Poll - Circumcising or no?

migdala

I'm gearing up for a weekend at my in-laws this weekend and even though we don't even know the sex yet, this topic is 100% going to come up.  DH and I are on the fence.  My in-laws are very Jewish so they're sticklers for the tradition, but I don't want our decision to be based on just that.  We don't need to make a decision for awhile (and maybe it will be a girl!) but I would love to have some ammo for what is sure to be a heated discussion!!!

jessafishy

DS is circumcised and if we have another boy he will be as well.

It was a hard decision for me to make last time around, though.

canonmom413

If we have a boy , we will.  I gave DH most of the final decision making with this seeing as he has the part . 

joforyoga

My husband is circumsized but we didn't circumsize our son. We had no religious reason to do so and I really feel, in my personal opinion, but in North America it's mostly done for cosmetic reasons and I didn't feel that that was a strong enough reason for us to do that to her son. The penises made a certain way for a reason, for protection,  enhanced sexual sensation down the road blah blah blah. It seems super common here in Canada and the United States but in most other areas of the world it is not that common. So far it has been super easy  with my son because you literally don't have to do anything to clean it at this point. The skin is all still attached underneath anyway and it's exactly like the vagina, a self-cleaning organ at this point. Most of the infections that occur in babies and young children  really are with babies that were circumcised because the areas more sensitized. Our doctor told us that when he is old enough to be bathing himself is the age that we start to teach him that he can pull the skin back as far as it is comfortable for him to clean it. Even though my husband himself and circumcised  he knows that it's not even quite as common now as it was back when we were born 35 years ago and he didn't really see the need to do anything to her sons body when he was born.  I guess I just would've needed more of an actual reason to do it as opposed to just doing it because it's common. Just my two cents :-) 

bluejeanbabi05

This isn't applicable to us anymore (as long as blood results are accurate) but I had given the choice to DH if it was a boy. He said he would choose to circumcise. But I don't think there's a right or wrong choice. 

jessafishy

We didn't do it because it's common. I read a LOT of horror stories about older uncircumcised men in nursing homes having to have genitals completely removed because they weren't being taken care of properly and the men were not able to care for them themselves at that point. DH also has a good friend who had to be circumcised as an adult. 

All of this boiled down to infant circumcision seemed, in comparison, to be less traumatizing to us. That is why we decided to have it done. I did my research and there are still VERY mixed feelings about this in the medical community. It's not like vaccines where some people are just all "BIG PHARMA CONSPIRACY". 

AiramH

Hell no!!!! There is no reason to disfigure someone like that! FGM is illegal, circumcision for boys should be too unless there is a medical reason! 

migdala

This is all so helpful because we are completely undecided -- just never thought about it and now we're like, oh jeez this is a huge decision and we are not equipped!  For the people who did circumcise, did you do it in the hospital like right after they were born?  I do know that I am not ok with having a bris at our house with a mohel, which is going to make my MIL cry a lot but just nope.

jessafishy

@migdala He had his done in the hospital before we left. He had no issues whatsoever.

jessafishy

@AiramH Yeah... that's not going to convince anyone.

bluejeanbabi05

AiramH said:

Hell no!!!! There is no reason to disfigure someone like that! FGM is illegal, circumcision for boys should be too unless there is a medical reason! 

Come on, seriously? Please don't compare FGM to male circumcision. I agree that there are considerations on both sides of the male circumcision fence, but boys aren't circumcised in an effort to subjugate them and steal their ability to experience sexual pleasure. 

Eta: I think comparing the two is one more way to trivialize the horrific existence of FGM. 

canonmom413

@airamH while that's great you have your own opinion. To say it the way you did makes it sound sanctimommy. So in the same aspect, I shouldn't have gotten my girls ears pierced as babies ? Guess what though, they BOTH thank me every time we got to the mall and they see a little girl get theirs done. They see he anxiety and the tears. And they don't remember it at all. Oh and they never even cried. 

But back on circumcision,  you should be able
to respect another persons decision. I respect yours to NOT do it. 

bluejeanbabi05

Can't you ladies picture some asshole guy saying, "Oh I don't see the big deal about these whiny feminists complaining about FGM. I was circumcised when I was a baby and you don't see me crying about it!"

Gag.

hippiegirl884

We have both boys circumcised and I'll be ever do it again. First one just before we got discharged from nicu, I had to change his diaper and as I did so, I pulled a clot and it started bleeding a lot. The nurse was like this is what you should not see and they said they may have to put stitches in. Scared the crap out of me! 

Second one I was on the fence but was assured it was better to have it done. I reluctantly agreed. Took home the baby and waited for him to pee in the diaper. I waited and waited. I finally went to check on things to see if maybe I just missed the pee. As I peered down at the swollen, black and red, penis I had a heart attack! We took him back to the clinic and they said he started bleeding during the procedure so they applied silver nitrate to stop the bleeding and apparently spilled some over the tip of his penis. We were instructed to apply an ice pack to his diaper area for the next couple days and if he did not urinate in the next 2 hours to take him to emergency room. He ended up peeing at 1.5 hours afterwards but keeping an ice pack on a newborn was the worst and I felt like the worlds worst mom. 

So if this is another boy, I'm leaving it alone! I can't go through another traumatic experience like that again! I've since known many boys who are intact and do not have issues with remaining that way as long as caregivers know to never retract the forskin.

NervousNelly825

I gave my husband the bulk of this choice. He's circumcised and wishes he wasn't so he doesn't want to circumcize. I tell myself that as more people decide not to circumcise that CNAs will get more comfortable cleaning that area. It's really not that hard. I worked in a nursing home for a while and they were good about stressing to us to clean the area and then roll it back over the tip. That last part is super important.

OliveOyl2014

We did not circumcise DS and will not circumcise if this baby is a boy. DH is not and we don't really see a convincing argument to do so. 

This is such a personal decision on so many levels, and it's important to keep in mind that this board is made up of women from different religions, cultures, and backgrounds. We need to be respectful of everyone's decisions. 

Also, I think I need to break out the post its. 

MamaStreeter

My husband is cicumcised, my first son is intact, and if the next one is a boy, he will be left intact. I would encourage anyone on the fence to really research pros and cons, and not just base it on if their husband is or isn't. It sounds like most everyone who has already decided has solid reasoning behind their decision. 

riverrainez

I was on the fence but left the decision up to DH, and he wanted to circumcise. We had it done when DS was two weeks old at the pediatrician's office, no complications.

VLillyV

DH and I have talked about this and will move forward with circumcision if we have a boy. He was left intact until medically necessary in his childhood. That was very painful for him to go through and we don't want to run that chance. 

ac1259

So I have 2 girls so haven't had to deal with that yet and I was on the fence because the AAP had basically said it was up to parents and there wasn't more benefit one way or another---until last year where they changed the recommendation stating that circumcision has more potential benefit than risks. I would've left it up to DH (mostly) but now I'd be on board with circumcision. My nephew had complications from not being circumcised and had to have it done at 5 years old, and I guarantee you it was way more traumatic then.

carries2018

this convo always entertains me even though it has yet to apply to me. H and i talked about it and i left it up to him although i was team circ, which he is as well. whilst i enjoy watching the sanctimommies emerge in these threads. and talking about it is fine, at the end of the day it is none of your business. and it is totally bizarre to point fingers at people about what they chose to do with their son's foreskin.

nbcarlson

Last go around I was really unsure and so I researched pros and cons and that really didn't help because like everyone else has said the medical community was pretty undecided themselves. I ended up leaving the decision to DH and he wanted to have DS circumsized. It went really smooth and we had no issues with it. If this one is a boy we will do it again as well. 

And @airamH please research FGM and really understand the background, suffering, and very real devastation of it before comparing it to a medical procedure like circumcision. 

ksf13

I told DH I was going to leave the decision completely in his hands. I feel like I make the bulk of the big decisions (with his input of course), when it comes to our daughter. I really feel like he's more qualified in this area though lol.

AiramH

On this one I don't give a shit why anyone says. I stand by my opinion. There is no reason to chop into a baby boys bits. Someone give me one valid reason, go on!

carries2018

@AiramH i think ladies have given you plenty of reasons. and oh yea....

AiramH

@nbcarlson and all others really, I know all about it. The point is, there is no reason to chop off anyone's bits, is there! Jeeee...

canonmom413

AiramH said:

On this one I don't give a shit why anyone says. I stand by my opinion. There is no reason to chop into a baby boys bits. Someone give me one valid reason, go on!

You're missing the point. You can have your opinion. But stating it as this is the ONLY view anyone can possibly have, is wrong. No one is batting an eye over your opinion on the matter. What has some up in arms is your demeanor towards it . 

jessafishy

@AiramH many people have given their reasons in this thread already. If you care to actually read them.

AiramH

@carries2018 they are valid reasons, are they?! Pfff...a medical reason is the fore skin being too tight, not someone having issues teaching their kid how to clean himself. I am not going to read any more comments on this subject, because a certain side of the pond is set on their opinion.

jessafishy

And being so combative and judgemental is not the way to win people over. If this is something you feel strongly about I highly recommend you try and change your approach.

shan24

Circumcision is no longer covered by Canadian health care (at least, it isn't in the three provinces I've lived in). It's incredibly difficult to find a doctor willing to do it, and kind of expensive. It isn't even a question most parents consider here, anymore. 

*Obviously, when I'm talking about most parents, I'm talking about the ones I come in contact with. Not a huge sample size, but still. 

**Also, we're talking non-medically necessary circumcision. If it's needed for a medical reason, it's covered and docs will perform it, just like any other medical procedure. 

jessafishy

Cleanliness is not something I'm worried about when my child is able to care for himself.

mrs_fogue

I'm team leaving this up to DH.  If he wants to circumcise, I'm 100% ok with that.        

Who decided to open the sanctimommy can of worms here?  Lol 

jessafishy

It also seems that another "certain side of the pond" is set on their opinion too.

I'm not stupid or uninformed if you had bothered to read my previous posts. It was a difficult decision for me to make and I did a lot of research on it before we made a decision. My take away from the FACTS is that the risks did not outweigh the benefits and the CDC agrees with me. The medical community is pretty split on the procedure.

beezeee

I'm completely on the fence, but I haven't considered it in detail because I haven't had to, yet. DH feels very strongly in favor of circumcision. While obviously my opinion is important, this is a decision that I will probably leave to DH.

jessafishy

mrs_fogue said:

I'm team leaving this up to DH.  If he wants to circumcise, I'm 100% ok with that.        

Who decided to open the sanctimommy can of worms here?  Lol 

Meh, that sanctimommy had already outed herself a long time ago IMO.

mnajib92

I circumcised my son and if I have another I will as well.  We had no problems with ours.  I can completely understand why people wouldn't want it done if they saw no medical or religious reason to do so as that's their precious tiny baby. However as a Muslim,  it is an obligation so we did it. As it's also an obligation for Jews to hey circumcised.  It's not about your in-laws being very "traditional", but rather they fear punishment from God if they intentionally don't fulfill that obligation.  You and your husband may not be religious (I'm guessing by the words in your post),  but as I'm assuming at least he's Jewish, then he could become so at any point in time in the future. If that happens he would regret not circumcising his son as he was already aware that Jews are supposed to do so.  

As for your son,  we of course don't know how he will turn out,  however, as people often carry the religion of their parents he may wonder at some point why he want circumcised when he technically should've been.  He may even choose to get it done as an adult if he ends up choosing to follow the religion, in which case he'd remember it happening. 

This isn't  an issue of what society thinks.  It's simply a decision you two have to make based on what you believe.  If you think that the laws written in the Torah must be followed, even if you don't have the strength of knowledge to follow them all right now, then do the circumcision to avoid regret.  If you don't think that way about the book,  then I'm sure you'll be capable of weighing the benefits of doing so or not doing so,  vs the possible harms of doing so or not doing so.  

VLillyV

I think when someone uses profanity to defend their stance instead of calmly providing facts, that you are seriously crazy. No one came here to fight, in fact, it was to discuss why for, why not. No one would have attacked you if you didn't come in here all Spartan!

Why not say "I am not circumcising. We/ I find that it is a cruel and would not like to have that decision made on my behalf" or "I don't feel comfortable circumcising my child because "insert whatever here".

Anyway, enough with the logic or rational thinking. You are entitled to your opinion and I'm glad you feel so inexplicably passionate about it  

Myelhsa

AiramH said:

@carries2018 they are valid reasons, are they?! Pfff...a medical reason is the fore skin being too tight, not someone having issues teaching their kid how to clean himself. I am not going to read any more comments on this subject, because a certain side of the pond is set on their opinion.

Youre gonna go far here! *grabs post its*

migdala

@mnajib92 We're both Jewish, but with heavy emphasis on the "ish".  My in-laws aren't religious at all but unfortunately they're sort of Jewish supremacists - they adhere quite strictly to all the cultural traditions even though they don't really practice too much of the religion, and woe unto any of their kids who marry outside the faith (DH's sister is in a serious relationship with a Polish Catholic right now, and every family get-together devolves into a fight about it).  My parents circumcised my brother in a traditional bris but couldn't care less about what we do with our own sons.  I feel very lucky that DH isn't swayed by his parents' opinions, but it would probably be easier if we felt a strong religious pull -- as it is, we're trying to decide based on science alone, and it all seems very up in the air

jessafishy

@migdala I am very science, facts, logic oriented too. I wish there was a firmer recommendation on this topic.