Other than the fact that its Monday, I don't have much. I'm sleepy and don't want to be working, but its only a 3 day week for me, so I am trying to keep that in mind.
I have been running my ass off for the last couple weeks. We went to see my parents, then DS had his 15 month appointment and got his shots, then we spent a day at home and then went to see DH's best friend and his family. Since DH is still laid up I am the sole caretaker for our 15 month old and I am EXHAUSTED. I do everything. Yesterday at the BBQ his best friends family had, everyone was outside while I was inside dealing with a cranky toddler. It was our first time meeting his best friends girlfriend and I didn't even get to talk to her barely because I spend all my time chasing DS, dealing with tantrums, feeding, changing, napping, EVERYTHING... meanwhile DH just gets to do whatever. He doesn't even have to carry anything because he's on crutches. I'm trying not to be bitter because I know he's hurt but...... I'm burnt the **** out. And DH decides that I need to get up with DS this morning and he lays in bed for an extra ten minutes. Asshole.
@wyomama0427 I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of that stress right now. I can imagine how difficult it must be taking care of a toddler while pregnant and also not having the help of your DH since he is hurt.
With the mechanics of his injury, are there certain things he is still able to help with without it bothering his leg? Like playing with DS while you get a nap, etc?
@msashley2010-2 it's hard for him to move it and he's not quite walking on it yet but it's not a problem for him to sit on the floor. He just changed a poopy diaper so he's capable of doing things... he just doesn't want to because it's too hard. Insert eyeroll.
All I wanted for Mother's Day was to not have to spend the day cleaning the house, before my parents arrived to watch DS for the week. And to sleep in. I got up at 6am with DS, found the clean dishwasher still full (from a request 2 days prior for him to unload it), the guest bathroom toilet was still dirty (but he swears he cleaned it!), and the floors not swept in any way. Guess who spent the morning cleaning while he slept in? I made myself breakfast, and he came out 1.5h later proclaiming he was making me my Mother's Day breakfast.
Now, DH and I switch off weekend mornings that we get up early with DS. My day to sleep in was Sat, but I thought that with it being Mother's Day, I'd get a pass. Nope. I'm trying desperately to try to not be bitter and tell him to shove whatever Father's Day requests he has up his ass. I'm also failing miserably. He also admits that he totally dropped the ball, but it's not making me feel any better about it.
@ColoradoHiker I am so sorry. I know how you feel. You almost described my Mother's Day last year to a T. It really does suck. I was horribly bitter and my DH too eventually figured out he was an ass. This year was much better. I don't have any suggestions on how to not be bitter, because I was very bitter. I'm sorry. Maybe you could ask for a re-do this weekend? Maybe he can give you some downtime this weekend. A Pedicure maybe?
@wyomama0427@ColoradoHiker I'm sorry your husbands are being like that. Men STINK sometimes!!! I hope they both shape up. @wyomama0427 My DH has had health issues in the past (and some ongoing ones) but it is a give and take no matter what, and your husband should be giving a little more since you are pregnant and tired. That extra 10 minutes in bed this morning... that would have made me mad too.
I have several:
DH swore I said I did not want a card for Mother's Day, when I know for sure that I told him a gift was silly but I absolutely wanted a card
My mom and MIL are planning a shower for me and my mom keeps making it awkward - "I can't believe how much some of these places charge!" Like, I know it's expensive, that's why you are supposed to co-host with my MIL and not do it yourself, but you keep making it all about how much you want to do it yourself (to have all the credit, I think?). You can't have it both ways!
My mom again for saying, in the same conversation, "I hope your child never ruins your Mother's Day, because I know mine did a couple of times by fighting." Me: silence... Her: "I mean that in a joking way." Thanks, mom.
The Bump mobile app for CONTINUING to not work even though they released an update today. The "love" button is broken, the times of people's posts are wildly inaccurate, and the app will not save my place in threads I've looked at.
@msashley2010-2 it's hard for him to move it and he's not quite walking on it yet but it's not a problem for him to sit on the floor. He just changed a poopy diaper so he's capable of doing things... he just doesn't want to because it's too hard. Insert eyeroll.
I'm a lot less tolerant of this kind of behavior after watching my friend recover from shattering both of his ankles, feet and heels in an accident.
My Bitchfest is I have had a stupid sinus infection for days. I spent the whole weekend in bed and missed out on the fun things we planned for the weekend. I still feel like crap but forced myself to go to work so I can save my sick time. Now DH is gone until Thursday for a work trip and I am alone with DS who even though only has a week and a half until summer has decided he doesnt want to go to school and wants to be a pain. This will be a wonderful few days!
@lilpoots it doesn't help at all that he's babying it. The doctor told him to keep moving his leg OBVIOUSLY and that he doesn't need the brace all the time, just when he's walking to keep it straight. He wears it all the time and has developed tendinitis because he's not moving it as much as he should. Also he is using one crutch for the most part and today he carried Easton on the crutchless side out to the car and put him in the car seat. So I KNOW he can do things. He's just choosing not to. It's almost completely mental at this point.
My bitchfest is my pregnancy emotions. I slipped in a puddle of water and fell at work this morning. It wasn't a big deal, I kind of caught myself half way and didn't hurt myself or baby but i COULD NOT stop crying. Nobody saw so I wasn't embarrassed or anything I just scared myself and my emotions are out of control so it was like instant water works. I was never a crier before.
My BF is these allergies I've been struggling with. Mostly the fact that every time I cough I pee my pants. And snissing. It's just getting old. Going on day 10 of this mess and I'm just about to lose it.
@hmclaren i have the same thing happening to me. I want to cry at everything now. Theres just this semipermanent lump in the back of my throat that threatens to explode with tears all the time. This weekend I cried because I wanted to take the kids to the zoo and ny husband didnt. Damn these hormones. I am not a cryer AT ALL, but apparently by 25 weeks pregnant I turn into one. Dh said this happens everytime, I guess I just always forget. All the other shitty symptoms of late pregnancy must take over my memories LOL @msashley2010-2 is he in physical therapy at all?
My BF is our local Habitat for Humanity ReStore. It's like a Goodwill for home improvement materials and furniture. They had about 50 boxes for freight damaged items and one of them was a $400 crib from Target for $200. I fell in love and asked the lady if I could go through the box when I brought DH back. She said yes and a few hours later we returned. I then asked to go through the box and she called her manager. The manager said they are not allowing anyone to go through the boxes because pieces are getting lost. I told her I understood that and that is why I asked for a staff member to help me. She said no again. So basically they expected people to shell out $200 for an item that they couldn't look at and couldn't return if something was wrong. I just don't understand.
If the crib was cheaper I may have been willing to risk it. But I figure I could still buy a pretty nice new crib for $200.
@hmclaren Hugs I'm so sorry you got scared. Sometimes I feel like when the tears start flowing it is so so hard to get them to stop. Happy that you and baby are okay.
My bitchfest this week is Also DH. for Mother's Day I got up with DD like I always do so he can sleep in. He did take me to brunch then gripped about the cost. Then I got to handle the baby all day while he worked in the yard. I had told him I really just wanted to relax so apparently that means I get to do everything for the baby while he does his own thing. I did ask for no gift so we could save money. I got no gift no card notbing at all. But he begged for hours for me to buy him a new TV so he can watch it on the patio. Hard to save money when he keeps buying crap for himself.
@hmclaren I had a dizzy spell at work last week (I am anemic and was probably dehydrated a little). I just sat at my desk and cried because of it!! I guess I just got scared and couldn't brush it off like I probably normally could have. It was seriously the dumbest thing ever to cry about. Pregnancy hormones are crazy!
My BF today is working in a male-dominated field and having people treat me like I couldn't possibly be in charge of something and know wtf I am doing. My boss put me in charge of a project we are using a freelancer for. My boss very clearly communicated to the freelancer that I am the lead and the main contact for the project. I had an in-person meeting with the freelancer a couple of weeks ago, and the rest of my team (all of whom are men) was in the meeting. Apparently the freelancer picked one of the guys to imprint on or something. He talked almost exclusively to this one guy, even though I made sure to point out that I am leading the project again. I havent heard much from the freelancer since the meeting and found out today that he'd been communicating all this stuff about the project with thay man on my team and has been coordinating everything through him! It's so frustrating.
@stephy_p That is so frustrating!! I'm also in a male dominated field and it's awful having to deal with that kind of stuff. And of course if you bring it up you're being "emotional"
@hmclaren I had a dizzy spell at work last week (I am anemic and was probably dehydrated a little). I just sat at my desk and cried because of it!! I guess I just got scared and couldn't brush it off like I probably normally could have. It was seriously the dumbest thing ever to cry about. Pregnancy hormones are crazy!
*snip*
I see you, and raise you: last week I tossed a pair of socks at DH and "hit" him in the balls. He was obviously fine, but I had a total sob fest. "I'M SO SORRRRRRRYYYYYY WAAAHHHHHHH" :P
@hmclaren I had a dizzy spell at work last week (I am anemic and was probably dehydrated a little). I just sat at my desk and cried because of it!! I guess I just got scared and couldn't brush it off like I probably normally could have. It was seriously the dumbest thing ever to cry about. Pregnancy hormones are crazy!
*snip*
I see you, and raise you: last week I tossed a pair of socks at DH and "hit" him in the balls. He was obviously fine, but I had a total sob fest. "I'M SO SORRRRRRRYYYYYY WAAAHHHHHHH" :P
I cried yesterday watching a Tide commercial cause I felt bad for the socks that are 'being abandoned' because they aren't take care of properly.
@wyomama0427 That sucks.. he could definitely be helping you out a little bit!
My BF is my freezer.. when I got home from work it wasn't closed good, so I'm going to have to throw tons of stuff away. Including my ice cream sandwiches.
Ladies, mamas, friends: sad to read all the DH issues... they can be jerks.
My BF is that my nieces and nephews taught my DS who's 2 and a half the F word AND the S word. I want him to stay innocent and it makes me so sad that he knows these words. His cousins are all under 5 so it's actually really concerning that they already talk this way.
My biggest issue is work. I work from 8 pm until 6 am and six of those hours are completely alone. Not another soul in the building. I'm an emergency dispatcher for police so it's a fast paced high stress job. The last few shifts I've had cramping and a general discomfort in my abdomen. I don't feel comfortable being alone should something happen. Especially since we are legally unable to leave until coverage comes in. I've expressed my concerns several times and the response has been "we can't punish others because you chose to get pregnant". I know a lot of women work night shifts but they aren't usually alone. Just frustrated at the moment but only four months left and I'm home free!
@Mozzafiato2016 That's BS. I work nights too... 2am-11am, which is hard enough. I'm surprised it's legal for anyone to do that work alone, pregnant or not.
My Mother's Day also kinda sucked. DH asked what I wanted last week. I told him to just get me a card with nice things written in it, and that we'd get carry-out so I wouldn't have to cook. He slept in forever, so I was awake for about 3 hours alone. We did end up getting carry-out, but he just kept bringing up the fact that he didn't get me anything because I never tell him what I want and since we share a bank account he can't buy me anything without me knowing. Then my co-worker called in sick, so I pretty much had to go to sleep immediately, because I had to cover her shift 3 hours earlier than mine. Blah. My mom also sent me a text "I can't wait to wish you a happy mother's day next year." I replied, "we're already celebrating today. MIL sent me gift cards for restaurants for mother's day." Pretty snarky, I know, and yes, I haven't birthed a child yet. But I'm now a mom dammit. Ha!
@Mozzafiato2016 Is there anyone else that you can talk to at your employer's office about being left alone? It definitely does not seem like a good idea because if an emergency were to happen, there would be no one there to cover for it. Also, if you were to need emergency care, it would be awful for you to feel obligated to stay there until someone else was there to cover for you. It seems like a really poor decision on their part and also a liability.
Eta: have they treated other pregnant women similarly where you work? While you "chose to get pregnant" it's also necessary for employers to make reasonable accommodations for pregnant women as well.
@Mozzafiato2016 Is there anyone else that you can talk to at your employer's office about being left alone? It definitely does not seem like a good idea because if an emergency were to happen, there would be no one there to cover for it. Also, if you were to need emergency care, it would be awful for you to feel obligated to stay there until someone else was there to cover for you. It seems like a really poor decision on their part and also a liability.
Eta: have they treated other pregnant women similarly where you work? While you "chose to get pregnant" it's also necessary for employers to make reasonable accommodations for pregnant women as well.
I'm actually the only pregnant woman in the last ten years to work there. So there's very little for them to go off of. Even our HR department is confused as to how it works. I'm going to see about going around the civilian department and speak with our Upper ranking staff. I hate to be a pain in the rear but I'm feeling far less comfortable then I thought I would being alone.
@wyomama0427 That sucks.. he could definitely be helping you out a little bit!
My BF is my freezer.. when I got home from work it wasn't closed good, so I'm going to have to throw tons of stuff away. Including my ice cream sandwiches.
NOOOOOO!!!! Not the ice cream sandwiches!!!! They are my go to snack right now.
i started planning the baby shower because 1) no one offered 2) my family is the type who expects to attend a baby shower but wont help plan or pitch in except for helping set up on the day of. i was 2 seconds from booking the venue when my husband said to stop. after a long discussion, i was able to find out that someone was planning a surprise shower. I. HATE. SURPRISES. something ALWAYS goes wrong. it's just my luck. i started to think "ok that's cool...no party planning stress" but then my anxiety kicked in and wondered if this mystery person would know WHO to exactly invite...if someone in my family is left out, the aftermath would be terrible. so after talking to my husband about all of my anxious concerns, one of my best friends texted me and spilled the beans it was her. but her words were "we don't want you freaking out about the baby shower because we're getting the dance studio to throw you a surprise one with just the dance family. if you want to throw one for your family, by all means, i'm not stopping you." so it turns out...THIS baby shower is JUST people associated with my dance troupe. my family is not invited. my non-dance friends are also not invited. my husband told me to stop planning the baby shower b/c he thought this friend was planning an all friends/family inclusive shower because he's a dude who's never heard of women having more than 1 shower or having compartmentalized showers. ("i didn't have 5 different weddings for my 5 different groups of friends and family.") so just when i got comfy with the idea of not stressing out over planning a party...i'm back to stressing out about it. and i'm basically paying $$$$$ to throw the same party my friend is but the only difference is my family and friends are invited. now that the cat's outta the bag...would it be rude of me to ask if it can be a giant shindig with us splitting the costs? she told my husband (after he apologized profusely for misunderstanding) that she'll get back to me in a couple of days to go over details... i'm so stressed out about it all that i'm really just on the verge of sending out announcements with our registry info and call it a day...and if my family complains, well too bad? i dunno!!!!!
@ohheyitskristine hey lovely. so i live far far away from the majority of my family and have a couple different small groups of local friends, and didn't really have anyone to "host" a shower for me. One of my really good friends (kind of like the one who was originally planning the dance shower for you) said she'd love to help/host. On my invites my friend is the "hostess" but I ordered the invites, and am doing the majority of the logistics. We're doing it at her house, and she's gonna create all the games and decorations, and we're splitting costs and my mom is throwing some $$ towards it. I definitely think you should talk to your friend about doing something like that, so you dont have to worry about scheduling multiple weekends to have separate parties for all the different family/friend groups. I hope this helps.
eta: i am also a control freak, and could not let someone who i've only known for 3 years 100% plan a party for me (i've only lived here for 3 years), as she doesn't know all my friends/family who should/shouldn't be invited etc. we're kind of doing a team effort, but yeah.
eta2: we're doing a co-ed BBQ style baby shower, so it's more like a get together of friends.
@ohheyitskristine I personally would take the $$$$ and just buy your own stuff. Baby showers in my book are an overrated celebration that should be thrown by others. I had a small one and when someone offered to throw me another I declined. Why plan something to celebrate yourself? I hated being the center of attention at my own shower... and I think if people want to buy you something they can. I declined a baby sprinkle this time because we have what we need and I don't want to look like I am just doing this for gifts. It comes down to personal preference. In my comfort zone and etiquette I was taught, throwing my own shower would look distasteful and honestly if I got an invite from someone throwing their own shower I would probably decline to go. Save the money for and buy your baby exactly what you want for it!
@ohheyitskristine I personally would take the $$$$ and just buy your own stuff. Baby showers in my book are an overrated celebration that should be thrown by others. I had a small one and when someone offered to throw me another I declined. Why plan something to celebrate yourself? I hated being the center of attention at my own shower... and I think if people want to buy you something they can. I declined a baby sprinkle this time because we have what we need and I don't want to look like I am just doing this for gifts. It comes down to personal preference. In my comfort zone and etiquette I was taught, throwing my own shower would look distasteful and honestly if I got an invite from someone throwing their own shower I would probably decline to go. Save the money for and buy your baby exactly what you want for it!
This! Showers for yourself are a no-no. You'll spend a lot on throwing it that would probably be better spent on baby gear. Plus people will bring you gifts if they want to.
It's perfectly fine to have a sip and see or meet the baby party after he/she is here since the purpose is to meet the baby, not focus on the gifts (no registry info or anything on the invites though) if you want to have a party with everyone
@ohheyitskristine I personally would take the $$$$ and just buy your own stuff. Baby showers in my book are an overrated celebration that should be thrown by others. I had a small one and when someone offered to throw me another I declined. Why plan something to celebrate yourself? I hated being the center of attention at my own shower... and I think if people want to buy you something they can. I declined a baby sprinkle this time because we have what we need and I don't want to look like I am just doing this for gifts. It comes down to personal preference. In my comfort zone and etiquette I was taught, throwing my own shower would look distasteful and honestly if I got an invite from someone throwing their own shower I would probably decline to go. Save the money for and buy your baby exactly what you want for it!
This! Showers for yourself are a no-no. You'll spend a lot on throwing it that would probably be better spent on baby gear. Plus people will bring you gifts if they want to.
It's perfectly fine to have a sip and see or meet the baby party after he/she is here since the purpose is to meet the baby, not focus on the gifts (no registry info or anything on the invites though) if you want to have a party with everyone
Yeah, planning your own shower without anyone else involved is a hard pass for me. I was originally going to have a shower back home thrown my some family members, but I can't travel now (on modified bed rest due to some complications), and no one here has offered to throw one for me, so I'm just not going to have one. Showers are nice, but not a necessity. We are going to have a little party once the baby is here for people to come meet him, but we won't include a gift registry on the invite.
Also, I agree that it's probably smarter to take the money you would spend on a shower and just buy what you need. If you family wants to whine about it, let them. They want a shower so badly, they can throw it themselves.
Conversely, you can also throw a BaByQ party. There are relatively easy ways to have a party without it looking like you're throwing your own shower (which as pointed out, is seen as super tacky). It depends on what is the important part to you: gathering people together to celebrate (do an awesome and fun BBQ before or a sip and see after baby arrives), or getting the gifts (then find someone to "host" it for you).
The part of this that's really rubbing me raw is this:
*snip* i'm so stressed out about it all that i'm really just on the verge of sending out announcements with our registry info and call it a day...and if my family complains, well too bad? i dunno!!!!!
I didn't have a shower with my first and I won't be having one for this baby either. Even tho I have to get new stuff because we're having a girl. Mostly just clothes and stuff, she can use her brother's blue bouncer. I need a new pack and play because I washed the mattress part when DS threw up on it and when it dried the board bent. So that was disappointing. I may sell the infant car seat and stroller combo we have just to get a new one that's girly but idk. We basically did everything for DS and we'll be doing everything for DD as well. Oh that's the first time I've ever used DD in reference to my own baby... it feels so strange!!!
Honestly, if you're relying on family to buy you things and you're already stressed, you probably aren't completely prepared and you will be stressed out when the shower is over and you have to get the remaining items. My parents wanted to buy our crib, and DH's friends were getting rid of their changing table. Other than that, we had to take care of everything. Which really puts into perspective what you need vs. think you need vs. want.
@ohheyitskristine If they are not willing to do a meshed baby shower where your family is invited and no one in your family or friend circle offers to throw you on then I would much rather spend my money on the baby than spending all of that money on a shower. If your family wants to attend a shower so badly then they should throw one.
@jena333-2@mrs_tacos@MyNamesTaken@klcarr19@labby18 i think it just be the way my family has always thrown them my entire life...everyone threw their own shower. rarely did someone throw it for someone else. it wasn't until recently (seriously) that i was told someone was supposed to throw it for you. and our showers are always co-ed and just huge ragers. the announcement idea was just b/c EVERYONE'S been asking me where i'm registered. I don't even care about gifts...we can afford that stuff on our own. i'm 100% sure this will be my only child...i've always dreamed of an amazing party (i dont even care if they "shower me with gifts") i really just want the people i love to come together and celebrate this life we made.
Re: Bitchfest Monday 5/15
With the mechanics of his injury, are there certain things he is still able to help with without it bothering his leg? Like playing with DS while you get a nap, etc?
Now, DH and I switch off weekend mornings that we get up early with DS. My day to sleep in was Sat, but I thought that with it being Mother's Day, I'd get a pass. Nope. I'm trying desperately to try to not be bitter and tell him to shove whatever Father's Day requests he has up his ass. I'm also failing miserably. He also admits that he totally dropped the ball, but it's not making me feel any better about it.
DS2: EDD- 09.08.17
I have several:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
@msashley2010-2 is he in physical therapy at all?
If the crib was cheaper I may have been willing to risk it. But I figure I could still buy a pretty nice new crib for $200.
My bitchfest this week is Also DH. for Mother's Day I got up with DD like I always do so he can sleep in. He did take me to brunch then gripped about the cost. Then I got to handle the baby all day while he worked in the yard. I had told him I really just wanted to relax so apparently that means I get to do everything for the baby while he does his own thing. I did ask for no gift so we could save money. I got no gift no card notbing at all. But he begged for hours for me to buy him a new TV so he can watch it on the patio. Hard to save money when he keeps buying crap for himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
My BF today is working in a male-dominated field and having people treat me like I couldn't possibly be in charge of something and know wtf I am doing. My boss put me in charge of a project we are using a freelancer for. My boss very clearly communicated to the freelancer that I am the lead and the main contact for the project. I had an in-person meeting with the freelancer a couple of weeks ago, and the rest of my team (all of whom are men) was in the meeting. Apparently the freelancer picked one of the guys to imprint on or something. He talked almost exclusively to this one guy, even though I made sure to point out that I am leading the project again. I havent heard much from the freelancer since the meeting and found out today that he'd been communicating all this stuff about the project with thay man on my team and has been coordinating everything through him! It's so frustrating.
Me: 34 | DH: 31
Married: Nov. 7, 2015
TTC Since: February, 2016
BFP: December 20, 2016
My BF is my freezer.. when I got home from work it wasn't closed good, so I'm going to have to throw tons of stuff away. Including my ice cream sandwiches.
My BF is that my nieces and nephews taught my DS who's 2 and a half the F word AND the S word. I want him to stay innocent and it makes me so sad that he knows these words. His cousins are all under 5 so it's actually really concerning that they already talk this way.
My Mother's Day also kinda sucked. DH asked what I wanted last week. I told him to just get me a card with nice things written in it, and that we'd get carry-out so I wouldn't have to cook. He slept in forever, so I was awake for about 3 hours alone. We did end up getting carry-out, but he just kept bringing up the fact that he didn't get me anything because I never tell him what I want and since we share a bank account he can't buy me anything without me knowing. Then my co-worker called in sick, so I pretty much had to go to sleep immediately, because I had to cover her shift 3 hours earlier than mine. Blah.
My mom also sent me a text "I can't wait to wish you a happy mother's day next year." I replied, "we're already celebrating today. MIL sent me gift cards for restaurants for mother's day." Pretty snarky, I know, and yes, I haven't birthed a child yet. But I'm now a mom dammit. Ha!
Married: 10.15.16
DS BD: 8.20.17
TTC #2 1.1.19
BFP #2 7.3.19
EDD #2 3.13.20
Eta: have they treated other pregnant women similarly where you work? While you "chose to get pregnant" it's also necessary for employers to make reasonable accommodations for pregnant women as well.
NOOOOOO!!!! Not the ice cream sandwiches!!!!
i was 2 seconds from booking the venue when my husband said to stop. after a long discussion, i was able to find out that someone was planning a surprise shower. I. HATE. SURPRISES. something ALWAYS goes wrong. it's just my luck.
i started to think "ok that's cool...no party planning stress" but then my anxiety kicked in and wondered if this mystery person would know WHO to exactly invite...if someone in my family is left out, the aftermath would be terrible. so after talking to my husband about all of my anxious concerns, one of my best friends texted me and spilled the beans it was her. but her words were "we don't want you freaking out about the baby shower because we're getting the dance studio to throw you a surprise one with just the dance family. if you want to throw one for your family, by all means, i'm not stopping you."
so it turns out...THIS baby shower is JUST people associated with my dance troupe. my family is not invited. my non-dance friends are also not invited. my husband told me to stop planning the baby shower b/c he thought this friend was planning an all friends/family inclusive shower because he's a dude who's never heard of women having more than 1 shower or having compartmentalized showers. ("i didn't have 5 different weddings for my 5 different groups of friends and family.")
so just when i got comfy with the idea of not stressing out over planning a party...i'm back to stressing out about it. and i'm basically paying $$$$$ to throw the same party my friend is but the only difference is my family and friends are invited.
now that the cat's outta the bag...would it be rude of me to ask if it can be a giant shindig with us splitting the costs? she told my husband (after he apologized profusely for misunderstanding) that she'll get back to me in a couple of days to go over details...
i'm so stressed out about it all that i'm really just on the verge of sending out announcements with our registry info and call it a day...and if my family complains, well too bad? i dunno!!!!!
hey lovely. so i live far far away from the majority of my family and have a couple different small groups of local friends, and didn't really have anyone to "host" a shower for me. One of my really good friends (kind of like the one who was originally planning the dance shower for you) said she'd love to help/host. On my invites my friend is the "hostess" but I ordered the invites, and am doing the majority of the logistics. We're doing it at her house, and she's gonna create all the games and decorations, and we're splitting costs and my mom is throwing some $$ towards it. I definitely think you should talk to your friend about doing something like that, so you dont have to worry about scheduling multiple weekends to have separate parties for all the different family/friend groups. I hope this helps.
eta: i am also a control freak, and could not let someone who i've only known for 3 years 100% plan a party for me (i've only lived here for 3 years), as she doesn't know all my friends/family who should/shouldn't be invited etc. we're kind of doing a team effort, but yeah.
eta2: we're doing a co-ed BBQ style baby shower, so it's more like a get together of friends.
It's perfectly fine to have a sip and see or meet the baby party after he/she is here since the purpose is to meet the baby, not focus on the gifts (no registry info or anything on the invites though) if you want to have a party with everyone
Also, I agree that it's probably smarter to take the money you would spend on a shower and just buy what you need. If you family wants to whine about it, let them. They want a shower so badly, they can throw it themselves.
The part of this that's really rubbing me raw is this:
This screams gift grabby.
Honestly, if you're relying on family to buy you things and you're already stressed, you probably aren't completely prepared and you will be stressed out when the shower is over and you have to get the remaining items. My parents wanted to buy our crib, and DH's friends were getting rid of their changing table. Other than that, we had to take care of everything. Which really puts into perspective what you need vs. think you need vs. want.
the announcement idea was just b/c EVERYONE'S been asking me where i'm registered. I don't even care about gifts...we can afford that stuff on our own.
i'm 100% sure this will be my only child...i've always dreamed of an amazing party (i dont even care if they "shower me with gifts") i really just want the people i love to come together and celebrate this life we made.
ugh. hormones.