What would the world look like without you?

[Deleted User]

I thought this might be an interesting exercise today!

We do a lot - more than we know, I think.  So in this post please write down all the things your significant other would have to do if you disappeared.  Also if you work outside of the home please write down how your male coworkers would have to compensate if all the women who worked at your company suddenly disappeared.

Even if you can't strike today, this is an interesting thing to think about!

[Deleted User]

H would have to:
Sweep all the hard floors
Vacuum all the carpets
Clean the kitchen, bathroom sink/counters
Clean the kitchen table
Dust the whole house
Water all the plants
Pay the phone bill
Pay the car insurance
Pay the mortgage and HOA
Get and sort the mail
Pick up dog poo
Feed the dogs
Buy gifts for people
Organize events with his friends
Keep the house organized (donate old clothes, books, etc)


I'm a teacher, and if all the female teachers at my school disappeared the male teachers would have to:
Have classes of like... 300 students
Go back to school to get an art degree - bachelors and masters (the only art teachers at my school are women)
Put together demonstrations of techniques
Put together presentations on artists and art movements
Create POs for purchasing art supplies
Order supplies from companies as well as go out and buy supplies in person, on their own time
Fill out paperwork for evidence of all expenses
Set up field trips - pay for the venue, fill out paperwork, pay for and schedule the bus, find coverage for the day
Grade all student projects
Grade all writing assignments
Consistently monitor and correct student technique 
Post grades online
Respond to parent emails and calls
Reach out to parents of students who are struggling
Organize all supplies that get messed up through the day, semester, year
Re order supplies when it gets low (without letting it actually run out!)
Attend all IEP meetings with other teachers, the parents, the student, counselors, etc

hartmich

Oh my God, my poor H would not function without me - and he admits and recognizes it 100%. I do everything (pay all the bills, take care of the household stuff, laundry, groceries, etc). We are friends with another couple and the husband said he probably would sit in the dark and have no idea what to do with himself if he didn't have his wife coordinating everything, and that's definitely how it is in my house! 


I don't have any male coworkers (small business) so literally there would be no business if my partner and I didn't work...

ali_gator11

As a two-woman household, there would be no household without either of us!

As for my work.. I was thinking about this earlier.  I work in a doctor's office.  The only male staff I know of are a couple of the MA's and a couple doctors.  Without the women in my office, they would have to:
Schedule all the appointments
Check all the insurances
Check all patients in and out
Room and vital all the patients
Make their own referrals
Call other doctors themselves
Take all diagnostic testing themselves
Open and close the practice themselves
Keep the flow of patients moving and not get behind

I'm sure there's lots and lots more.  I texted my friend to tell her Happy International Woman's Day and reminded her that neither of our offices would run smoothly (or even at all) without the women who work there.

LoveInDC

It would be too much to list all I do for the household, but here's a fun example:

I posted on WTO yesterday that DH accidentally overslept. He relies on my alarm on my phone to wake him and since I didn't make sure he was fully awake, he slept straight through. Since he was home for no reason (wasn't sick, no appointments, etc.) I asked if he could do a Target run. Usually I am the one to do the Target runs during my lunch break. If I really beg, I can get him to go after work with me. You know what he says? "Wouldn't you rather go with me after you finish work?" Um... no? You think I enjoy running errands? You think I want to put on makeup and go through all that trouble so I can get you granola bars? He still didn't end up going until 6PM. At that point, I had nothing in the house to eat for dinner. He didn't get back until 8. And oh, did I mention? I still had to create a list for him because apparently he has no idea what food we eat.

If I didn't love him, I'd kill him. He gets the point after half a day of arguing, but he's 100% guilty of taking me for granted now and again.

[Deleted User]

@LoveInDC sounds like you need to take a week long girls trip sometime and let your H find out what a week without you would be like 

kiwi2628

If all the female veterinarians in the world disappeared, animal food manufacturing would instantly halt as male vets are becoming less and less common by the year and there would be no vets to oversee the slaughter-houses, production farms, test the milk, treat the cows, birth the baby animals. You dog or cat would have to find one of the few male vets, so you would have to possibly travel very far to find one, let alone one that you like (female vets are preferred by owners 4:1).

Therefore, if I and my other female vets left, you would have no steak, no eggs, no cheese, no bacon and Fluffy would get sick. Say goodbye to a carefree brunch!

[Deleted User]

I am so deeply impressed by you ladies.  I hope you take a moment of gratitude for yourselves today.  You all contribute so much - to your families, to your place of work, the economy, the country, the world.

LoveInDC

antoto said:

@LoveInDC sounds like you need to take a week long girls trip sometime and let your H find out what a week without you would be like 

Haha if only that would work. I was gone 5 days last spring for a conference. He spent most days over his parents' house (They live in our neighborhood and his mom loves cooking for us/him) Before we got together, he ate Wawa most nights. I will give him credit, he can keep a place tidy and pay the bills, but dude will seriously find any way too keep from running errands or cooking.

RVAmom315

H would pretty much have to do everything:
Pay all the bills
Make all appointments (he needs me to text him to remind him to call the doc) including ones for himself, DS, the pets, things for the house, the cars, get taxes done, etc 
Do the laundry
Do the grocery shopping
Change the cats litter
Sweep, dust
Buy incedentals (toothpaste, laundry detergent, toilet paper, garbage bags, etc - you know stuff that always magically replenishes itself)
Dress, feed DS, buy his clothes, bathe him, get him ready for school, go to school events, parent teacher meetings 

At work I run the office so basically my co workers would have to do all admin - answer phones, open mail, pay bills, process contracts, pull materials for events, do mailings, answer general email, organize files, input information into databases, do program books and invitations for events

Great exercise @antoto

I know many of us are aware of how much we do on a daily basis but when you list it out...

icecubeinthedesert

@antoto, thanks this is a neat and empowering idea!

I don't know that I can list all the things I do around the house (laundry, dishes, cooking, and taking care of the dog's messes are probably the major ones), but I think most importantly, I'm more or less DH's therapist. He talks to me about his frustrations with work, family, etc, and I help to calm him down, decide how to handle problems, and try to give him lessons in how not to let all these little things bother him so much. It's probably my most stressful job, and I honestly don't know how DH would survive without me. And I mean that in the most literal sense. 

At work, I work for two men, but in the lab it's mostly women. Also, I work in women's cancers research, so it really helps to have a woman talking to the survivors and donors. I'm lucky to work in an environment where women are really supported just as much as the men. I've worked at less supportive places, and it just seems to breed competition, mistrust, and poor morale.

PS, my boss just checked in on me to see how I'm feeling after being out for two days. Not trying to pressure me or anything, just wanted to help me out with my work. I love my job.

hartmich

@loveindc I think I've said this before, but our H's sound soooo similiar. If I ask him to do anything "extra" it's the biggest deal! Having him run into the store for one thing is like I asked him to cure cancer. 

[Deleted User]

@icecubeinthedesert Oh snap that's such a good point you make!  I have done a lot of the same "work" with H.  When I first met him he was shoulder deep in CC debt and couldn't commit to ANYTHING.  Of course this stuff works both ways in a marriage, but sometimes that emotional/ethical/moral support can be just as or more exhausting than doing stuff around the house.

SoraLk

Fiance would have to:
Work harder to be able to afford current home and bills - he's currently part time to pay for his debt and will help out every other week with groceries, while I pay rent and bills.
Care for the Cat.
Learn how to do the Laundry.
Clean house.

Things he normally shares responsibility with me:
Dishes
Garbage
Cooking

As for work we are pretty good at splitting work loads, but each of us do have our specialties. Half of the QA group would be gone, so they'd have to pick up testing the programs that were always auto assigned to me or my coworker.

LoveInDC

hartmich said:

@loveindc I think I've said this before, but our H's sound soooo similiar. If I ask him to do anything "extra" it's the biggest deal! Having him run into the store for one thing is like I asked him to cure cancer. 

YESSS! Every once in a while I have this revelation: When did this become my responsibility? When did we decide that running errands is my responsibility and mine alone? What if I just assumed he was keeping track of the food, and toiletries, and the cleaning supplies, etc. etc. and just complained to him when things were gone? He would get caught so off guard. He'd probably ask if we could go together and get his panties in a twist if I told him he had to go alone because I didn't feel like it. And yet, this is the life I'm living. Sigh.

RVAmom315

@LoveInDC Preach girl.  My DH would be the same way

pebbledam

My H would apparently die from the cold that I gave him because he seriously wouldn't make a doctor's appointment. After getting tired of hearing him complain for the 9th day in a row, I told him 3 times to just go to the doctor if he was so worried. After the 3rd time he asked me to make him an appointment for Friday over his lunch break. Oh, and this man cold prevented us from going to Epcot on vacation last week. 

On another note, I think women make up about 40% of the people in My department at work, so there would be a lot of OT called if we all called in. Out in the field is dominated by men, though, so they wouldn't miss us much.  

ETA because my phone's autocorrect like a to exagerate numbers and DH had not been sick for 95 days. 

hartmich

@loveindc Yuppppp I hear you. It's crazy, because it's not like H had a mother who did everything for him growing up... he had to be pretty self sufficient. But I've learned that I'm ok with it because 1. he will often express appreciation and 2. he admits that he can't survive without me, haha. 

AlohaKumu

Great topic, @antoto!

DH is a pretty resilient guy and he's truly a terrific partner. The military has trained him very well to be self-sufficient when it comes to the household chores, but he would definitely oversleep much more often if it wasn't for me. He also eats sooo much better since we got married and said he can no longer eat junk food because I've gotten him used to real, fresh foods. He also would probably still be in debt, living paycheck to paycheck, and not giving his education a second thought.

If it wasn't for women, the entire secondary English department at our school wouldn't exist and the other secondary departments would be patchy. Almost the entire elementary department would be gone. All of the leadership (principal, vice principal, curriculum director, and head counselor) at the school would vanish. The YWCA that partners with our school: gone. I already know what would happen if I left the school for the most part, as I spent a year abroad while teaching online and everyone said the school just wasn't the same.

I'm so thankful for all the amazing women leaders in my life. I would never be the person I am today if it wasn't for their support. I am also thankful for this wonderful group of women on the Bump! You are getting me through this tough time in our journey to have children and you are a great community of ladies.

Avrilmai

I like this.

at home, honestly not much would change for DH we split household responsibilities, each do our own laundry and clean. There would probably not be a lot of deep cleaning. He would probably forget to go places/do things because I'm the calendar in our house. I know that without me he would not have seen as much of the country/world as he has. I'm constantly pushing for our next great adventure. 

At work...everything would stop. All of the social workers are female, so there would be no therapy, no discharging, no assessments. Also, since I work for a hospital, the majority of the nurses would be gone too. In our department, with no female employees there would be two doctors, a small handful of nurses and I'm glad to say, no management. In one of the clinics we literally have one male employee. He would be there alone trying to do the jobs of 10 people.

WitandWhimsy

H is pretty self-sufficient too. We both do our fair share around our place. I'm very thankful for everything he does. We take turns cooking and cleaning, and whenever he is home on the weekends he lets me sleep in and he wakes up with the dogs.

That being said, he wouldn't be able to work the type of job he has without me, or he wouldn't have two loving fur babies. His job is constantly making him travel for days on end. He is 4 hours away right now until Friday.

The heart of my work is mostly everything the women do here. There would be no reception, payroll, our anyone to type up the reports for the insurance companies. Our adjusters are mostly men, and they work long hours most days. They probably wouldn't sleep if they had to do everything we do on a daily basis.

eggplantface

I don't do much around the house (we have a cleaning lady and H does the grocery shopping), but without me H would never get to be a dad! I'm the one making the appointments with the RE, getting monitored, getting the injections, making all the phone calls to pharmacies, picking up meds, PAYING FOR MEDS, and of course, ultimately birthing the child.

At work, these people would be lost. Without an editor they all sound like idiots. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Semi-colons are not fancy commas!

AlohaKumu

@eggplantface -- I'm going have to start saying that to my students! Oh, the horror of the semi-colons that I see.

magnolia131

I admit that DH and I have struck a mostly equal partnership around the house. He grew up with a single mom who worked a lot and is very savvy with typically domestic things.

I transitioned into the teaching profession recently (this school year) but until then managed a corporate accounting office for an auto group. The office was comprised entirely of women. Every time I hired a man, a higher ranking department would swoop in and recruit them to sales, finance, or something where they would make so much money that they'd be crazy to refuse (while we still made pennies in comparison). Other departments treated us like their personal secretaries and it was infuriating. Needless to say that without women they'd be without a payroll, insurance, HR, financial statements, and more. They'd be shut down within a month. 

Humble brag: when I was in that job I was selected for a year long training program in DC. Only 50 or so people are enrolled in this each year throughout the US and Canada and I was one of THREE women in the group. Combine this with the fact that I look 16, it was challenging to be taken seriously and made being away from home crazy hard- I wanted to quit terribly. I stuck it out, made a point to network, eventually got to work closely with lobbyists, and in the end it was just one of the coolest and most empowering things. It really made me a thousand times more appreciative of women who break barriers in male dominated careers because it is (unnecessarily) damn hard. 

@antoto this is an awesome thread   thank you.

jsnakehole

My school would probably cease to function because 90% of the staff are women. 

My husband probably would probably have gone the way of many veterans and had problems with drugs and alcohol. He can be impulsive, and I (or at least the idea of me, since he's currently away) keep him on track. He also probably wouldn't have roots anywhere or much stability. 

tamalahoops

@antoto this thread rocks.

My husband is super cool and we have a very equal partnership when it comes to running our household. There are very few chores that only one of us performs. We both cook, we both clean, we both run errands. Really the only thing would be grooming our dog. He'd have to pay someone to do that. 

At work is the opposite. I manage a large apartment community (200 + units) and have an all male staff that could not function without me. If you live in an apartment and hate the manager please know that you're not alone. Everyone hates us. Because we are solely responsible for everything that goes on on the property. The physical structures, the people that live there, the staff and all the outside vendors, alllll of the money (payable and receivable,) enforcing the lease, and so on and so on forever and ever. My job is everything. I'm not just picking up the phone and telling you to get rid of your gas grill, I'm also typing up financial reports, taking apart the water feature in front of the office to fix the waterfall, paying invoices and running to lowes for concrete....all before lunch. And the majority of property managers are women. If we all disappeared for a day the multifamily industry would completely fall apart.

justkeepswimming8

My husband almost cried at the grocery store when he went once instead of me. To be fair, they had just rearranged. He'd also only eat fast food and things out of cans (Spam gross!). I also wouldn't doubt if he still lived with his parents (he only moved out because we got together).