August 2017 Moms
PinkPrincessPiper
member
The In-Laws/Family Vent Thread
PinkPrincessPiper
member
Something about weddings & babies always bring out the family drama llamas. Need to vent? Do it here!
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Re: The In-Laws/Family Vent Thread
For example, their roommates recently kicked them out (I don't know why, and I don't care), and they are giving my husband guilt trips trying to let them move in with us. Before you think I'm cold bitch, they've moved in with us 3 times before, and it's always a disaster. They mooch, steal, make a mess -- to this day half of my attic is filled with their crap. It's NOT happening again. Thankfully DH made it clear to them that we are about to be a family of 6 in a 3BR house as is. Sorry, not sorry.
TL;DR: My in-laws as the worst & I really envy people with "normal" ILs. Sigh.
My BIL is insistent that he make nursery art for us. I really appreciate the gesture but I feel like I can't even design our LO's room anymore. He has been working on a lot of different pieces which are just NMS. I even told him that we do not have much wall space to work with (our house has old drywall and requires all kinds of anchors to hang anything) and he insisted on making art that we could put on bookshelves or the dresser. I told him we won't have a bookshelf and the dresser is going to be for changing baby. What part of "I don't want you to design our baby's room" do you not get? Ugh. It's so sweet that he would offer, but again, it is my kid not his! It does not help that my DH won't say anything to him, not that I blame DH because it would be so rude to turn down any gift. Good thing he lives a few hours away because his art will be stowed away and will only be displayed when he is in town. I am thankful for his generosity but seriously I feel like the one of the most exciting partsof pregnancy has been taken away from DH and I.
She and FIL then threw an absolute fit when my parents bought DS his crib and they couldn't....So she started all kinds of horrible rumors about me and my family right before my bridal shower. She and her family sat at their own table during the shower with a pout on their faces the whole time making snotty remarks throughout. None of them said goodbye to me when they left. It's been nearly two years and I have yet to receive an apology from either of them, despite me trying to "move on".
My IL's are usually pretty great and when they're not I'm usually fantastic at letting the little things not bother me. But those thing get on my nerves now and I just don't have the energy to work/smile through them lately.
These are so petty compared to everything else, but I feel like my MIL thinks this child is the second coming of her children. She's not good at managing expectations in her head vs. reality of how life plays out and I'm worried that she's expecting more from us/this baby than she's going to G et.
My SIL and BIL have a very strict diet (by choice) and are completely sanctimonious about it. The entire family bends over backwards to be supportive and make food they'll eat and in return I feel like BIL judges every non-conforming to his ideals bit of food that we eat.
Together: January 2002
Married: May 2008
Baby: August 2017
Clearly we like to rush along at lightning speed...
1st my mother is 70 and not in the best health, it wouldn't be good for anyone for her to try and babysit. Maybe at night, with my dad, but not alone.
2nd DH parents live close too, not everything will be about you, this child has other family nearby you need to share with.
3rd, we want to start our own traditions as our own little family. Plus we do some holidays with my side, some with his.
She has already gotten upset bc we did dinner with DH family last week and haven't seen my parents in 2...sorry we had things to do and the dinner we were at was for a family birthday!
Guilt+stress before the baby is even here!
1 infant loss
8/17: Our daughter was born
8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass
2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old
4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
My inlaws are amazing. They bought us our new fridge as a house warming gift, and they recently bought my glider for the nursery. I do know that my MIL is going to do the I told you so dance, when she finds out I'm having a boy, and that will be annoying.
I really think my mom is the one who's driving me
nuts more. In her defense she lives 4 hours away, and mil lives close, so she does get jealous, but when she found out that mil might find out the sex before her, she had a fit. She was truly upset when she found out we told the inlaws first about the baby the first time around **tw** I had a loss in July **endtw** and the thing that will make me more mad is that I know she is going to be dissapointed when she finds out it's a boy. She has said over and over how much she wants a girl, and has no idea what to do with a boy. This could be a long weekend. . .
Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17
BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19
BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19
BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2
Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage
IVF started Feb 2020
retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal.
Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
My MIL drives me crazy! She is the most judgmental person I know! DH is her youngest son and she still thinks he's 5. She treats him like a baby and is constantly stroking his ego. He's smarter than Albert Einstein in her opinion! When I was pregnant with DS I used to research everything about pregnancy and baby products. She thinks I'm crazy and I should just listen to everything she says. She thinks we should just raise our kids like she did in the 70's/80's. MIL thought I was crazy when she noticed DS was RF in his carseat at 8 months! MIL doesn't drink and judges everyone who does.She thinks everyone who drinks has cirrhosis of the liver regardless of how much they drink. My FIL is just dumb and does whatever MIL says. He doesn't have a brain of his own or maybe after 40+ years of marriage he thinks it's just easier to do what she says.
@cmmiller531 that's funny. I'm actually taking my almost six year old son. I don't see what's wrong with kids watching the movie lol.
I got lucky to have great in laws. The only thing that was rocky at first was my MIL and my mom since my son was the first grandchild on both sides. They both are so much alike it's scary. They butted heads after he was born right as I was about to be released from the hospital. They get along fine now and want to plan my baby shower together so that we can do one big shower. My MIL wasn't able to give me one or be at the one with DS so she wants help my mom this time. I'm just waiting to see how this is going to turn out.
Both of our mothers are are nuts. MIL has never worked in the last 12 years I've been around she is a drug addict. She came to our wedding. I paid for her hair and makeup to be done and before the ceremony she took her hair down. At cousin in laws wedding when DD was just a few months old she called me his b*tch wife in front of the whole family. She has seen DD less then 10 times in 4 years and has never called on her birthday or holiday. I just found out today she won 5k in the lottery and has now disappeared.. likely on a drug binge.
My mom is in my mind undiagnosed bipolar. She lashes out then likes to act like she didn't do anything wrong. My younger brother died of a drug overdose 2 years ago next week. At his memorial she lost her mind and got in my face cussing me out. It was the first time my FIL ever saw the behavior he had heard about for years in person. Several months later she texted me a picture of my brother she had taken when they went to say their last goodbyes prior to him being cremated. I made the choice not to see him that way and getting that picture truly broke my heart. Now 6 months ago my older brother took his own life so I get a lot of text messages or Facebook posts about how no one cares about her now that her son's are gone.
Now I know that my examples are directly related to our grief but these are just a couple of examples from a very long list so I know it's not just a result of her grief.
@kristenk727 NO WAY. I thought MIL's wearing white to the wedding only happened in movies. And beauty and the beast?! How is that an appropriate wedding song? If anyone "surprised" us with a solo performance at our wedding, I would not have been happy. It's a wedding, not a musical. She sounds so petty.
I have to say I feel lucky in the in-law department. Also lucky that they are all overseas haha so no "popping by to say hello" here. Little comments here and there definitely annoy me though... FIL and MIL already have a grandson who is adorable, but lately they've been making comments like "I hope LO is just like grandson! He was such an easy baby - he's perfect! Look how cute he is! *sends 1000 pictures via email*" So then I sit there wondering hmm are they going to be comparing every little thing about the two grandchildren? Because she has different parents soo she will NOT be exactly like their grandson. Then my other favorite, which I already wrote about in the randoms thread, was SIL registering for xmas and birthday gifts for her son. I wonder if it's just a French thing..but I buy something that's not on the registry every time haha.
My issues with my in laws seem so petty compared to some of these. I've always had some minor issues with my ILs, nothing outside of the usual IL complaints. MIL has always been alittle odd oand quirky, but nothing major. I've never really liked SIL because she is a spoiled brat and her parents treat her so differently then DH (she's younger). She gets everything handed to her on a silver platter and never got corrected growing up. They bail her out of all of her problems, big or little. DH (thankfully) had to learn to handle his own problems and become an independent adult.
Fast forward to August 2016 when our house flooded and we had to live with MIL and FIL for 6 months. It's a miracle everyone survived. I quickly came to realize just how micro managing and over bearing they are. I'm used to coming home from work to quiet and decompessing. I'd come home to their house and have 5000 questions asked to me about what progress was made on the house, what we needed to do next, where we were with insurance, etc. First of all, I have been at work, not working on my house, so I have no clue. Second of all, it's my house, my problem to fix. I'm a grown adult and I can handle it. If I need help or have questions, I'll certainly ask. MIL would come in my room like 10x a day for the stupidest reasons. Leave me alone, people!
I could seriously go on for days about them. But when we got pregnant, it got so much worse. MIL would try to micro manage everything I ate. Shouldnt you be eating this instead? Why aren't you eating the fruit I bought? Why aren't you drinking the milk, I'm sure you need a certain amount of calcium? Why are you so tired, are you sick? Are you sure your throwing up isnt' from a stomach bug? NO WOMAN, I'M FREAKING PREGNANT.
I'm dreading how MIL is going to act when this baby comes. I don't want her at my house. She's going to be more harm then benefit!
@kristenk727 - My SIL's mother tried to do this. She forced her to go shopping with her and made her pick out a different dress but after spending some time with her, I can totally picture the type of mom/MIL that would wear white to their daughter/DIL's wedding.
I've known DH's parents since I was 14. They've always been nice but are older (in their early 40s when they had DH who is now 30). In a lot of ways, I think he kept them younger but at the same time, their age shows with some outdated opinions.
When my now MIL found out DH was moving to CA so that we were no longer distance, she didn't talk to him for 3 days (he'd gone home for the weekend so was literally in the same house as him). She used the silent treatment a lot around that time for various things and loves to play the victim. It pissed me off because DH felt bad (while recognizing her behavior was her own responsibility still). He and I have had many discussions about how her reactions are out of proportion and she has issues she needs to deal with.
I have a lot of crazy stories, mostly from around our wedding. she was a bit of a nightmare although I've definitely heard worse so it's all relative. That being said, she's actually be great so far with this baby on the way. Only big issue is she made a comment about never living close to a grandchild in a weird/accusatory way while DH wasn't around. They've never visited us while we've living in California while my mom comes once a year at least. Apparently, they were waiting for us to invite them to come out but MIL doesn't fly anymore so we didn't want to put pressure on her and have her feel guilty. Doesn't seem like there's hurt feelings over not being invited before, but DH wonders if that's what they were waiting for. My mom, my sister, friends, etc. just tell us they were thinking of coming out and ask if the timing works. One reason I think they/she's being great is they preempted us having to put our foot down about them staying in a hotel and said that's what they'd do. I'm so glad we don't have to have that argument.
My big concern now is that I want to stay at my mom's when we go home for Christmas this year. Moving between houses (it's just a 10 minute drive but still) is not going to be logical with all of LO's things.
The dilemma right now is the upcoming birth of this baby. I am REALLY close with my mom. She is pretty much my best friend, and DH really likes her too. She asked if she could stay with us for a week or so after baby is born to help with chores around the house while DH and I bond with baby. However... we realized that once MIL hears about my mom staying with us... she will want to come over every single day too. My mom is very good at being helpful and giving us personal space... MIL not so much. She will only want to sit around and hold the baby and butt into our personal time. DH and I are at a loss of what to do about it.
That being said I wish we didn't live so close. We live around the corner from them in the same neighborhood. Its great when we need a sitter or forget something at the store, but MIL is super needy at times. Yes, I understand my FIL is in failing health at 90 years of age and some extra help is needed, but learn to rely on your other children, not just my husband.
She literally calls him and expects him to solve every "crisis" she has. He has two other siblings, one whose children are grown adults, but MIL always calls him. She's currently pissed at DH because he refused to get her gas the other day. Her response, "well I've never really done it before and am not going to start now". Seriously! Wtf? How helpless can you be lady? One we know she's done it before because we showed her how and made her do it. We have also listened to her bitch about how hard it was to use the pump on her own when no one was there (meaning DH) to do it for her. End rant.
Not nearly as bad as some In-laws just enough to be annoying.
Edit: bump posted before I was done typing.
Tonight we celebrated my sister in laws birthday. We get to my mother in laws house, no one is home! Seriously it's especially important to me to be on time if you are the one hosting. So we sit in the car for 15-20 mins with a cranky toddler crying for Grandma while my contribution to dinner is getting cold in the backseat. Mother in law pulls in, no "Sorry I'm late" and waves us in. (FIL was still at work and is always on time when it's just him so he gets a pass).
MILs sister and her husband were also sitting in their car with their food getting cold. And great aunt intentional came late because she knows how it goes, so she got there right after MIL.
At this point it's about 530. All out food is ready and trying to be kept warm in the oven. At 615 my SILs family comes strolling in like its nothing...again no "sorry we are late" to all of us who have been sitting waiting to eat. FIL had to work late and run the companies deposit to the bank and he still beat you! Guess since it's her birthday she can do what ever she wants. Her, her husband and 2 teenagers are always the last to arrive and always late to every family event.
Ugh sorry for rant on a relatively minor thing. But it just happened so it's a fresh irritant. Like I said it's a huge pet peeve of mine and yet most of the people in my life are habitually late!
I don't mind being five to ten minutes late, especially in a setting where the host may be doing some last-minute prep, but it's not okay to commit to something but ignore the time frame!
Diagnosed with PCOS: January 2009
1st D&C: Janaury 2009
Dating: March 18, 2009
Married: June 12, 2010
TTC: January 1, 2011
2nd D&C: June 5, 2011
3rd D&C: August 3, 2011
Dec 2016: BFP (due 8/5/2017)
@SouthernMama15 That sucks. One of DH's aunts found out early on by accident, and I specifically told her not to tell anyone bc it was so early. Not only did she tell people before I said it, she posted on my facebook about it and told DH's entire family after I asked her not to do so. Thankfully, we never see each other, but after I found out that she told everyone, I unfriended her on FB and refuse all her messages and friend requests. None of their damn business.
DS2: EDD- 09.08.17
Together: January 2002
Married: May 2008
Baby: August 2017
Clearly we like to rush along at lightning speed...
Together: January 2002
Married: May 2008
Baby: August 2017
Clearly we like to rush along at lightning speed...
@LivLew, yeah, just a tad
@ColoradoHiker and @Mango517 he may just have to miss it. I'll be huge by then so he can suck it