The In-Laws/Family Vent Thread — The Bump
August 2017 Moms

The In-Laws/Family Vent Thread

Something about weddings & babies always bring out the family drama llamas. Need to vent? Do it here! 


Re: The In-Laws/Family Vent Thread

  • Your in-laws sound like a nightmare @PinkPrincessPiper !  Mine are saints in comparison. The only real issue I have with them is more on the political side. They are very closed-minded and I cringe and have to leave the room when political discussions start. 
  • Mango517Mango517
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2017
    Oh helllll @PinkPrincessPiper they sound terrible. And how typical of selfish people that they want to move into your house- again because they can't get their lives together- but especially when you have a baby on the way. 

    My IL's are usually pretty great and when they're not I'm usually fantastic at letting the little things not bother me. But those thing get on my nerves now and I just don't have the energy to work/smile through them lately.

    These are so petty compared to everything else, but I feel like my MIL thinks this child is the second coming of her children. She's not good at managing expectations in her head vs. reality of how life plays out and I'm worried that she's expecting more from us/this baby than she's going to G et. 

    My SIL and BIL have a very strict diet (by choice) and are completely sanctimonious about it. The entire family bends over backwards to be supportive and make food they'll eat and in return I feel like BIL judges every non-conforming to his ideals bit of food that we eat. 

    Together: January 2002
    Married: May 2008
    Baby: August 2017

    Clearly we like to rush along at lightning speed...

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  • My IL are the most chill, sweet people and my SIL is a kindergarten teacher, I feel like I hit the jackpot. What's hard is my parents, esp mom. This is the 1st in state/nearby grandchild and my mom keeps talking about babysitting 2days a week, and being there for everything and new holiday traditions, coming over whenever, etc. 
    1st my mother is 70 and not in the best health,  it wouldn't be good for anyone for her to try and babysit. Maybe at night, with my dad, but not alone.
    2nd DH parents live close too, not everything will be about you, this child has other family nearby you need to share with.
    3rd, we want to start our own traditions as our own little family. Plus we do some holidays with my side, some with his. 
    She has already gotten upset bc we did dinner with DH family last week and haven't seen my parents in 2...sorry we had things to do and the dinner we were at was for a family birthday! 
    Guilt+stress before the baby is even here! 
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  • I can hardly say I have in laws. My DH's mother passed away when he was 12 and his father remarried the wicked witch of the west right away. We don't talk to them much let alone see them. However my SIL posted yesterday how badly she wanted to see Beauty and the Beast but she has kids and no sitter. Uhhhhm your daughter is almost 6 and has a princess themed room... take her to the movie?!? She had her sister babysit her two kids while she went on a date night. I was furious!!!!
  • @PinkPrincessPiper I don't know how you put up with your MIL and BIL.

    My MIL drives me crazy! She is the most judgmental person I know! DH is her youngest son and she still thinks he's 5. She treats him like a baby and is constantly stroking his ego. He's smarter than Albert Einstein in her opinion!  When I was pregnant with DS I used to research everything about pregnancy and baby products. She thinks I'm crazy and I should just listen to everything she says. She thinks we should just raise our kids like she did in the 70's/80's. MIL thought I was crazy when she noticed DS was RF in his carseat at 8 months! MIL doesn't drink and judges everyone who does.She thinks everyone who drinks has cirrhosis of the liver regardless of how much they drink. My FIL is just dumb and does whatever MIL says. He doesn't have a brain of his own or maybe after 40+ years of marriage he thinks it's just easier to do what she says.
    DS1: 8/2012 <3    DS2  8/2017 <3

  • @britvahok my FIL has the same opinion on alcohol! He read a study about how if you binge drink you're more likely to become an alcoholic, so he was like why do people risk it?! Having beer & wine at our wedding was a hard thing, even though he wasn't paying. Bless. But I think he's coming around because last time we visited he had boxed wine for us lololol.
  • @PinkPrincessPiper I cant even imagine how stressful/exhausting that situation must be. 

    @cmmiller531 that's funny. I'm actually taking my almost six year old son. I don't see what's wrong with kids watching the movie lol. 

    I got lucky to have great in laws. The only thing that was rocky at first was my MIL and my mom since my son was the first grandchild on both sides. They both are so much alike it's scary. They butted heads after he was born right as I was about to be released from the hospital. They get along fine now and want to plan my baby shower together so that we can do one big shower. My MIL wasn't able to give me one or be at the one with DS so she wants help my mom this time. I'm just waiting to see how this is going to turn out. 
  • Oh the stories I could tell y'all about my FIL. Most recently was Christmas. He had blabbed to everyone and told them I was pregnant when we specifically told him not to.  We were super worried because I had a knee injury and I was taking nonsafe meds before BFP. We wanted to wait till I had an ultrasound. I called him out on Christmas because I kept finding out more and more people he'd told. He kicked me out of his house. 
  • ***tw overdose and suicide***

    Both of our mothers are are nuts. MIL has never worked in the last 12 years I've been around she is a drug addict. She came to our wedding. I paid for her hair and makeup to be done and before the ceremony she took her hair down. At cousin in laws wedding when DD was just a few months old she called me his b*tch wife in front of the whole family. She has seen DD less then 10 times in 4 years and has never called on her birthday or holiday. I just found out today she won 5k in the lottery and has now disappeared.. likely on a drug binge. 

    My mom is in my mind undiagnosed bipolar. She lashes out then likes to act like she didn't do anything wrong. My younger brother died of a drug overdose 2 years ago next week. At his memorial she lost her mind and got in my face cussing me out. It was the first time my FIL ever saw the behavior he had heard about for years in person. Several months later she texted me a picture of my brother she had taken when they went to say their last goodbyes prior to him being cremated. I made the choice not to see him that way and getting that picture truly broke my heart. Now 6 months ago my older brother took his own life so I get a lot of text messages or Facebook posts about how no one cares about her now that her son's are gone. 

    Now I know that my examples are directly related to our grief but these are just a couple of examples from a very long list so I know it's not just a result of her grief.
  • I see my IL's next Saturday when we head back to San Diego. Love my FIL but don't always agree with my MIL. She should know the cardinal rule - don't talk religion, politics, & money with family. Those topics always spark up somehow and it gets awkward and uneasy at times. She's retiring while on our trip to visit know the money & politics conversation topics will be brought up by her. Putting my sense in as a preggo mama may not be lovely. Lol
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  • @Leni410 I'm so sorry you have to deal with such intense drama. Your mom texting you a picture of your brother she knew you didn't want to see is heartbreaking. 

    @kristenk727 NO WAY. I thought MIL's wearing white to the wedding only happened in movies. And beauty and the beast?! How is that an appropriate wedding song? If anyone "surprised" us with a solo performance at our wedding, I would not have been happy. It's a wedding, not a musical. She sounds so petty.

    I have to say I feel lucky in the in-law department. Also lucky that they are all overseas haha so no "popping by to say hello" here. Little comments here and there definitely annoy me though... FIL and MIL already have a grandson who is adorable, but lately they've been making comments like "I hope LO is just like grandson! He was such an easy baby - he's perfect! Look how cute he is! *sends 1000 pictures via email*" So then I sit there wondering hmm are they going to be comparing every little thing about the two grandchildren? Because she has different parents soo she will NOT be exactly like their grandson. Then my other favorite, which I already wrote about in the randoms thread, was SIL registering for xmas and birthday gifts for her son. I wonder if it's just a French thing..but I buy something that's not on the registry every time haha. 

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  • @PinkPrincessPiper your inlaws sound horrible! Im sorry you have to deal with that crap.  So glad that your DH stood up for your family!
    My issues with my in laws seem so petty compared to some of these. I've always had some minor issues with my ILs, nothing outside of the usual IL complaints. MIL has always been alittle odd oand quirky, but nothing major.  I've never really liked SIL because she is a spoiled brat and her parents treat her so differently then DH (she's younger).  She gets everything handed to her on a silver platter and never got corrected growing up.  They bail her out of all of her problems, big or little.  DH (thankfully) had to learn to handle his own problems and become an independent adult.
    Fast forward to August 2016 when our house flooded and we had to live with MIL and FIL for 6 months.  It's a miracle everyone survived. I quickly came to realize just how micro managing and over bearing they are.  I'm used to coming home from work to quiet and decompessing.  I'd come home to their house and have 5000 questions asked to me about what progress was made on the house, what we needed to do next, where we were with insurance, etc.  First of all, I have been at work, not working on my house, so I have no clue.  Second of all, it's my house, my problem to fix.  I'm a  grown adult and I can handle it.  If I need help or have questions, I'll certainly ask.  MIL would come in my room like 10x a day for the stupidest reasons.  Leave me alone, people!
    I could seriously go on for days about them.  But when we got pregnant, it got so much worse.  MIL would try to micro manage everything I ate.  Shouldnt you be eating this instead? Why aren't you eating the fruit I bought? Why aren't you drinking the milk, I'm sure you need a certain amount of calcium? Why are you so tired, are you sick? Are you sure your throwing up isnt' from a stomach bug? NO WOMAN, I'M FREAKING PREGNANT. 
    I'm dreading how MIL is going to act when this baby comes.  I don't want her at my house. She's going to be more harm then benefit!
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  • kvh22kvh22
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    @dma0389 - I think not talking religion, politics, and money is a rule with everyone.

    @kristenk727 - My SIL's mother tried to do this. She forced her to go shopping with her and made her pick out a different dress but after spending some time with her, I can totally picture the type of mom/MIL that would wear white to their daughter/DIL's wedding.

    I've known DH's parents since I was 14. They've always been nice but are older (in their early 40s when they had DH who is now 30). In a lot of ways, I think he kept them younger but at the same time, their age shows with some outdated opinions.

    When my now MIL found out DH was moving to CA so that we were no longer distance, she didn't talk to him for 3 days (he'd gone home for the weekend so was literally in the same house as him). She used the silent treatment a lot around that time for various things and loves to play the victim. It pissed me off because DH felt bad (while recognizing her behavior was her own responsibility still). He and I have had many discussions about how her reactions are out of proportion and she has issues she needs to deal with.

    I have a lot of crazy stories, mostly from around our wedding. she was a bit of a nightmare although I've definitely heard worse so it's all relative. That being said, she's actually be great so far with this baby on the way. Only big issue is she made a comment about never living close to a grandchild in a weird/accusatory way while DH wasn't around. They've never visited us while we've living in California while my mom comes once a year at least. Apparently, they were waiting for us to invite them to come out but MIL doesn't fly anymore so we didn't want to put pressure on her and have her feel guilty. Doesn't seem like there's hurt feelings over not being invited before, but DH wonders if that's what they were waiting for. My mom, my sister, friends, etc. just tell us they were thinking of coming out and ask if the timing works. One reason I think they/she's being great is they preempted us having to put our foot down about them staying in a hotel and said that's what they'd do. I'm so glad we don't have to have that argument.

    My big concern now is that I want to stay at my mom's when we go home for Christmas this year. Moving between houses (it's just a 10 minute drive but still) is not going to be logical with all of LO's things.

  • I know my MIL means well, but she doesn't understand how to form real relationships with people. She doesn't open up to anyone, but she expects people to open up to her. DH knows next to nothing about her outside of her being his mother. I do try to open up to her, but by the end I feel judged rather than closer with her. If we attempt to talk to her about it, she just gets offended. I don't think she means to, but it is still hard.

    The dilemma right now is the upcoming birth of this baby. I am REALLY close with my mom. She is pretty much my best friend, and DH really likes her too. She asked if she could stay with us for a week or so after baby is born to help with chores around the house while DH and I bond with baby. However... we realized that once MIL hears about my mom staying with us... she will want to come over every single day too. My mom is very good at being helpful and giving us personal space... MIL not so much. She will only want to sit around and hold the baby and butt into our personal time. DH and I are at a loss of what to do about it.
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  • Lauradi1010Lauradi1010
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Photogenic
    edited March 2017
    I generally love my in-laws they really are great people.  Recently MIL has upped her neediness quotient and it's killing me.
    That being said I wish we didn't live so close. We live  around the corner from them in the same neighborhood. Its great when we need a sitter or forget something at the store, but MIL is super needy at times.  Yes, I understand my FIL is in failing health at 90 years of age and some extra help is needed, but learn to rely on your other children, not just my husband.  

    She literally calls him and expects him to solve every "crisis" she has.  He has two other siblings, one whose children are grown adults, but MIL always calls him.  She's currently pissed at DH because he refused to get her gas the other day.  Her response, "well I've never really done it before and am not going to start now". Seriously!  Wtf?  How helpless can you be lady?  One we know she's done it before because we showed her how and made her do it.  We have also listened to her bitch about how hard it was to use the pump on her own when no one was there (meaning DH) to do it for her.  End rant.

    Not nearly as bad as some In-laws just enough to be annoying.

    Edit: bump posted before I was done typing.
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  • In the grand scheme of thing my in laws are pretty decent. But tardiness is a HUGE pet peeve of mine, and it doesn't seem to be important to my MIL or SIL. 

     Tonight we celebrated my sister in laws birthday. We get to my mother in laws house, no one is home! Seriously it's especially important to me to be on time if you are the one hosting. So we sit in the car for 15-20 mins with a cranky toddler crying for Grandma while my contribution to dinner is getting cold in the backseat. Mother in law pulls in, no "Sorry I'm late" and waves us in. (FIL was still at work and is always on time when it's just him so he gets a pass).
     MILs sister and her husband were also sitting in their car with their food getting cold. And great aunt intentional came late because she knows how it goes, so she got there right after MIL.

     At this point it's about 530. All out food is ready and trying to be kept warm in the oven. At 615 my SILs family comes strolling in like its nothing...again no "sorry we are late" to all of us who have been sitting waiting to eat. FIL had to work late and run the companies deposit to the bank and he still beat you! Guess since it's her birthday she can do what ever she wants. Her, her husband and 2 teenagers are always the last to arrive and always late to every family event. 

    Ugh sorry for rant on a relatively minor thing. But it just happened so it's a fresh irritant. Like I said it's a huge pet peeve of mine and yet most of the people in my life are habitually late! 
  • @JCPSand2B how frustrating! SO never seems to care if he's late to his family events and treats mine the same, which drives me up the wall. On Christmas morning, he took so long getting up in the morning that we were an hour and a half late to his mother's. She had an enormous brunch spread and about thirty presents for the two of us to open (could have used a heads up on that!) and we ended up getting in the car around the time we were supposed to be arriving at my family's, an hour and a half away. And then a few weeks ago, we had brunch with his aunt, showing up 40 min late (but everyone else showed up 30 min late...I guess it's a family trait?).

    I don't mind being five to ten minutes late, especially in a setting where the host may be doing some last-minute prep, but it's not okay to commit to something but ignore the time frame!
  • My inlaws don't seem to care about anything going on with the baby until DH and I make a decision about something. Everyone has asked if we are finding out the sex and we have said no (we are, but since this is the first grand baby on both sides we are doing a surprise reveal for the families). He told his mom we weren't the other day and she all but ripped him a new one about how that's not fair for his sister who is going to crochet a baby blanket. Chris told her we wanted to do colors from our university so sex doesn't matter and his mom would have none of it. It's made me so upset since this isn't the first time something like this has happened I told DH if they something else between now and the reveal we will just switch to team green in the eyes of the family but we will know. 
  • I get along great with my FIL, BIL, and SIL, but my MIL takes the cake! She has always had a problem with me since my husband and I started dating 8 years ago.  The night before our wedding, she was trying to talk my husband out of marrying me.  The day of the wedding, she gets lost going to the venue and is over an hour late.  She then says well you were late to your own wedding, umm.. no I was parked down the street waiting for her to arrive at the venue.  She always has to butt into our lives and tries to dictate how we spend our hard earned money.  We don't get along, I try to have conversations and include her with baby stuff, but she is more interested in what my BIL and his future wife have going on.  She gets along great with BIL's fiancee and doesn't even try with me.  We were out wedding dress shopping for future SIL and there was a little baby there and she was like I can't wait until BIL and Future SIL have a baby.  I am sitting there, 4 months pregnant, but you are more concerned over one of your other kids having a baby.  I told DH that his mom is to not just drop in whenever she wants after LO is born, she will need to give me a 2 week notice so I can prepare to put up with her snarky comments regarding me, how LO is being raised, and how my DH is a saint. FYI he isn't a saint, he just is the modern man who helps cook and clean.  She finds this odd because she was raised that the man never did anything in the house, and cant fathom why her son has to do stuff in our house.
    Me: 27 DH: 29

    Diagnosed with PCOS: January 2009

    1st D&C: Janaury 2009
    Dating: March 18, 2009
    Married: June 12, 2010
    TTC: January 1, 2011
    2nd D&C: June 5, 2011
    3rd D&C: August 3, 2011
    Dec 2016: BFP (due 8/5/2017)

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  • @bwing10 That's so hurtful that MIL would make comments like that in front of you. It almost sounds like she's trying to test you to see if you'll react. The comment "I can't wait until BIL/SIL have a baby!" while you're sitting there pregnant would have made me SO pissed. She'll regret saying this crap when baby comes and she is obsessed with him/her.

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  • My SIL does this. She texts everyone a list of what my niece, who's 2, wants for Christmas or her birthday. I was annoyed at first but then thought it was kind of convenient since it took the guess work out of trying to figure out what to get her. It's never anything crazy expensive, but so far I've only bought from the list once ;)
  • ach0612 said:
    My SIL does this. She texts everyone a list of what my niece, who's 2, wants for Christmas or her birthday. I was annoyed at first but then thought it was kind of convenient since it took the guess work out of trying to figure out what to get her. It's never anything crazy expensive, but so far I've only bought from the list once ;)
    I'm guilty of doing this too.... mostly bc DS is the only grandchild on either side, and DH's family goes completely overboard with gifts. I give out a list to avoid duplicates, wrong sizes, useless crap, and to ensure we get stuff that will actually get used. 

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  • My FIL is a preacher. DS was born in June. FIL has revival the whole month. 2 times a day. I'm trying to plan DS birthday party around his freaking schedule. He wanted me to schedule an induction around his freaking schedule and we had to do his 1st birthday party around his schedule. So annoying 
  • LSP87LSP87
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Photogenic
    @SouthernMama15 oh hell no! How did your DH take that?
  • @SouthernMama15 Your FIL is only a bit self-centered  :#
  • @britvahok my best friend's mother did this, too.  If bff drank anything, even a sip, she was a lush.  And her mom really meant it. Drove me nuts.

    @SouthernMama15  That sucks.  One of DH's aunts found out early on by accident, and I specifically told her not to tell anyone bc it was so early.  Not only did she tell people before I said it, she posted on my facebook about it and told DH's entire family after I asked her not to do so.  Thankfully, we never see each other, but after I found out that she told everyone, I unfriended her on FB and refuse all her messages and friend requests.  None of their damn business.
    DS1: Born 11.18.15
    DS2: EDD- 09.08.17

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  • @SouthernMama15 What? Um. That's presumptuous of your FIL to ask you to arrange the BIRTH OF YOUR BABY around his schedule. Sometimes people have to miss family events because of their jobs, FIL. This situation isn't unique dude. Either he has to take an afternoon off or recognize one of the sad realities that work often gets in the way of other things. 

    Together: January 2002
    Married: May 2008
    Baby: August 2017

    Clearly we like to rush along at lightning speed...

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  • I forgot! My mom, love her to pieces, but if this was pre prohibition era my mom would head the temperance league. I once made the error of having two glasses of wine in front of her over the course of an entire wedding and she freaked out at the end of the night calling me "toasted".  Ok mom. Sure.

    Together: January 2002
    Married: May 2008
    Baby: August 2017

    Clearly we like to rush along at lightning speed...

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  • @LSP87 he's used to it. It's been that way his whole life. No vacations and missing out on things because of his dad's schedule. 

    @LivLew, yeah,  just a tad

    @ColoradoHiker and @Mango517 he may just have to miss it. I'll be huge by then so he can suck it
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