Ask a STM+ (aka the Stupid Questions Thread)

bluejeanbabi05

@riverraine this isn't going to be super encouraging news, and hopefully it's different for you, but I confirmed today that my ob office just collects the prepayment as an estimate after a brief "hypothetical" conversation with BCBS, and keeps it. They don't bill insurance until delivery- because they can't, per insurance policy. Which makes sense, because who knows what's actually going to happen IRL. So BCBS has nothing to do with that bill until the actual delivery. What that means is if you start your deductible over before delivery, the insurance company will bill on the date of service and use the deductible and OOP that applies to that date.

eta: this info is coming after a convo with BCBS, and my ob office confirmed

eta: that was a really long and convoluted way for me to say that generally, in most cases, services are billed with insurance at the date of the actual service. And whatever deductible you have at that time will apply. Even if you prepay, that was just an estimate. 

canonmom413

@bluejeanbabi05 I'm actually nervous for how my insurance is going to work. I don't have copays. I am responsible for 20% of my maternity care and delivery costs. I have yet to get a bill from my OB for my first appt last month or my lab work. I'm not going to call my insurance either because ignorance is bliss right now lol but I am fearful there will be an appt where they're like" that'll be a million dollars please!"  Our insurance changeover year is in June. So we won't meet our deductible by October obviously. It's pretty high. 

I had different insurance with my girls when my husbands employer actually cared about his employees. He even took away paid sick days. If they miss a day it's a loss of pay. For any reason. Personal sick bereavement etc 

edit: words 

riverrainez

@bluejeanbabi05 Hmm, I just got off the phone with insurance (also have BCBS) and they said they'll apply the global fee toward my deductible as of the date they receive the claim, which is the 8th month of pregnancy in my case, not by the date of the procedures. For me this is good news, since the global bill and delivery costs will all be in the same insurance year.

bluejeanbabi05

Ahh @riverraine I think I misunderstood your original comment. You want the other charges to be applied in the same insurance year as your delivery, so later than the actual procedure. That makes total sense! I was more saying I don't think it's possible to file a claim before the actual procedure takes place.

Either way, even if that's not the right reading, I'm glad it's going to work out for you!!! And it just shows the arbitrariness of insurance, lol.

riverrainez

@bluejeanbabi05  It's so arbitrary and so confusing! I'm just glad it came up here because it motivated me to actually get on the phone and figure it out rather than wondering/stressing for the next few months.

dogperson11

canonmom413 said:

@bluejeanbabi05 I'm actually nervous for how my insurance is going to work. I don't have copays. I am responsible for 20% of my maternity care and delivery costs. I have yet to get a bill from my OB for my first appt last month or my lab work. I'm not going to call my insurance either because ignorance is bliss right now lol but I am fearful there will be an appt where they're like" that'll be a million dollars please!"  Our insurance changeover year is in June. So we won't meet our deductible by October obviously. It's pretty high. 

I had different insurance with my girls when my husbands employer actually cared about his employees. He even took away paid sick days. If they miss a day it's a loss of pay. For any reason. Personal sick bereavement etc 

edit: words 

You'll be responsible for the deductible plus 20% after deductible until your max out of pocket is met. I had awful insurance with DD1 and we paid $6,000 out of pocket. We had to finance it and joked that she would be repoed

yasandson

I got one! Sorry if it was already asked, as i really tried to go over all 8 pages from mobile app. 
To all u mamaz who gave birth vaginally, and who only allowed DH to be in delivery room with you... Did you let him see (also did he want to?) when baby was coming out or did you prefer keeping him by your side to squeeze his hand? 

dogperson11

yasandson said:

I got one! Sorry if it was already asked, as i really tried to go over all 8 pages from mobile app. 
To all u mamaz who gave birth vaginally, and who only allowed DH to be in delivery room with you... Did you let him see (also did he want to?) when baby was coming out or did you prefer keeping him by your side to squeeze his hand? 

Your vag will be close enough to the rest of your body that he will be able to see if he wants to. My husband hadnt planned to look but saw the whole thing (chose to).

beezeee

@yasandson my DH went into it planning to stay near my head and avoid watching. It didn't matter to me either way. He ended up seeing everything, and I think the only way to avoid it would have been to close his eyes, lol. If you're concerned about it, don't be, because I gaurentee you will not care when it's happening.

natleilynn

@yasandson

I honestly have no clue what he did and by the time it was push time, I could not have cared less. haha

My number one "advice" - don't worry about the random little things because when push time comes, everything you thought you cared about fly out the window and all you're doing it focusing on getting that baby out! haha

ForwardnBackward

@yasandson
Hubs saw everything (including me poop a little bit).  When DS was crowning the RN wanted to show hubs the hair since he was born with a TON of it.  After that he was fine with being right there in the action helping with my leg positioning and got to observe the doctor's skills at delivering the baby with the cord wrapped around his neck twice (she couldn't unwrap, so had to deliver the baby through the cord (like the cord had to go down over his shoulders and torso and legs)

yasandson

I am not concerned about it i actually hoped i would get this as an answer... For some reason i was conviced there was some sort of sheet over ur leg to hide what was happening only for drs to see. Lol silly ftm idea... 
Im glad he'll get to see everything!  

Edited to add : regardless of how he feels about it loool
Thanks for answering/sharing mamaz! ❤️

jessafishy

@yasandson I had DH and my mom in the room with me. Mostly because DH gets weird about blood and hospital stuff and I didn't want him to pass out on me and then have no one else there supporting me. 

DH actually did GREAT and even though I didn't think he'd want to he did look when DS was crowning and then cut the cord. I was super impressed by him, he was awesome.

hippiegirl884

DH was in basic training for the first birth. Second one he was awesome and since we were in Germany there was no one else trying to be there. I gave birth mainly on all fours until the end when I flipped over on my back. He did say some stupid things but I also said some stupid things....like try to run away during active labor and ask for an epidural when baby was halfway out lol

natleilynn

jessafishy said:

@yasandson I had DH and my mom in the room with me. Mostly because DH gets weird about blood and hospital stuff and I didn't want him to pass out on me and then have no one else there supporting me. 

DH actually did GREAT and even though I didn't think he'd want to he did look when DS was crowning and then cut the cord. I was super impressed by him, he was awesome.

I was totally shocked by DH, too. I didn't think he'd pass out, but I didn't know how sympathetic/helpful he'd be, but he was super into it and incredibly supportive. It was probably some of our best moments of the entire pregnancy.

shan24

@yasandson I ended up having three doctors and two nurses in the room when DS was finally born, so SO was forced to stay up by my head. He says he didn't see the actual birth, but he saw enough to last a lifetime. I remember leaving the delivery room in the same pristine shape it was when I went in. SO says that was definitely not the case. 

riverrainez

I think DH envisioned being up by my head playing the support role, but as soon as push time came the nurse was like, "Get down here and hold a leg" and he was in the thick of it the whole time. Saw everything.

bluejeanbabi05

Alright, I'm just going to ask It. Everything down there goes back to normal, right? Eventually?

emwj10187

@reneeandbill I'm a FTM and responding to your question on 3/16 about living in a metropolitan area. I'm in NYC, living in Manhattan, and have zero plans to move for the next 5 years. We do have a 2 bedroom which helps elongate our stay in this apartment ( which i love). Eventually, our plan is to buy an apartment and not rent. Which will probably end up being smaller than the one we're living in now lol. I can't really answer your question on tips or advice for living in a busy city, but I can say you're not alone and I'm personally looking forward to raising this metro baby I city life

canonmom413

DH looked and saw everything. He said he could handle the baby. He could not handle he afterbirth. Not sure I would be able to handle that either haha I did see it in the pan after the fact ::barf::  but you're so focused on your new bundle it won't matter that its gross. 

beezeee

@bluejeanbabi05 I can only speak for myself, but yes, at least from what I can tell.

purplestarz

riverraine said:

I think DH envisioned being up by my head playing the support role, but as soon as push time came the nurse was like, "Get down here and hold a leg" and he was in the thick of it the whole time. Saw everything.

Same thing happened here. And I told him beforehand I didn't want him to look. But like others have said, when the time comes you won't care lol

The nurses also kept asking if I wanted a mirror to see myself and that was a definite NO.

ForwardnBackward

bluejeanbabi05 - for me yes... though it hasn't been the case for some of my friends (think bladder control)

jessafishy

@purplestars I also declined the vag mirror. No thank you. They also kept asking if I wanted to reach down and feel his head while he was crowning. No, I'll just wait until he's outside of my body, thanks.

@bluejeanbabi05 As far as I can tell everything is the same. DH hasn't said anything different. 

riverrainez

@bluejeanbabi05 Pretty much? I had a pretty bad tear and the doctor joked as she stitched it up, "Hey, it might not look exactly the same as it did before but you'll never know the difference." I inspected the area with a mirror a few weeks later and there was a jagged edge where it had once been smooth, but she was right, I haven't thought about it or noticed it since.

baker1jm2

@yasandson I told him to look...I wanted him to know what I had to go through...and it was a nice reminder when he was bugging me to have sex like 5 weeks later. I was like remember that child you saw come out of me..ya not happening dude

yasandson

baker1jm2 said:

@yasandson I told him to look...I wanted him to know what I had to go through...and it was a nice reminder when he was bugging me to have sex like 5 weeks later. I was like remember that child you saw come out of me..ya not happening dude


Stuck in the box.... But LOOOOL 

jessafishy

FFWC? I had sex at 3 weeks pp with my OB's blessing.

yenrec

@bluejeanbabi05 from my personal experience after a vaginal delivery, things do go back to normal down there. We didn't have sex until 6 weeks as normally suggested by OBs, and I had minimal tearing with only one stitch needed (so the doctor says lol) My jello-like belly skin also went back to normal with only walking as exercise, after about 10 months. Obviously each woman is different, but this was my personal experience! 

ETA: I never used a mirror to look down there after delivery. I was advised by other mamas not to. Just a personal choice. I felt like if I could feel everything was normal, I didn't need to go looking around

baker1jm2

@jessafishy yikes and it didn't hurt?  We tried at 6 weeks and it was really painful so we stopped and waited 2 more weeks.  I had stitches though.  

Myelhsa

@bluejeanbabi05 I'll be the scary one! As for me, sensations and sex feels the same as it did but mine does not look the same. Maybe I just spent too much time looking at my vagina but I have a noticeable scar (2nd degree tear) and things appear less tight around the opening (again, everything feels the same).

I also have bladder control issues and will pee if I sneeze too many times in a row or if I laugh really hard. Also, jumping jacks - nope.

natleilynn

@bluejeanbabi05 this might be TMI, but DH has zero complaints. We probably do it more post-baby than we did pre-baby and whatever stretches goes back to normal pretty quickly. We waited 6 weeks and the first time back was a little rough, but made do with lube & condoms (our birth control for awhile until we figured out what the next plan was going to be).

jessafishy

@baker1jm2 We went really slow and no it didn't hurt. I had very very minimal tearing (doc said not even a second degree) and it was all internal and mostly healed by my 3 week pp appointment. 

yasandson

Here's another one. Do you feel yourself tearing? Or are you focus on other sensations baby coming out makes you feel? I know this might sound silly.

canonmom413

@yasandson
With DD1 I was so numb from the epi that I didnt feel anything . All I felt was a gush and a sensation of like taking out a tampon (thats like 50x's the size). This was also the reason I had a hard time pushing. I couldn't tell if I was pushing hard enough because I didn't feel much. But she was a teeny 6lb 1oz-er so we super quick to deliver.

With DD2 the epi started to wear off. So while I wasnt feeling the contractions anymore, I felt all of the burning and stretching. I did not feel myself tear (they actually cut me slightly so I wouldnt tear and no I did not feel that). But her head was pretty big even as a 6lb 10oz-er (9 oz bigger than her sister), all I felt was burning. That was probably from her hair too. Pushing her out was definitely painful with the epi wearing off, but I was actually able to feel myself pushing the right way.

jessafishy

@yasandson It just feels like pressure and then a ring of fire. Literally it feels like a ring of fire.

I didn't have an epidural, just some fentanyl and that had worn off by the time I got to the pushing.

Mommaswizz

I didnt feel the tearing while it was happening (thank you epidural!) It was definitely rougher after the fact when we went home. I torn up and down so peeing burnt like a mofo for a week or two. 

hippiegirl884

With #1 I had the epidural so I didn't feel the minimal tearing I had (only about 10 stitches were needed) with #2 I don't remember the ring of fire or tearing...I think it happened so quickly that it just didn't register in my brain (or post birth hormones made me forget all things terrible lol) I only tore along the original scar tissue so only needed a stich just in case. That was worse though with no epidural! Getting a shot and then stich and feeling it all was not pleasant but I got to hold the baby while they did it so I was pretty distracted. 

yasandson

@canonmom413 @jessafishy @Mommaswizz @hippiegirl884 thanks for sharing, its nice to read all your stories! 

bluejeanbabi05

So...it would be ridiculous if I walked into BRU to register at 12 weeks, right? Major flames?