@ knottie_a_million_numbers/letters If you signed up through The Knot I've heard that you have to go back there to change it? (Honestly though it's been forever since I've had to do this...) But I know someone on TTGP was talking about it, so you could search their boards to maybe find the convo explaining how to do it?
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
To change a name, you have to go back to the original registration in The Knot....
@justsuzie hey girl! *high five* I love the hair and glad it looks like you're in a better place at this point. I just started a new job and don't even have insurance for the next 2-3 months, so basically winging it.
@ladipale I'm a bit late in this, but I feel for ya. I'm sorry about your FIL. Maybe it's not like like giving up, but rather taking a different direction for now. Big hugs to you.
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): *waves* Hi ladies, I'm new to the board, and I'm coming in on this thread late, which is probably for the best since I need to just bitch about life for a second and have nowhere else to go where anyone understands. I apologize in advance for the length that this post is about to take.
2. Status? Currently 4days post mmc C&D and feeling soul crushed
My husband and I have been on a ride that had I not been living it would never believe was possible. Feel free to fast forward through my post if necessary. We are blessed with a little man just a couple weeks short of his second birthday, and we have been TTC for almost a year and a half (we got right after it when he turned 6mo). Turns out my DH was medically treated for a condition he didn't actually have that had all but sterilized him. We had been going to an endo to help him, but were told on several occasions not to hold our breath, we could be out of luck on ever having another child. If it happened we should consider it a miracle. Well, persistence and just plain crossing our fingers we decided not to give up. That is until about two months or so ago. We came to the decision that we are not getting any younger, our lo is getting older and maybe we needed to just accept that it is what it is. We are so lucky to have him and we should just embrace the life we have. I finally gave away my maternity clothes, then two days later, SURPRISE BFP came along out of the blue. I was seriously thrown and we were both over-the-moon excited. My DH cried, and that was the first time I'd ever witnessed that. Fast forward to just shy of 8wks. I had spotting. I went to the clinic in a total panic. I know that it's common and usually nothing to worry about, but I felt extreme uncertainty for some reason. Something in my gut just said it was wrong. I live in a small town and was treated by a woman in the walk-in-clinic that happened to be good friends with my husbands ex-wife and had nothing but a nightmare of a visit with her. I had no idea who she was until later, as I'm not originally from our town, but she spent the majority of my panicked visit pulsing me for info on my DH. I was hysterical about my tiny human, looking for reassurance everything was ok and she just wanted the gossip on my life. By the end of the visit she all but told me to suck it up and the baby was fine. She did an ultrasound where she assured me that she could see a heartbeat and was annoyed I was even there. I left completely confused and not at all reassured everything was fine. Two days later, spotting started again. I called my OB and insisted that something wasn't right. She ordered an u/s and I went right over. My DH was with me this time and the tech confirmed that she was unable to detect the heartbeat and that growth stopped at 5w6d. She said that the dating COULD be off and that if that's the case my tiny human was just too small to detect a beat, but she also said there was no way that even if all was well the RN that treated me two days prior would've seen a beat on the crappy office u/s. I was crushed.
I was supposed to hear back from my OB shortly after my u/s and about four hours later I called their office asking for direction. The nurse said that there was no way it was viable and it happens. She scheduled me for my office visit to "go over my options" on 7/31. They did an HCG just to double check my status prior to my appointment. My birthday was 7/29 and I was surrounded by friends who all knew we were expecting and it was the longest weekend of my life. Monday morning brought confirmation and a D&C was scheduled for 1:45 the same day. We have a brand new hospital here but not nearly enough medical professionals to fill it. I didn't enter the OR until 5:30 and took the entire trip sobbing uncontrollably with very little empathy from the hospital staff. My OB assured me that my tiny human would be sent to have Chrom. testing to establish the cause and gender so we could have some semblance of closure. We needed that.
I got a call Wednesday morning to tell me that someone in the lab department put the incorrect chemical on it and it damaged the tissue rendering it un-testable. Seriously? That's their ONE job. She was upset FOR me and encouraged me to file a complaint. I did. Magically on Thursday afternoon I got another call from a department head assuring me that they could still do the tests however they had to be conducted differently than standard and it would take longer, but that he would personally ensure the testing would be completed.
I'm so, so sorry for the long post, but I'm exhausted. I have no one who gets what the process is like, or the feeling of having all these hopes after FINALLY getting a BFP after such a long wait only to have the bottom drop out in an instant and with such little empathy from the medical profession. I totally get that this is common, and it happens at a 1 in 4 rate, yadda, yadda, yadda. But not to ME. This doesn't just happen in my life. Or any of yours for that matter. I'm angry, and hurt, and in a haze where I'm still holding my belly hoping I'm in some sick dream. Why because of the statistics does it make it ok for any sort of understanding or empathy to be removed in the process we're all going through? My heart hurts for all the other moms on this board. I wish I could hug each and every one of you and tell you how my heart is breaking for all the loss we're experiencing/have experienced. It's not ok. It hurts, and we deserve some understanding and softer hearts while we struggle.
Thank you for letting me vent a moment. I wish every one of you BFP's in the immediate future, we deserve the tiny humans we are so wishing we had.
@ELeighMay I'm sorry for your loss and all that you have been through. It's a difficult process. I hope you have a healthy recovery both physically and emotionally
So I'm wondering if my insurance is going to cover the bloodwork to follow HCG to zero. The RE didn't seem to know. Today is CD 1. Wouldn't that mean it's already back to zero????
ELeighMay Ugh, that's a lot of drama on top of an already stressful situation! And sounds like your DH's ex made for a thrilling experience on one of the worst days... ugh. Can you report her or something since she apparently wasn't doing her job/paying attention to your needs and situation? I am super glad that it seems they'll be able to at least some testing, even if it takes longer. Hopefully you'll get some answers! Also, just a heads up, we usually use *TW* when we refer to live children on the TTCAL boards.
sprkls8506 They should pay for that. Usually that's part of the whole 'situation.' Also, CD 1 doesn't necessarily mean you're back down to CD 1. Could end up being break-thru bleeding or a myriad of other things. Sorry.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
@dpjennifer ur def right. It was 5 the other day and negative HPT. I'm just assuming it's there or almost there. My insurance is terrible. I'm going to call my on-gyn on Monday to see if they will order it.
@dpjennifer Thanks for the heads up on the acronym, there are so many to learn but will remember for the future. I did report the nurse for a HIPA violation. There was more to the story with her. Turns out she knew exactly who I, and my DH, were before she entered the clinic room the day of my visit. I had been telling one of my closest friends about what happened and she cut me off mid sentence in shock. Apparently the nurse had asked about us in a social setting prior to my visit that day. She's also apparently known for sharing private medical information, but because its a small town no one will report it. I was desperate for help the day of my visit, she was out of line for even seeing me as a patient. Whether or not anything will actually come of my complaint is yet to be determined.
Welcome back @justsuzie. I had some crazy pregnancy induced anxiety with my first pregnancy where everything basically went wrong in the last few months. This caused me some major white coat syndrome and my b.p. is always super high when I go to the doctor. I know when I went before my miscarriage they mentioned it. I have pregnancy/stressed induced hypertension which will be interesting to see if I get ku again. @ELeighMay sorry for your loss and all the frustration of finding out why. I actually tell my friends I am not the rule, I am the exception. Because statistics don't mean anything when you are always that small chance that this will happen. ETA: @sprkls8506 my insurance didn't pay for betas, they counted it towards my deductible. They did bring it down. Who do you have?
@dpjennifer Sad we are both here, and you especially for you for the longevity, but the support helps. Do you see an RE? Do I feel like coloring my hair was kind of an impulsive move....I needed a change, fresh start. I start at a new job so might as well arrive in style. lol!
@amberruka Do you like your new job? I'm nervous but excited for mine.
@rklinge0 I'm almost positive I will have an anxious pg. But one of my problems is that I think about problems that haven't happened yet and probably won't and then the anxiety causes other problems.
JelloBean1 Thank you, I try to keep my situation in perspective reading about all the other losses in the group. My DH was misdiagnosed with low-T and treated for the condition for a year before we were told by a specialist that the levels he was given to take were enough to sterilize him, and they weren't sure if we'd ever get pregnant in the future. So I'm so angry that my miracle baby ended with such sadness and drama. I feel a little stronger each day, but still find myself internally yelling at pregnant women for now.
Re: TTCAL Week of 7/31
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
@justsuzie hey girl! *high five* I love the hair and glad it looks like you're in a better place at this point. I just started a new job and don't even have insurance for the next 2-3 months, so basically winging it.
@ladipale I'm a bit late in this, but I feel for ya. I'm sorry about your FIL. Maybe it's not like like giving up, but rather taking a different direction for now. Big hugs to you.
CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
2. Status? Currently 4days post mmc C&D and feeling soul crushed
My husband and I have been on a ride that had I not been living it would never believe was possible. Feel free to fast forward through my post if necessary.
We are blessed with a little man just a couple weeks short of his second birthday, and we have been TTC for almost a year and a half (we got right after it when he turned 6mo). Turns out my DH was medically treated for a condition he didn't actually have that had all but sterilized him. We had been going to an endo to help him, but were told on several occasions not to hold our breath, we could be out of luck on ever having another child. If it happened we should consider it a miracle.
Well, persistence and just plain crossing our fingers we decided not to give up. That is until about two months or so ago. We came to the decision that we are not getting any younger, our lo is getting older and maybe we needed to just accept that it is what it is. We are so lucky to have him and we should just embrace the life we have. I finally gave away my maternity clothes, then two days later, SURPRISE BFP came along out of the blue. I was seriously thrown and we were both over-the-moon excited. My DH cried, and that was the first time I'd ever witnessed that.
Fast forward to just shy of 8wks. I had spotting. I went to the clinic in a total panic. I know that it's common and usually nothing to worry about, but I felt extreme uncertainty for some reason. Something in my gut just said it was wrong. I live in a small town and was treated by a woman in the walk-in-clinic that happened to be good friends with my husbands ex-wife and had nothing but a nightmare of a visit with her. I had no idea who she was until later, as I'm not originally from our town, but she spent the majority of my panicked visit pulsing me for info on my DH. I was hysterical about my tiny human, looking for reassurance everything was ok and she just wanted the gossip on my life.
By the end of the visit she all but told me to suck it up and the baby was fine. She did an ultrasound where she assured me that she could see a heartbeat and was annoyed I was even there. I left completely confused and not at all reassured everything was fine.
Two days later, spotting started again. I called my OB and insisted that something wasn't right. She ordered an u/s and I went right over. My DH was with me this time and the tech confirmed that she was unable to detect the heartbeat and that growth stopped at 5w6d. She said that the dating COULD be off and that if that's the case my tiny human was just too small to detect a beat, but she also said there was no way that even if all was well the RN that treated me two days prior would've seen a beat on the crappy office u/s. I was crushed.
I was supposed to hear back from my OB shortly after my u/s and about four hours later I called their office asking for direction. The nurse said that there was no way it was viable and it happens. She scheduled me for my office visit to "go over my options" on 7/31. They did an HCG just to double check my status prior to my appointment. My birthday was 7/29 and I was surrounded by friends who all knew we were expecting and it was the longest weekend of my life.
Monday morning brought confirmation and a D&C was scheduled for 1:45 the same day. We have a brand new hospital here but not nearly enough medical professionals to fill it. I didn't enter the OR until 5:30 and took the entire trip sobbing uncontrollably with very little empathy from the hospital staff. My OB assured me that my tiny human would be sent to have Chrom. testing to establish the cause and gender so we could have some semblance of closure. We needed that.
I got a call Wednesday morning to tell me that someone in the lab department put the incorrect chemical on it and it damaged the tissue rendering it un-testable. Seriously? That's their ONE job. She was upset FOR me and encouraged me to file a complaint. I did. Magically on Thursday afternoon I got another call from a department head assuring me that they could still do the tests however they had to be conducted differently than standard and it would take longer, but that he would personally ensure the testing would be completed.
I'm so, so sorry for the long post, but I'm exhausted. I have no one who gets what the process is like, or the feeling of having all these hopes after FINALLY getting a BFP after such a long wait only to have the bottom drop out in an instant and with such little empathy from the medical profession. I totally get that this is common, and it happens at a 1 in 4 rate, yadda, yadda, yadda. But not to ME. This doesn't just happen in my life. Or any of yours for that matter. I'm angry, and hurt, and in a haze where I'm still holding my belly hoping I'm in some sick dream. Why because of the statistics does it make it ok for any sort of understanding or empathy to be removed in the process we're all going through? My heart hurts for all the other moms on this board. I wish I could hug each and every one of you and tell you how my heart is breaking for all the loss we're experiencing/have experienced. It's not ok. It hurts, and we deserve some understanding and softer hearts while we struggle.
Thank you for letting me vent a moment. I wish every one of you BFP's in the immediate future, we deserve the tiny humans we are so wishing we had.
sprkls8506 They should pay for that. Usually that's part of the whole 'situation.' Also, CD 1 doesn't necessarily mean you're back down to CD 1. Could end up being break-thru bleeding or a myriad of other things.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
I did report the nurse for a HIPA violation. There was more to the story with her. Turns out she knew exactly who I, and my DH, were before she entered the clinic room the day of my visit. I had been telling one of my closest friends about what happened and she cut me off mid sentence in shock. Apparently the nurse had asked about us in a social setting prior to my visit that day. She's also apparently known for sharing private medical information, but because its a small town no one will report it. I was desperate for help the day of my visit, she was out of line for even seeing me as a patient. Whether or not anything will actually come of my complaint is yet to be determined.
@ELeighMay sorry for your loss and all the frustration of finding out why. I actually tell my friends I am not the rule, I am the exception. Because statistics don't mean anything when you are always that small chance that this will happen.
ETA: @sprkls8506 my insurance didn't pay for betas, they counted it towards my deductible. They did bring it down. Who do you have?
@Mack2342 HATE that you are still here too. Sad face. Our next step is the RE is try 4 fails.
@sprkls8506 Thanks, hope we can all move on soon!
@dpjennifer Sad we are both here, and you especially for you for the longevity, but the support helps. Do you see an RE? Do I feel like coloring my hair was kind of an impulsive move....I needed a change, fresh start. I start at a new job so might as well arrive in style. lol!
@amberruka Do you like your new job? I'm nervous but excited for mine.
@rklinge0 I'm almost positive I will have an anxious pg. But one of my problems is that I think about problems that haven't happened yet and probably won't and then the anxiety causes other problems.
@justsuzie welcome back, girl! I'm glad you're in a better place than when you left. Hopefully you won't be here long!
@ladipale I'm sorry for what you're going through.
@ladipale Sounds super tough. So sorry. I hope the time off helps and that you can focus on other things. SOmetimes TTCAL consumes everything.
My DH was misdiagnosed with low-T and treated for the condition for a year before we were told by a specialist that the levels he was given to take were enough to sterilize him, and they weren't sure if we'd ever get pregnant in the future. So I'm so angry that my miracle baby ended with such sadness and drama. I feel a little stronger each day, but still find myself internally yelling at pregnant women for now.