IVF with donor eggs

radmom27

The worst part of my day....I had to read OB ultrasounds all day and give two women the news that their pregnancies failed.  Of all days....
Tomorrow has to be a better day. 

Hopeful_mom

@radmom27 I hated seeing your update I'm so very sorry!! They will consider this a cp?  You're a power house still working through your day and having to deal with OB stuff, I can't even imagine truly!!!  Sending big hugs!! Hoping this round  was just getting your body back into the groove of things and the next one will be it!!! 

JamieH2000

@radmom27- what a hard day! You are so strong to get thru it. I hope things only get better from here. Thinking of you!!

radmom27

@JamieH2000 I took the day off yesterday which really helped me to mentally regroup.  Things are only going to get better from here.  2018 WILL be our year.  Mark my words, I said it here!!!

c-town18

Yes radmom27!  Cheers to a fabulous 2018 for all of us!  I think we have good things in store for us   

JamieH2000

@radmom27- I agree, 2017 was the worst year of my life. If 2018 isn’t better, I’m throwing in the towel and moving to an island. Glad you were able to be off yesterday and regroup!

c-town18

Hey girls.  Is anyone out there?  So I went in for a baseline and of course my cycle is all F-ed up and there is not time to get it back on track for a January transfer.  Sigh. So we are still going forward with donor's retrieval in January, but cannot do transfer until February 10th now.  In reality it's only a three week delay but still so annoyed.  Anyways, the silver lining is that perhaps I may be able to be February frozen transfer buddies with @JamieH2000 and/or @radmom27 now (?)  

Any updates from anyone else?  Hopefully everyone is having a good and much needed break.  

rachelh0912

Hey Ladies!
I wanted to see about joining you guys here if possible! DH and I are both 26 and after several failed IUIs and cancelled IVFs due to no embryos, we have began a cycle with DE! My transfer was scheduled for next week but after my u/s on Tuesday it was canceled due to fluid and I’m starting all over. (I posted about that in a different discussion.) Transfer is now *hopefully* scheduled for February but we’ll see how it goes! We only have one frostie from the DE cycle so we are crossing our fingers! You all seem like wonderful ladies and I’d love to be apart of such a great support system to give and receive! 

JamieH2000

@chitown16- aww girl, I’m sorry, delays are the worst. Even three weeks feels like an eternity, at least it did to me. The only bright side I think is that it will be a little less stressful for the transfer since you will know how many you have before you show up, unlike a fresh transfer. I really hope you encounter no more delays and your Donor has their best cycle ever for you!

@rachelh0912- welcome, but sorry to find you on this thread. DE is a hard decision but it’s nice to have higher odds after lots of dissapointment. So sorry to hear about your cancelled transfer. That happened to me two months ago and a saline showed a few small polyps that we removed via hysterscopy then. Will your RE be doing a saline or hysterscopy I hope? Obviously you want it all perfect before you transfer, tho delays are so frustrating when we have been waiting so long.

@radmom27- how did your follow up go?! Hope your RE had some good thoughts.

@laurad75- I think your US was this week?!

AFM- enjoying my time in Colorado, tho its back home tomorrow. I’m doing my best to just pretend this isn’t my life right now until I see my RE next week and hopefully get some hope back with a new plan.

c-town18

Welcome @rachelh0912 !  This is a tough process and I've found this group to be super helpful and supportive. Ugh, sorry about the delay.  Perhaps we can be February cycle buddies if things come together in time (?)     

JamieH2000 - You're totally right, it's going to be less stressful this way and now I'll know what we're working with well in advance.

@laurad75- Keep us posted on how you're doing so we can celebrate with you   

AFM, donor went in for baseline and had 69 follicles which is nuts. She starts meds this weekend.  Here we go! 

Question for the group:  Who all do you guys plan to tell about using DE?  Immediate family?  Good friends?  Nobody? Everybody? Or are you going to cross that bridge when it comes? I know everyone's situation is unique and there are many different ways to handle it, so I was just curious. Over Christmas during a heart to heart with my oldest sister I told her that we were going forward with DE.  She was very understanding and said it sounds like a good option; I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me now. Now both of my sisters know and I feel good about that. Haven't told any of DH's side or my parents.  I figure we will wait and see if it works first then go from there.  

rachelh0912

Thank you so much ladies! 

@JamieH2000 You’re so right! We want everything perfect so I’d rather have to deal with a delay than even worse news! I had a saline done 2 weeks before I started meds (a little over a month ago) and everything looked as it should! I’m not sure if RE will repeat or not? I’ll do whatever is best to keep things rolling! And I know all too well the feeling that comes between the end of a cycle and finally getting a new game plan in order to look forward to! I hope the week flies by for you and things start looking up again! 

@ChiTown16 I am so looking forward to sharing this with you guys! As long as AF cooperates and shows up in a timely manner, we’re looking at an early February transfer which would be perfect for cycle buddies! My RE put me on an antibiotic and progesterone for a few days before I “officially” can start over. Let’s hope both of us have a smooth month! 
As for our plan to tell, my parents know as well as both of my younger sisters. They are very supportive and actually in awe of what we are able to do as far as treating IF! The only other person to know is my best friend (who’s a counselor so that’s a plus!) We haven’t decided on who else will know vs. who won’t until we know if this cycle was successful so we are just letting it play out and telling people as we feel comfortable! I’m so glad you were able to share with your sister! It really is the best feeling when someone seems genuinely excited for you, especially when it’s something so important to you that weighs heavy! 

laurad75

Thanks gang.  US is this coming Thursday so I'm looking forward to an exciting appointment.  I am queasy all day everyday so that tells me that we are doing okay.  

@ChiTown16 I share our donor egg story when I feel like its appropriate and try to keep it simple - I have no eggs left we used a donor.  If people have questions I answer them.  I never want it to come off like its something we are ashamed of.  

@JamieH2000 The holidays in CO sound lovely.  FX you get yourself a new plan soon.  

radmom27

@ChiTown16 Delays are truly the worst.  Infertility makes you wait so long to get something that seems to come so easily to others.  We just may be transfer buddies!  I had a talk with my RE and our next transfer is scheduled for mid February.  
HOLY 69 FOLLICLES!!!  I cannot even imagine.  It sounds like your donor is going to have an amazing cycle.
As to your question about who we've told about donor eggs...I have one friend who is also going through a donor cycle who I share everything about my journey with.  Other than that, we haven't told a soul.  I think we've been through so much heartache in the past year, that we're going to wait to see if this is successful to figure it if we even need to tell anyone.  I've been overly private about my IVF journey and haven't really told anyone.  I have to admit, that keeping all of this under wraps really adds a whole other layer of stress.  I contemplate all the time whether or not I'm handling this the right way. 
@rachelh0912 Welcome to our group!  You were so smart to cancel your cycle with fluid....I had fluid for my last transfer...they aspirated it but I truly think that may have been a factor in our cycle failing.  Looks like we just may be cycle buddies!
@JamieH2000 I had a long talk with my RE and I have two potential pathways at this point.  I can do an ERA or try another transfer and if that fails, do an ERA.  Since we have plenty of embies, we're going to give another transfer a shot in February and if that fails, we're going to do the ERA.  I like my RE but he did have the nerve to say to me: "I'm positive that you're going to be successful and have a baby in the next year.  In 5 years, this will be just a little blip."  I broke down into tears and told him that even if we are successful, these past 4.5 years will never be just a blip.  How in the world can someone in a field that requires so much sensitivity say something so ridiculous?
Anyway, I hope you are enjoying CO.  I've been off the grid for the past couple of days enjoying some time in Florida.  The sun is healing my heart just a little bit. 
@laurad75 Cant wait to hear about your US!!  Please share with us.  You give me hope that someday this will be successful.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR LADIES.  Maybe my RE is right, by next year this will all be...just a blip.  

c-town18

radmom27 - WTF!  Did he really mean your whole journey would be just a blip?!  No way to view it as that, it affects so much of your life, takes such a physical and emotional (and financial) toll, and puts everything on hold for years. I'm glad you said something to him about it and didn't let that slide.  Maybe that will prevent him from saying that to patients in the future.  

So not sure who all knows this but my first cycle with my first donor was cancelled because she filpping "forgot" to take all of her meds one day during the stim period and everything went to sh*t with her follicle growth and estrogen level. She was a previous donor too, so it was mind boggling that she would just forget.  I'm with a new (5 time) donor and a new agency now; it would be overkill for me to ask the agency to remind this new donor how important it is to take her meds every day as instructed, right?  Am I just being paranoid?  Surely the agencies already explain this to them (?!) 

JamieH2000

@chitown16- holy cow! 69 follicles? She must have PCOS probably. You are going to have a great cycle, I just know it. If it makes you feel better, I definitely think you can ask the agency to remind her, or even share your history with the donor so she understands. My clinic shared what happened with my first donor to my second one. I do think a 5 time donor would never forget meds tho! How many eggs/embryos has she gotten on her past cycles? As far as telling, most of our close friends and some family know we are going down the DE path. We will be totally honest with everyone if we have success. I think if you tell the child (which is recommended), it will inevitably come out as they get older and talk about it. So I would rather just have everyone know all along so hopefully its never a "big deal" for anyone later. We are still debating on if we will be fully honest on social media. We have been filming our journey and planned to make a video, but I am still a little torn on if we want everyone on facebook to know everything. But I am also not ashamed and I want to raise awareness, and a video without  the DE part would feel incomplete to me.

@laurad75- sorry you are feeling queasy, but I totally get how that would be reassuring. I'm so exited for you to get more good news at your U/S!

@radmom27- glad you have a plan! I have a feeling my RE will also give me a choice between another transfer or an ERA.  Did you RE seem to have good success with the ERA before? Did he/she have any idea why two PGS embryos would result in a chemical? I really want to move forward and transfer with everyone in Feb, but I don't know if I can handle another failure without knowing we tried everything first, so i think I am leaning towards the ERA. We will see what my RE says on Wed. As far as your RE's comment, I definitely agree it was insensitive. I think they were just trying to show their confidence that this next year will be your year, but it is not fair to minimize the life impact of the journey. I have only been trying 2.5 years, but I don't think I will ever forget or truly get over this horrible time. I want to believe that 2018 will be better, but I also thought that 2017 couldn't be worse than 2016 and i was so wrong. If 2018 doesn't bring us success, I am starting to consider how we will change out lives (quit our jobs, move somewhere warmer, etc). I am not giving up yet, but still feeling pretty hopeless and cursed.

c-town18

JamieH2000 - I emailed the agency and they say they check in with their donors every day of stims so that's good. The weird thing is most  of her past cycles weren't insanely high or anything considering her AFC.  See past results below.  Regardless, full speed ahead. 

1) 16 eggs retrieved, 11 embryos; 2) 15 retrieved, 4 PGS normal embryos (not sure how many total embryos); 3)  17 retrieved, 14 fertilized; 4) 44 retrieved, 33 mature, 27 fertilized; 5)  25 retrieved, 21 fertilized and 12 day five embryos.

JamieH2000

@chitown16- that is interesting about the past cycles. I bet there were different REs each time if she is thru an agency? Hopefully your RE will push her hard enough. Obviously we don't want any donor to get OHSS, but its that fine line of making sure they can get as many as they can safely. Hopefully your RE has all the past protocols and will have plenty of info to report cycle 4 or cycle 5. Glad your agency stays on top of the donor during the process. You are doing a fully anonymous donation right?

rachelh0912

@radmom27 Yes we were so disappointed about canceling but DH reminded me that we want everything as close to perfect as we can get before transfer, especially since we only have one embryo to use! I’m so sorry you had to deal with the same issue but I’m just sure that we’ll get to be February cycle buddies! 
As for you’re RE’s insensitive comments, I couldn’t imagine hearing that but I’m glad you spoke up and made it known that wasn’t okay! This journey is a lot of things but it’s certainly not ever going to be a “blip!” @Chitown16 said it best, this entire process is so draining in every aspect that it will always be a prominent time in anyone’s life who had to go through it! I’m so sorry he said that. 

I hope everyone is doing and feeling as well as possible! 

radmom27

@ChiTown16 Glad to hear that your clinic reminds their donors to take their meds.  I always worried about that with my own donor too.  There's so much out of our control with this whole process especially when a third party is involved.  
As for my RE comment, I don't think he meant to be so insensitive, but he truly did mean that I would forget all of this infertility struggle once I was successful.  I just think it's so hard for people to understand how this truly affects all of us.  I just spent some time with the family at Disney and EVERY time I saw a stroller or baby I had to choke back tears but then pretend that I wasn't affected.  It takes a toll.  
@JamieH2000 I am super conflicted about our next steps.  Deep down, I know I should probably do an ERA because that's where I'm going to end up anyway, but this little glimmer of hope and huge chunk of impatience keeps me chugging away.  My RE chalked my failed cycle up to plain bad luck.  If that's the case, I feel like I've had ALOT of bad luck in the last four years.  I suspect that I'll end up with an ERA eventually, although, my RE said that since the chemical seemed to take for a bit, that it may not necessarily help.  What will help...I wish I knew.
@rachelh0912 If there's ANYTHING off about this February cycle, I'm going to pull the plug and wait.  The heartache of being so close to success and then failure is getting to be too much for me to bear.  February just may be the perfect month to transfer.  

JamieH2000

@radmom27- I totally feel you... I want to just try again as soon as possible, since I just want to be done with all the pain as soon as possible. I really don't think there is a "right" answer on next steps. If I didn't have my Hawaii trip in 5 weeks, I would probably try to transfer right away. But I don't want to be on the tww during my trip, so I am hoping to squeeze in an ERA before that, but not sure timing will work since I will only be on the pill 12-13 days by the time I see my RE tomorrow. So to get AF and get a biopsy will be super tight. I think its so frustrating that we are as far as science can take us pretty much. Hopefully for once, luck will be our our side for the next transfer. 

@rachelh0912- when do you get to see your RE again and get started?!

rachelh0912

@radmom27 I couldn’t agree more about wanting to wait until conditions are perfect! I feel the same way! The heartache of all of this is something I could have never imagined! I have faith that February will work out beautifully for all of us cycling together! 

@JamieH2000 My RE has me on antibiotics and progesterone which I’ll be stopping after tomorrow and then wait for AF to show and be scheduled for my baseline u/s to get the process started again! Im nervous about AF taking her sweet time since my cycle has been so manipulated over the last few months so here’s to hoping she shows quickly! (Feels strange to wish that! LOL) I hope your appointment goes well and the timeline works out for your ERA! I know how awful it is to feel “stagnant” even for a few weeks. All of you guys are on my mind so often and for what it’s worth, I’m so thankful for the support! 

JamieH2000

@rachelh0912- I am crossing everything for you that AF shows up asap so you can get going! I also worry about AF showing up when she should. Its hard to trust our bodies to do anything right! Keep us posted and thanks for thinking of me

AFM- My RE said I could do another transfer, but recommended we do the ERA since she says I should be pregnant from the last transfer since the lining and embryos were beautiful. She said she has only found 10% of ladies have their transfer timing off, but I am still glad we are doing it to check. She seemed very confident we would get me pregnant this year. I feel like they are always confident, yet I keep defying their odds (DE transfers have a 80-90% success rate at my clinic). I asked her if she has ever had someone do DE and not get pregnant and she couldn't remember anyone... I am sure there was someone, but hopefully it won't be me. Now if I can just mentally make it through as many transfers as it takes. I didn't ask her about adding a steroid to my protocol next time, but will once we start the transfer cycle. We are also doing a medicated FET (instead of a stimulated FET) because it would just be so much meds for the stimulated again. I am nervous my lining won't be as good, but hopefully with the polyps gone now, that protocol will work for me.

radmom27

@JamieH2000 Our REs sound similar.  I keep being reassured that this will definitely work and that I just have to be patient.  I'm hoping that your ERA will give you some answers and reassurance.  

JamieH2000

@radmom27- I hope our REs are just speaking from experience, and not just being positive to keep us positive. I'm gonna try to take it one step at a time. Started lupron last night, so the first step is to get AF after I stop the pill this weekend and then have a good baseline next Friday. Then I just need my lining to get decent in 2 weeks, so we can do the ERA before our trip. Really hoping this goes smoothly and I don't have any delays. When do you get going again?

laurad75

@JamieH2000 My FX are crossed for you to get some answers with the ERA.  

As promised here is an update on me.

First ultrasound today and everything looks great.  We were able to the heartbeat and its strong.  I have to stay on the PIO and estrogen for until week 10 and then I can stop all of it.  I'm still super anxious about everything but as of today everything is perfect.  

I'm still checking in on all of you and hoping for some good news soon.  Keep the faith.  xo

radmom27

@JamieH2000 Crossing my fingers for no delays.  I'm waiting on a sonohyst next Tuesday to get insurance approval for my next FET.  I'm pushing hard for before Feb 17 (I'm on vacation the week after), but just my luck it works out that a transfer would happen during the scheduled vacation.  
@laurad75 Congratulations!!!  Please keep us posted.  I'm so excited for you and it really does give me hope that if I'm patient, that this will eventually work. 

c-town18

Great news, laurad75 !  (TW) Is that a 6 week ultrasound then?  So excited for you   

AFM- OK, both donor and I went in today (separately, of course) and everything is looking good.  She has 30 follicles growing (some are small still, so we'll see) and is on track for a retrieval in the coming week or two.  I am scheduled for a February 10th transfer so long as my period comes in the next week or two and my lining looks OK as things progress. Whew, fingers crossed! 

laurad75

Thanks @ChiTown16.  I was 7+3 yesterday.  GL with your donor's progress.  It sounds like she is off to a great start. 

JamieH2000

@laurad75- I can only imagine the amazing feeling of seeing that heartbeat! So happy for you!

@radmom27- Thanks girl! I hope your timing all works out perfectly. I get not wanting to wait to transfer until after the trip, but I also didn't want to be on the tww during my trip since that 10 days is just miserable for me. While I want to be done with IF journey NOW, I think it can be worth a few weeks delay to be able to drink/hike/scuba/etc on vacation without worrying about potentially being pregnant. If you can't transfer before, maybe you can go on the pill so your baseline is the exact day after you get back

@chitown16- 30 follies is great!! I think this is going to be a great cycle for you! When is your next update?

rachelh0912

@JamieH2000 I’m so glad you’re getting the ERA like you’d hoped! I’m hoping that this gives you some peace of mind and makes you even more hopeful for your next transfer! It’s always a nice feeling when you can cross one more “worry” off the list! 

@ChiTown16 So glad to hear a good update for you and your donor! Getting so excited for retrieval and you crossing another step off of the list! 

@laurad75 I know I’m new to this board but I wanted to congratulate you! Success stories are always so uplifting and I’m glad you have one to share! 

c-town18

OK, got another update and need you girls' opinions on something!  As of Saturday morning (after 7 nights of stims) donor has 24 follicles between 10 and 18 mm and some smaller ones.  She goes back on Monday morning.  The plan has always been to attempt to fertilize 3/4 of whatever number of eggs are retrieved and freeze the remaining 1/4 of the eggs.  I wanted to do this because we kept having abnormal embryos from IVF, and while all REs have said most likely this was due to my poor egg quality, there was a small chance that the problem was on my DH's end and nobody could say for sure.  My worst nightmare would be if the issue was in fact related to my DH and all our donor egg embryos turn out to be abnormal, then we are out all that money with nothing left.  If we had say 5 or 6 eggs frozen, maybe we could at least try donor sperm then, I dunno.  My RE was on board with this plan but it was my suggestion, not hers.

My DH is 34 y.o. and healthy; both of our DNA karyotypes came back normal.  DH has had like 4 SA's and his numbers are never great but not terrible either and has always been deemed fit for IVF. 

Should I abandon this freezing eggs plan and just try to fertilize all that we get?  Ugh. 

JamieH2000

@chitown16- that is a great update!! I had r same concern as you, that we also had sperm issues that would hurt our embryos even with DE. My DH has lower morph but fine everything else. My RE said that 90 percent of the time it’s just an egg issue and not a sperm issue, even if SA isn’t great. You hear these things about sperm taking over after day 3 and we had most of our embryos stop growing between day 3 and day 5 so I was terrified wee had a sperm DNA issue too. Luckily we turned out to be in the good side of the statistic for once. We had 12 out of 18 fertilied make it to day 5 and 10 of them were the best grade they give. I mean there are no guarantees but the odds say that you should be fine! Maybe wait and see how many you get and then decide?

laurad75

@ChiTown16 it’s still a little early and she will likely get plenty of eggs for you to continue with your plan.  Will they do ICSI? 

radmom27

@JamieH2000 My new transfer date is 2/28...after much contemplation, back and forth, I just decided to enjoy vacation and not be stressed out that my insurance wouldn't come through before.  I'm not thrilled but I'm OK with this plan now.  I'm really curious about your ERA...really hoping it gives you some answers.
@ChiTown16 I got way more eggs from my donor than they were originally anticipating during monitoring appointments.  I say you go along with your original plan and wait and see how many you get and then make the final call.  Is retrieval in the next couple of days?

JamieH2000

@radmom27- I am hoping the next 1.5 months go fast for both of us! Any chance you can squeeze in the ERA before you go? is your saline sono this week?

c-town18

laurad75 - we signed consents for ICSI.  I think it's pretty standard and we've always done it in the past so I'll request that they do it again. 

radmom27 - Glad you got a date scheduled in the near future you can still relax on your vacation.  Sounds like a solid plan and I'm glad to have a Feb. transfer buddy of course  

AFM:  They are going to have the donor stim one more day and plan to trigger her tomorrow evening.  Retrieval would be Thursday then!  Going to have a phone consult with RE on Wednesday afternoon so we can talk about whether or not to freeze some of the bunch. 

laurad75

@ChiTown16 So exciting!  Good luck. 

rachelh0912

@ChiTown16 I know I’m a few days behind but I hope you had an easy decision on what to freeze and what to use this cycle! Maybe going with your original plan would give you more peace of mind! Either way, I hope things are moving right along! 

@radmom27 Congratulations on your new transfer date! I’m glad you’re happy with it and now we can start counting down the days! Yay! 

AFM- AF showed much earlier than anticipated and I was seen by my RE today for my baseline u/s! Things looked good and I was told to begin my estrogen patches tomorrow in hopes for a late January/early February transfer! Getting very nervous about having a fluid issue again (or anything else that may derail our plans, as you all know the feeling so well) but here’s to crossing everything! LOL

c-town18

Awesome rachelh0912 !   Great news   

I talked to my RE and decided we would freeze 25% of the total number of eggs after 15 fertilize. If fewer than 15 fertilize then we won't freeze any eggs. 

rachelh0912

@ChiTown16 SO excited for you!! Tomorrow’s the day! I think that’s a wonderful plan and I’m glad you’re happy with it! I’ll anxiously be waiting for your update and I’ll be thinking of you and praying until we hear!