Benched/TTA Check-In [Week of 3/13]

izza2

***Please notice ***

This thread is for those who have started TTC but are now TTA or Benched.
If you have BOTB, please consider participating on that board and/or creating a separate BOTB-check-in.
Click here for the BOTB board
Click here for the latest BOTB check-in
While we value all members of the community and enjoy helping others learn before they're TTGP, recent discussions have shown that the influx of BOTB-members posting on this thread have driven out the members for whom the thread is actually intended.
Please respect that development and feel free to create a separate BOTB-check-in, or participate in the BOTB board.
[ETA: Links, text, format]

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***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons

TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________

Are you benched or TTA? 

What brings you here? 

How long do you think you'll be here? 

How have things been going?

Any R/R/CS/Q? 

GTKY: If you had to choose, would you rather have a foot of snow fall or a foot of rain?

icecubeinthedesert

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? MC last week (my second loss)

How long do you think you'll be here? until AF (another 4-6 weeks?)

How have things been going? Meh. I'm feeling a little depressed lately. Mostly just tired of the rollercoaster that is TTC, being KU, MC, then being benched. I'm trying to stay optimistic about the next round, but it's so hard.

Any R/R/CS/Q? i have so much to do at work in the next 3 weeks, and I'm not even stressed about it anymore. I just don't care that much anymore, honestly. I think this is just my way of making time for me right now.

GTKY: If you had to choose, would you rather have a foot of snow fall or a foot of rain? this is hard. I grew up in WI, so I know how a foot of snow feels and all the work that goes along with it. But a foot of rain could cause a lot more damage. So I'll go with the snow, but only if I'm not dealing with it here in the desert where it would cause mass panic.

izza2

Sending you so many hugs and positive thoughts @icecubeinthedesert I'm so sorry for your loss *hugs*

doxiemoxie212

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? MC in Sept, then started TTA after that for school/work reasons

How long do you think you'll be here? Going to actively start TTC again in early May

How have things been going? Fine. I started my graphic design classes, I'm really liking it, and I'm so much happier. We're going to Amsterdam on Saturday for a week (another reason I wanted to TTA... lol), and I'm really excited.

Any R/R/CS/Q? So, I've been debating sharing this story because I know it's bonkers, but here goes. I started temping and charting in January 2016. My cycle was very predictable. DH and I started TTC  in late July/early August 2016. About two weeks before that, I decided to start a natural, aluminum-free deodorant that was scented with lavender and rose (smelled great!). I started it not because I wanted to rid my body of chemicals before TTC but because I heard that anti-perspirants that contain aluminum can cause the armpits of your clothing to yellow faster. The first cycle we tried, my cycle was.... odd. Like, it was just different. And again the second month. We got pregnant that month, but I also miscarried. A lot of the things weird with my cycle seemed to match low progesterone/high estrogen, but I didn't really think anything of it. These things happen. Whatever. My cycle has been odd since July. Fast forward to last month, and I'm in class, and this older woman sits next to me, then asks, "Sorry, are you wearing anything lavender scented?" and at first I was like, no... but then I remembered, oh yes, my deodorant. She apologized and then said she'd have to sit another seat over because she's very sensitive to fragrance. I understood because my mom and aunt are too. She then said (the classroom was empty except for the two of us), "You know, lavender is known to be estrogenic. Studies have shown that young boys who wash with lavender-scented body washes can develop breasts. If you notice anything weird with your menstrual cycle, maybe stop the lavender." At first I thought she was just another hippie crazy person like all of my mom's friends, but I looked it up, and there IS an NEJM study related to pre-pubescent boys and lavender. There is not, however, anything that seems to link lavender to the estrogen levels of full-grown women. Which either means that there is no link, or it means no one has yet studied it to find out (I couldn't find any peer-reviewed research on pubmed that disproved it). Anyway, I'm skeptical of how much lavender could impact my cycle, but I switched about 10 days ago to a different scent (coconut vanilla, still good!), and part of me is curious if my cycle will go back to what used to be normal. 

GTKY: If you had to choose, would you rather have a foot of snow fall or a foot of rain? Depends. Snow is pretty if you're in a more rural area, but it gets gross so fast in the city. Rain sucks, but once it's done it's done, unless you're in an area that floods. 

madspunk

@icecubeinthedesert Sorry to see you here in benched, and so sorry for your loss. I remember your name from when I was on here before. Though I wasn't very active, I did a lot of reading what everyone else posted. I totally hear you on having a lot to do at work, and not feeling stressed anymore. It's like I'm just going through the motions now.

Are you benched or TTA? benched

What brings you here? early MC

How long do you think you'll be here? A few weeks. I'm waiting for my HCG level to get back under 5 before I can start fertility treatments again.

How have things been going? Of course I will TTC again, and I do feel hopeful that it will happen, but I'm feeling very frustrated and tired, and like I don't want to go through all the doctor appointments and medications and waiting again.

Any R/R/CS/Q? 

GTKY: If you had to choose, would you rather have a foot of snow fall or a foot of rain? A foot of snowfall. I like to be snowed in sometimes.

JNCPro3130

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here?
Babies on the brain and hanging with you guys

How long do you think you'll be here? Until June 

How have things been going?
Eh, not bad

Any R/R/CS/Q?
I've heard people mention how they have a short LP. I'm searching for my copy of TCOYF to reread it but in the meantime, what is considered short? 

GTKY: If you had to choose, would you rather have a foot of snow fall or a foot of rain?
Rain! I don't like to be cold. Plus, in GA a foot of snow would shut things down until spring.

purplg8r

@icecubeinthedesert I'm with you on the feelings

@doxiemoxie212  have fun on your trip!

@madspunk here's hoping your hcg levels drop quickly!

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? Currently going through an ectopic pregnancy 

How long do you think you'll be here? may 24th (not that I'm counting!)

How have things been going? Bleeding finally stopped & hcg levels are dropping like they're supposed to.  Now if I could just get over the paranoia of still being able to rupture combined with the stress that I'm old and feel like I'm never going to get KU so this benching really sucks

Any R/R/CS/Q? 

GTKY: If you had to choose, would you rather have a foot of snow fall or a foot of rain? rain. I hate hate hate being cold so I avoid snow

NYTino24

@JNCPro3130 Hello! I know it's a kind of long thread, but please read the top.
  


BOTB = Babies on the Brain. Here is that board:
https://forums.thebump.com/categories/babies-on-the-brain

Hopefully you're not offended. Just looking out for our friends who are benched or not TTA by choice. 

izza2

@JNCPro3130 - As PP said, please read the top of the thread. I realize the OP is long, but that's why I put the extra bold/asterisks...


@doxiemoxie212 - Amsterdam sounds like fun!
@madspunk - *hugs* I'm so sorry about the frustration you're going through. Sending you so many hugs right now.
@purplg8r - Did your doctor give you an idea of when you should be in the "clear" for a tube rupture to be unlikely, or is it just along with your HCG levels? *hugs* I'm sorry that you're going through this.

izza2

AFM, no changes. I'm hoping that the added notice helps bring this thread back to it's original purpose and makes it a place those who are benched can feel comfortable checking in. If I have to, I'll start the BOTB thread myself to make sure it stays that way.

GTKY: I'm on the fence. In the end, though, I think I'd rather get the snow.

purplg8r

@izza2 she didn't explicitly say.  I'm guessing 0 but then you go on to google and find wonderful things like tubal ruptures even after their levels have dropped low.  I guess because I don't know of anyone personally (or on here) that's gone through this, I have no way of knowing what pains & things are normal or not

izza2

@purplg8r - Oh wow, that's insane! I'm sorry to pry, but do they do regular ultrasounds to monitor the tube and make sure? I wish I could offer you some information to help you through this.

wabash15

@icecubeinthedesert hugs this TTC roller coaster can be rough. 
@madspunk I'm so sorry for your loss. Its so hard to finally get KTFU with IF and then not have a take home baby. Hugs.  Your also welcome to come to the IF thread whenever your ready.
@purplg8r I'm glad your levels are finally dropping but it sucks that there is still a risk of tube rupture. hugs girl. 

icecubeinthedesert

@doxiemoxie212, I hadn't heard that about lavender before. I also switched to Tom's of Maine lavender deodorant and use lavender massage oil once in a while, so I was intrigued. I just took a look at the literature. I worked for 5 years in the field of estrogen receptor research, but I never heard about lavender in this context. Honestly, I think the evidence is pretty speculative, since a lot of things can confound estrogen receptor activity assays. Compared to known natural estrogens (like in soy for example), I would imagine exposure would be pretty low, even with daily application as a deodorant. So unless you are slathering your body with it while guzzling lavender tea, you're probably ok.

@madspunk, Thanks for the love. It's weird to think of a the lurkers during my time here that know me, even though I did the same for months before joining in. Welcome to the community, and I'm so sorry you're joining us under these circumstances.

JNCPro3130

I'm so sorry! I did an intro a few months back and I thought I participated in this thread then. (Totally could be wrong) I had some things come up and wasn't able to post for a month or so. I read through everything when I first came. I apologize for not reading this time. I figured it was the same. I hope I didn't offend anyone!

doxiemoxie212

@icecubeinthedesert that's good to hear, it's what the intellectual side of my brain said, too. There's just that small superstitious side that's like, "but what if!" Sigh, lol. 

madspunk

@wabash15 Thanks - I'll be back trying and on the IF board soon I hope. HCG levels are dropping quickly. I literally fist pumped when I heard they are almost under 5 today. In the meantime, checking in and rooting for you guys! It sucks I'm in a position where HCG levels dropping is a good thing, but here I am.

@doxiemoxie212 Sorry, I've never heard anything before about lavender's effect on estrogen. That woman sounds like a character though - maybe just because I can't picture myself telling a stranger about how their scent might be affecting their menstrual cycle. Have fun in Amsterdam!!

stillclever17

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? Anovulatory cycle, waiting for my first RE visit. I'm back to my old stomping grounds on the benched thread. This was my first home on TB thanks to PCOS and Zika. I'm sad to be back, but I find it less overwhelming than the WTO thread. 

How long do you think you'll be here? 4 to 6 weeks, maybe

How have things been going? Ugh. I'm grappling with a lot of guilt about my anovulation. I was in an accident. We've had some deaths in the family and school is terrible and work has been insane. *TW* my SIL blindsided me with an oops pregnancy announcement *TW*. It's not been a great couple of weeks. I'm anxious to hear back from the RE about if I have any insurance coverage for labs, scans, etc. I'm crossing my fingers.

Any R/R/CS/Q? Super tired and depressed. I thought I would be sprinting toward graduation, but I'm going to be dragging myself across the stage. Grad school didn't kill me. I'm genuinely surprised. 

GTKY: If you had to choose, would you rather have a foot of snow fall or a foot of rain? Snow. A foot of rain would be very destructive. Plus I love missing work. 

icecubeinthedesert

@soemthingclever, I'm so sorry you're dealing with being benched on top of everything else you've had to deal with lately. Please take this time to breathe. (I need to be following my own advice too)

madspunk

@soemthingclever don't feel guilty over your anovulation! That's definitely not your fault. It's stupid PCOS's fault. Sorry to hear you've been having such a tough couple of weeks. It does sound like you have a lot going on, and dealing with TTC plus just normal life is hard enough. FX that your RE appointment goes well and that your insurance covers labs and such. 

wabash15

@somethingclever hey girl, its nice to see you back on the board. I'm sorry you've had so much going on. Hugs

flowerpower5838

@purplg8r I've had an ectopic, although mine was on my ovary. If you have any questions or anything feel free to PM me. I know it's anecdotal but FWIW I had some extreme residual pain after all was said and done, but there was nothing "wrong" that they could see, just some old blood. DR suspected ovulation pain, but who knows.

Are you benched or TTA? 

Benched

What brings you here? 

MC this week

How long do you think you'll be here? 

I'm going to have a full blood workup done in about 3 weeks, so I'll probably take at least one cycle off, maybe more pending those results.

How have things been going?

Honestly, they fucking suck. This isn't our first loss so none of it is new, but it doesn't suck any less the 5th time. DH is great and has been really taking care of me and the house and everything else, and I don't also need for him to be miserable with me, but at the same time misery loves company so it'd be great if he could just get on my level for a good cry or something. On top of it all ***TW is started MCing during DS's first birthday party so that's a great memory I'll always have to hold on to. /TW***

Any R/R/CS/Q? 

Question: so with this "full blood workup" per my doctor's office....what does that entail? Is it just a couple of blood draws once then I get results? They haven't contacted me back about it yet (just had my second beta yesterday and an U/S to confirm nothing is where it shouldn't be since I have history of ectopic) but I just was curious how involved it is, what kind of diagnosis could come from it, a timeline of getting results, etc.

GTKY: If you had to choose, would you rather have a foot of snow fall or a foot of rain?

Snow for sure. I can work from home and would love to be snowed in.

purplg8r

@soemthingclever do NOT feel guilty!   And oops announcements hurt the worst

@flowerpower5838 I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this again.  It freaking sucks. And the timing is really crappy too.  Sending you hugs!!

(and PMing you)

icecubeinthedesert

@flowerpower5838, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this again. Take some time for yourself. I know what you mean about misery loving company. **TW** I haven't had the full RPL work up yet, but did have the thrombosis panel done during my first pregnancy due to some weird family history. It ended up being 18 vials while fasting and I nearly passed out. (Stupid doctor's office let me sit in the waiting room for 2 hours waiting for a blood draw.) I do have lie blood pressure issues, so that probably played into it along with the dizziness from pregnancy. 

starla

@flowerpower5838 I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't have advice regarding the bloodwork. I just wanted to send you some hugs. 

Tennis11785

@doxiemoxie212 - So I haven't looked into the research super in-depth, but from what I understand that is old thinking.  That study you found might have been what started it, but it's not longer thought to really have an impact.  

@JNCPro3130 - In the past couple of weeks, we've decided to take this thread back to its initial intent of being for those who are truly benched/tta, opposed to just BOTB.  We just had a lot of people who were BOTB and posting next to some women who were going through some big issues and currently miscarrying and while there was no ill-intent, it was rubbing a lot of people the wrong way. 

@flowerpower5838 - creepy internet hugs, girl.  I'm so sorry you're here.  

CecilB93

@flowerpower5838 just wanted to stop in here and say I'm so sorry for you. I hate that you've gone through this so much. I hope the tests can help give you some answers. Hugs 

stillclever17

This is why I usually don't even try to post because I have to ghost and then I feel terribly guilty about it for days. Shit's been crazy with a funeral and family in town and work and homework. Hopefully I'll be back later. Thank you all for the good vibes. 

NYTino24

*Lurking* @flowerpower5838 I am so sorry you find yourself here. FWIW I had the RLP done and it was 12 vials.
@icecubeinthedesert That sounds like an awful amount of blood. There is supposed to be a limit to how much they can take at one time. Not sure what it is, though.

Rooting for all of you!! 

icecubeinthedesert

@NYTino24, that's what I thought too. But they just kept saying, "Well, that's only half what it would be when you donate blood." 1. I was pregnant. 2. I've was fasting far beyond what I had planned on. And 3. I just barely weigh enough to qualify for giving blood period. And the baby stopped growing two days later. Was that the reason? I dunno. But I was pissed about how they treated their patients anyways, and have found a much better obgyn now.

stillclever17

@icecubeinthedesert Make time for yourself however you can. I hate that you are feeling down, but you have every right to be. Take care of yourself.

@doxiemoxie212 Have fun in Amsterdam. I'm so glad your classes are bringing you joy. It will be super interesting to see what your cycle does with the deodorant change! How interesting!

@madspunk Not wanting to deal with all the treatments again is totally understandable. You have been through a lot and it sucks that you have to do it all again. I sincerely hope you only have to do it one more time. 

***TW It looks like I'm maybe not benched after all. I'm cautiously optimistic due to 3 days of positive OPKs (CD 39!Yikes!) . We'll see if my temps confirm O. PCOS likes to fake you out... end TW***

doxiemoxie212

@soemthingclever well so far it has refused to give clear signs of ovulation and it's spotted more than it's done anything else! I doubt it's deodorant related, just a funny (funny?) coincidence I guess. Sigh.