Ok question.... so this is baby #2 for us. We are having another boy and they will be three years apart. Do you do another shower for second baby or is that rude? My friend had a second shower but I think it was mainly because her first was a girl second was a boy. No one has offered... do we ask or let it go?
@shea1988 It’s not typical for people to have more then one shower. Sometimes family or friends may offer to have a “sprinkle” for a second baby if it’s a different gender or if the babies are born many years apart but that’s really up to your friends and family to decide. I definitely wouldn’t ask anyone... it’s reasonable to consider if someone offers to throw you something but as I said it’s not the norm to have more then one shower.
@shea1988 I wouldn't ask. I had a girl with my first and I'm pregnant with a boy now and have no plans or cares to have another shower. With our first since we knew we wanted two kids a lot of our big items and some toys were gender neutral (even though we knew we were having a girl). This time around we really only need clothes and maybe a few things of decor for his room. I had a friend quite a few months ago say something about hosting a shower but I told her it isn't really necessary and it hasn't been brought up since. So I have no plans to ask for a shower.
@shea1988 we’re having another of the same sex 3 years 8 months apart. No sprinkle or shower here. We saved everything from our first and family/friends that have asked what we want, I refer them to the registry that I created as a list of things I expected to buy for myself. However, if someone were to throw a small get together to celebrate baby, I wouldn’t be offended or upset, especially because I believe all babies deserve to be celebrated.
@shea1988 I wouldn’t ask. If someone offers to throw a little “sprinkle” or whatever to get small things or essentials like diapers, I’d accept... but usually full showers aren’t thrown for 2nd babies close in age because the parents presumably still have all of the big stuff. I’m all for a small gathering as long as someone else offers it!
Yeah I was by no means expecting one. Cause like y'all said we still have major things from ds. I just kept having people ask me why I don't have a registry. I was just really confused.
Any ideas for games that arent tacky? Definitely not a fan of guessing the melted mystery chocolate in the diaper lol.
Best game I ever played as a music Junkie was to look up the #1 song on the day of a few known guests birth (grandparents to be, mom and dad to be, aunts, cousins) and have people guess who corresponds to which song. (Mine is A view to kill by Duran Duran) https://playback.fm/birthday-song
Since I personally am uncomfortable with showers for myself, and my mom is gone my dad organized a birth pool with date and time of baby’s birth with my oldest. (tiebreaker being sex since we were team green with dd). Half the money went to us the other half to the winner. We put the cash into her savings.
@downhilldiva, not quite a game but at my shower with DS we printed out a fill in the blank “wishes for baby” quarter page sheets and had all the guests fill them out. It’s really fun to look back at now and I think it’ll be even nicer when DS is older- we bound them into a book for him.
We’re hoping to have my shower at the end of Feb/early March...I’ll be about 35 weeks. Is that about right? When should I start sending out invitations? I was thinking like....next week or by the end of Jan at the latest.
Me: 27 // DH: 30 Married 05/21/2011 TTC Since Feb 2016 RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS 5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018 IT'S A BOY!
@vintageandrea90 that’s on the latest side. Do you have any opportunity to do it earlier around 32 weeks? With my son (who was born at 37w) I was in preterm labor/partial bed rest at 35 weeks and was pretty miserable all over. Plus you’ll probably want time to wash, organize the stuff you got etc.
@vintageandrea90 what @danjoly said. My shower was around 2 months before I was due, and I had DS at 37 weeks also. It gives you the time to go through everything, get clothes washed and put away, send thank you cards, etc, just in case something would happen to where you'd have baby earlier.
@vintageandrea90 My shower is Jan 14th but only because I am flying out of state. I do like the idea of having the shower a bit early though because it gives us time to buy all the things we don’t recieve and get everything washed/ready. I sent out my invites a month before the shower.
@vintageandrea90 agree with the others. Mine is February 3rd and I’m due 3/29, it’s the latest I wanted to go (January is too crazy for my family). My sister sent out invites 12/18, so like 6 weeks prior - but she was also factoring in Xmas mail delays and the shower is at a restaurant that requires a headcount like a week or something beforehand.
Yikes! My SIL is having her baby in february so that limits when we can do it so my MIL can come (they live out of town). I feel super behind now!
Me: 27 // DH: 30 Married 05/21/2011 TTC Since Feb 2016 RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS 5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018 IT'S A BOY!
Not sure if this was asked before but how many registries do people use for baby showers? Currently I have an amazon account but wondering if Target and Babies R Us is better. Suggestions?
Not sure if this was asked before but how many registries do people use for baby showers? Currently I have an amazon account but wondering if Target and Babies R Us is better. Suggestions?
I have two! So if you want to add one of those other stores I think that’s totally reasonable. I’m actually using a site called myregistry.com for my second. It lets you add items from numerous stores compiling one registry. I don’t have a ton on it but I like having the ability to add items from places like Etsy.
Not sure if this was asked before but how many registries do people use for baby showers? Currently I have an amazon account but wondering if Target and Babies R Us is better. Suggestions?
I have two! So if you want to add one of those other stores I think that’s totally reasonable. I’m actually using a site called myregistry.com for my second. It lets you add items from numerous stores compiling one registry. I don’t have a ton on it but I like having the ability to add items from places like Etsy.
Oh I’ll check that out! I have some things on Etsy I really like as well didn’t know you could use that site. Thank you!
Mine is supposed to be the 17th, but as far as I know invites aren't ready and they should go out this week. I'm a HUGE planner and not being in control is starting to give me severe anxiety. I know it's not the end if the world, but it's the kind of thing that just gets to me!
I'm with @danjoly@JJMNO1616 and @psuxray07 you wanna go a little earlier. I'll be 33 weeks then and personally feel like that's almost too late. I definitely want to have time to get everything set up and purchase the things we didn't get.
@babyclarke429 we have two- one at amazon and one at BRU. I did different items on each. I really only registered at BRU bc my mom will need a brick and mortar. Also, we are getting the nursery glider there so I added that and then I’ll buy it and still get the kickback points. I’ll probably add the remaining items to amazon after the shower to get the completion discount and bc it’s usually cheaper on there but not sure. I’ve heard target sucks at returns. Also our BRU accepts bbb coupons which is awesome. Yet another also, amazon lets you add items from other sites. You just need to install some browser plugin and use an actual computer (I don’t think it works on mobile sites).
Shit’s getting real! My ex step-dad’s wife (yes, little confusing/weird but she is actually in my life unlike my mother) was messaging me tonight about the pregnancy, holidays, etc. She wanted to know what we have bought or received, long and short of it is I shared the registry with her. She’s the first one. I really better get more on it!
Ok, so my best friend from my hometown offered to throw me a shower. She reached out to my mother about it, but I have heard nothing about a date yet. It'll be a 5 hour each way driving trip, so I'm concerned about the timing. Do I ask about it, or would that be rude?
@allowachick I would reach out to her through your mom, or directly and just say exactly that - you're wondering when she is planning the shower so that you can make sure that you can arrange your work/life schedule and make sure you don't double book yourself. My work usually throws a shower, and I had to ask my boss about it because I hadn't heard anything and I needed to know whether or not to invite coworkers to the shower my mom is throwing, or not. It felt weird to ask about, but I didn't want to be rude and risk inviting people I care about to 2 showers or 0 showers. Edited to add: I feel like it's rude of her to not have checked in with you about your schedule, especially with a 5 hour drive!
TW
Me: 33 DH: 32 Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013 Started TTC August 2016 BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17 BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17 BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18 BFP: 2/27/20
Ok, this is a bit of a vent, bit it is relevant to our prior discussions on how to conduct showers, etiquette, and how it makes people feel.
I have a close friend that is older than me, who has a 23 year old daughter. Said daughter is not my cup of tea (unintelligent, dramatic, etc), and our relationship is limited to politely saying hello when we see each other. Now, said daughter (we will call her Amy) has had babies roughly the same time and pace as I have. So she had one about 3.5 years ago (a boy), and is due for her second boy in about 2 months.
I got a FB invite to her shower last week. Firstly, I was very generous with Amy's gift the last time, and suffered through a really cringeworthy poorly self-hosted shower in the process. It was tacky, it was selfish, it was childish, and I bore it because I love my friend and she dearly loves her daughter. I will note that I did not get a thank you card either.
At this point, I am feeling extremely used. I barely know this woman, I have zero relationship with her, she already has all the basics she needs. This is a big fat disgusting steaming pile of "Gimme prezzies!!!!!". Even worse, the shower is being self-hosted again on Tuesday at 7pm. No. I am not going to skip dinner with my family on a fucking work night and stay up God knows how long to watch some spoiled brat of a woman open shit she doesn't even need. To top it all off, why should I put more effort into etiquette here when Amy couldn't even be bothered to send a paper invite? Cheap, tacky, self-centered, and nasty.
Think about your invite list hard (are you inviting the person because you love them and want them there, or is this a nasty little gift grab? People can tell). Think about how you invite people. Think about WHY you are doing a shower (make yourself feel special or honest celebration?). I am considering distancing myself from my friend now because God knows how much more her daughter will breed, and how many more times I will be reduced to a cash cow.
Etiquette is NOT just a stupid stuffy outdated list of rules snobby people use unnecessarily. Etiquette is guidelines on how not to make people feel like shit.
These are our invites! A friend of mine who is doing the shower sent me a few options and I really like these. Not thrilled with the green vines/coral on the sides. Think they would be much cuter without, but still love them. I went through and edited my list again last night. I'm only using Amazon. I took most of the clothes off per a previous poster's suggestion. Thinking back on shower's Ive attended, I've definitely bought clothes I liked and I dont want other making that decision for me. I have A LOT on my list and I'm hoping people who look at it don't scoff and think I'm greedy. A lot of it honestly is for me, so I know what I still need to get, not necessarily what I'm expecting everyone else to buy for me.
@ngolimento oh god, the day and time alone makes that reek of a gift-grab. Clearly a Tuesday at 7pm works for her, and screw everyone else. I don’t blame you for being put off by the whole thing. Hopefully your friend will be graceful enough to understand if you decline — dinner time on a work night can’t be optimal for...anyone, really.
ETA: to be clear, the day and time is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s a whole lotta NOPE going on with the entire event!
@ngolimento the girl who flaked on hosting a shower for me with my first did something similar - she did a self-hosted shower for her second girl, and had just had a shower for her first girl 2 years previous. She actually initially asked my advice on how to word the invites since no one would host it for her (ha!) and she had never created an invite for a shower before, and I flat out told her that hosting a second shower for another girl so soon after her first was pretty tacky and she shouldn't do it. She did it anyway via a Facebook invite. I ended up going, but I just threw a bunch of clothes I was done using in a bag and gave her that as her present, lol. I could tell she wasn't pleased with my gift.
@ngolimento I totally feel you on EVERYTHING with that. Sounds awful, but here's a question: My husband's cousin by marriage (DH'S aunt is his step mom) recently got married. I've meet him probably 6 times and his wife maybe 3 times, once being at their wedding.
I don't want to invite her because we don't know each other, and when I got invited to her bridal shower, I felt how you were saying, like it was a "gimme a present"invite. I don't want her to feel like that...BUT I am inviting the rest of the girls in the family so it also seems rude AF not to invite her...
@ftm_ohio I think when it comes to family (even though in this case she’s very loosely family!) you always need to extend the invite. It seems the gift-grabby GIMME PRESENTS thing comes in when you start inviting completely random friends that have little to do with your day-to-day life. Like, you know when a random FB acquaintance messages you all “hey girl! Long time no see! Have you heard of Beachbody?!” Same thing.
@ftm_ohio I think when it comes to family (even though in this case she’s very loosely family!) you always need to extend the invite. It seems the gift-grabby GIMME PRESENTS thing comes in when you start inviting completely random friends that have little to do with your day-to-day life. Like, you know when a random FB acquaintance messages you all “hey girl! Long time no see! Have you heard of Beachbody?!” Same thing.
Agree with this. Maybe UO, but I don’t agree with the invite just because you were invited to her bridal shower... I don’t think invites are tit for tat. In this case I think you have other strong reasons to invite her so it’s moot IMO, but for others I don’t love this rule. A not very close friend may have invited you to their party because they were hosting something much bigger than you are, or were gift-grabbing, or felt guilted into it, etc. I don’t think that means you need to return an invite. There might also be people who invited you to their baby or bridal shower 2 years ago but you haven’t really spoken since; I don’t think that warrants an invite either. Not saying @peppersmith22 was using this as the sole reason to invite her, but for others/lurkers who are trying to narrow down a guest list, don’t feel guilted into inviting someone because they invited you to their thing.
Re: The Great Baby Shower Thread!
Married: 10/3/15
TTC: May 2017
BFP: 7/20/17
EDD: 3/29/18
(Mine is A view to kill by Duran Duran)
https://playback.fm/birthday-song
Since I personally am uncomfortable with showers for myself, and my mom is gone my dad organized a birth pool with date and time of baby’s birth with my oldest. (tiebreaker being sex since we were team green with dd). Half the money went to us the other half to the winner. We put the cash into her savings.
Edited because words are hard.
Married 05/21/2011
TTC Since Feb 2016
RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS
5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI
BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018
IT'S A BOY!
Married: 10/3/15
TTC: May 2017
BFP: 7/20/17
EDD: 3/29/18
Married 05/21/2011
TTC Since Feb 2016
RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS
5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI
BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018
IT'S A BOY!
I'm with @danjoly @JJMNO1616 and @psuxray07 you wanna go a little earlier.
I'll be 33 weeks then and personally feel like that's almost too late. I definitely want to have time to get everything set up and purchase the things we didn't get.
Edited bc tried and pregnancy brain
Edited to add: I feel like it's rude of her to not have checked in with you about your schedule, especially with a 5 hour drive!
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
I have a close friend that is older than me, who has a 23 year old daughter. Said daughter is not my cup of tea (unintelligent, dramatic, etc), and our relationship is limited to politely saying hello when we see each other. Now, said daughter (we will call her Amy) has had babies roughly the same time and pace as I have. So she had one about 3.5 years ago (a boy), and is due for her second boy in about 2 months.
I got a FB invite to her shower last week. Firstly, I was very generous with Amy's gift the last time, and suffered through a really cringeworthy poorly self-hosted shower in the process. It was tacky, it was selfish, it was childish, and I bore it because I love my friend and she dearly loves her daughter. I will note that I did not get a thank you card either.
At this point, I am feeling extremely used. I barely know this woman, I have zero relationship with her, she already has all the basics she needs. This is a big fat disgusting steaming pile of "Gimme prezzies!!!!!". Even worse, the shower is being self-hosted again on Tuesday at 7pm. No. I am not going to skip dinner with my family on a fucking work night and stay up God knows how long to watch some spoiled brat of a woman open shit she doesn't even need. To top it all off, why should I put more effort into etiquette here when Amy couldn't even be bothered to send a paper invite? Cheap, tacky, self-centered, and nasty.
Think about your invite list hard (are you inviting the person because you love them and want them there, or is this a nasty little gift grab? People can tell). Think about how you invite people. Think about WHY you are doing a shower (make yourself feel special or honest celebration?). I am considering distancing myself from my friend now because God knows how much more her daughter will breed, and how many more times I will be reduced to a cash cow.
Etiquette is NOT just a stupid stuffy outdated list of rules snobby people use unnecessarily. Etiquette is guidelines on how not to make people feel like shit.
Married: 10/3/15
TTC: May 2017
BFP: 7/20/17
EDD: 3/29/18
ETA: to be clear, the day and time is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s a whole lotta NOPE going on with the entire event!
My husband's cousin by marriage (DH'S aunt is his step mom) recently got married. I've meet him probably 6 times and his wife maybe 3 times, once being at their wedding.
I don't want to invite her because we don't know each other, and when I got invited to her bridal shower, I felt how you were saying, like it was a "gimme a present"invite. I don't want her to feel like that...BUT I am inviting the rest of the girls in the family so it also seems rude AF not to invite her...
Thoughts? Anyone?
Married: 10/3/15
TTC: May 2017
BFP: 7/20/17
EDD: 3/29/18
@peppersmith22
@kmalls
@frenchiekinplusone
Thanks. That's what I was leaning toward because she is family, but it makes me feel better that you all say the same.