Weekly Randoms- 11/13

sparklingdiamond

I thought it was time for a new one!

Anyone watch the walking dead?  Last night made me sad.

scuba_chic

Every year my boss gives the women in the office a day at Lake Austin Spa which includes 4 treatments of choice, lunch and use of the facilities.  It's set on a lake and soooo relaxing.  I am taking advantage of mine this Friday....taking the day off of work and enjoying it.  2 of the treatments are geared towards moms-to-be.  I can't wait!!!! 

stalkinghorse

@scuba_chic your boss is very very wise. That sounds like such a nice way to thank employees for their hard work. do they have a good maternity leave policy as well?

My office just released their brand new and improved family leave policy. They are trumpeting the thing like they are heroes. We get two weeks paid. that's it. You would think they were the next Netflix when it comes family leave. I know that's more than many many places, and I should be grateful, but all the back patting is getting my goat. Our workforce is probably 85% men, and the numbers are even more skewed as you go up in rank, so in a way it makes sense. 

scuba_chic

@stalkinghorse We don't have a maternity leave policy. Currently, it is just FMLA, but required to use our own PTO first then it goes to short-term disability, which I find ridiculous, since I pay into STD.  Why do I have to use my earned time off (ALL OF IT) first when it falls under STD?  Then after I come back, my PTO is down to 0, so if baby gets sick, I have to take unpaid time.  We do have a policy that is in the works, but no one knows what it is and I've heard it really isn't that great.  MH gets 12 weeks full pay at his job for me having a baby.  Its flat out frustrating. 

whatabout2ndbreakfast

Your maternity leave sounds like mine @scuba_chic! Except we can't use our STD unless you have a c-section. But DH gets 12 weeks paid for me having a baby. I told him he can't stay home the whole 12 weeks, I might go insane.

irenejean

@scuba_chic That's our maternity leave policy too. I have to use 40 hours of PTO, then STD and I'll be getting 60% of my salary. I'm planning to bank as much PTO as I can between now and then because I expect that LO will get some bug once we start daycare. It sucks to use so much PTO, but I'm glad that I'll get 12 weeks off.

kmalls

stalkinghorse said:

@scuba_chic your boss is very very wise. That sounds like such a nice way to thank employees for their hard work. do they have a good maternity leave policy as well?

My office just released their brand new and improved family leave policy. They are trumpeting the thing like they are heroes. We get two weeks paid. that's it. You would think they were the next Netflix when it comes family leave. I know that's more than many many places, and I should be grateful, but all the back patting is getting my goat. Our workforce is probably 85% men, and the numbers are even more skewed as you go up in rank, so in a way it makes sense. 

@stalkinghorse I mean, it makes sense in the way that they clearly don’t see their demographics being a problem, or changing any time soon. Them crowing about 2 weeks paid leave would absolutely infuriate me, too! 

I was in financial services software for 5 years before I burned out and became so jaded towards the good ‘ol boys that I have really strong, negative feelings towards the entire industry. It’s such a messed up world! 

klburke88

I'm in the same boat as most of you, where I have the option of using any PTO while out on maternity leave. But once that runs out, I'm SOL. We're planning to use the majority of our tax refund to replace my income while I'm out on leave but unfortunately, I'll be heading back to work full time as soon as 6 weeks are up. It's extremely frustrating and honestly, a bit frightening. Luckily, DH and I both have incredibly supportive families who will do whatever they can to make sure we never go without. 

bchalm

Q: What does pregnant procrastination look like? 

A: Eating pumpkin cake on the couch, wearing workout gear (after driving to the gym and not going in, deciding to go grocery shopping instead), watching Catfish (don't judge, I'm home alone, it's a guilty pleasure)

ekendall09

@stalkinghorse 2 weeks paid was the huge announcement here in my company 2 years ago before I came in I guess.  I wasn't thinking about family planning when I joined and didn't even look into it.  I guess they too made such a big deal out of it.  Thankfully we just had a new change that was huge in comparison.  I definitely wasn't complaining about the 2 because like you said its better than nothing.

kmalls

bchalm said:

Q: What does pregnant procrastination look like? 

A: Eating pumpkin cake on the couch, wearing workout gear (after driving to the gym and not going in, deciding to go grocery shopping instead), watching Catfish (don't judge, I'm home alone, it's a guilty pleasure)

lol @bchalm my husband and I did this alllll the time when I was pregnant with my first. There’s a sushi restaurant right next to our gym, and I swear half the time we’d have every intention of working out but then just said eff it, let’s go out to dinner instead No shame! 

BarefootContessa

I am unbelievably lucky. My institution just rolled out a 6 week paid family leave practice this year. It must be taken concurrently with FMLA and you must exhaust all earned PTO after using it, so twelve weeks is still the cap. At least I can guarantee a full twelve weeks paid off this way. With my last two babies we had to scrimp and save to supplement my unpaid portion of FMLA.

@scuba_chic the spa sounds amazing! I've been thinking recently about how badly I want to get a massage. Enjoy!

jwhokie

@scuba_chic Same for me...I have to use PTO before STD, but DH gets paid paternity leave.  What gives??

ladythrice

kmalls said:

bchalm said:

Q: What does pregnant procrastination look like? 

A: Eating pumpkin cake on the couch, wearing workout gear (after driving to the gym and not going in, deciding to go grocery shopping instead), watching Catfish (don't judge, I'm home alone, it's a guilty pleasure)

lol @bchalm my husband and I did this alllll the time when I was pregnant with my first. There’s a sushi restaurant right next to our gym, and I swear half the time we’d have every intention of working out but then just said eff it, let’s go out to dinner instead No shame! 

DH and I went to the gym once when I was pregnant with DS and we totally ordered Pizza Hut while on the treadmills (walking...) so we could eat pizza after our 'workout.'

Sidenote, DH admitted yesterday that he too is enjoying this pregnancy as 'our last' and eating things (ie. candy) and being lazy way more than he should. We're in this whole weight gain thing together  . The annoying thing is that, much like after my first pregnancy, he'll decide to add a salad to his meals and lose all the weight within a month after this baby gets here. F*cking men...

ladythrice

For those of you who's husbands have paternity leave, have you considered stacking your leaves? DH doesn't get paid leave, but he does take some FMLA time when I return to work and its been amazing at helping me readjust to work life again. I stay home for my leave, then for my first few weeks back at work, he's home with the kids and it allows me to not worry about our kids and focus on reintegrating back at work.

itsrandiyo

I am so blessed to have an awesome, fully paid, maternity leave. I'm so sorry those of your that only get a couple weeks, that makes me so sad.

ngolimento

ladythrice said:

For those of you who's husbands have paternity leave, have you considered stacking your leaves? DH doesn't get paid leave, but he does take some FMLA time when I return to work and its been amazing at helping me readjust to work life again. I stay home for my leave, then for my first few weeks back at work, he's home with the kids and it allows me to not worry about our kids and focus on reintegrating back at work.

My DH's workplace gives him leave, and we are currently wrestling with the idea of whether to take it off together, or to stagger so we extend how long baby stays out of daycare.  I believe he gets 4 weeks, and I get 12 (I know, we are lucky bastards).

On one hand, it would be nice to have help while settling in from the hospital, but on the other hand, after the first week, he would realistically just be sitting around playing video games and irritating me.  So I am pretty sure we will stagger.

whatabout2ndbreakfast

@ladythrice Ohhhhhh no. DH is a wonderful man, but he is not good with babies. We had originally planned to do 4 day daycare and have DH watch DS one day during the week, but it did not work out. He's fine now with DS but he could not handle 10 hours alone with DS and a baby lol

mountainsmama

@ladythrice I swear my DH does cardio one time and drops like 5 lbs ...

Last time I went back to work while my sister was in town visiting the baby, and my DH took a week or so off, and it was mentally SO much easier going back those first few days knowing my beeb was in good hands at home. 

hedgepig

Jumping in on the maternity leave convo - I'm a high school teacher and get two (!) days paid leave. I mean, seriously? What does it say about the way we value our teachers that we can't even have paid leave for them? Goodness knows how we'll get by until I go back to work.

BarefootContessa

ladythrice said:

For those of you who's husbands have paternity leave, have you considered stacking your leaves? DH doesn't get paid leave, but he does take some FMLA time when I return to work and its been amazing at helping me readjust to work life again. I stay home for my leave, then for my first few weeks back at work, he's home with the kids and it allows me to not worry about our kids and focus on reintegrating back at work.

We did this with our first, and while yes, it was nice to have a bit of an adjustment in those first few days back to work, I ended up being insanely resentful. He did nothing around the house, and instead slept with baby and played video games all day. By the end of my leave, I had laundry, dishes, and dinner on the table by the time he was home for the day...

Dumbgurl04

To all the stuffing from the box lovers.  A friend shared this on facebook and it made me think of you.  I guess stove top is coming out with expandable waist pants 

g_amoss

@Dumbgurl04 - personally I love it! However this year we’re hosting Thanksgiving and I will have to make stuffing from scratch. I found a pretty basic recipe, hopefully it’s decent 

sparklingdiamond

I don't know if I can go through with the amnio.  I am really scared of the risk.  Even if it is small....they say like 1 in 400 chance of miscarriage.  Well getting CDH is a 1 in 2500 chance and here we are.  

g_amoss

@sparklingdiamond - you have every right to be scared! Is the 1 in 400 broken down any - like after 18 weeks it drops to 1 in 1000?

ladythrice

ngolimento said:

My DH's workplace gives him leave, and we are currently wrestling with the idea of whether to take it off together, or to stagger so we extend how long baby stays out of daycare.  I believe he gets 4 weeks, and I get 12 (I know, we are lucky bastards).

On one hand, it would be nice to have help while settling in from the hospital, but on the other hand, after the first week, he would realistically just be sitting around playing video games and irritating me.  So I am pretty sure we will stagger.

@ngolimento, yeah that would totally be my DH too . Although, to be fair, he would limit his gaming time to nap times and would be helpful taking care of #1 and #2 lol. He will probably take one week off immediately after birth just to be home with the fresh baby, then resume his normal work schedule until I go back. I basically beg my mom to live with me, she usually stays for two weeks (and it's a godsend). MIL will come and stay for a bit too (but she's not as helpful with the whole feeding me, clothing me, etc as my mom...she'd rather play with the kids....)

@Peppersmith22, lol, that made me laugh. DH LOVED his paternity leave with DS, when it was one kiddo. When it came time for DD1's leave, and he had two kiddos at home, he was a neurotic mess (in life generally I'm more high strung, but when it comes to our kids he's way more high strung and can't relax because he's constantly worried about them). Handling two at home was stressful for him... but a lot of that had to do with his own inability to just let things go. I bet he asks his mom to move in when he's home with three this time 

@mountainsmama, HOW IS THAT FAIR?! I gain weight by LOOKING at a damn donut lolol. Also, I'm totally with you on the peace of mind when you go back to work. As if stopping maternity leave and returning to work isn't enough of an adjustment, adding in worrying about new baby in daycare, daycare drop-off/pick-up, the mad scramble of cooking, eating, baths, bed, etc. It's amazing to have a break where I just focus on starting work again, then slowly adding all the rest back in.

@hedgepig that's awful. Just awful. I'm a federal employee and we have no maternity leave policy. We can take our sick leave and annual leave to get paid time. If you don't have leave saved, then you take FMLA and its all unpaid (Obama did change the policy so we can borrow sick leave from our future.... but that just screws you when you return to work and are in debt with leave).

@BarefootContessa, yeah, tell him good luck with that crap with two kids at home! My DH used his paternity leave with DS as a vacation too, lots of video game time, lots of baby sleeping on his chest (but to be fair I did the same with binge watching all the TV while trapped under a nursing baby). However, we set housework ground rules. Whoever was at home was responsible for the house and that means laundry, tidying, and food. It took us a bit to get there, breaking those gender norms, but it drastically changed how DH approaches our share of household chores to this day. Sometimes I feel like he bears more of the burden than me!

sparklingdiamond

g_amoss said:

@sparklingdiamond - you have every right to be scared! Is the 1 in 400 broken down any - like after 18 weeks it drops to 1 in 1000?

I am not sure.  I need to ask her more questions before I decide if I am for sure going to do it.  I know that the risk is highest during the procedure and for like 48 hours.  And then I think there is still a risk for up to two weeks after.  I don't know if the risk is there for the duration of the pregnancy or not.

kmalls

@sparklingdiamond  I don’t blame you for your hesitation, it’s a really big decision to make. I think I remember you saying the doctor in Florida would accept you as a patient pending result of the amnio? Would he accept any other testing instead of an amnio if you ultimately decide you don’t feel comfortable with it? 

sparklingdiamond

@kmalls I reached out and asked his nurse if they want an amnio done.  She said it can give valuable information, but that they don't require it.  She says she feels like it is a personal decision and it would not keep them from treating me and the baby.  I asked on one of the CDH groups I am in and about half did the amnio and half didn't.  

irenejean

@hedgepig 2 days?!?! That's terrible and I'm so sorry that's all the time off you get! Is there any way for you to take more time off?

@sparklingdiamond I would be hesitant to do an amnio as well. Do you know if the doctor doing them has done many of them? It might be helpful to know if the doctor who is supposed to do your amnio has a good track record with them and it pretty experienced with them. 

kmalls

@sparklingdiamond I’m so glad to hear that, it’s great the decision is in your hands — even if it’s a tough one to make. Does your husband have a strong opinion either way? 

sparklingdiamond

@irenejean I asked her last time and yes, she has done a lot of them.

@kmalls At first he really thought we should do it, but then he said if the other doctor doesn't require it he doesn't feel so strongly about it.  But I know the information we get from it could be valuable.  

lindsye

@sparklingdiamond did you already do the NIPT? I know it can test for a fuller panel of genetic conditions (than the basic ones most people are tested for by default) if ordered by a doctor and you should still be able to get it. I would think that might be able to at least rule out some "major" conditions and give you peace of mind without risking harm to the baby.

sparklingdiamond

@lindsye I have had no bloodwork at all done.  So I will ask about that.  They were going to do bloodwork, but said they only do that for "normal" ultrasounds

bchalm

@sparklingdiamond I wish I had something more ground breaking to say but at the end of the day you have to go with your gut and trust your doing what is best for you and babe. You have showed such incredible courage through this whole situation, just know we are all here to support you best we can.

lindsye

@sparklingdiamond wow that's really sensitive. If you have fears about the risks of an amnio I have no idea why they wouldn't mention it as an option.

sparklingdiamond

@lindsye I think in the case of CDH, they really push for an amnio to make sure there aren't any extra chromosomes or missing chromosomes or anything like that.

lindsye

I'm sure you're right, @sparklingdiamond - I know the amnio is a much more definitive test - but if it's between some genetic testing or nothing (because you feel the amnio is too risky), I'm surprised they wouldn't mention it as a second option.

sparklingdiamond

This MFM has not been the best at giving options or information.

Dumbgurl04

@sparklingdiamond I don't have any advice to give but a lot of ladies have seemed to make some great points.  If anything make a pro vs con list on it.  Might help if you can see it all laid out in front of you.

kmalls

Random: for those with little ones, Old Navy and Gap are having a great sale. Just got DD 6 pairs of jeans and leggings plus a jacket for $44. Score!