it, not try and do a combo show.
@wildtot@crystal321 DH begged me for a king size bed since basically the day we bought our house. I fought it and fought because I’m cheap and our queen size mattress was perfectly fine. I finally gave in about a year ago and I wish I had done it a lot sooner! Also, we sleep with two separate queen size blankets because we’re both blanket hogs. It makes for a much happier night sleep, which makes for a much happier marriage
@tarheelgirl8 haha we have a king sized bed and his & her blankets too! So much easier. Then I can pile on my four blankets and he can be comfortable under a single sheet haha
Thanks @lindsayleigh1989. I had an anterior last time so I didn't have to do this until WAY later, and not with a loss on the brain. I appreciate the reassurance so much.
Oh man the two blankets idea is eye opening! I am def going to hop on team two blankets.
@wildtot sorry dh is being such a twat. I am starting to believe that men are just programmed with less of that whole "power through it" ability that us women seem to be forced to do on the regular.
I was thinking about this the other day...i have a friend who (at least when I'm around) seem to truly 50/50 childcare. Every other diaper is changed by the dad, they switch nights on bath, on bedtime, on cooking. They do both work. Anyone do anything like that and stick to it religiously?
Also I ds fell asleep in the car and I'm sitting outside in the car taking advantage of the last 10 minutes of nap time bc he won't transfer to his bed anymore. I haven't done this since he was 1.
@SmashJam that was part of our deal earlier this year. We would trade weeks wake up early to get his food bag and ready for the sitter and that person would sleep in during the weekend. We trade off bathing and who dresses and also bedtime routines. The waking early part has gone downhill but the rest still goes well most nights. We both work as well but we also have a puppy that needs to be tended to before work (his responsibility). DH tends to half ass the food bag because he doesn’t really wake early. You can tell the difference in effort week over week.
@SmashJam soooo my husband was great... until we left the hospital. He never once gave our kid a bottle, and has probably only changed 8 diapers total the whole time she was in them. And 0 times getting up with her MOTN. If she starts crying and he hears the monitor and I don't wake up, he shoves me out of bed, lol.
It used to really bother me, and I resented him for it to a point. However, he was the one working while I did the SAHM thing, so I never made a big deal. Now that she is older and more independent, I actually see it as his loss that he chose to miss out on so many bonding moments.
I love my husband, but I think one day he may look back and regret his handsoff approach. Meanwhile, I regret nothing.
@SmashJam we do, but it's weighted because I stay home. When DD was is diapers he would change every one while he was home because I did them while he was at work. When I EBF he did all baths to let them bond, and still does baths and most of bedtime now. Bath with Daddy is one of her favorite parts of the day. When we were both home after DD was born, it was very 50/50 and now he does a lot while he's home to get his time in and give me a break. When I was in school we still did the trade off thing, but kept our old chores (I cook, he does dishes for example). I told him I wasn't being a SAHM so I could be a housekeeper, so we both do our share to keep the house running, but it's a bit more weighted on my end now that I'm home, which I feel is fair. Oh! We also trade off weekend days. We figured out once I stopped BFing that there was no need for us both to get up and be sleep deprived, so every weekend we trade off who gets to sleep in (unless we have something going on, or one of us is sick and needs rest) this Saturday it was my turn, next Saturday it's his. One of us gets up with The Bean, one of us gets to sleep as late as we want. We LOVE it.
LOOK HOW CUTE my doggos are in their sweaters now that they got haircuts!!! Yes, I bought my dogs sweaters when we moved and dress them when it drops below freezing. I'm that lady. But in my defense they don't have fur or grow a winter coat layer, and it's wool so they stay cool inside and are able to come and go in the 15 degree weather without freezing. My California boys don't do incliment weather, and this saves my rugs from their reluctance to use the doggie door in the cold.
@SmashJam we do not intentionally do it, but it is very even. [except MOTN because both littles were EBF; didn't sleep through the night until 10 and 11 months in addition to MHworking nights back then.] We both actually get up when the kids are up. Neither of us are able to sleep in well because of our house layout. We try to ensure we each have alone time for whatever purpose. Or one takes all three while the other grocery shops. Or one takes all three grocery shopping while one has a different errand. Household work is pretty even.
Let's be honest though. In my opinion, no relationship is ever 50/50. Marriage, friendship, parenting, sibling, anything. There are times where you can give more and times you must take more. My husband is giving more right now because I've been struggling with evening sickness. The key (f or us) is to identify it is an issue before there is resentment from either party.
Those doggies are so adorbs!! Sorry for all of you having sleep issues we have a queen and I know it may not last...we will see how our schedule will be once little man arrives.
I just wanted to share a piece of happy news after being bogged down by the sad news of my co-worker being sick with cancer...my mom said she will travel here from Italy for the birth and stay for 2 months! They are arranging an Airbnb close to our house so they can make the trip into a little vacay too not just grandparents duties! I've been stressing out because both our families are far but I feel relieved to have some help navigating the first few weeks.
@TheQuietThings I think the voicing of issues before resentment has been key for me in the last year-I tried to pretend I was ok before and ended up being really depressed and pissed off at DH. We do both get up when DS gets up (mostly).
@Crystal321 the dynamic in my house sounds really similar to yours. I often do everything because I am stay at home, and at this point we are mostly out of diapers, but when DS was in diapers it was all me, all the time, even when we are out, and DH just started picking up bath time on the weekends, so that works out pretty nicely because we only go every other day (unless he's a mess). I love the way you put that last part, that he might look back and regret being hands off, but you will regret nothing. I will also regret nothing, and I should focus on that!
It might be different because my husband and I both work full time, but he's incredibly hands on. He changes diapers just as much if not more than me, we do bath time together (we get very little time together as a family on weeknights), and we each have different household chores we are responsible for. I still have to shake him awake if I want him to get up with our son in the morning or if he's up in the middle of the night (rare), but he never says no when I ask. That being said, he'll never offer, I do always have to ask. Things were different when I was breastfeeding. Man I resented my husband sooo much those early sleepless months. I'm not looking forward to that again at all. Logically I know I'm the one that has to get up with the baby for feedings, but emotionally that was so difficult for me in my sleep deprived hormonal state.
@kissableviv that’s amazing about your parents. I’m so happy they’ll be able to spend such an amazing time with you. Plus it’s a bonus they’ll be close but not too close @christycalifornia those dogs are just adorable
Those doggies are so adorbs!! Sorry for all of you having sleep issues we have a queen and I know it may not last...we will see how our schedule will be once little man arrives.
I just wanted to share a piece of happy news after being bogged down by the sad news of my co-worker being sick with cancer...my mom said she will travel here from Italy for the birth and stay for 2 months! They are arranging an Airbnb close to our house so they can make the trip into a little vacay too not just grandparents duties! I've been stressing out because both our families are far but I feel relieved to have some help navigating the first few weeks.
I am so happy for you that your parents are able to come visit during such an important time! That will be great for you and your husband.
My mom lives 15 minutes away and she is the most helpful person in my life, besides my husband. I wanted pretty much nothing to do with any other family members during/after giving birth, but my mom could have came and lived with us during that time and I would have been perfectly happy.
Lab Mom (x2): Sept/Oct 2014 Married: August 2015 DS: Nov 2016 (36w) Baby H #2: July2018 (Team Pink!)
@christycalifornia adorable doggies!! Also when did you start feeling movement? I'm 12 weeks today and laying in bed last night I felt so certain I was feeling movement, it was significant and clear. I suppose it could have been anything but it felt like baby movement, I coudn't believe it.
I'm late on this one but regarding maternity clothes, I LOVE H&M for a couple basics like a cute pair of maternity skinny jeans. The rest of my wardrobe was Forever 21 haha! DD is and October15 baby and it was a super hot summer, I lived in flowy maxis and shift dressed from from Forever 21.
@SmashJam I’d say we’re 50/50 but weighted. I’m home with DS so I have the bulk, but whenever DH is home he does 90% of baby things. Tubby, diapers, changing, everything but the very end of the bed time routine because DS used to nurse before bed. It works for us because he works so much. I still do more technically but when he’s home he’s present and I think that’s more important than anything.
@runsomewhere a few days before I hit 13 weeks. I was totally talking myself into thinking it was something else, but when it happened again two days later in bed there was no question, because it was happening in response to my wiggling my uterus. If this is your second, I'll bet it's your baby!
@SmashJam yep that sounds a lot like us. I TRIED to get him to cover baths because he was complaining that she wasn't bonding with him, but he never did it
Now that she is more independent he has a much easier time with her than before. For the longest time, I couldn't leave the house without her. I think it really comes down to him not liking the newborn stage. He is getting much better with her now that she is 2 and a half
@kissableviv woohoo that is excellent news!! Having your parents around, especially if you have a good relationship, will make those first few months so much easier.
H and my mom talked me into going to an early ultrasound place today. I got all syked up to find out the sex but baby wasn't cooperating. The tech said they like to have two angles to confirm and she onlyy got one so we have to go back on Tuesday.
oh man that's so annoying @amylu914 I had no idea that they could tell so early, I feel like the techs must be holding out on us at NT scans and just not telling us, lol.
I think you are right @SmashJam. I think even this tech knew but they want to be super careful about giving wrong info. I kind of feel like it's a girl because boys are easier to confirm. We will see in two days!
Re: Weekend Randoms 12/29-12/31
him to grow a pair and stop only thinking about himself and if he wants some closeness to take steps to draw you in instead he is the one pushing by refusing to do anything to help! I'm sorry maybe give him an accidental groin kick tonight and claim jt was a bad dream
@wildtot sorry dh is being such a twat. I am starting to believe that men are just programmed with less of that whole "power through it" ability that us women seem to be forced to do on the regular.
I was thinking about this the other day...i have a friend who (at least when I'm around) seem to truly 50/50 childcare. Every other diaper is changed by the dad, they switch nights on bath, on bedtime, on cooking. They do both work. Anyone do anything like that and stick to it religiously?
It used to really bother me, and I resented him for it to a point. However, he was the one working while I did the SAHM thing, so I never made a big deal. Now that she is older and more independent, I actually see it as his loss that he chose to miss out on so many bonding moments.
I love my husband, but I think one day he may look back and regret his handsoff approach. Meanwhile, I regret nothing.
Let's be honest though. In my opinion, no relationship is ever 50/50. Marriage, friendship, parenting, sibling, anything. There are times where you can give more and times you must take more. My husband is giving more right now because I've been struggling with evening sickness. The key (f or us) is to identify it is an issue before there is resentment from either party.
Son-10.5
Son-4
Daughter-2
#4- EDD July 14
Sorry for all of you having sleep issues
I just wanted to share a piece of happy news after being bogged down by the sad news of my co-worker being sick with cancer...my mom said she will travel here from Italy for the birth and stay for 2 months! They are arranging an Airbnb close to our house so they can make the trip into a little vacay too not just grandparents duties! I've been stressing out because both our families are far but I feel relieved to have some help navigating the first few weeks.
@Crystal321 the dynamic in my house sounds really similar to yours. I often do everything because I am stay at home, and at this point we are mostly out of diapers, but when DS was in diapers it was all me, all the time, even when we are out, and DH just started picking up bath time on the weekends, so that works out pretty nicely because we only go every other day (unless he's a mess). I love the way you put that last part, that he might look back and regret being hands off, but you will regret nothing. I will also regret nothing, and I should focus on that!
@christycalifornia those dogs are just adorable
My mom lives 15 minutes away and she is the most helpful person in my life, besides my husband. I wanted pretty much nothing to do with any other family members during/after giving birth, but my mom could have came and lived with us during that time and I would have been perfectly happy.
Lab Mom (x2): Sept/Oct 2014
Married: August 2015
DS: Nov 2016 (36w)
Baby H #2: July2018 (Team Pink!)
@christycalifornia adorable doggies!! Also when did you start feeling movement? I'm 12 weeks today and laying in bed last night I felt so certain I was feeling movement, it was significant and clear. I suppose it could have been anything but it felt like baby movement, I coudn't believe it.
I'm late on this one but regarding maternity clothes, I LOVE H&M for a couple basics like a cute pair of maternity skinny jeans. The rest of my wardrobe was Forever 21 haha! DD is and October15 baby and it was a super hot summer, I lived in flowy maxis and shift dressed from from Forever 21.
Now that she is more independent he has a much easier time with her than before. For the longest time, I couldn't leave the house without her. I think it really comes down to him not liking the newborn stage. He is getting much better with her now that she is 2 and a half
H and my mom talked me into going to an early ultrasound place today. I got all syked up to find out the sex but baby wasn't cooperating. The tech said they like to have two angles to confirm and she onlyy got one so we have to go back on Tuesday.