wait, also, @LoveInDC made March's pinned threads (which have been pinned), but it's been less than 24 hours, so now they can't edit or fill anything in or change anything? wtf? TB gods are sort of screwing March, no?
I just want to say sorry about your friend. I liked reading her posts In the past. And I'll never forget the other girl and her horrible words. You have a lot of support around here.
Lurking (sorry, I've been lurking a lot these last few days)
This is absolute bullshit. The OP was so out of line and @loveindc was completely diplomatic and did nothing wrong. This is unacceptable. I'll be writing an email to @bumpadmin about this. She is a long-standing and important contributing member of this community and that other woman purposely did something against TOU that was so cruel to my girls here. This is so foul.
Woah woah woah. Just catching up on everything. What a bunch of BS. I can't believe @LoveInDC got banned. I didn't get to read what she wrote in March but, knowing her, I'm sure it wasn't anything less than classy and factual.
Also, I totally agree with @doxiemoxie212 about just reporting and ignoring. There has just been so much trolling on TTGP recently and, while I do love some noodle snark, I'm over feeding the rando drama makers.
Will one of you fine ladies please kindly send me a PM so I can indulge in some barf worthy troll reading material while I get my drink on?
@hedgepig How do you write a note to @BumpAdmin? I thought the troll's post was especially cruel, and I thought @LoveinDC's explanation of the situation to the March BMB was especially calm, diplomatic, and even welcoming in that she was willing to welcome the troll into the March BMB if she apologized for hurting the TTGP community. I'm new and never got a chance to know @LoveinDC before she graduated, but I want to register my opinion.
Holy crap. I'm away for a few days and we have an awesome grad announcement and that same member gets banned. WTAF? @LoveInDC was nothing but supportive and dedicated to TB and the ladies here on TTGP. I didn't see the full post after stuff was removed, but seriously @BumpAdmin? Not cool. Not okay. I'm sad.
On another note I agree with @doxiemoxie212 & @pebbledam a little direction gentle flaming, but if we give the AW posts all the attention they'll just keep doing it.
TTC#1 10/2016 TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each. BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021 planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks, some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
Holy crap. I'm away for a few days and we have an awesome grad announcement and that same member gets banned. WTAF? @LoveInDC was nothing but supportive and dedicated to TB and the ladies here on TTGP. I didn't see the full post after stuff was removed, but seriously @BumpAdmin? Not cool. Not okay. I'm sad.
On another note I agree with @doxiemoxie212 & @pebbledam a little direction gentle flaming, but if we give the AW posts all the attention they'll just keep doing it.
FWIW TTGP has tried all kinds of tactics to get people to leave us alone over the years. From hardcore flaming to straight up ignoring. People come and do stupid things regardless.
Also, I exchanged a few PMs with kierstenvictoria and she definitely wasn't trolling because of how we reacted - she was just too self absorbed to realize she was doing anything wrong. And that's what it is most of the time. They do stupid things because the just burst in and don't bother looking around before posting. There is absolutely nothing we could have done differently that would have changed her actions.
FWIW TTGP has tried all kinds of tactics to get people to leave us alone over the years. From hardcore flaming to straight up ignoring. People come and do stupid things regardless.
Also, I exchanged a few PMs with kierstenvictoria and she definitely wasn't trolling because of how we reacted - she was just too self absorbed to realize she was doing anything wrong. And that's what it is most of the time. They do stupid things because the just burst in and don't bother looking around before posting. There is absolutely nothing we could have done differently that would have changed her actions.
@antoto thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience. (And interactions)
the "rule follower" in me struggles to wrap my head around this kind of thing (but that's one of my issues). It is good to know there was nothing malicious behind it. I don't like seeing the ladies here get hurt.
eta: grammar
TTC#1 10/2016 TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each. BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021 planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks, some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
@avrilmai The "rule follower" in me is going crazy with all of these one-off posts. I want to be nice to the ones who recently had a loss because I get what they're going through and it's horrible. At the same time though I want to make sure that they know that one off posts are generally frowned upon. I'd hate for them to do another one-off post, get flamed for it, and then be upset because they had done one before with no problems. I feel like if I say anything though I sound like an inconsiderate B.
I'm not going to say anything because I'm on double secret probation, but I think the best course of action is to let them know that we feel for them and want them to join in, and the best way to do that is by joining the dailies/weeklies so we can get to know them.
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
While I totally see where you're coming from, @doxiemoxie212, I think certain instances call for certain reactions and it's worth getting a warning for providing an appropriate response.
@LoveInDC's banning is especially egregious because she wrote absolutely nothing in the posts that even warranted a warning. Really I think that's the larger issue here. To @Avrilmai's point, it's pretty damn impossible to follow any rules when they apply arbitrarily and inconsistently.
@zwink1 I mean sure, we can complain about how TB is run from an admin perspective, but 1) then we should really set our sights even higher because a lot of this stems from UX issues on this site (the sticky posts don't stand out if you're new to forums, the language at the top doesn't stand out and isn't even present on mobile, the mobile app site seems like it might just be a weird Q&A site if you're new, etc), 2) we can't control the actions of others but we can control our own, 3) i agree @LoveInDC banning was unwarranted, but I would still guess that if we stopped flaming drive bys it wouldn't have happened.
Also, I exchanged a few PMs with kierstenvictoria and she definitely wasn't trolling because of how we reacted - she was just too self absorbed to realize she was doing anything wrong. And that's what it is most of the time. They do stupid things because the just burst in and don't bother looking around before posting. There is absolutely nothing we could have done differently that would have changed her actions.
I had a feeling that might be the case after I read some of her stuff. Hopefully she'll tread more carefully and try to be a little less obtuse in the future. Cause wow, that is like reality TV levels of self-absorption. @LoveInDC was so diplomatic in how she handled March18. I read through the TOU and couldn't understand her ban at all
Like @hedgepig I have a really hard time believing the second thread wasn't trolling. I know a lot of people IRL who play dumb when they're called out for things. Seems like that could be the case here. I'm not giving this person the benefit of the doubt and buying that she didn't know better after thread #1.
@doxiemoxie212, I guess that is where I disagree with you. I don't think it's worthwhile to complain about the overall admin or site issues, and I also don't think it's worthwhile to change our behavior.
At the end of the day, I don't think that we truly flame that many people. Most of the people who just don't read the rules (for whatever reason - site issues or otherwise) are redirected and encouraged to stay. There's value in redirecting people and there's value in calling people out on shitty behavior.
My point up above was more that TB has clearly laid out user rules, including what content in posts will get them removed for a TOU voilation and will result in a warning. We can't control how other people react, so even if we respond in a polite manner, there is still the possibility that they report (as happened here) and it's on the admins to stick to their own written rules and fairly assess the situation. That is literally their job, and it is worthwhile to call them out on it when it's not done correctly.
@doxiemoxie212, I guess that is where I disagree with you. I don't think it's worthwhile to complain about the overall admin or site issues, and I also don't think it's worthwhile to change our behavior.
At the end of the day, I don't think that we truly flame that many people. Most of the people who just don't read the rules (for whatever reason - site issues or otherwise) are redirected and encouraged to stay. There's value in redirecting people and there's value in calling people out on shitty behavior.
My point up above was more that TB has clearly laid out user rules, including what content in posts will get them removed for a TOU voilation and will result in a warning. We can't control how other people react, so even if we respond in a polite manner, there is still the possibility that they report (as happened here) and it's on the admins to stick to their own written rules and fairly assess the situation. That is literally their job, and it is worthwhile to call them out on it when it's not done correctly.
Yes to all of this, especially the bolded parts. Sometimes people make mistakes. Other times people are being purposely hurtful. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, a proper flaming seems appropriate.
Sometimes people who enforce rules have issues with favoritism that result in the rules not being applied equally to everyone (not going to point out the political/IRL version of this but I think it's pretty obvious).
I just don't understand why reporting people who are in violation of TOU and then writing one word (if you must comment), "reported," is not a better way to handle MUD posts, pee stick posts, etc. I agree that clueless people should be politely redirected. I also think it's pretty easy to tell the difference. I think making a huuuuge deal about posts that are clearly nonsense or have already been addressed by like 20 people is clearly not worth it.
And my point wasn't that we should complain about the UX, it was that it is dumb to complain about how admins deal with bannings. At the end of the day this is a forum site, and the admins are likely some 22-year-old random fool with 500 other job responsibilities.
Obv everyone can make their own decisions, but we talk a lot about treating this board like friendships and conversations in real life, and if some crazy person came up to you and 50 of your friends with a weird question IRL, maybe 5 people would respond, max. It would never be a tidal wave of, "me too, me too, I'd like to ALSO explain how you've wronged me."
I get that kiersten whatever might have been clueless, but there have been so many in the past few days that are cllleeaaarrrllllyyy MUD. The more people comment, the more the thread stays alive. Report. Comment on something else and push it off page 1.
@doxiemoxie212 - While I agree that we may be fanning the flames too much sometimes, I completely disagree that it's dumb to complain about how the admins apply the TOU. Why even have a TOU if they aren't going to apply it fairly?
Me: 29 | DH: 29
Married 12/2016 DSS born 01/2016 TTC since 01/2017 Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
@pebbledam yeah, TOU are like dress codes for country clubs; they're much less likely to be a means of decorum maintenance and much more likely to be a means of discrimination. But what exactly are they discriminating against? Established members vs newbs? TTGP grads? @loveindc specifically?
Eh, I don't comment on every MUD post personally, but I don't mind when others do. I don't think agreeing to all address this sort of thing in 1 way is going to help anymore than responding with gifs will. And at least the gifs are fun. I do agree avoiding getting banned is good (when you can--obvs nothing @LoveInDC said warranted a ban, which is the real issue IMO). I do agree reporting is good, and I think we should all do that more when it's appropriate. But ultimately if the rules are being stretched to accommodate some people and not others and if there is favoritism at play, I don't care if the 20 year olds running the site have something better to do, I'm going to pushback against it, and hope others do too.
@doxiemoxie212 Yes I believe the favoritism is for newbs as opposed to established members. They know we are already going to stick around here giving their ads clicks and they want more people to use the site everyday and give their ads clicks. It's just like any other site.
ETA I don't personally click on the ads and I'm sure many of you don't either, but you know what I mean--they get more money from advertisers when their # of daily users increases.
One thing is for certain, @doxiemoxie212 and I come from very different socioeconomic backgrounds. You really couldn't have picked a worse metaphor for me, but I kinda get what you are saying.
Ultimately, if I think someone is getting unfairly banned, I'm going to say something because that's my perogative. I also plan on officially reporting more violations of TOU.
Me: 29 | DH: 29
Married 12/2016 DSS born 01/2016 TTC since 01/2017 Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
@pebbledam haha to be clear I've never been a member of a country club, or ever been in the position to be. It's just a talking point for a lot of racial discrimination so it's memorable for me. And DH gets super mad about the partners in his law firm who are members of private clubs in NYC who require jackets or say no jeans (but essentially let white guys get away with it but not minorities, etc).
@doxiemoxie212 - Yeah, I don't even know anyone that is a member of a country or private club. That is how far removed I am from your metaphor. The closest I've come to a country club is watching Gilmore Girls.
Me: 29 | DH: 29
Married 12/2016 DSS born 01/2016 TTC since 01/2017 Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
Also, again, if you're going to complain about someone getting banned maybe consider the systemic issue which is that this site is not built well from a UX perspective. We'd have fewer clueless drive bys if it were built better. And thus less to complain about. And thus nothing to get banned over. That's all I'm saying. I think it's pointless to complain bc they obv DGAF, but I think it's nice everyone is rallying for @loveindc. I'm just talking about moving forward.
@doxiemoxie212 - The people that run admin and the people that design websites aren't the same. UX engineers aren't something that many companies spend a lot of money on. It would be nice if admin could do their job instead of passing the buck. It would also be nice if TB paid for a better web design, but that is a much more involved process.
Me: 29 | DH: 29
Married 12/2016 DSS born 01/2016 TTC since 01/2017 Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
@pebbledam ah yes, my parents thought it would be fun to send me to private school when they could barely afford their mortgage so I grew up surrounded by wealth though not able to participate in it. I live in manhattan now so much of the same, though admittedly DH's family does have money.
@vflux33 half Jewish, half black. Ain't no country clubs for DH! Lol (I laugh... but yet... sigh)
@doxiemoxie212 I so feel you on the private school thing. My dad was a doctor but they divorced when I was young. Grew up solidly middle class. Went to an expensive private school on a full academic scholarship and those kids tortured me for being "poor". It was an awful experience. I begged her to put me in public school for HS and she finally relented.
Me: 35, Hubbie: 33 Married DH: 2013 DD: Dec 2015 BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
Re: Weekday Randoms! 6/26-30
I just want to say sorry about your friend. I liked reading her posts In the past. And I'll never forget the other girl and her horrible words. You have a lot of support around here.
This is absolute bullshit. The OP was so out of line and @loveindc was completely diplomatic and did nothing wrong. This is unacceptable. I'll be writing an email to @bumpadmin about this. She is a long-standing and important contributing member of this community and that other woman purposely did something against TOU that was so cruel to my girls here. This is so foul.
Also, I totally agree with @doxiemoxie212 about just reporting and ignoring. There has just been so much trolling on TTGP recently and, while I do love some noodle snark, I'm over feeding the rando drama makers.
Will one of you fine ladies please kindly send me a PM so I can indulge in some barf worthy troll reading material while I get my drink on?
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
On another note I agree with @doxiemoxie212 & @pebbledam a little direction gentle flaming, but if we give the AW posts all the attention they'll just keep doing it.
TTC#1 10/2016
TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each.
BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021
planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks,
some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
Also, I exchanged a few PMs with kierstenvictoria and she definitely wasn't trolling because of how we reacted - she was just too self absorbed to realize she was doing anything wrong. And that's what it is most of the time. They do stupid things because the just burst in and don't bother looking around before posting. There is absolutely nothing we could have done differently that would have changed her actions.
the "rule follower" in me struggles to wrap my head around this kind of thing (but that's one of my issues). It is good to know there was nothing malicious behind it. I don't like seeing the ladies here get hurt.
eta: grammar
TTC#1 10/2016
TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each.
BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021
planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks,
some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
Dating: 2/2007 Married: 4/2011
TTC #1: 9/2016
*TW*
BFP #2: 3/9/2017 - CP: 3/10/2017
08/2017: DH's SA = normal
08/2017: Low progesterone (4.6) all other BW normal
11/2017: HSG Clear; Pelvic Ultrasound Normal; and AMH, FSH, and Estradiol normal
12/2017: 1,000mg Metformin
12/2017: 50mg Clomid + TI = BFN
01/2018: 100mg Clomid + TI = BFN
01/2018: RE Consult
03/2018: 5mg Letrozole + 50 units Gonal-F + 500 μg Ovidrel + IUI = BFP #3: 4/1/2018 - CP: 4/4/2018
04/2018: 5mg Letrozole + Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP #4: 5/2/18
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
@LoveInDC's banning is especially egregious because she wrote absolutely nothing in the posts that even warranted a warning. Really I think that's the larger issue here. To @Avrilmai's point, it's pretty damn impossible to follow any rules when they apply arbitrarily and inconsistently.
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
At the end of the day, I don't think that we truly flame that many people. Most of the people who just don't read the rules (for whatever reason - site issues or otherwise) are redirected and encouraged to stay. There's value in redirecting people and there's value in calling people out on shitty behavior.
My point up above was more that TB has clearly laid out user rules, including what content in posts will get them removed for a TOU voilation and will result in a warning. We can't control how other people react, so even if we respond in a polite manner, there is still the possibility that they report (as happened here) and it's on the admins to stick to their own written rules and fairly assess the situation. That is literally their job, and it is worthwhile to call them out on it when it's not done correctly.
Sometimes people who enforce rules have issues with favoritism that result in the rules not being applied equally to everyone (not going to point out the political/IRL version of this but I think it's pretty obvious).
And my point wasn't that we should complain about the UX, it was that it is dumb to complain about how admins deal with bannings. At the end of the day this is a forum site, and the admins are likely some 22-year-old random fool with 500 other job responsibilities.
Obv everyone can make their own decisions, but we talk a lot about treating this board like friendships and conversations in real life, and if some crazy person came up to you and 50 of your friends with a weird question IRL, maybe 5 people would respond, max. It would never be a tidal wave of, "me too, me too, I'd like to ALSO explain how you've wronged me."
I get that kiersten whatever might have been clueless, but there have been so many in the past few days that are cllleeaaarrrllllyyy MUD. The more people comment, the more the thread stays alive. Report. Comment on something else and push it off page 1.
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
ETA I don't personally click on the ads and I'm sure many of you don't either, but you know what I mean--they get more money from advertisers when their # of daily users increases.
Married DH: 2013
DD: Dec 2015
BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
Ultimately, if I think someone is getting unfairly banned, I'm going to say something because that's my perogative. I also plan on officially reporting more violations of TOU.
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
ETA Just FYI for people who don't know, I am Jewish so this joke is totally appropriate for me to make.
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
@vflux33 half Jewish, half black. Ain't no country clubs for DH! Lol (I laugh... but yet... sigh)
Married DH: 2013
DD: Dec 2015
BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018