@nda_roxybabe it is and it isnt as hard as people say. Even though we've had rough patches, dh and i felt like overall it is easier than folks imply. In reguards to crying about something being taken, duh the kid is a kid. Also i never understood people who are dramatic about diaper changes. Night time was really hard for us for a long time, but even in the midst of it i was awake holding the most precious thing in my life, so it wasn't bad, and like you pointed out it seems like your sil is doing herself a disservice at night anyway. But then like @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said, there was a period of time where going to the doctors less than twice a week was a miracle and early on there was the colic and a few scary hospital stays, so there are definitely hard parts, but oh my goodness your sweet baby will be way more than worth it!
As far as going out after baby, i enjoy people alot, but i enjoy my family most. Spending time with dh and dd is my favorite thing to do, so girls weekends dont sound appealing to me (although they never really have) and anything else needs to be really worth it for me to miss time with them. If they are coming too, then sure.
My fffc.... Hmmmm..... I made a valentine cookie cake and dh had a mini slice and i ate the entire rest of it debating on whether to make another
Also.... I lost my debit card so ive just been using our credit card. Not for anything we cant afford but i enjoy it bc dh checks our bank account often so since its not atached to it, he doesnt notice right away when i buy something (ive bought a lot of burger king lately....)
@nda_roxybabe , I think I should clarify that you don't necessarily need to adjust ALL of your expectations to bend to the baby, you just have to identify ones that are important to you and then figure out new ways to do them. For example, I HATE a cluttery, messy house. Before DS was born, people kept saying "just wait until you have this kid! you will have stuff everywhere and your house will constantly be a mess. It's unavoidable!" So, after DS was born, we made a concerted effort to keep clutter and excess baby stuff to a minimum by keeping donation boxes in various rooms and keeping baskets to store the toys in heavily trafficked rooms and we spent 10 minutes tidying up the house every night before going to bed. We also have a cleaner who comes every other week and does the deep cleaning so that I don't have to waste my precious weekend family time cleaning. I can now happily report that we've kept a relatively clutter free and clean home EVERY NIGHT for the past 2.5 years, we just do it in a different way than we did pre-kids. It's funny because it seems that my desire to keep things organized and clutter free has rubbed off on DS--he HATES when things get messy and he understands that he has to clean up one activity before moving onto the next one (usually...sometimes this leads to a little meltdown). Anyway...long winded story all to say that if something is important to you, prioritize finding a way to get that back after the baby comes.
My FFFC - I find it annoying that a friend of mine posts a pic of her baby on Facebook every...single...day. The kid hasn't changed since he was born in December, nor is he doing anything particularly cute. Just pictures of him laying there. I just don't get it and don't know why it annoys me so much.
@kipperoo Excellent advice and examples. Clutter doesn't bother me but it sends DH on a rampage. Hiring a housecleaner has been the best thing we did post-kid for our marriage.
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot , YES. The house cleaner is a serious game changer. An expense that is way cheaper than marriage counseling and allows me to retain a few shreds of sanity. I wouldn't go so far as to recommend everyone run out and get one...But if keeping your house clean is important to you, it becomes a lot more difficult to motivate yourself to do the cleaning during the limited downtime you have while baby is sleeping and you'd rather be drinking a glass of wine while watching Netflix. In a clean house. :-)
My FFFC - I find it annoying that a friend of mine posts a pic of her baby on Facebook every...single...day. The kid hasn't changed since he was born in December, nor is he doing anything particularly cute. Just pictures of him laying there. I just don't get it and don't know why it annoys me so much.
Ughh I have a friend who does "picture of the day" every single day for all 4 of her kids! Girl get yourself a scrapbook or blog!
Somewhat related, I can't stand that my MIL shares every single "on this day" post from Facebook. Like I don't need to see the same picture that you posted last year of your dog...
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
@Kipperoo I could not agree more (with your sentiments about finding out what your priorities are and making sure you hold to them AND with your feelings on clutter). @nda_roxybabe like other posters I was also annoyed with the "just you wait comments" (why do people feel like they need to say that?) and I also agree that while having a kid is hard and it does change things, it isn't nearly as terrible as some people make it out to be. If you have realistic and flexible expectations you'll be fine.
I will add that for me, the hardest thing was the fact that you don't really know what will be difficult for you personally until you're in the middle of it. The stuff I expected to be hard because everyone told me it would kill me - breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, keeping the house neat - wasn't that bad at all. But there was plenty of other stuff that I didn't expect to be a challenge that was really hard - the isolation that came with being a new mom being the biggest one - and that totally threw me off. But again, just be flexible in your expectations and you'll be fine.
@Kipperoo thanks for the input about clutter (and whoever else posted about the showering). I cannot stand clutter and I don't like being dirty. I hate hate hate when people do the "just you wait" thing. Just you wait...your whole house will be a mess! Just you wait....you'll be lucky to have a shower! I have always thought that if I wanted to shower my imaginary Bebe would or could be in a bouncer or RNP even if screaming and I'm gonna get my dirty parts cleaned up! But I always feel like I can't argue when people say that bc I've never had any kids. Same with the clutter. I always feel like I can't argue. I'm happy some of you all think if those things are important to me I can keep them up!
@rkstro2 DS was a pretty needy baby who I basically could never put down and I still figured out a nice little morning routine where I would get up every morning, feed and change him, make coffee (one-handed), tidy up the kitchen/living room one-handed while I was down there, go back upstairs and tidy up the nursery/put laundry away either one-handed or while he was in his crib if he was in a good mood, and then shower with him in a bouncer in the bathroom with me. It is totally doable!
I hate the "just you wait" comments because everyone's experience is SO different. Like @RainyDays86 the things I thought would be really hard turned out to be pretty manageable and the things I thought were going to be easy snuck up on me. For instance, like @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said, the tense times with DH. We had been together for 6 years when we had DS and rarely, if ever, fought. We're both pretty laid back and I just assumed our relationship would remain the same, so it really took me aback how much adjustment there was and how long it took.
@RainyDays86 that's great news about the needy baby and still keeping things clean. I was a needy and/or bad baby and my mom has promised me my whole life that I will get repaid in full. So I am a little worried that LO will be a high maintenance babe just like me
@Kipperoo I really like your account of keeping the house clutter free. I hate clutter, so I anticipate we'll have a similar setup with bins in a few places around the house. Funny thing for us is that we have one clutter zone, and it's the kitchen table. Random stuff just ends up there, so that's something we'll have to change once we actually start eating at the table as a family.
@starphish18 We're very anti clutter, but there's this one spot on the kitchen counter that can pile up (typically returns as we got online orders multiple times a week) and when we set up tables for Christmas it migrated there. H made us take down the tables just to get it to stop. We did end up leaving a small table up as we DO need somewhere to put returns we may not have a box for yet.
Just realized, I have no point. Other than that I relate.
I'm loving this thread. I was such a hermit the first six months with DD. It was rare when I left the house alone with her. And we did things around her nap schedule too. She was just not the type of kid to sleep on the go. My parents were very judgmental about how we did things and kept comparing to "their time". Well I'm sorry you had a deaf child that could not be bothered with noises and we have a hearing child that startles at the smallest sounds.
It's so easy to think oh I will never be that parent, but you really don't know. It really all depends on how you are doing postpartum, how the child is, how DH is. We tried to be flexible with our non child friends and they tried to do the same for us, but it just didn't work out very well. No hard feelings (for the most part). We were just at completely different stages in our lives but still keep in touch every now and then.
Also the clutter stuff? We do get pretty messy here at times, but we somehow manage. She LOVES the nick jr show, Umizoomi, that happens to be on from 5-6pm so I use that one hour to clean up the kitchen and get dinner started. An extra time is used to pick up whatever else. Otherwise we will all do a quick pickup (bins in cube shelves are great!)
Okay now I feel like I'm just rambling. I'm going to go eat some egg free cookie dough. Again.
For all my fellow clutter haters, the key with the kid baskets is just to make sure you sort through them every month or so--toss the toys that have seen better days, pack up the ones they no longer play with but you want to hang onto for future kiddos, donate the ones that drove you crazy. Once you get a system down, it's REALLY easy to keep up. Kid clutter is no joke...it sneaks up on you. But its easily manageable as long as you attack it relatively frequently.
@Kipperoo - I love what you said about the clutter! I hate hearing "you're going to have to change your mind about clutter once there are toys in the picture". I'm only 18 months into that, so it's encouraging to hear other people say that they've managed to maintain their sanity in a sea of would-be clutter for longer than I have!
@CarmCeG - there is nothing wrong with that! I've got pictures from my own camera during/right after labor, but no one else has them! I make terrible faces, as well. Also, while they were cleaning up the DS, I took a minute to brush and pull up my hair, and wipe my face down with a cleansing wipe before family came in and started taking pictures. It just made me feel better about myself.
For all my fellow clutter haters, the key with the kid baskets is just to make sure you sort through them every month or so--toss the toys that have seen better days, pack up the ones they no longer play with but you want to hang onto for future kiddos, donate the ones that drove you crazy. Once you get a system down, it's REALLY easy to keep up. Kid clutter is no joke...it sneaks up on you. But its easily manageable as long as you attack it relatively frequently.
Yes. Yes. Yes. I hate clutter and my friends like to joke that I have "the most organized kids toys". We have baskets for everything and everything has a place! And I've totally taught my 5 and almost 3 year old the system and they know! I am tell them to put their toys away and they cannot them away exactly how I had it. It takes a lot of practice but totally worth it in my opinion. DH says I've passed down the OCD trait to them, but I think I'm just making them organized.
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
I've had a different experience to most here it seems, probably because I was a teenage mother, but when DS was a newborn everyone wanted to come around and see him, but I was never invited to anything, 3yrs later it still seems to be an "oh you have a kid you wouldn't have wanted to" i wish I even got the option to decline invitations because of my kid. I only have one friend that actually makes an effort now, even H's friends have all dropped off the face of the earth. My one friend H doesn't like so spending time with him is difficult, plus he's just started a new job so those hours are difficult for me to arrange around, but we still catch up with phone calls at least once a week. its really nice having someone that understands we're at different stages in life and still makes an effort. Honestly I gave up making the effort for people who didn't make the effort for me, probably accounts for a lot of why I feel so isolated, but I'd rather have 1 friend who actually wants to do something than have 10 who I have to chase
Me - 22 | DH - 32 | Married - 24 May 2014 DS - January 2014
TTC#2 - December 2015
BFP - 6 March 2016 | MC Confirmed - 21 March 2016 TTCAL | April 2016 CP | June 2016 CP | July 2016
FFFC: My appointment was over much sooner than expected, but I didn't pick DD2 up early from childcare. Instead I'm enjoying lunch and catching up on my DVR in quiet.
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
Great thread! So regarding the making time for adult things after baby... it's just hard man! We are on a single income so I can SAH and because of that we have to turn down A LOT. We miss lots of out of state family gatherings because DH can't take the time off work. We haven't been on vacation since our honeymoon 7 years ago(this is the hardest thing ever). Our money goes to savings and then from there we would love it to go to fun things but instead it goes to unexpected expenses. i.e. Hubbys heart surgery, DS orthotic issues, etc. Someone said earlier that the only friends they'd trust to watch their kids are the friends they'd be spending the night out with. That said, time with friends becomes daytime play dates. Or DH stays home with the boys so I can do brunch with girlfriends. We have no family close by and we aren't willing to let strangers watch the boys. It's a personal choice. So whenever we want to go out for an anniversary or birthday alone it's a major struggle to find someone to watch the kids. Sucks but it's a reality. Honestly our couple time consists of nap time and bedtime when we are finally alone. It isn't easy but it's the choice we made.
And with the newborns and people saying "just wait" uugghh I hate it. Every parent, every baby, every situation is completely unique. For some it's very hard, for some, not so much. The first few weeks IMO no matter if it's baby number one or number 5 are the hardest. I need sleep to function and it takes me a few weeks to adjust to the constant wake ups and feedings at night. Once that happens I feel it's easier. But I have relatively easy babies (so far). I've known plenty of parents who make having a baby seem so so hard. It's all so unique to each person.
My FFFC I put my boys down for naps about an hour early because I just couldn't take anymore of the not listening today. They must sense that I'm pooped out cause it's a Friday
FFFC: We got a text from MH's cousin inviting us to a dinner cruise for his wife's 30th birthday. MH told me he felt like crap because he dropped the ball on my 30th last year. I told him he did and am not above making him feel horrible about it until my birthday at the end of March.
I take birthdays very seriously and was very excited about my 30th, which he knew. I have also already started coming up with ideas for his 30th next year.
@ChristinaWild I would like pictures, but if my sister gets a hold of a truly embarrassing PIC/VID she WILL BRING IT UP ALWAYS. SO said I have the right to tell someone to delete a picture if I truly don't like it. I have to see how I'll go about the phone/camera use.
& I'll deff try to clean up my face a bit prior to baby & me(fam) pics lol
Love this thread! I hate the "just wait" comments. First, everyone's experience is different and second how about being excited and motivating not trying to instill dread in a mom about their new baby. It's not useful and it bothers me. I completely agree that showering and whatever other prep you usually do (hair and makeup) makes you feel sane. Even if it is with a crying baby or one handed. You deserve the 20-45 minutes to feel like you. Whatever your must haves are can be kept (tidiness, exercise, friendships, etc) it just takes a bit more thought and effort. I am on the clutter free train, yes I have accumulated a giant pile of stuff (baby gear, toys, clothes) and have had to relax some of my prior wants (no toys in the living room), but I can still get my house looking how I want it in about 20 minutes. As for keeping friends, that was a non-issue for me since I have nearly none and would always prefer an activity put me home before 8pm. Prior to being a mom happy hour was my jam. I have a love affair with my couch and tv.
DD was being crabby and annoying DH, so he offered to clean my car out for me before we go trade it in for my new one tomorrow! I should probably go help him, but I'm "dealing" with DD (who is now happily playing and not crabby at all).
May Siggy Challenge: Labor Memes
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10 DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI) BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
DD was being crabby and annoying DH, so he offered to clean my car out for me before we go trade it in for my new one tomorrow! I should probably go help him, but I'm "dealing" with DD (who is now happily playing and not crabby at all).
Ooh what are you getting? I forget if you were my partner in Volkswagen TDI crime or not, I just sold mjne back and got a new car two weeks ago.
DD was being crabby and annoying DH, so he offered to clean my car out for me before we go trade it in for my new one tomorrow! I should probably go help him, but I'm "dealing" with DD (who is now happily playing and not crabby at all).
Ooh what are you getting? I forget if you were my partner in Volkswagen TDI crime or not, I just sold mjne back and got a new car two weeks ago.
I'm upgrading from a Ford Escape to an Edge. It's so much more roomier!
May Siggy Challenge: Labor Memes
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10 DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI) BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
DD was being crabby and annoying DH, so he offered to clean my car out for me before we go trade it in for my new one tomorrow! I should probably go help him, but I'm "dealing" with DD (who is now happily playing and not crabby at all).
Ooh what are you getting? I forget if you were my partner in Volkswagen TDI crime or not, I just sold mjne back and got a new car two weeks ago.
I'm upgrading from a Ford Escape to an Edge. It's so much more roomier!
I love my Edge! I have a 2013, we traded in my Challenger before DD was born when I finally accepted that a 2-door was not feasible with an infant car seat. It's a great vehicle!
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.
Re: FFFC 2.24
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
As far as going out after baby, i enjoy people alot, but i enjoy my family most. Spending time with dh and dd is my favorite thing to do, so girls weekends dont sound appealing to me (although they never really have) and anything else needs to be really worth it for me to miss time with them. If they are coming too, then sure.
My fffc.... Hmmmm..... I made a valentine cookie cake and dh had a mini slice and i ate the entire rest of it
Also.... I lost my debit card so ive just been using our credit card. Not for anything we cant afford but i enjoy it bc dh checks our bank account often so since its not atached to it, he doesnt notice right away when i buy something
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
Somewhat related, I can't stand that my MIL shares every single "on this day" post from Facebook. Like I don't need to see the same picture that you posted last year of your dog...
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
I will add that for me, the hardest thing was the fact that you don't really know what will be difficult for you personally until you're in the middle of it. The stuff I expected to be hard because everyone told me it would kill me - breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, keeping the house neat - wasn't that bad at all. But there was plenty of other stuff that I didn't expect to be a challenge that was really hard - the isolation that came with being a new mom being the biggest one - and that totally threw me off. But again, just be flexible in your expectations and you'll be fine.
FFFC: For now I would like no pictures/video of me during or after labor. I make the craziest faces when I'm caught off guard. lol
***HOPEFULLY, eventually I become okay with this for memory, ya know?
23 y/o;
[05/06/17]
First time mommy
90% of the way there
Just realized, I have no point. Other than that I relate.
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
It's so easy to think oh I will never be that parent, but you really don't know. It really all depends on how you are doing postpartum, how the child is, how DH is. We tried to be flexible with our non child friends and they tried to do the same for us, but it just didn't work out very well. No hard feelings (for the most part). We were just at completely different stages in our lives but still keep in touch every now and then.
Also the clutter stuff? We do get pretty messy here at times, but we somehow manage. She LOVES the nick jr show, Umizoomi, that happens to be on from 5-6pm so I use that one hour to clean up the kitchen and get dinner started. An extra time is used to pick up whatever else. Otherwise we will all do a quick pickup (bins in cube shelves are great!)
Okay now I feel like I'm just rambling. I'm going to go eat some egg free cookie dough. Again.
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
@CarmCeG - there is nothing wrong with that! I've got pictures from my own camera during/right after labor, but no one else has them! I make terrible faces, as well. Also, while they were cleaning up the DS, I took a minute to brush and pull up my hair, and wipe my face down with a cleansing wipe before family came in and started taking pictures. It just made me feel better about myself.
Married:09/14/13
Baby 2 - Due: 5/4/17
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
i wish I even got the option to decline invitations because of my kid. I only have one friend that actually makes an effort now, even H's friends have all dropped off the face of the earth. My one friend H doesn't like so spending time with him is difficult, plus he's just started a new job so those hours are difficult for me to arrange around, but we still catch up with phone calls at least once a week.
its really nice having someone that understands we're at different stages in life and still makes an effort. Honestly I gave up making the effort for people who didn't make the effort for me, probably accounts for a lot of why I feel so isolated, but I'd rather have 1 friend who actually wants to do something than have 10 who I have to chase
DS - January 2014
TTCAL | April 2016
CP | June 2016
CP | July 2016
childcare. Instead I'm enjoying lunch and catching up on my DVR in quiet.
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
And with the newborns and people saying "just wait" uugghh I hate it. Every parent, every baby, every situation is completely unique. For some it's very hard, for some, not so much. The first few weeks IMO no matter if it's baby number one or number 5 are the hardest. I need sleep to function and it takes me a few weeks to adjust to the constant wake ups and feedings at night. Once that happens I feel it's easier. But I have relatively easy babies (so far). I've known plenty of parents who make having a baby seem so so hard. It's all so unique to each person.
My FFFC I put my boys down for naps about an hour early because I just couldn't take anymore of the not listening today. They must sense that I'm pooped out cause it's a Friday
I take birthdays very seriously and was very excited about my 30th, which he knew. I have also already started coming up with ideas for his 30th next year.
@ChristinaWild I would like pictures, but if my sister gets a hold of a truly embarrassing PIC/VID she WILL BRING IT UP ALWAYS. SO said I have the right to tell someone to delete a picture if I truly don't like it. I have to see how I'll go about the phone/camera use.
& I'll deff try to clean up my face a bit prior to baby & me(fam) pics lol
23 y/o;
[05/06/17]
First time mommy
90% of the way there
I don't have a FFFC yet.
DS2 5/17
#3 Due 9/20
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
mjne back and got a new car two weeks ago.
May '17 labor memes
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.