I thought this might be an interesting exercise today!
We do a lot - more than we know, I think. So in this post please write down all the things your significant other would have to do if you disappeared. Also if you work outside of the home please write down how your male coworkers would have to compensate if all the women who worked at your company suddenly disappeared.
Even if you can't strike today, this is an interesting thing to think about!
Re: What would the world look like without you?
Sweep all the hard floors
Vacuum all the carpets
Clean the kitchen, bathroom sink/counters
Clean the kitchen table
Dust the whole house
Water all the plants
Pay the phone bill
Pay the car insurance
Pay the mortgage and HOA
Get and sort the mail
Pick up dog poo
Feed the dogs
Buy gifts for people
Organize events with his friends
Keep the house organized (donate old clothes, books, etc)
I'm a teacher, and if all the female teachers at my school disappeared the male teachers would have to:
Have classes of like... 300 students
Go back to school to get an art degree - bachelors and masters (the only art teachers at my school are women)
Put together demonstrations of techniques
Put together presentations on artists and art movements
Create POs for purchasing art supplies
Order supplies from companies as well as go out and buy supplies in person, on their own time
Fill out paperwork for evidence of all expenses
Set up field trips - pay for the venue, fill out paperwork, pay for and schedule the bus, find coverage for the day
Grade all student projects
Grade all writing assignments
Consistently monitor and correct student technique
Post grades online
Respond to parent emails and calls
Reach out to parents of students who are struggling
Organize all supplies that get messed up through the day, semester, year
Re order supplies when it gets low (without letting it actually run out!)
Attend all IEP meetings with other teachers, the parents, the student, counselors, etc
I don't have any male coworkers (small business) so literally there would be no business if my partner and I didn't work...
As for my work.. I was thinking about this earlier. I work in a doctor's office. The only male staff I know of are a couple of the MA's and a couple doctors. Without the women in my office, they would have to:
Schedule all the appointments
Check all the insurances
Check all patients in and out
Room and vital all the patients
Make their own referrals
Call other doctors themselves
Take all diagnostic testing themselves
Open and close the practice themselves
Keep the flow of patients moving and not get behind
I'm sure there's lots and lots more. I texted my friend to tell her Happy International Woman's Day and reminded her that neither of our offices would run smoothly (or even at all) without the women who work there.
I posted on WTO yesterday that DH accidentally overslept. He relies on my alarm on my phone to wake him and since I didn't make sure he was fully awake, he slept straight through. Since he was home for no reason (wasn't sick, no appointments, etc.) I asked if he could do a Target run. Usually I am the one to do the Target runs during my lunch break. If I really beg, I can get him to go after work with me. You know what he says? "Wouldn't you rather go with me after you finish work?" Um... no? You think I enjoy running errands? You think I want to put on makeup and go through all that trouble so I can get you granola bars? He still didn't end up going until 6PM. At that point, I had nothing in the house to eat for dinner. He didn't get back until 8. And oh, did I mention? I still had to create a list for him because apparently he has no idea what food we eat.
If I didn't love him, I'd kill him. He gets the point after half a day of arguing, but he's 100% guilty of taking me for granted now and again.
Therefore, if I and my other female vets left, you would have no steak, no eggs, no cheese, no bacon and Fluffy would get sick. Say goodbye to a carefree brunch!
Pay all the bills
Make all appointments (he needs me to text him to remind him to call the doc) including ones for himself, DS, the pets, things for the house, the cars, get taxes done, etc
Do the laundry
Do the grocery shopping
Change the cats litter
Sweep, dust
Buy incedentals (toothpaste, laundry detergent, toilet paper, garbage bags, etc - you know stuff that always magically replenishes itself)
Dress, feed DS, buy his clothes, bathe him, get him ready for school, go to school events, parent teacher meetings
At work I run the office so basically my co workers would have to do all admin - answer phones, open mail, pay bills, process contracts, pull materials for events, do mailings, answer general email, organize files, input information into databases, do program books and invitations for events
Great exercise @antoto
I know many of us are aware of how much we do on a daily basis but when you list it out...
TTC #2 - August 2016
MFI
IUI #1-3 BFN
BFP 4/21/18 MMC 6/11/18
I don't know that I can list all the things I do around the house (laundry, dishes, cooking, and taking care of the dog's messes are probably the major ones), but I think most importantly, I'm more or less DH's therapist. He talks to me about his frustrations with work, family, etc, and I help to calm him down, decide how to handle problems, and try to give him lessons in how not to let all these little things bother him so much. It's probably my most stressful job, and I honestly don't know how DH would survive without me. And I mean that in the most literal sense.
At work, I work for two men, but in the lab it's mostly women. Also, I work in women's cancers research, so it really helps to have a woman talking to the survivors and donors. I'm lucky to work in an environment where women are really supported just as much as the men. I've worked at less supportive places, and it just seems to breed competition, mistrust, and poor morale.
PS, my boss just checked in on me to see how I'm feeling after being out for two days. Not trying to pressure me or anything, just wanted to help me out with my work. I love my job.
Me: 30 | DH: 31
Met: August 2006
Married: July 2012
TTC #1 since June 2016
***TW***
BFP: 7/12/16 | MC: 9/12/16
BFP: 1/18/17 | MMC: 2/13/17
BFP: 10/7/17 | EDD: 6/21/17
MTHFR: homozygous A1298C
Work harder to be able to afford current home and bills - he's currently part time to pay for his debt and will help out every other week with groceries, while I pay rent and bills.
Care for the Cat.
Learn how to do the Laundry.
Clean house.
Things he normally shares responsibility with me:
Dishes
Garbage
Cooking
As for work we are pretty good at splitting work loads, but each of us do have our specialties. Half of the QA group would be gone, so they'd have to pick up testing the programs that were always auto assigned to me or my coworker.
**TW in Spoiler**
BFP 6/30/16, MC 8/21/16
BFP 05/04/17, 5/10/17 Emergency LAP due to ectopic. Right tube removed.
BFP 07/12/17, ECDD 03/25/18 - Silver Orion Born 3/23/18
BFP 09/30/19, EDD 06/11/20
TTC #2 - August 2016
MFI
IUI #1-3 BFN
BFP 4/21/18 MMC 6/11/18
On another note, I think women make up about 40% of the people in My department at work, so there would be a lot of OT called if we all called in. Out in the field is dominated by men, though, so they wouldn't miss us much.
ETA because my phone's autocorrect like a to exagerate numbers and DH had not been sick for 95 days.
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
DH is a pretty resilient guy and he's truly a terrific partner. The military has trained him very well to be self-sufficient when it comes to the household chores, but he would definitely oversleep much more often if it wasn't for me. He also eats sooo much better since we got married and said he can no longer eat junk food because I've gotten him used to real, fresh foods. He also would probably still be in debt, living paycheck to paycheck, and not giving his education a second thought.
If it wasn't for women, the entire secondary English department at our school wouldn't exist and the other secondary departments would be patchy. Almost the entire elementary department would be gone. All of the leadership (principal, vice principal, curriculum director, and head counselor) at the school would vanish. The YWCA that partners with our school: gone. I already know what would happen if I left the school for the most part, as I spent a year abroad while teaching online and everyone said the school just wasn't the same.
I'm so thankful for all the amazing women leaders in my life. I would never be the person I am today if it wasn't for their support. I am also thankful for this wonderful group of women on the Bump! You are getting me through this tough time in our journey to have children and you are a great community of ladies.
TTC since June 2016
Azoospermia diagnosis (zero count) Dec 2016
AZFc chromosome microdeletion discovery March 2017
Unsuccessful TESE for DH in August 2017
October 2017 IVF with donor sperm
29R, 24M, 16F, 2d5, 4d6 (6 embryos total)
Only 3 could have PGS. 2/3 normal. 5 embies frozen
12/15/17 FET #1 (1 embryo)--CP
2/7/17 FET #2 (2 embryos)--BFN
Chronic endometritis diagnosis May 2018
ERA Sept 2018--borderline receptive--12 more hours of progesterone
Abnormal SIS Oct 2018
Repeat hysteroscopy Nov 1. Treated recurring endometritis.
12/4/18 FET #3 (2 embryos)--BFN
Our journey has come to an end.
at home, honestly not much would change for DH we split household responsibilities, each do our own laundry and clean. There would probably not be a lot of deep cleaning. He would probably forget to go places/do things because I'm the calendar in our house. I know that without me he would not have seen as much of the country/world as he has. I'm constantly pushing for our next great adventure.
At work...everything would stop. All of the social workers are female, so there would be no therapy, no discharging, no assessments. Also, since I work for a hospital, the majority of the nurses would be gone too. In our department, with no female employees there would be two doctors, a small handful of nurses and I'm glad to say, no management. In one of the clinics we literally have one male employee. He would be there alone trying to do the jobs of 10 people.
TTC#1 10/2016
TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each.
BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021
planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks,
some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
That being said, he wouldn't be able to work the type of job he has without me, or he wouldn't have two loving fur babies. His job is constantly making him travel for days on end. He is 4 hours away right now until Friday.
The heart of my work is mostly everything the women do here. There would be no reception, payroll, our anyone to type up the reports for the insurance companies. Our adjusters are mostly men, and they work long hours most days. They probably wouldn't sleep if they had to do everything we do on a daily basis.
At work, these people would be lost. Without an editor they all sound like idiots. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Semi-colons are not fancy commas!
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
TTC since June 2016
Azoospermia diagnosis (zero count) Dec 2016
AZFc chromosome microdeletion discovery March 2017
Unsuccessful TESE for DH in August 2017
October 2017 IVF with donor sperm
29R, 24M, 16F, 2d5, 4d6 (6 embryos total)
Only 3 could have PGS. 2/3 normal. 5 embies frozen
12/15/17 FET #1 (1 embryo)--CP
2/7/17 FET #2 (2 embryos)--BFN
Chronic endometritis diagnosis May 2018
ERA Sept 2018--borderline receptive--12 more hours of progesterone
Abnormal SIS Oct 2018
Repeat hysteroscopy Nov 1. Treated recurring endometritis.
12/4/18 FET #3 (2 embryos)--BFN
Our journey has come to an end.
I transitioned into the teaching profession recently (this school year) but until then managed a corporate accounting office for an auto group. The office was comprised entirely of women. Every time I hired a man, a higher ranking department would swoop in and recruit them to sales, finance, or something where they would make so much money that they'd be crazy to refuse (while we still made pennies in comparison). Other departments treated us like their personal secretaries and it was infuriating. Needless to say that without women they'd be without a payroll, insurance, HR, financial statements, and more. They'd be shut down within a month.
Humble brag: when I was in that job I was selected for a year long training program in DC. Only 50 or so people are enrolled in this each year throughout the US and Canada and I was one of THREE women in the group. Combine this with the fact that I look 16, it was challenging to be taken seriously and made being away from home crazy hard- I wanted to quit terribly. I stuck it out, made a point to network, eventually got to work closely with lobbyists, and in the end it was just one of the coolest and most empowering things. It really made me a thousand times more appreciative of women who break barriers in male dominated careers because it is (unnecessarily) damn hard.
@antoto this is an awesome thread thank you.
My husband probably would probably have gone the way of many veterans and had problems with drugs and alcohol. He can be impulsive, and I (or at least the idea of me, since he's currently away) keep him on track. He also probably wouldn't have roots anywhere or much stability.
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
My husband is super cool and we have a very equal partnership when it comes to running our household. There are very few chores that only one of us performs. We both cook, we both clean, we both run errands. Really the only thing would be grooming our dog. He'd have to pay someone to do that.
At work is the opposite. I manage a large apartment community (200 + units) and have an all male staff that could not function without me. If you live in an apartment and hate the manager please know that you're not alone. Everyone hates us. Because we are solely responsible for everything that goes on on the property. The physical structures, the people that live there, the staff and all the outside vendors, alllll of the money (payable and receivable,) enforcing the lease, and so on and so on forever and ever. My job is everything. I'm not just picking up the phone and telling you to get rid of your gas grill, I'm also typing up financial reports, taking apart the water feature in front of the office to fix the waterfall, paying invoices and running to lowes for concrete....all before lunch. And the majority of property managers are women. If we all disappeared for a day the multifamily industry would completely fall apart.
Married May 2014
TTC # 2 Since December 2021
Baby girl W born 2/2021
Our journey so far...
(tw loss & infertility)
Working with an RE since March 2016
2 failed TI cycles
3 failed IUI cycles
IVF Feb - April 2017
23 eggs collected, 20 mature, 14 fertilized with ICSI, 4 day 3 blasts, 3 day 5 blasts, 1 PGS normal
Transferred 1 PGS normal embryo 4.12.17
BFP 4.21.17
MMC due to small gestational sac 6.8.17
Our adoption journey:
12.25.18 Agency picked and apps submitted!
5.1.19 Adoption on hold so we can buy a house!
1.1.20 Homestudy process started
3.14.20 First social worker visit
5.25.20 Homestudy Approved & Submitted to Agency
6.1.20 Surprise! Positive pregnancy test!
Healthy baby girl born 2/10/2021
Married: August 2014
TTC #1: February 2017 - BFP 7/28/17; EDD 4/8/18; DD born 4/7/18
TTC #2: February 2019