Waiting Room Wednesday March 15

glitzandglitter

***General TW that this thread might contain discussions mentioning MC and loss.***

Welcome to Waiting Room Wednesday!

You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons

TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________ 

Are you benched or TTA? 

What brings you here? 

How long do you think you'll be here? 

How have things been going?

Any R/R?

GTKY: What is your biggest pet peeve?

glitzandglitter

Are you benched or TTA? 

TTA

What brings you here? 

Grad school and DH's timeline

How long do you think you'll be here? 

May

How have things been going?

Ok - I have had more downtime this week than other weeks- which I needed but it is giving me extra time to think. 

Any R/R?

I am so tired!! I woke up at 2 am and couldn't fall back asleep until 5 and had to get up at 7. 
It is really hard not having someone IRL to talk to about waiting to TTC and eventually TTC. I was talking to DH last night but I don't think he really gets it 

GTKY: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Bad drivers and parents who let their kids run wild all over the store

notthefather

I'm so sorry you're having a rough week @glitzandglitter. It can really be hard and, like you said, it's difficult to talk to people about it. Hope you get some sleep and are able to get back up on your feet. Don't forget you can always rant here! 

Are you benched or TTA? Avoiding

What brings you here? Waiting on my husband to be ready 

How long do you think you'll be here? Hopefully  no longer than May

How have things been going? Better this week. I was having a rough time last week but have had a good rebound. 

Any R/R? Rant: The weather here has been 70 and sunny for weeks. This week is spring break and it's 40 and raining/snowing. It's so miserable outside we haven't wanted to go anywhere or do anything. But, I mean, I'm getting paid to sit at home. I can't complain too much  

GTKY: What is your biggest pet peeve? Oh man, so many! I need to lighten up. 
Things that come to mind:
Hanging out with people and they stare at their phones the whole time. 
People who use the Snapchat "pretty" filter for every single picture they take. 

CecilB93

Edit: TTA

DH isn't ready to try for #2

Until I can convince him? Lol, most likely August

Actually fairly well this week! I feel like the last two weeks or so I could feel my depression trying to pop up, and I'm not sure why but I feel good today at least!

No r/r

GTKY: Bad grammar/wrong word usage!! My MIL is bad about this; half instead of have, I seen instead of I saw or I have seen, then the typical your/you're and there/they're/their. 

glitzandglitter

@notthefather - thanks I am so thankful that I found TB and that I can talk with people who really get it.
I don't get the snap chat selfie obsession at all. 

@CecilB93 - benched is typically reserved for those who are not TTC due to medical reasons. **TW - such as waiting after a MC** end TW** Some people would find you saying you are benched as insensitive to those who are benched because of medical reasons. I understand where you are coming from. The wait is hard especially when you are ready but you are unable to TTC because of DH but according to TB standards that would qualify you for TTA status. Please don't read this as me trying to be board police - that is not what this is. Just wanted you to be aware how others might interpret your post.
On a different note - bad grammar drives me crazy too!

CecilB93

@glitzandglitter that was a typo!! I'm sorry. I really do know the difference, I usually put TTA so idk where my brain was. I guess I shouldn't Bump that early

glitzandglitter

@cecilB93 - no worries and in the spirit of full disclosure I was only half paying attention  a few weeks ago and made the same mistake myself.

ChloandCoco

@glitzandglitter - I find it really hard to talk to my DH about waiting to TTC too. If you ever need to talk, the ladies here are more all seem very supportive and understand what you are going through.

@notthefather - Yay for getting paid to stay home!

@cecilB93 - I really hate it when people say "I seen". Luckily, no one in my immediate circle of friends or family say it.

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Waiting until the end of next month when DH and I agreed would be the best time to start TTC.

How long do you think you'll be here? Until mid or end of April depending on when my cycle.

How have things been going? Pretty good, it's starting to feel like spring outside, which is really exciting. 

Any R/R? Rant - I think DD is starting the 18-month sleep regression and I'm hoping she will go back to being a good sleeper soon. 

GTKY: What is your biggest pet peeve? People who leave their clothes on the floor. 

fishee333

@ChloandCoco Oh no, there's an 18 month sleep regression?? Does it ever end??? Ahhh

@notthefather People staring at their phones while we are trying to hang out really bugs me too!!!

Are you benched or TTA? Waiting for my period to come back. Still breastfeeding.

What brings you here?  Babies on the brain, I'm getting impatient about waiting.

How long do you think you'll be here? We can hopefully start trying in May

How have things been going? I've had a rough week. DD got her first ear infection, so she has been miserable and not sleeping. It's so sad to see her in pain! Thankfully she likes the taste of her medicine. She is SUCH a picky eater but for some reason she just slurps down that medicine. I wish it had some nutritional value hah

Any R/R? I kind of already ranted. But also, I'm sick of this winter. Spring, where are you??

GTKY: What is your biggest pet peeve? People ignoring my LO because they are on their phone

glitzandglitter

@ChloandCoco - Thank you for the support. You ladies keep me sane I hope she gets back to her regular sleep pattern soon!
@fishee333 - Oh no! I am so sorry about DD. It is rough having a little one sick I hope she feels better soon! 

notthefather

@ChloandCoco: You have all my sympathies with the sleep regression. My daughter has always struggled with sleep and it's incredible how sleep deprivation affects so much of life. Wishing you long naps soon. 
@fishee333: I'm so sorry! Sick babies are the worst. At least the medicine is going well. That's usually a challenge for us. 

UterusesBeforeDuderuses

On the subject of talking to people about TTC I'll pose a question, are you all telling anyone about your timeline or do you plan to share with anyone when you are actively TTC? I am not, but I am surprised by some of the people I know that share this kind of stuff. Also the people who keep flat out asking me when were planning to have kids. It makes me want to say awkward things back to make them feel uncomfortable.

Anyway...

Are you benched or TTA?  TTA

What brings you here? Just waiting until May!

How long do you think you'll be here? May is our agreed upon timeline and coincides with some financial goals. 

How have things been going? Good! I think being active here is really helpful in terms of the waiting game. Not talking about it IRL makes me feel more anxious so it is nice to have an outlet!

Any R/R? Nah!

GTKY: What is your biggest pet peeve? To add to the bad grammar... I hate when people say "on today." Like: "I will do that on today." No, you won't. You will do it today. Also when people tell you they are just leaving AFTER the time you were supposed to meet. For realz? Is my time really that invaluable that you couldn't have warned me earlier than this??

notthefather

UterusesBeforeDuderuses said:

On the subject of talking to people about TTC I'll pose a question, are you all telling anyone about your timeline or do you plan to share with anyone when you are actively TTC? I am not, but I am surprised by some of the people I know that share this kind of stuff. Also the people who keep flat out asking me when were planning to have kids. It makes me want to say awkward things back to make them feel uncomfortable.

I almost started a discussion on this exact topic. Two of my closest friends have been kind enough to listen to me whine about having to wait so long for another baby. I don't mention it to anyone else and try to brush off the frequent "when are you having another?" questions with a non-commital response. I know people mean well but it's really annoying when there is nothing I want more. 
I also have a hard time talking about it with my husband. I'm always afraid of pressuring him or annoying him so I try to play it cool and not harras him about it too frequently. I know that when he's ready he'll talk. My May timeline is purely a guess based on recent conversations we have had. I really need to curb my expectations in case he needs more time. FTR: I'm not at all a pushover in our relationship. This is the one decision we both need to agree on 100% without pressure. 

As as far as actively TTC, I definitely won't be making it public knowledge. Last time my husband  proudly announced we were trying (why?!?!) and it was super awkward for me. I will certainly tell my 2 friends that I've cried to for years but that may be it. I probably won't go out of my way to tell my other super close friends but won't deny it if they ask. 

glitzandglitter

notthefather said:

UterusesBeforeDuderuses said:

On the subject of talking to people about TTC I'll pose a question, are you all telling anyone about your timeline or do you plan to share with anyone when you are actively TTC? I am not, but I am surprised by some of the people I know that share this kind of stuff. Also the people who keep flat out asking me when were planning to have kids. It makes me want to say awkward things back to make them feel uncomfortable.

I almost started a discussion on this exact topic. Two of my closest friends have been kind enough to listen to me whine about having to wait so long for another baby. I don't mention it to anyone else and try to brush off the frequent "when are you having another?" questions with a non-commital response. I know people mean well but it's really annoying when there is nothing I want more. 
I also have a hard time talking about it with my husband. I'm always afraid of pressuring him or annoying him so I try to play it cool and not harras him about it too frequently. I know that when he's ready he'll talk. My May timeline is purely a guess based on recent conversations we have had. I really need to curb my expectations in case he needs more time. FTR: I'm not at all a pushover in our relationship. This is the one decision we both need to agree on 100% without pressure. 

As as far as actively TTC, I definitely won't be making it public knowledge. Last time my husband  proudly announced we were trying (why?!?!) and it was super awkward for me. I will certainly tell my 2 friends that I've cried to for years but that may be it. I probably won't go out of my way to tell my other super close friends but won't deny it if they ask. 

@notthefather - EXACTLY!! Thank God my DH can't read my mind - I spend a ton of time thinking about it and every now and then I go down the rabbit hole of 'if we get pregnant on this date then I can have X due date' It would be way too intense for him lol.

@UterusesBeforeDuderuses - no we aren't really telling anyone. I have one good friend where she directly asked me and in a moment of weakness I told her maybe this summer we would TTC. But she is awesome in that she won't bug me and press me about if I am or not. It has not been brought up since that day a few months ago. I also have a friend who lives in another state that knows but she is also really sensitive and I know she would not be bringing it up constantly. Both of these friends it was really a one time conversation so there really isn't anyone IRL I talk to about TTC.  Other than that no one knows. There are some ladies at work who ask me at least once a month when I am having another I just laugh it off and say my hands are pretty full already. We have never told anyone in my family when we were trying so we won't this time either.
I do find it hard at times because I do feel like there is no one I can really talk to about it. I am very thankful for you ladies otherwise I would really have no one to talk to.

ChloandCoco

@uterusesbeforeduderuses - I shared my TTC timeline with two of my friends IRL. But one of them moved to europe for the next 6 months and the other found out that she won't be able to have a third baby. So talking to them about TTC is a little bit harder now. And because this is our last one, I wish that I had a close friend that could be as excited about it as I am. 

I have had people bring up age gaps in front of me, but no one has asked me straight up when we were going to have another. 

@glitzandglitter - I calculate due dates all the time! It would probably freak out my DH too if he found out how often I thought about this. Haha!

UterusesBeforeDuderuses

Haha I totally did the due date thing the other night, I wasn't sure how H would respond. It was something like, "Depending on if we get pregnant, I might not have to do X at work next year!" He was just like "huh...weird!" Lol. So I'm with everyone regarding not wanting to totally freak out H!

maureenmce

Guys, I'm such a planner/psychopath, that I literally did the calculate my due date thing for every month from May-December based on my menstrual cycle app.  Like, I have a chart on our fridge with rough EDDs, lol.  I am uh, pretty baby crazy at the moment!  But I work freelance and it's helpful for me to visualize something like oh, if we got pregnant in May it'd be Feb 2nd, give or take a couple weeks.

Luckily, DH is on the same baby crazy page and sent me a sad face text that our DD is now 2nd oldest in her infant class at daycare.  Cannot wait for May!  

rooonilwaazlib

UterusesBeforeDuderuses said:

On the subject of talking to people about TTC I'll pose a question, are you all telling anyone about your timeline or do you plan to share with anyone when you are actively TTC? I am not, but I am surprised by some of the people I know that share this kind of stuff. Also the people who keep flat out asking me when were planning to have kids. It makes me want to say awkward things back to make them feel uncomfortable.

THIS!!!  It's one thing to have my mother and MIL constantly dropping "hints" about becoming grandmothers, but a complete other thing when one of my friends (who doesn't even want kids herself) asks me every few months when we're having kids.  Like helloooo you divorced your husband because he wanted kids and you didn't.  Why do you keep pestering me!  

We're a SS couple and will likely start trying sometime later this year, but it's obnoxious to have people keep bugging us.  The only one who REALLY knows details about our timeline is my best friend, who is also planning the same timeline.  And another couple who are our BFFs are trying now, so we're picking their brain when necessary.  But I don't want to start having the entire world wondering if I'm pregnant or not -- jeeez that pressure!  

rooonilwaazlib

Are you benched or TTA? 

If you consider the fact that we're two women with no access to sperm "benched" then that's us!

What brings you here? 

Wanting to build a community of support for myself because my wife and I will be TTC later this year (fingers crossed!)

How long do you think you'll be here? 

I'm hoping to go through bloodwork, etc. and start TTC by August of this year

How have things been going?

My wife is slowly easing her own anxiety about being a first-time parent.  She read an article all on her own (for first time dads/partners) about easing some of the common fears when TTC and prepping.  I feel really grateful that she's doing this on her own!  I would start TTC yesterday if it were only up to me.  She's the more sensible one - worried about having enough money and being emotionally ready.  The articles spoke about how no one is ever REALLY ready, but the things you can do to prep....well I'm sure you all know the deal.  But this is a big breakthrough for her...and for us!

Any R/R?

That donor sperm costs so much $$$

GTKY: What is your biggest pet peeve?
People being consistently late for things.  Set an alarm and be a grown up!

notthefather

@maureenmce: I'm the same way, just in secret  It would be best for our work schedules to be trying now but obviously that's not happening. 

@lala2moms2be: It definitely sucks waiting for a partner's timeline. There are several of us in the same boat. Glad to hear your wife is reading/researching on her own! I just hate that it will be a more complicated and expensive process for you once you are both ready. 

My parents play it cool even though, if we have another one, it will be their last grand child. There's an excellent chance it will be the last grandchild on my husband's side as well. My mother in law is not so subtle. She flat out told my husband we needed to hurry up so she can still play with the kid before she's too old. 

glitzandglitter

@maureenmce - I hide my crazy in my journal. DS1 can read and my mom watches the boys from time to time so I need to be able to hide it.
@lala2moms2be - I think that is great she is doing her own research I have been waiting on DH to come around for about a year. Waiting on someone else to be ready is rough!