what's the worst thing your MIL has done during your pregnancy? — The Bump
November 2017 Moms

what's the worst thing your MIL has done during your pregnancy?

BumpAdminBumpAdmin admin
edited November 2017 in November 2017 Moms
Mothers-in-law! You can't live with them, and you can't live without them. Or maybe you can--at least when they're not exactly being considerate. Did YOUR mother-in-law say something or do something during your pregnancy or shortly afterward that upset you or left you wanting to erupt like a volcano? Share your story, and we may even post it in a forthcoming article. Thanks!

Re: what's the worst thing your MIL has done during your pregnancy?

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  • My inlaws live out of state and when I was 5 months pregnant we flew out to tell them the great news in person. My MIL kept loudly saying how huge I've gotten in front of DH's whole family even though I've only gained 5lbs at that point. After asking her to stop several times she then asked if I was sure if it wasn't twins... she did the same thing with my first pregnancy but says she forgot how "over sensitive" I was with body comments. 
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  • This pregnancy, she’s said nothing about it. Not even congratulations.  The last pregnancy, she intruded a lot, including belittling our son’s name.  It’s sad to say, but I’m happier with her staying out of our lives.  
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  • She walked up to me and started rubbing my belly. When I lightly slapped her hands and said please do not touch me, she said she is grandma and she has rights.
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  • My MIL decided she would announce to her side of the family that we were pregnant without asking or telling us.  Apparently it was her good news to share!
  • edited October 2017
    My MiL is a saint but my FIL says some of the most horrible things. He is constantly insulting my husband and harping on about his weight that he has gained since stopping playing professional baseball (he's gained at most 20lbs and is by no means overweight). During our last visit my FIL told me I need to get DH running and on a diet otherwise he is going to ge chasing our son someday and will fall on him and squish him 
    BFP #1: 1.22.16                 MMC: 2.29.16 ( tetrasomy 11, partial deletion 1, XXX) D&C: 3.2.16
    BFP #2: 4.14.16                 CP: 4.17.16
    BFP #3: 6.10.2016             CP: 6.17.16
    RE appt: 6.27.2016- saline sono all clear
    Progenity: + carrier Tay-Sachs, Gaucher's, hemachromatosis. DH: carrier Alpha 1 anti-trypsin
    PCOS, hypothyroid, MTHFR, hx of LEEP in 2006
    Clomid + TI Cycle #1: 50mg Trigger 8.24.2016- BFN
    Clomid 75mg + IUI#1 9.25.2016- BFP #4 10/6
    Beta #1 15   Beta #2 38    Beta #3- 71     beta #4 171   Beta # 5- 21  Natural MC 10/21
    HSG- clear
    IVF Jan 2017
    Egg Retrieval 1.22.17: 32 eggs retrieved,29 mature, 24 fertilized, 14 to blastocyst for biopsy
    PGS results: 4 PGS normal 2 XX, 2 XY
    FET: 3.13.2017 for 2 PGS embryos
    Beta#1: 3.24.2017......... 78; Beta # 2 241; Beta #3 4198
    Baby BOY due 11.29.2017

  • We have some wine bottles on display in our kitchen and while my MIL was drinking a glass of wine, she pointed out a specific bottle. A friend of mine had a 30th birthday wine bottle label made and placed on a nice bottle of wine. My MIL in law pointed it out and asked if I was saving it. I said, “well, im pregnant and I just had my birthday....” and she blankly looked at me. So i said “I can’t drink while I’m pregnant” .... she still stared at me. So, I’m like “you can’t open it, if that’s what you mean”. My husband was there too and even said to his mother “we have other bottles of wine. That was a gift and she’s pregnant”. At the end of it, she said “so, I guess you’re saving it”. Sure.... 
  • Before we became pregnant, when my SIL announced she was, my MIL told my husband that we needed to wait until the babies were a year old before we got pregnant. Um excuse me? We ended up finding out the weekend after their first birthday that we were. We did not wait on her account, but because we were moving cross country. She announced on FB when my SIL was having the twins. She did not announce about ours, which is whatever, but announced again recently how excited she is that SIL is having baby #3. So is my baby not good enough for an announcement? Now keep in mind, she has been very helpful, giving us everything we need (minus crib and dresser that my parents bought us). And is willing to help out while DH is away after baby comes. 

    It just hurts knowing that we are not as appreciated as others.
  • She is sweet to me and doesn't ever overstep(other than insisting I get more and more disposable diapers rather than going into cloth after a few weeks like we plan) but she is so rude to my SO. It's their relationship and always has been "joking" but it irritates me. Every time we talking about baby stuff she says "yeah now you need to get your shit together hahahah" or he says he is tired(rightfully so he wakes up at 6am and goes to school working on cars all day and helps take care of my first son) "get used to it and stop whining about it"
    like okay, parents loose sleep but it's not the worst thing. 
    I just hate how she talks down to him, he is pretty nieve to childbirth and newborns but he isn't totally clueless to children and is trying so don't make him feel worse about it.
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  • When my husband told his parents we were expecting our first child his mother's reply was "ehh... so did you hear about your brother?" She hasn't asked about the baby or come to see her and she's almost 2 months old.
  • MIL sent me a book about breastfeeding when we had JUST gone through IVF. We hadn't even gotten our first positive test yet (i.e. still in TWW). She's always sworn I have a personal vendetta against BF - I don't - since the first time I met her (YEARS before that moment, I don't even recall that subject coming up) and wanted to make sure I had ALL the resources. Like thanks, BUT that's kind of weird to send to your DIL ... especially when she's so raw from spending tens of thousands of dollars, is currently on all sorts of hormones, and doesn't even know if all that effort has resulted in a positive result yet.
    **History in Spoiler**
    Me-35, DH-36 - TTC since 08/10
    Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count
       IUI#1   - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM
       IVF#1  - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice
       FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
       FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
       FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
       FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil)
    ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day)
       FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
    Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok)
       FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
       FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
       FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)

  • My FIL simply told us we shouldn't live near the highway (since that apparently causes autism) and then sent my parents a letter asking them to conspire with him to get me to raise the baby properly. He also told my BIL and SIL that I got pregnant to trap my husband in the marriage. (We had been together 4 years before the wedding, and he spent that entire time trying to gaslight my husband to believe I was abusing him.)
  • "Don't make my son wash clothes and stuff. You should learn how to clean the house. You have to cook for him." - MIL said

    "Darn them! We have maids to clean for us! Don't you dare move a muscle! Who does she think she is???" - Grandma said (i grew up in her home)

  • @stacemom what the hell! You're not his mom, he can help out around the house! DH didn't lift a finger either except to clean his bathroom he shared with his siblings. And now it's hard. He's constantly complaining about me not doing stuff around the house - I'm 38w with sciatica AND a separated SI joint. Yea let me get right on cleaning the house while I can't even stand on my own
  • No were near as bad... but my MIL (mother-in-law) talked my husband, new born son and I into moving to san diego for better school districts, neighborhoods, activities, etc. to live with her to make bills easier on everyone.  She brown-nosed me up to the move, said she supported me being a stay-home-mom, we'd do things together, decorate, girl stuff, blah blah
  • @kristinwilliam6 I assume she's not doing any of that now?
  • When i was pregnant my MIL insisted I have a planned c-section because my husband was a large baby. Also, she did not seem pleased when we decided to give the baby our last name because my husband's biological father is not in the picture. She assumed we would give the baby his grandparent's last name. Despite me taking my husband's last name, i guess she thought it wasnt good enough for her first grand child. 

    Me 32 H 31
    Married 2013
    childhood cancer survivor - Ovarian Failure
    Donor Egg Recipient
    DE IVF# 1 May 2017 BFN
    DE IVF #2 June 2017 BFP  <3  Miscarriage @ 16 weeks Baby Boy Noah  o:) 

  • This is the story from my wife and i just knew it 2 days ago: My mom left her alone in the house when she was 7-months pregnancy. She was not only home alone but also had to prepare for the dinner, cleaned the house all by herself. 
    When my mom got home, the first thing she said to my wife was "Why the house is so dirty?!"
    We are planning to move out right now btw
  • that is rough! 
  • Found out we're having twins and my MIL laughed and said she didn't think I could handle it!! 
  • ahalixahalix member
    edited December 2017
    I'm sorry to see so many unhappy stories with peoples' MILs. I'm blessed to have amazing in-laws who always dote on me (and now their Granddaughter in my tummy) and maintain great relationships with my hubby and his brother. #Blessed #DramaFreeFamily
  • @MaximumEffort I didn't realize this was in a specific birth group when I replied. It pops up on the front page of the COMMUNITY postings. I was simply reading through the comments and felt I'd add a positive post.
  • My MIL is great. My mother is the dreaded MIL. 

    When my sister-in-law (so she was her MIL, so it counts) was pregnant with her boy, my mother made passive aggressive comments the whole time about how 'a boy is fine, but she really wanted a girl grandchild' and kept buying girls clothing because 'she just hoped the doctors were wrong'. 

    If we ever get pregnant again after our recent mc we wont be able to share the sex with our family, because if its a girl, she will never leave us alone, and if it's a boy she will just act all disappointed. 
  • I am not a November Mom, but I need some feed back from neutral parties as to whether I am being unreasonable.  My FIL is very active on Facebook and has taken to posting a lot about his politics and has been getting progressively meaner and looser witth hos posts.  SeverL times he has refered to anyone that disagrees with his politics as “mentally ill”. I have told him several times that he should not make light of mental illness.  Recently he posted yet again and I responded by saying mental illness is not something to make light off and is not a laughing matter, to which he responded with three rolling on the floor laughing faces.  When my husband said that was “f’ed up” he responded by saying “yeah it’s f’ed up so many mentally ill (opposite political view people) commit acts of violence”.  He has said all of this despite knowing that I lost four family members to mental illness (murder suicide).  My husband took up for me and told his parents we will not be coming to their home over Christmas, even though we will be in town (my parents live in the same town) until his father apologizes.  His father refused to do so, sommy husband contacted my MIL to try to get her to talk to her husband.  All of this greatly upset me, so I texted his mother explaining that mental illness is a big deal to me due to the loss of four family members and shared that I struggle with severe depression and suicidal ideations, and asked that she share this with her husband so that he could understand where I am coming from.  He has still refused to apologize and now my MIL has started telling my husband it’s my fault because I have been mad with all of them at some point (which is to much to go into,  but summed up the whole family has treated me as an outsider who a true Best is tolerated he to my husband but not included and made to feel like an outsider at all family events).  This is the first time my husband has taken a hard stance with them, in part I think because we just got pregnant for the first time, so his parents are not used to him standing up to them.  All of this happened within a week of us telling them we were pregnant.  To make matters worse my MIL texted my mom to try to get her to turn on me as well as getting my SIL to call my husband and complain about me (without telling Amy of them any of the back story).  I hate this for my husband but at this point I feel like I am within my rights to not be around his family (he now thinks we should go over to literally “sit down at the same table” and “hit the reset button” and I don’t feel willing or able to do that, at least any time soon.  Am I over reacting?  Or am I justified in my outrage at how I have been treated and their blatant disrespect for me?  
  • @ahalix I was unaware that this was posted in community as well, I had not seen it posted in any other birth months. 
  • In regards to the questions, On my first year of marriage, I used to live in with my in-laws because of financial reasons. And then when I gave pregnant with my first child, my MIL is not so happy that I had a daughter instead of a son (she really likes to have a grandson). 
  • I'm actually not pregnant anymore.  I had a miscarriage on December 14th, but I think this story will still count.  My MIL sent us a CHILDREN'S BOOK for Christmas and a dated family photo ornament.  Yes, the package was post-marked days after she knew about the miscarriages.
  • I also apologize as I didn't realize this was in a November 2017 group.  Sorry...I have issues with the way message boards search and come up on here...
  • I also apologize as I didn't realize this was in a November 2017 group.  Sorry...I have issues with the way message boards search and come up on here...
  • I also apologize as I didn't realize this was in a November 2017 group.  Sorry...I have issues with the way message boards search and come up on here...
  • hailey1207hailey1207 member
    edited January 2018
    This is an interesting topic.
  • When I found out I was pregnant my husband was actually the one to ask if we could wait a little while to announce it, and I was relieved we were on the same page. Imagine my surprise when we walked into Christmas dinner THREE DAYS LATER and the entire room jumped up and crowded around my stomach. He "only" told his parents, and they took it upon themselves to announce it to everyone they knew. He also neglected to tell them that we literally just found out, and I spent the whole night answering questions like, is the morning sickness over, how many months, and is it a boy or girl.
  • When her and my SIL visited us recently, she ate all my snacks.. when that was the only thing I could keep down. 
    Me: 33 DH: 31 Baby: 9/2/2018 BabyFruit Ticker

  • My MIL decided to move out of state (13 hours awaay) 5 months before our wedding (Oct 2017) because she needed time for herself, didn't come to the wedding and we haven't spoken since. She doesn't fly or drive alone, so she's stuck where she's at! We are letting her find out about the pregnancy when we put it on FB April 1st. I refuse to let her abandon my child like she did to hers. 
  • I’m curious to see how MIL and FIL will react with this one. WIth our two kids 4 & 2 now, we told them AS SOON as we found out, as my hubby is very close to them and we live in the same area. This is our 3rd baby and I’m worried it’s twins due to showing so quickly and EXTREME symptoms and quicker test results. Anywho, the MIL AND FIL got what they wanted, big brother little sister, and they were so ecstatic and very spoiling to me and the babies, however we are not financially fit at this current time in life and we are going to wait til 2nd tri. I’m afraid they are going to do the BIGGEST EYE ROLL EVER to us and have little to no support. They don’t have any other grand babies but know we aren’t in a great spot right now. I’m going to scroll down the feed to see if there’s any other situations like mine! 
  • Also, we are firtile mertyls and TRY so hard to not conceive, but we did take a risk the night before Valentine’s Day and BOOM. Hello baby!
  •  it's really nice and meaningful. 


  • I think your description of MILs is very accurate and precise... good observation! :smiley: When you're pregnant if your MIL doesn't make you upset by being totally insensitive or being over instructive then she isn't being true to her role, lol. Though, my MIL is a mix of both actually...double the trouble. When I was pregnant with my first (the only 1 so far and that's too with assisted fertility) she constantly kept reminding me of the numerous failures we've had in a very well explained manner in a very concerned tone. Anyone going through IVF after several tries might be able to relate. I was told by my MIL when I had my first scan that be careful now you've had a whole lot of disappointments to get to here and we've all been equally affected by that.... with a very concerned look and a grin on her face. Huh! And the trend pretty much followed throughout the gestation. 
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