Infertility

IVF with donor eggs

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Re: IVF with donor eggs

  • 20T20T member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    laurad75 said:
    @20T I hear you loud and clear.  If one of the doctors gave me any hope that we could still succeed with my own eggs I'm sure we would have kept going.  Obviously it was very hard to hear that the chance of conceiving was very slim but it made the decision to go DE much easier.  I have read a bunch of those articles and need to believe that its true - both doctors that I saw had so many positive things to say about DE including the studies on imprinting and epigenetics (those may be the same thing).  

    In regards to Frozen vs Fresh - I am waiting to hear back from our financial coordinator to confirm our insurance coverage.  If my insurance covers anything for DE IVF it will only be for fresh eggs so we will go that route.  Otherwise, we will likely do a guaranteed plan with frozen.  
    @laurad75 I'm with you-I have to believe something in there is true. I hope your insurance covers something!

    Me:33 DH:34
    Me: DOR
    H: low volume

    TTC #1: 2015
    July 2016: IVF #1. 8R, 5M, 5F, 0 made it to day 5. 

    January 2017: IVF #2. 4R, 3M, 3F, 2 transfered day 3. BFN

    May 2017: IVF #3. Cancelled for poor response.

    October 2017: FET #1. EDD: June 20, 2018

    BusinessWifelaurad75
  • 2legbaby2legbaby member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    @20T that is a tough spot to be in!  We only tried two rounds of IVF first time 4 embryos all tested abnormal, second time 6 embryos and none survived to testing ...my RE discussed DE but was still open to us trying again. Financially we are fortunate in that did not play a role in our decision (we could afford another round of ivf then DE if needed)  for me the emotional toll of the failed IVF s was just too much and if there was a good chance I would have tried again but I was ready to move on. I think of finances are off the table you need to decide if you need that next try at IVF before moving on or if you are ready to move forward with DE
    *tw* My sweet baby looks like a mini version of my husband so that helps  a lot with not seeing myself in her. I am really not bothered by it like I thought I may be.I have a Caucasian best friend and her husband is Chinese and her kids really look just like him....it is hard to see her features despite genetics.similarly I look nothing like my mom!

    Of the things I struggle with really the biggie is how she will feel about the decision we have made and will she ever resent me for it? (For good or bad there is a site called anonymousus.org where donor children and parents can post-some of posts are hard to read but I recommend it so you can get the child's perspective too)

    @laurad75 we ended up with our eggs in a less conventional way in the end but initially considered fresh.  Our RE office literally had only 5 in house donors! But we also looked at (and almost went with !) Eggceptional donor group. Costs for "proven "donor were $9000  to $10000 just for donor fee. Didn't consider frozen at the time as wanted option for siblings (as it is of our 12 eggs 5 embies 2 PGS normal but first transfer failed) 
    ******TW*****
    Me 39 DH44
    Married 8/2/14
    TTC 9/14
    Dx: PCOS, blocked L fallopian tube, suspect poor egg quality
    MFI (low #, poor morphology)
    IVF #1 9/15 Failed
    IVF #2 12/15 Failed
    1st DE FET  5/16-BFN :(
    2nd DE FET 7/18-BFP :)
    8/17 Baby HR 140/min EDD 4/6/17
    20TBusinessWife
  •     
  • @laurad75- I do think with using an agency, you may have access to more donors, so theres a positive in that too. So excited to hear how the seminar goes and what your next steps are :)

    @2legbaby- I love hearing other people's stories with DE who are on the other side. I do often worry about what the child will think/feel. I'm sure there will be some horrible teen years when they say something mean, but hopefully by adulthood they will truly realize how wanted they were and what we did to get them :) Sometimes when I get hung up on the physcial stuff, I remind myself too that there is no guarentee that my genetic child would look like me anyways!! are you planning to try for a second child?
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
    20T
  • 2legbaby2legbaby member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    @JamieH2000 we had started looking into adopting from foster care before our BFP and I am still open to that to give her a sibling. Since we have no more embryos I won't  carry another baby....I  am a little sad about that but so at peace with our one miracle baby
    ******TW*****
    Me 39 DH44
    Married 8/2/14
    TTC 9/14
    Dx: PCOS, blocked L fallopian tube, suspect poor egg quality
    MFI (low #, poor morphology)
    IVF #1 9/15 Failed
    IVF #2 12/15 Failed
    1st DE FET  5/16-BFN :(
    2nd DE FET 7/18-BFP :)
    8/17 Baby HR 140/min EDD 4/6/17
    20Twabash15BusinessWife
  •     
  • @2legbaby- I think foster to adopt is amazing and there are so many children that need a great hom. Sometimes. I feel guilty spending all this money to have a child when so many need a home but they make it so hard to adopt children and so expensive!
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
    20TBusinessWife
  • laurad75laurad75 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thank you for sharing @2legbaby.  I agree it's so helpful to hear from those who have gone through it. 

    So if any of the DE IVF moms are lurking...we would love to hear from you.  
    TTC history in spoiler: 

    Me: 42
    DH: 41
    Married: 5/7/16
    TTC #1: May 2016
    IUI #1 10/31/16 - BFN
    IVF - ER #1 2/10 (3R, 3F, 1B for PGS - 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #2 3/24 (2R, 1F- 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #3 5/15 (1R- 0 viable for transfer)
    June 17: Starting the process for DE IVF
    Aug 17: Donor chosen! Anticipating a Nov cycle after testing is complete. 
    Nov 17: DE IVF ER 11/27 (35R, 19 F) Dec 2nd Transfer!


    20Twabash15BusinessWife
  •     
  • 20T20T member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks @2legbaby for sharing your story. And yikes, that website had some harsh letters from kids of donors! 

    Me:33 DH:34
    Me: DOR
    H: low volume

    TTC #1: 2015
    July 2016: IVF #1. 8R, 5M, 5F, 0 made it to day 5. 

    January 2017: IVF #2. 4R, 3M, 3F, 2 transfered day 3. BFN

    May 2017: IVF #3. Cancelled for poor response.

    October 2017: FET #1. EDD: June 20, 2018

    BusinessWife
  • 2legbaby2legbaby member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    @20T there are some harsh postings on that site for sure....I tried to take some with a grain of salt as some of the donor kids seemed so unhappy about everything in life,  knowing that kids more ' conventionally ' conceived can turn out this unhappy as well,  but still felt it was good to read the unhappy stories too 

    @JamieH2000 don't feel guilty about that at all! All of us can desire to become moms however  we want and while I know for some ladies that pregnancy isn't possible,  i am so glad that I got to have that amazing experience

    @laurad75 I'm glad you guys add going to keep this thread going,  wish there was more activity on the 3rd parry reproduction board! 
    ******TW*****
    Me 39 DH44
    Married 8/2/14
    TTC 9/14
    Dx: PCOS, blocked L fallopian tube, suspect poor egg quality
    MFI (low #, poor morphology)
    IVF #1 9/15 Failed
    IVF #2 12/15 Failed
    1st DE FET  5/16-BFN :(
    2nd DE FET 7/18-BFP :)
    8/17 Baby HR 140/min EDD 4/6/17
    laurad75BusinessWife20T
  •     
  • laurad75laurad75 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Congratulations and thank you for sharing @TaylorMichel
    TTC history in spoiler: 

    Me: 42
    DH: 41
    Married: 5/7/16
    TTC #1: May 2016
    IUI #1 10/31/16 - BFN
    IVF - ER #1 2/10 (3R, 3F, 1B for PGS - 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #2 3/24 (2R, 1F- 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #3 5/15 (1R- 0 viable for transfer)
    June 17: Starting the process for DE IVF
    Aug 17: Donor chosen! Anticipating a Nov cycle after testing is complete. 
    Nov 17: DE IVF ER 11/27 (35R, 19 F) Dec 2nd Transfer!


    BusinessWife20T
  •     
  • Woke up thinking about you today, luv @20T I'm sorry your doctor wasn't able to give you more definitive advice... I know firsthand what a toll this struggle takes on your life and your marriage... please do, I hope you will, take all the time /mental-emotional space you need to feel yourself again.  I myself am only hanging in there at this point, bc having DHs procedure X No. days away is like a beacon of light at the end of a long dark tunnel.... but if it doesn't work?  Or even if it does and we do get to jump right back down into the next rabbithole that ivf would be, it's like ughh.... when does it end and we get to just be a normal couple again? Sometimes life is just like that though, and it may never be the other way again without our making a conscious decision to choose normalcy.  Idk. It's not easy - none of it - the trying, nor the less-trying - but I just wanted you to know you're in my heart, lady. ❤
    "Perky Sassy Sugar Socks"

    Me: 33 | DH: 40 ~ Married / NTNP #1: 05.30.2015 ~ TTC #1 November 2015

    5/16 - Began Creighton Method CM Tracking / Napro Fertility Medicine | Progesterone + various abx cycles - all BFNs
    8/16 - SHG: ute good, at least one tube open | Adrenal saliva test: chronic stress cortisol levels -> started adaptogens
    10/16 - azoo dx confirmed. more bw + TRUS to determine differential dx. 3/17 - genetic labs, renal & repeat scrotal u/s.
    No known genetic cause found. Vas tubes appear absent on repeat exam. DH started Clomid in prep for MESA/TESE
    4/17 - Initial RE Consult for me. | DH's F/U bw shows great T response! but also elevated FSH, making the possibility
    of a successful vas reconstruction less likely, IHHO. | Waiting for DH's exploratory/retrieval attempt till after 06/06/17.





    laurad7520TMarley629fivetimesnoluck
  •     
  • laurad75laurad75 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    That is such great news @JamieH2000.  Thank you for sharing.  Do you know how many eggs the donor produced in the last cycle?  I would think that number would be important too, no?  

    I know what you mean that it must be bittersweet to commit to this path but like you said, it will all be worth it.  
    TTC history in spoiler: 

    Me: 42
    DH: 41
    Married: 5/7/16
    TTC #1: May 2016
    IUI #1 10/31/16 - BFN
    IVF - ER #1 2/10 (3R, 3F, 1B for PGS - 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #2 3/24 (2R, 1F- 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #3 5/15 (1R- 0 viable for transfer)
    June 17: Starting the process for DE IVF
    Aug 17: Donor chosen! Anticipating a Nov cycle after testing is complete. 
    Nov 17: DE IVF ER 11/27 (35R, 19 F) Dec 2nd Transfer!


    BusinessWife20T
  • @laurad75- I didn't ask how many eggs, but probably could. I think at this point, we are happy enough with the 6 blasts to proceed. She was our first choice, from the first time we looked at the donor list over two months ago. There was just something in her responses that I really connect with. Where are you at in your journey?! I know there is alotttt of waiting in this process.
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
    laurad75BusinessWife20T
  •     
  • laurad75laurad75 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @JamieH2000 I agree 100% that 6 blasts is awesome.  It's so exciting. 

    We are just doing the preliminary testing now.  We have to have some of the bw and testing repeated bc they want it all within a year and we started everything last July.  H had his full bw and SA done and I will have my CD 3 bw done next cycle (I was on vacation on CD 3 this cycle) plus a repeat HSG.  We need to meet with a social worker at the clinic and have a meeting with our RE. Once those are all done we can move forward with picking and securing our donor.  I have been on a bunch of the agency sites and already have some favorite donors but I really want H to be a big part of that choice and he hasn't looked yet.  

    The 'choosing a donor' part of the process is so interesting.  I'm interested to see what H looks for.  
    TTC history in spoiler: 

    Me: 42
    DH: 41
    Married: 5/7/16
    TTC #1: May 2016
    IUI #1 10/31/16 - BFN
    IVF - ER #1 2/10 (3R, 3F, 1B for PGS - 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #2 3/24 (2R, 1F- 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #3 5/15 (1R- 0 viable for transfer)
    June 17: Starting the process for DE IVF
    Aug 17: Donor chosen! Anticipating a Nov cycle after testing is complete. 
    Nov 17: DE IVF ER 11/27 (35R, 19 F) Dec 2nd Transfer!


    BusinessWife20Twabash15
  • So exciting to hear your progress!!! @JamieH2000 and rooting for you both! @laurad75 ; :D How are you doing??? @20T ❤❤❤
    "Perky Sassy Sugar Socks"

    Me: 33 | DH: 40 ~ Married / NTNP #1: 05.30.2015 ~ TTC #1 November 2015

    5/16 - Began Creighton Method CM Tracking / Napro Fertility Medicine | Progesterone + various abx cycles - all BFNs
    8/16 - SHG: ute good, at least one tube open | Adrenal saliva test: chronic stress cortisol levels -> started adaptogens
    10/16 - azoo dx confirmed. more bw + TRUS to determine differential dx. 3/17 - genetic labs, renal & repeat scrotal u/s.
    No known genetic cause found. Vas tubes appear absent on repeat exam. DH started Clomid in prep for MESA/TESE
    4/17 - Initial RE Consult for me. | DH's F/U bw shows great T response! but also elevated FSH, making the possibility
    of a successful vas reconstruction less likely, IHHO. | Waiting for DH's exploratory/retrieval attempt till after 06/06/17.





  •     
  • Thanks @businesswife!! 

    @laurad75- we had to redo our testing too since it was all done in July! I'm a little surprised you need an hSG since that normally checks your tubes are open and that's not too important at this point ;) for us, we each looked at the donors and picked our top 3. We each picked the same and even in the same order I think! I guess I tried to pick someone that looked more like me than not, but it was just kind of a gut decision. All our choices seemed to have more education than HS and then some college or maybe a 4 year degree. And school is also not a guarantee of intelligence. So I also read their answers to the questions and found I liked the ones that wrote more bc I felt I connected with them more. Didn't pay a lot of attention to family health history since so much is dependent on life style. Good luck on making the pick and can't wait to see you get started!
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
    BusinessWifelaurad75wabash15
  • edited June 27
    Ladies, I am excited to see you making progress on the way to your eventual transfers. It's a lot of hurry up and wait, but that's just how it goes. I promise it's all worth it.

    Congrats on getting your donor approved, @JamieH2000! That's huge!

    Good luck in the next steps, @laurad75 - it was definitely exciting and interesting to see how DH and were aligned and where we were different on our priorities in a donor.

    Congrats on your twins, @TaylorMichel - what a great story of how you got here! Sometimes the most unexpected outcomes are the best outcomes!


    AFM, DH and I have been having conversations about how/what we will tell our donor-conceived kiddo(s), and it's very interesting how he has evolved on the subject. At first, he didn't feel it would be necessary. His thought was since I carried the baby, there shouldn't be any questions/discussion. But I recently made the point to him that we all now have access to more information on our DNA and backgrounds than ever before.... we would have to be open with the kid at some point. Plus, we haven't kept it a secret from our close friends and family, so I would hate for it to be a taboo subject for the child it actually impacts. He realizes that and accepts it, so now we talk more about when it's a good idea to introduce the concept. (And we don't have that answer, but it will be figured out eventually.)

    One of the things I have come to realize through this process is as much as we often try and plan for/prepare certain realities in advance, frankly, there are just some things that you can't prepare for or decide until it's in front of you.

    Wishing each of you luck as you keep moving forward!
    Me: 39, DH: 34
    Married 5/2009; TTC #1 since 2013
    MC: March 2013 (7w)
    MC: August 2013 (7w2d)
    MC: April 2014 (9w)
    MC: January 2015 (4w4d, CP)
    MC: November 2015 (7w3d)

    TTCAL with RE (RPL specialist): February 2016
    Dx: DOR, Low AMH, Mild MFI, Secondary IF
    2016: medicated TI cycles ---> medicated IUI cycles: All BFN

    Donor Egg IVF Transfer planned for April MAY 1, 2017
    Transferred 2 beautiful blasts, hoping for the best!
    May 11, 2017: BFP!! Beta #1: 449.1, Beta #2: 844, Beta #3: 1714
    EDD: 1/17/18, it's a GIRL! 
    laurad7520Twabash15
  •     
  • @fivetimesnoluck- always good to hear from you and soo happy things are going good!! We have also decided we will be open with our child (and others) about the donor process. I feel like with today's technology, it would be an impossible secret to keep. I also feel like keeping it a secret makes it a "bad" thing and its nothing to be ashamed of. While sometimes I would like to forget this whole journey, it will be part of our story. As for specifically how to tell a child, I agree, you can't really plan that right now. I guess I just plan to read the books to them and be prepared for hard to answer questions about how babies are made (earlier than normal probably)! Please keep us posted on your progess!
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
    laurad75fivetimesnoluck
  • laurad75laurad75 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @fivetimesnoluck @JamieH2000 I think about this a lot - how to explain it to the child.  We will definitely share it with him/ her but I will want to be very careful not to overwhelm them and not to make it sound 'weird' and very careful not to ever give them the idea that I am not there mother in every way.  I'm sure I will do lots of research on this when we get to that point.  I'm glad there are a lot of resources. 
    TTC history in spoiler: 

    Me: 42
    DH: 41
    Married: 5/7/16
    TTC #1: May 2016
    IUI #1 10/31/16 - BFN
    IVF - ER #1 2/10 (3R, 3F, 1B for PGS - 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #2 3/24 (2R, 1F- 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #3 5/15 (1R- 0 viable for transfer)
    June 17: Starting the process for DE IVF
    Aug 17: Donor chosen! Anticipating a Nov cycle after testing is complete. 
    Nov 17: DE IVF ER 11/27 (35R, 19 F) Dec 2nd Transfer!


    BusinessWife
  •     
  • Due to my long and not successful IVF journey I started thinking of donor eggs. But my DH is a little resistant, meaning he didn't say no to donor eggs, but he is super picky about the donor. We looked at about 10 agencies or more, and I don't think he said yes to more than 3 or 4 donors. He says that choosing half the genes for his child is something you don't take lightly. I understand his point of view, but I am also thinking of costs and it freaks me out. Although my insurance covers donor eggs, so the actual IVF won't cost me much, the agency fee, the donor fee and all other misc things do add up. If I go through my clinic is $14.000, but if I go through an agency it jumps by a few thousands at least, not considering travel costs for the donor if she is out or state...
    Anyone had similar problems? How did you approach this?
    DOR (FSH 13, AMH 0.48, AFC 6-9)
    IVF #1 -2016 March, antagonist, 5 eggs, 2 fertilized, 3DT - 8 cell and 6 cell no frag, chemical pregnancy
    IVF #2 - 2016 June, micro dose lupron, 3 eggs, 1 fertilized, 3DT 6 cell, BFN
    IVF #3 - 2016 November, estrogen priming + antagonist, 9 follicles, 3 eggs, none fertilized
    IVF #4 - 2017 March, testosterone priming + micro dose lupron, 2 eggs, none fertilized
    IVF #5 - 2017 May, A/ACP protocol, 4 follicles out of 7 seemed to get to required size, ovulated before retrieval, converted into IUI - BFN
    IVF #6 - 2017 July, A/ACP protocol, 3 follicles one stopped growing, LH rising, converted to IUI - BFN
    IVF #7 - 2017 September, antagonist, 5 follicles, 6 eggs,  3 immature, 3 injected, 1 fertilized, stopped growing day 3
    BusinessWifefivetimesnolucklaurad75
  • marioana99- Its such a personal decision, so I get his point of view. For us, we realized that no one would ever be "me", so we weren't that picky overall. We also wanted to use our in house donor list, since it was cheaper and so much screening/testing had already been done, so the process would be shorter and less risk hopefully. We found someone that looks more like me than not (same color hair, diff color eyes, a few inches shorter). We also really liked her responses to the questions they asked. I feel like anyone who does this must be a decent person because while they get paid some, i really don't think you go through this for the $$. For us, proven was also very important, so we weren't going to be the first couple to use a new donor, so that limited things a little.  We looked through our clinics database (~20 or so) and me and my DH picked our top three separately. We actually picked the same three, though we both have discussed what we were looking for kind of. Not sure if any of these ideas will help you.. but wanted to throw them out!
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
    BusinessWifelaurad75
  •     
  • edited June 28
    @marioana99 Welcome - I am sorry you find yourself here, but hopeful that you and DH can come together on the same page and feel good about moving ahead.

    My DH was not really open to IVF at all initially, much less with donor eggs. But then we ran out of other options and he came around. I think it takes men longer to process sometimes. Even now, he has more concerns than I do about me feeling 'left out' - I guess that's the best way to say it.

    I will also add that it seems from many stories here that the DH is often a little challenged by the process of picking a donor. Everybody comes at it differently, but like @JamieH2000 said, we were not looking for or expecting to find a mini-me. We prioritized someone who had similar features (curly hair, above avg. height) but put more emphasis on the genetic history and personality questions. I kind of feel like having access to baby/childhood pictures actually made it easier than looking at adults and trying to see yourself in them. (We selected our donor from a frozen egg bank.)

    Maybe you can each make a list of what your priorities are and use that as a guide. Pick favorites separately and then come together to compare.

    Wishing you the best as you move forward!
    Me: 39, DH: 34
    Married 5/2009; TTC #1 since 2013
    MC: March 2013 (7w)
    MC: August 2013 (7w2d)
    MC: April 2014 (9w)
    MC: January 2015 (4w4d, CP)
    MC: November 2015 (7w3d)

    TTCAL with RE (RPL specialist): February 2016
    Dx: DOR, Low AMH, Mild MFI, Secondary IF
    2016: medicated TI cycles ---> medicated IUI cycles: All BFN

    Donor Egg IVF Transfer planned for April MAY 1, 2017
    Transferred 2 beautiful blasts, hoping for the best!
    May 11, 2017: BFP!! Beta #1: 449.1, Beta #2: 844, Beta #3: 1714
    EDD: 1/17/18, it's a GIRL! 
    BusinessWifelaurad75
  •     
  •     
  • radmom27radmom27 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @JamieH2000 @laurad75 I feel relieved.  I've tried so hard to make this work with my own eggs but have known for a year that the chances are low.  I feel like continuing to do this is like slamming my head into a wall repeatedly.  It was hard to convince hubby but now that I have, he wants to move forward as quickly as possible.  
    @JamieH2000 My insurance will only cover one more IVF cycle this year and I'm going to use the coverage to help pay for a donor cycle.  I do have two frozen embies but I just don't have much hope that those are my ticket to a take home baby.  I am contemplating using my frozens with my donor cycle and hope that something sticks but I worry that my bad eggs may sabotage the good ones.  
    TTC since August 2014 
    Me: 41, Him: 43 

    DX: Unexplained secondary infertility 

    History:
    Multiple months of Clomid/Femara
    End of March 2015: BFP with Femara! Saw heartbeat at 5.5 weeks. M/C at 11 weeks
    Multiple more months of Femara
    IUI #1 with Femara and Follistem 75 units: BFN
    IUI #2 with Follistem 150 units: BFN
    Dec 2015: 1st IVF. 10 eggs retrieved with 8 eggs fertilized.  5 day transfer of two embryos with 2 frozen embies. BFN
    January 2016: FET #1 2 embryos: BFN
    March 2016: 2nd IVF cycle. 4 eggs retrieved with 2 fertilized. Quick two day transfer of both embryos: BFN
    April/May 2016 IVF #3. 11 eggs retrieved. 10 mature.  7 fertilized.  2 5AA blasts transferred 5/11/2016 BFN
    September 2016 IVF #4: 17 follicles growing, premature ovulation through Cetrotide. Retrieval cancelled. 
    April 2017 IVF #5: 9 follicles growing, 6 eggs retrieved with 5 fertilized. Transfer of three blasts. BFN
    June 2017: IVF #6: 2 follicles growing, 5 eggs retrieved with 5 fertilized. Transfer of 5 3-day embryos. Chemical pregnancy. BFN
    Nov/Dec 2017: Donor egg cycle. 33 eggs retrieved, 26 mature. 26 fertilized. 
    BusinessWifefivetimesnoluck
  •     
  • @radmom27- does an FET count as an ivf cycle? Are the embryos day 3 or day 5? Maybe they could thaw them and see how they look? That is so great your insurance would help with donor! Mine will let me use the rest of my coverage for the transfer but it's almost gone anyway. So glad that you feel relieved about this path. It's so exciting to be dealing with a path that has higher odds of it working than not!! 
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
    BusinessWife
  • radmom27radmom27 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @JamieH2000 In my insurance plan, an FET doesn't count for one of my lifetime cycles but counts toward the number of cycles I can have in a one year period (3 max). I'm so thankful to have any coverage but some of the rules for coverage are a little silly.  
    For the first time in over a year,  I feel excited about the prospect of something actually working!
    TTC since August 2014 
    Me: 41, Him: 43 

    DX: Unexplained secondary infertility 

    History:
    Multiple months of Clomid/Femara
    End of March 2015: BFP with Femara! Saw heartbeat at 5.5 weeks. M/C at 11 weeks
    Multiple more months of Femara
    IUI #1 with Femara and Follistem 75 units: BFN
    IUI #2 with Follistem 150 units: BFN
    Dec 2015: 1st IVF. 10 eggs retrieved with 8 eggs fertilized.  5 day transfer of two embryos with 2 frozen embies. BFN
    January 2016: FET #1 2 embryos: BFN
    March 2016: 2nd IVF cycle. 4 eggs retrieved with 2 fertilized. Quick two day transfer of both embryos: BFN
    April/May 2016 IVF #3. 11 eggs retrieved. 10 mature.  7 fertilized.  2 5AA blasts transferred 5/11/2016 BFN
    September 2016 IVF #4: 17 follicles growing, premature ovulation through Cetrotide. Retrieval cancelled. 
    April 2017 IVF #5: 9 follicles growing, 6 eggs retrieved with 5 fertilized. Transfer of three blasts. BFN
    June 2017: IVF #6: 2 follicles growing, 5 eggs retrieved with 5 fertilized. Transfer of 5 3-day embryos. Chemical pregnancy. BFN
    Nov/Dec 2017: Donor egg cycle. 33 eggs retrieved, 26 mature. 26 fertilized. 
    BusinessWife
  •     
  •     
  • 20T20T member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    @JamieH2000 that's fantastic news!! Congratulations!
    Good luck with your sonoysterogram this week @laurad75

    Me:33 DH:34
    Me: DOR
    H: low volume

    TTC #1: 2015
    July 2016: IVF #1. 8R, 5M, 5F, 0 made it to day 5. 

    January 2017: IVF #2. 4R, 3M, 3F, 2 transfered day 3. BFN

    May 2017: IVF #3. Cancelled for poor response.

    October 2017: FET #1. EDD: June 20, 2018

    BusinessWifelaurad75
  •     
  • @laurad75- yay for getting going on the testing! Always is nice to check things off on the "checklist"!

    @fivetimesnoluck- Thank you! that is great you could lose the weight before pregnancy! Its amazing how this process adds on a few lbs a year and how hard is it to get them off. Its extra hard for me in the summer to lose weight, but now I am so motivated since I have the best reason and its also only 6 weeks away :) I am so happy for you that things are still going well!!  I love your attitude, and I feel so grateful to science and our donor as well. With each passing day, I feel more excited, and less loss about this path. I know soon it will be only excitement. Please keep us updated on how things are going!
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
  • @20t- I was posting while you were I think! How have you been? 
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
    20TBusinessWife
  •     
  • 20T20T member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Hey @JamieH2000 :) I'm doing ok, just plugging along. We're definitely going the donor route now after much discussion and crying. It just really doesn't seem financially responsible to continue with my eggs when the chances are so incredibly low. I'm still wrapping my head around it all but am starting to come to a positive place. You're getting so close now, that has to be getting exciting!!

    Me:33 DH:34
    Me: DOR
    H: low volume

    TTC #1: 2015
    July 2016: IVF #1. 8R, 5M, 5F, 0 made it to day 5. 

    January 2017: IVF #2. 4R, 3M, 3F, 2 transfered day 3. BFN

    May 2017: IVF #3. Cancelled for poor response.

    October 2017: FET #1. EDD: June 20, 2018

    BusinessWiferadmom27
  • @20T- Glad you are doing ok, but totally understand the sadness and greiving on moving down this path. Take the time you need, and I promise it gets better. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to, and you definitely aren't alone (as you can tell from this lovely group of ladies). Happy to answer any questions if I can or if you need to just vent!
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 29 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.55), Poor Quality eggs based on poor embryo development
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct/Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1 4-cell (4/4 quality) embryo- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- FET on 12/8!!
    BusinessWife20T
  •     
  • @20T So glad you guys are making some progress here... painful tho it may be... ❤


    "Perky Sassy Sugar Socks"

    Me: 33 | DH: 40 ~ Married / NTNP #1: 05.30.2015 ~ TTC #1 November 2015

    5/16 - Began Creighton Method CM Tracking / Napro Fertility Medicine | Progesterone + various abx cycles - all BFNs
    8/16 - SHG: ute good, at least one tube open | Adrenal saliva test: chronic stress cortisol levels -> started adaptogens
    10/16 - azoo dx confirmed. more bw + TRUS to determine differential dx. 3/17 - genetic labs, renal & repeat scrotal u/s.
    No known genetic cause found. Vas tubes appear absent on repeat exam. DH started Clomid in prep for MESA/TESE
    4/17 - Initial RE Consult for me. | DH's F/U bw shows great T response! but also elevated FSH, making the possibility
    of a successful vas reconstruction less likely, IHHO. | Waiting for DH's exploratory/retrieval attempt till after 06/06/17.





    radmom27laurad75Hopeful_mom
  • radmom27radmom27 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @laurad75 It's funny...I remember you posting awhile ago about not having hope for your own eggs and that really really resonated with me and probably helped me come to the realization that I was in the same boat.  
    @fivetimesnoluck I had a meeting with my RE about donor options and my head is kind of spinning.  I walked into the meeting thinking that I was definitely going to do frozen eggs but then find out my insurance doesn't cover any of the frozen donor cycle which makes it about monetarily equal to go with a donor versus a frozen egg cycle.  I'm going to take a couple of days and think about it and try to decide.  I'm hoping to figure this all out and get to cycling in three months or so.
    @20T I completely understand where you are and am likely in a similar mental place.  I had a major breakdown today...just overwhelmed with the whole process and frustrated.

    AFM, meeting with my RE today was helpful but also made me more confused.  She feels strongly that I should use my last two frozen embryos before I move forward with the donor process.  I just don't know if my heart is in it anymore.  I feel like there is a 0.1 % chance that these embryos will result in a take-home baby and I'm just not sure I want to put more time, money and more importantly heart-ache into the whole process of using my own eggs.  Lots to think about...
    TTC since August 2014 
    Me: 41, Him: 43 

    DX: Unexplained secondary infertility 

    History:
    Multiple months of Clomid/Femara
    End of March 2015: BFP with Femara! Saw heartbeat at 5.5 weeks. M/C at 11 weeks
    Multiple more months of Femara
    IUI #1 with Femara and Follistem 75 units: BFN
    IUI #2 with Follistem 150 units: BFN
    Dec 2015: 1st IVF. 10 eggs retrieved with 8 eggs fertilized.  5 day transfer of two embryos with 2 frozen embies. BFN
    January 2016: FET #1 2 embryos: BFN
    March 2016: 2nd IVF cycle. 4 eggs retrieved with 2 fertilized. Quick two day transfer of both embryos: BFN
    April/May 2016 IVF #3. 11 eggs retrieved. 10 mature.  7 fertilized.  2 5AA blasts transferred 5/11/2016 BFN
    September 2016 IVF #4: 17 follicles growing, premature ovulation through Cetrotide. Retrieval cancelled. 
    April 2017 IVF #5: 9 follicles growing, 6 eggs retrieved with 5 fertilized. Transfer of three blasts. BFN
    June 2017: IVF #6: 2 follicles growing, 5 eggs retrieved with 5 fertilized. Transfer of 5 3-day embryos. Chemical pregnancy. BFN
    Nov/Dec 2017: Donor egg cycle. 33 eggs retrieved, 26 mature. 26 fertilized. 
    BusinessWifelaurad7520T
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