Weekly Randoms 10/13

ladythrice

ladythrice

Man its been a slow week around here... We didn't even have a new randoms post up for the week.

Which brings me to my random... Guys, I need more action here if I'm really going to use this forum as an excuse to avoid work...

sparklingdiamond

@ladythrice I agree!  I want more distraction from work!

I can't stop drinking soda with this pregnancy.  I didn't even drink it or eat dairy for four months when I was trying to get pregnant and now those are all I want!

sparklingdiamond

Also, I asked about refinancing a while back and have a follow up question.  Has anyone ever done a cash out refinance?

ftm_ohio

@sparklingdiamond I can't help with the refinancing, but I will say that I have also been craving tons of soda lately which sucks. I was not a huge soda drinker to start with (not since my early twenties anyway) suddenly I'm drinking it every other day! 

ladythrice

@sparklingdiamond I'm jealous of your ability to drink soda! I LOVE it but every pregnancy the carbonation causes me so many issues. It fills up my stomach too fast and if I try to eat food while drinking a soda, then I'll throw up .

On the refinance topic, we've never done a cash out refi. We have refinanced, on our first home, to get out from under PMI, take advantage of the crazy low rates (at the time), and reduce our mortgage to 15 years instead of 30. It was a great decision because we knew we were going to sell it soon. As a result, when we sold, we had more than enough equity in the home to pay for our down payment on our next home purchase.

Sissy42

Ok, random question: Who here has pet insurance? or had it in the past? My two dogs are now 6 years old and 7 years old. I'm wondering if it would be worth it as they get older. If you did/do have it, what did you look for? Would you recommend it?

Edited because the English teacher in me nearly cried at all of my typos!

kmalls

@Sissy42 I don't think it's a terrible idea as your pets get older. I've never gotten insurance for my two dogs, but when I mentioned it to my vet when they were puppies, he recommended going with a company that's been around a long time (he didn't give me specific names). The danger with pet insurance is many companies don't last long and you'll never get any of your money back that you've paid out. 

ekendall09

@Sissy42 see if you homeowners/auto insurance company carries it.  I work for a large insurance company and while we don't offer it at this time we are always leaving the option to add it to our portfolio if it makes sense business wise.  I could see us eventually offering it in the future so I imagine other companies have discussed it/added it already.

sparklingdiamond

@Sissy42 I don't currently have it, but used to on my dogs.  One of my pugs ate something weird and had to have surgery.  The insurance came in handy then and helped reduce our cost.

stalkinghorse

@Sissy42 I think it depends on the dog. My sister in law has the kind of dog that routinely gets into trouble and needs medical care. She makes money on her insurance plan. I have the kind of dog that just never gets into trouble and his tummy can handle most anything. I used to insure him (healthypaws) but after a bad experience trying to get reimbursed, I cancelled the policy and I just set aside money for any eventual medical bills. So I think it depends on the dog. For sure, as the dog gets older, the risks of needing coverage increase, but by then I should have enough for most surgeries. 

rmmorris

I’m glad you brought this up! I need to get pet insurance. When we were pregnant with our daughter, our cat required hospitalization and emergency surgery for a tumor that was wreaking havoc. It was totally unexpected and ended up costing almost $6,000 in all (due upfront). I HATED that we were weighing the cost in deciding whether or not to do the surgery.

ekendall09

I just saw a pregnant woman walking through the train station with her pee collection jugs and a pee catcher in a clear plastic bag. 

kmalls

Lol @ekendall09 did you give her the all-knowing nod? 

tooraloorah

We just planned an activity on Saturday to avoid allowing MIL to take DD to an amusement park. Oops?

shireeallason

Haha @tooraloorah ! We told my MIL that we had plans on Saturday and therefore we couldn't get together. We didn't have plans, teeheehee!

Ok, I have a random,
One of my good girlfriends lives out of state. *TW* Sadly she miscarried her 22 week son back in late August. It was incredibly devastating for her and her growing family. Just days after her loss was when my DH and I found out we were expecting. I have been really reluctant to tell her that we are expecting because I wanted her to have her time to grieve and be I wanted to be as supportive as I can for her. As we are getting farther along, I really want to talk to her about this before she hears it elsewhere. It would be so much easier in person, but unfortunately we are completely across the Country from each other. Any advise on how to tell her? END *TW*

bchalm

@shireeallason I was in a similar situation, but it was my cousins wife. I just called her, told her I loved her and I didn't want her finding out via the family gossip or social media. She seemed to take it well. I could tell it was hard for her but in the end it felt like it was the right decision.

stalkinghorse

shireeallason  this is so tough. On the one hand, an email allows her to process it without putting her on the spot to be excited for you if she needs a second for herself. Especially an email that acknowledges her pain and how much you are grieving with her and how awkward it is to tell her this. On the other hand, with big news, sometimes an email can feel cold. Maybe go with your gut on what feels most natural for your relationship together. If it feels nuts to do one or the other, then you have your answer. 

Or you could be like some of the fine ladies on the june board and announce it right to her face and expect her to be thrilled for your happiness. I should really stop lurking over there...

jenotontx

stalkinghorse said:

Or you could be like some of the fine ladies on the june board and announce it right to her face and expect her to be thrilled for your happiness. I should really stop lurking over there...

Oh god really. What thread? I have to read this hot mess...

ETA- Is it in Bitchfest Monday? Looks like she may have posted about it twice. The explanation in Bitchfest Monday makes me feel a bit for her actually. Seems like the SIL/BIL are acting a little over the top imo. 

shireeallason

@bchalm I think that is probably spot on. I don't expect it to be easy for her, and by no means should it. Thanks for the advice.

@stalkinghorse That is a great point about not putting her on the spot, and allowing her time to process. I'm sure it will be awkward anyway it comes out, just trying to be as sensitive to her feelings as possible. 

Haha, I saw that sh*t show! But, "It's not about you. It's about me!" Oy!

bchalm

@stalkinghorse Girl! June board! Dying! I literally look for the boards shut down by admin. Crazy town! @JJMNO1616 check out the original intro board. 

Puddlewonderful

I don't see a Monday bitchfest so can I bitch here? DS's daycare teacher said to DH at pickup today that DS needs to talk more, when he has a toy taken away he just cries and doesn't say "mine", and that he's going to get bitten by one of the other kids because he doesn't talk. 

I am furious. DS has been evaluated and has a diagnosed speech delay. I know this doesn't make him disabled at all but In my mind this equates to a teacher criticizing him for having a disability. Also, saying that other kids are going to hurt him because of it?! I'm sorry, isn't it her job to prevent that? Shouldn't it be her job to look out especially for the kids that she's observed or is otherwise aware have some kind of delay?!

Rant over. I think typing it all out made me feel even worse

Dumbgurl04

I have been a little MIA the past few days

*running to June 2018 to board*

Sissy42

@Puddlewonderful I'm really sorry about that In my first mom group (may '12), we have so many moms with kiddos with various diagnosed speech delays/challenges. It sounds like with preschools the teachers just don't always know what to do with that information. The thing she said about kids hurting him because of it is just plain weird though - I'd talk to her to try to understand better what she meant, and help her understand where you are coming from too. Hopefully she's clueless and not malicious.

Thank for the input @kmalls, @ekendall09, @sparklingdiamond, and @stalkinghorse. I need to check with our homeowners insurance before looking into other companies. Of the two dogs, the 7 year old has basically been healthy her entire life, with her only costs so far being yearly shots, flea/heart worm prevention, and dog food. Easy. The 6 year old though... I have a feeling it would be him who would have issues, because he's had random problems in the past. I'm going to see if there are discounts for enrolling two dogs. GAH @rmmorris that is exactly what I want to avoid! yikes!

@shireeallason I just went through a very similar situation. I personally vote for an email (or maybe text even depending on your friend) to express that you know she is hurting so badly, that you love her tremendously, and that while you are pregnant and don't want her to find out via social media or mutual friends, you also respect that she may need space, and ask her to please feel free to call when or if she ever feels like she's ready or wants to talk with you about the baby. 

kmalls

@Puddlewonderful I'm so sorry, that would absolutely make me go all crazy mama bear. It sounds like the teacher doesn't have the tools or experience to deal with this situation. Her solution should not be to warn your husband that your kid is going to get hurt, it should be to teach the other children that taking his toys is not ok. Vulnerable kids need to be afforded a little extra protection and understanding, rather than getting blamed for unacceptable behavior instigated by other children. 

kmalls

@lindsye - just checking in, in case you're lurking. Hope you're hanging in there

Mattel

My 5 year old wanted a lunchable and jello for dinner. I let her have it. 

I’ve been studying for hours and all I can think about is a tuna fish sandwich. 

jenotontx

@Puddlewonderful That teacher sounds like a twat waffle. I would ask to speak to the director about what she said because that is completely inappropriate and misguided. It's very concerning she works with children but doesn't understand the circumstances your son is experiencing. That's like me telling one of my patients with an anxiety disorder just "don't worry". Uh, wut? It should never be your son's responsibility to make sure he doesn't get bitten. That's ridiculous. 

lindsye

@kmalls thank you so much, that's so kind of you! Yes I am just waiting and hoping to hear something by the end of this week but realize it could very easily be next week. Gah, waiting sucks. 

@Puddlewonderful that sounds absolutely infuriating. My mom is a speech language pathologist so I hear all her accounts of children who catch up very quickly and do very well with early intervention. It definitely sounds like this worker needs some education (and hopefully with it a whole lot of sensitivity) on the issue. I mean, other than speech therapy, what exactly does she expect you to do about it - fix it by magic? And as others have said, protecting him when you're not there is her job. I'm so sorry you have to put up with that nonsense.

zombiemom1318

@Puddlewonderful Oh hell no!!! I would take that to the director! If him being delayed made the other children hurt him then it is her job to make sure he is protected. That is the issue, not that you need to get him to talk more. I'm sure you are doing your best to teach them what you can. Every child is different and every child progresses differently. Any teacher should know this. My son didn't start talking until he was at least 3 and now at 4  he talks all day long with no breaks AT ALL! His teacher had us convinced he was autistic, by the time we got into a specialist 6 months later he was talking like he knew how all along. Needless to say he is not going to that school anymore! I'm so sorry this was said to you guys! 

ngolimento

@Puddlewonderful that is a big ol "heeeeell naw!" for me.  I would go directly to the owner of the daycare and let them know that the teacher seems unwilling to make sure your child doesn't get injured.  My girl is extremely shy, and doesn't defend herself when someone takes a toy from her, and when I talked to the daycare providers, they were nothing but supportive.

Puddlewonderful

Thank you @sissy42 @kmalls @JJMNO1616 @lindsye @zombiemom1318 @ngolimento!

This teacher is brand new and in her early 20s. I'm debating either talking to her, the more senior teacher in his room, or the director. I don't want to escalate one random comment out of hand so I'm thinking of ways to explain rather than complain. It's tough because I only do drop off when neither she nor management is there. Thank you all for your support though, it helps knowing I'm not the only one offended!

kmalls

@Puddlewonderful - would you be able to email the director? It may sound impersonal, but I'd be so upset that a face-to-face conversation might not be the most productive thing anyway (not that you even have time for that). Please don't think that you saying something will escalate things out of hand -- you have every right to make sure your child is safe while in daycare. At the very least, this may end up being a teaching moment for the woman who made the comment. She needs to learn how to deal with these situations better! 

ngolimento

@Puddlewonderful, I don't think bringing it up to the director is "out of hand".  Your child can't be the only shy non-assertive kid under her care, and if she is just letting them "fend for themselves", then children may get injured (including yours) under her care.  That isn't acceptable, and she cannot be allowed to let that happen.  You have already tried to have a reasonable conversation with her, and she threw crazy at you.

saralee797-2

@JJMNO1616 it was in FFFC on June and she doesn't appear to be a troll. Or at least she is a very committed troll. 
@shireeallason I agree that it would be better in writing and if you can time it when she is not at work that would be ideal. I haven't experienced a loss but I did struggle with IF for a long time and had news broken to me over the phone. I was genuinely SO happy they were pregnant but it was hard to be excited and chat through the lump in my throat over my own struggles. If you do call just make sure she knows you are telling her out of love and keep the convo short. 

whatabout2ndbreakfast

@puddlewonderful I would go to the director also. That is crazy and inappropriate for all the children! If there is biting going on then there should be intervention by the teacher no matter who is getting bitten. And who says that to a mom!? It's wildly inappropriate. These people are caring for our babies and I wouldn't hesitate to talk to whoever if you see/hear something wrong. 

Edit: Sorry I go a little crazy over daycare. I love our daycare but it doesn't take much for me to go full mama bear 

ngolimento

@shireeallason I was in a similar situation with my pregnancy.  I have a very dear friend who lives on the opposite side of the country, and she has been trying to get pregnant for over a decade with no luck.  She found out her husband produces 0 sperm (which is obscenely rare, usually there is something to salvage), and had been trying to do IVF for the past year.  I have been rooting for her the whole way.  She got pregnant in June, but had an early loss.  I ended up feeling horrible that I got pregnant after that, and to make it worse for her, it is my second kid.

I waited like you did, and then at about 8 weeks, I confessed to her over IM.  I wanted it not to be on the phone, so she didn't have to immediately respond, and I also wanted to have extra policing capability of what I was saying.  Email felt too impersonal to me.  She was grateful that I was so thoughtful in my delivery, and I made 100% sure I was supportive of her, and didn't let her turn it into a squee-fest for me.

beach_mama

@ngolimento i had a similar situation w my older sister. I got pregnant w dd2 and she had not conceived yet. I did a similar approach, tho it was email, bc i wanted to give her space and time. It was quick and straight to the point w zero fluff. It took her a week or 2 to call after that but it's what she needed.

@shireeallason i think what matters is you are thinking compassionately to start. Tell her in a way that feels right to you and then allow space. I wouldn't wait too long bc hearing from someone else would be the worst.  She will be happy for you but obv sad for herself. I think it's important to remember this is all about compassion vs tip-toeing around. Good luck!

sparklingdiamond

Ugh now the 3rd kid at daycare has the flu.  I am going today to get my flu shot.  I was trying to wait until after 1st tri, but I am 12 weeks, so almost there.  And I need to get DS in for his.  I was going to try and do ours at the same time to hopefully help him be a little less scared, but I don't think I should risk waiting any longer.

Dumbgurl04

OK just finished reading ANOTHER closed thread in June's board.  I want to start taking bets on how many threads they will have closed before June 2018.  

ngolimento

@sparklingdiamond I am worried about the flu too.  I have never waited so late in the season to get it (have to wait until next week), and it has me more nervous than a cat in a room of rocking chairs.