@BellaOso I hate that my only options are comcast or Direct TV, which doesn't get good signal where our condo is because of all the trees (we have state forest on 3 sides of our complex). Fios came in and installed all the boxes in each of the units about 5 years ago, but never finished installing the lines underground. Over $200/month for no movie channels and 2 tv boxes is a little insane.
My (maybe) UO is that parents should use correct anatomical terms with their kids of all ages. I totally judge parents referring to "pee pee" and "who who" or whatever instead of penis and vulva/vagina. That just teaches shame and secretism, which isn't healthy and makes them easier for a predator to victimize. Not to mention really clearly communicating that the parent is uncomfortable talking to them about sex, which is not how anyone wants their child to feel when they become teenagers.
My (maybe) UO is that parents should use correct anatomical terms with their kids of all ages. I totally judge parents referring to "pee pee" and "who who" or whatever instead of penis and vulva/vagina. That just teaches shame and secretism, which isn't healthy and makes them easier for a predator to victimize. Not to mention really clearly communicating that the parent is uncomfortable talking to them about sex, which is not how anyone wants their child to feel when they become teenagers.
I cannot stress this enough!
*TW: sexual assault*
We always use anatomically correct terms and here is why I'm a firm believer. DD1 was in daycare from about 18 months old. She had a male teacher in her 3 year old class, I taught preschool, we had plenty of male teachers working on their education degrees. I never thought anything of her having a male teacher, until she started mentioning her 'flower' (vagina). I was caught off guard and asked her wear she heard the term, she said school. I mentioned it to her other (female) teacher the next day, she said it's not a term they use. I asked my DH, my parents, etc. no one used the term. I foolishly let it go. One day we were waiting at a restaurant and she asked to sit on my lap, I picked her up and put her on my lap and rested my hands in her lap, apparently a little too close for comfort, she jumped out of my lap and told me she didn't like being touched there. I was taken aback and asked her if anyone else touched her there. She indicated that her male teacher had touched her 'flower'.
It was only after going to therapy, I discovered this was a 'grooming' term he used to her.
Had we not used anatomically correct terms, this would've never been a red flag to me.
I told DS not to pull on his penis during a diaper change at my IL's once and they both turned about 40 shades of red. I was like guys...you have 5 kids... come on.
@Stankonia2014 I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter, and I'm so glad you were able to catch it when you were. My understanding is that the most damaging aspect of assault can often be not being believed or being shamed by other adults after the fact. Your daughter is very fortunate to have parents who responded appropriately and got her the help she needed in therapy.
Another one who uses correct terminology for genitalia. That's why we firmly taught them both from the beginning and saying those words now aren't some taboo thing. Also, @Stankonia2014 I am so sorry both you and your daughter had to go through that.
Married 12/17/2011 K born 8/31/12 C born 1/11/14 BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015 BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
@Stankonia2014 that terrifies and angers me to the bone. So glad you found out and also helped your daughter heal. Hope that motherfucker is behind bars and on a sex offender list.
@Stankonia2014 wooooow, that is awful that that happened. I pray that that experience never invades her memory. Thank God you discovered it. Can I be nosey and ask what happened after that?
Me: 36; DH: 38 DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17! **TW** MMC & D&C Aug 2016
The C section vs tearing thread is making me stabby and I don't think that type of thread should be allowed on any BMB. (Sorry to the lady who started it). A MAJOR abdominal surgery will 99% of the time never be an easier option then tearing. The minimal awful tearing stories you hear are few and far between (just like awful c section stories are few and far between too). Because you hear two or three stories, does not mean your experience is any more likely to be bad. I guess my UO is: being worried or scared of tearing is just silly. It might happen, it might not. It might be 2nd degree, it may be 4th degree. I'll take the gamble any day over a major surgery. (Sincerely, STM who had a c section with DS and hoping for a tear worthy VBAC).
i2i. After I posted in there, I was thinking "This would probably be good for the UO thread." And EVERYONE remembers the awful tearing or whatever stories. I know most of my friends have had pretty simple births that went smoothly, but I couldn't give any details. But I remember the story my friend told about her friend who had fourth degree tearing and couldn't have sex for a year!
Sort of another UO that goes along with that - forums can be really annoying because they tend to bring out the worst. People asking about this condition or that condition or a horrible symptom or whatever. People don't typically start threads about the good stuff.
And another one - I hate cloth diaper reviewers. I have yet to find some really good ones. I was looking for reviews of the CD covers I'm planning to use, the Thirsties Duo. One pretty popular video, judging by the number of viewers, had the reviewer giving it a super low rating. She gave it a low rating for two reasons. First, because the aplix (Velcro) was bad and didn't last, but then went on to say Thirsties has improved it. So half her reasoning was based on out-dated information. The second reason was that the elastic in the leg gussets had relaxed. So after going on about the relaxed elastic, she said the cover still worked fine and no leaking. Soooooo? The problem is??? If it still works as advertised, I fail to see the problem?
Another reviewer spent basically the entire review going on about how much she loved the print. She said very little about the actual functionality of the diaper but gave it a high rating. What? Forgive me, but I thought the point of a cloth diaper was to, you know, catch poop and pee, but apparently it's not. Apparently a diaper is judged on how good it is just by whether it looks cute. (And FWIW, I thought the print was ugly.)
@Stankonia2014 wooooow, that is awful that that happened. I pray that that experience never invades her memory. Thank God you discovered it. Can I be nosey and ask what happened after that?
I wish I could say he was arrested and in jail, but he's not. She initially mentioned to me that he rubbed her 'flower' at nap time, while the other teacher was on lunch break.
I called police, they set up an appointment with the child advocacy center to question her gently, they told me to stop asking her questions. She didn't really give up much information and they didn't push it because she was young. We put her in therapy in hopes of helping her cope and getting more info, again, she didn't open up. She wanted to quit therapy, we did.
A couple years later she brought it up to me randomly, she out of nowhere mentioned what they had for lunch on one of the days in question, she was very specific. Her therapist thought she had pushed memories aside and was now starting to recall, so we started therapy again in hopes of getting more info. No info ever really came. She quit therapy again.
I did contact the childcare center to let them know of the allegations, the owner let him continue to work there. So, I just made sure to let other parents know of the allegations, but he was never prosecuted due to lack of information.
DD is wonderful. We obviously believe her, but we don't talk about it. We follow her lead if she mentions it (which has been maybe 2 or 3 times since it happened 7 years ago), but we've sort of just moved on. Saying we've 'moved on' sounds bad, but I don't know how else to put it.
@Stankonia2014 I'm so sorry your DD went through that. She's lucky to have a mom like you who protected her and gives her opportunities to talk about it. How scary for you as well. It's too bad that the asshole who did that isn't behind bars or at the very least fired.
This goes along with the opinion that there are some issues of parenting that I don't feel are, "you do you." I'm not a fan of most child-led things. I don't believe that children can set their own sleep patterns, or eating schedules. It drives me batty when I hear parents lament the fact that their children aren't sleeping through the night, still sleep in their beds with them, or won't wean, and the parents aren't doing anything about it to set limits around it. Im super judgey about not letting kids be upset or cry. I think that sets kids up for failure later on to deal with disappointment and not having things their way all the time. It's not that I don't believe in having empathy for the struggle. But expecting that your kid never is going to cry, or never should be upset is a recipe for disaster. My opinion is set the limits, let the kid be upset, help them deal, and things will ultimately be much better.
ellie111227 We have always used proper terms with DD (3). I made the mistake of telling her the baby was in my belly. She is a very logical and scientific child. The one day she asked if I ate the baby and I said no and laughed. She said that things that you eat are in your belly and since baby brother was in my belly I must have eaten him. LOL That is when we started using uterus instead. You should see people's faces when she tells them her baby brother is in Mommy's uterus
@ellie111227 We are anatomically correct here too. Apparently DH's ex is not, because one day she texted H all upset because SS was using the word "penis" and why was he using that word? H's response...."because he has one?" He had taken a bath that weekend when he was with us, and I handed him a washcloth and told him to wash his penis. They very exclusively use "pee pee." But we can never do anything right in her eyes, so she will always find something to complain about.
This breaks my heart to hear your poor DD had to go through that @Stankonia2014 I know a lot of kids I grew up with who were assaulted and most of the time adults wouldn't believe them. It's one of the things that makes me so nervous about leaving my kids in others care.
@lovesclimbing I agree about cloth diaper reviews. Also, different brands fit better on different kids. As long as the quality is decent it's hard to predict which one week actually be best for your baby specifically. I found that I just had to buy a couple in a few different brands and see what worked for us. For the record, thirsties duo are my favorite covers, but I only have snap ones. Prefolds are a different story. I'm a firm believer that Green Mountain diapers are the best, period.
Also, yeah, I couldn't care less about the prints.
@Stankonia2014 you shouldn't be sorry for sharing your story. It's good to talk about these things. Maybe in you sharing this experience with us some of us will learn of a warning sign that we never knew about. I'm so very sorry your DD and the family had to go through this. I wanted to echo the sentiments that your DD is very lucky to have parents who believed her and removed her from the situation ❤️
@Stankonia2014 I'm so sorry you poor DD went through that experience. Good thing you caught it though and did everything you could to try and help her sort things out!
We also use anatomically correct terminology. I think some kids grow up being afraid to discuss certain things (or embarrassed) because parents come off as afraid speak about them (even if they are not). We're very blunt with our kids about their bodies and want them to feel like it's all natural. DS (almost 3) noticed in the bath the other night that DD's (14m) "penis was missing". Haha. Well my boy... that is because she has a vagina.
My UO: I don't like Disney. And I'm here anyway with work spouses. I know this is unpopular here, I've seen the vacations posts . It's too many people for me, and so much fake stuff (I know, it's imagination, I just prefer the real versions of things like ducks.) It's also a lot of money and time I would rather spend elsewhere.
I like the movies, and I don't have an opinion on the cruises, I just don't care for the parks. Not just Disney either, theme parks are not really my thing, though Disney is my least favorite, mostly due to costs.
I was going to post this yesterday, but then the thread got so heavy (but I'm glad it did, it is a useful conversation to have), so I was going to save it for today's fffc, but it felt more like a UO, though I always have trouble distinguishing between the two.
Don't you apologize @Stankonia2014 !!!! I am glad you told your and your daughter's story, because when I hear things like that it reminds me to be extra vigilant with my children. I can be too trusting. My mom married a man that I had red flags about for years (he would say weird things to me, look at me weird, etc) but I was 18 and felt confident to defend myself. Fast forward 10 years... and I had my daughter. Red flags began going off as soon as she was born when he was around her. Nothing exactly that I can explain except for weird behavior and a strong gut feeling. Because I had heard other moms stories, although I am too trusting at times, I was super vigilant in supervision with him when he was around my daughter. My mom divorced him... but come to find out, he has been charged with molestation of his elementary aged niece and every fiber in me believes that he was trying to groom my daughter from a young age.
I swear there are some sick MFers in this world. I'm sorry (and this is probably a major UO in and of itself), but when I hear about grown ass men molesting young children, I feel like fair punishment is removal of certain equipment. I'm not one for corporal punishment, but nothing in this world gets my blood boiling like an adult (male or female) sexually abusing a child. A freaking child who can't defend himself/herself and doesn't understand that what is happening is not his/her fault and should be reported. Sorry if that offends or comes off as barbaric, but it is one of the few things (maybe the only thing?) that sets me back on the evolved chart.
@EmeraldNC, always trust your gut! That's so scary. His poor niece.
My step-dad was similar, always very interested in diaper changes and just gave off a weird vibe. My mom never believed me. Fortunately, they're divorced now too.
I actually suspected him before the teacher because of the vibe I got.
@lovesclimbing do you cloth diaper already? (I don't remember if you're a FTM or not). We have been cloth diapering for almost 2 years with DS. I personally have found that thirsties leak more so than other "name brand". I'm all about paying for quality. We have 25 bum genious (pockets and AIO) and they have held up SO well. We will be using them with DS2 once we're out of newborn sizes. My sister has a huge variety of cheaper, not name brand diapers and they constantly leak or need extra stuffing.
@Stankonia2014 so sorry for your daughter, I can't even imagine. Sounds like you've done what you can and are there to help her in any way she needs.
@lovesclimbing@ellie111227 for CD we did Thirsties Duo with the snaps along with prefolds and a snappy. Purchased everything from Green Mountain Diapers. I too was worried about the velcro so went with the snaps instead, no issues as the elastic in the back provides enough give and there are enough snaps to customize fit. I say do whatever makes sense for your wash/cleaning plan... I steered away from AIO options as I had read about how they harbored smells, took longer to dry, and seemed harder to keep clean compared to prefolds with covers.
Super random question...maybe this is more of a symptom thread issue?
4-5 times now, I have bent over when doing laundry and within 1 minute of finishing what I'm doing, I have the mouth sweats and I throw up.
I bend over all the time here at home, and at my job...what gives? Am I pressing on a specific nerve or something that triggers this? I'm obviously going to shoot my OB and email but wtf?
I swear there are some sick MFers in this world. I'm sorry (and this is probably a major UO in and of itself), but when I hear about grown ass men molesting young children, I feel like fair punishment is removal of certain equipment. I'm not one for corporal punishment, but nothing in this world gets my blood boiling like an adult (male or female) sexually abusing a child. A freaking child who can't defend himself/herself and doesn't understand that what is happening is not his/her fault and should be reported. Sorry if that offends or comes off as barbaric, but it is one of the few things (maybe the only thing?) that sets me back on the evolved chart.
I totally agree with you! This may sound extreme, but it's probably because my family has been so affected by this kind of thing, but I think rapists and molesters should be treated the same as murderers. Because yes maybe that victim lived through the incident, but they are never the same. I have a family member who was such a happy child, one of those kids who wants center stage, then she was abused and now she is so shy and fearful. It crushed her spirit, and I always wonder how she would be now if that didn't happen. My brother was also abused and kept the secret his entire childhood and he has soon many problems now and our whole family hurts because of that one guys actions.
@Stankonia2014 I'm so glad your dd is doing ok now and you were able to listen and protect her. Thank you for telling the police, not everyone would.
@Elyse1384 and @Kylieslip24 Count me in too! I completely agree. Child molesters and rapists have no business being on the face of this earth alive. End of story.
Re: UO Thursday 2/9
Someone must have some good GIF's for your UO though...
DH: 29
DS: 18 months 4/2/2015
Baby #2 EDD: 6/1/2017
ETA This is how I perceive moms who use euphemisms for genitalia.
*TW: sexual assault*
We always use anatomically correct terms and here is why I'm a firm believer. DD1 was in daycare from about 18 months old. She had a male teacher in her 3 year old class, I taught preschool, we had plenty of male teachers working on their education degrees. I never thought anything of her having a male teacher, until she started mentioning her 'flower' (vagina). I was caught off guard and asked her wear she heard the term, she said school. I mentioned it to her other (female) teacher the next day, she said it's not a term they use. I asked my DH, my parents, etc. no one used the term. I foolishly let it go. One day we were waiting at a restaurant and she asked to sit on my lap, I picked her up and put her on my lap and rested my hands in her lap, apparently a little too close for comfort, she jumped out of my lap and told me she didn't like being touched there. I was taken aback and asked her if anyone else touched her there. She indicated that her male teacher had touched her 'flower'.
It was only after going to therapy, I discovered this was a 'grooming' term he used to her.
Had we not used anatomically correct terms, this would've never been a red flag to me.
DH: 29
DS: 18 months 4/2/2015
Baby #2 EDD: 6/1/2017
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
Me: 36; DH: 38
DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
**TW**
MMC & D&C Aug 2016
Sort of another UO that goes along with that - forums can be really annoying because they tend to bring out the worst. People asking about this condition or that condition or a horrible symptom or whatever. People don't typically start threads about the good stuff.
And another one - I hate cloth diaper reviewers. I have yet to find some really good ones. I was looking for reviews of the CD covers I'm planning to use, the Thirsties Duo. One pretty popular video, judging by the number of viewers, had the reviewer giving it a super low rating. She gave it a low rating for two reasons. First, because the aplix (Velcro) was bad and didn't last, but then went on to say Thirsties has improved it. So half her reasoning was based on out-dated information. The second reason was that the elastic in the leg gussets had relaxed. So after going on about the relaxed elastic, she said the cover still worked fine and no leaking. Soooooo? The problem is??? If it still works as advertised, I fail to see the problem?
Another reviewer spent basically the entire review going on about how much she loved the print. She said very little about the actual functionality of the diaper but gave it a high rating. What? Forgive me, but I thought the point of a cloth diaper was to, you know, catch poop and pee, but apparently it's not. Apparently a diaper is judged on how good it is just by whether it looks cute. (And FWIW, I thought the print was ugly.)
I called police, they set up an appointment with the child advocacy center to question her gently, they told me to stop asking her questions. She didn't really give up much information and they didn't push it because she was young. We put her in therapy in hopes of helping her cope and getting more info, again, she didn't open up. She wanted to quit therapy, we did.
A couple years later she brought it up to me randomly, she out of nowhere mentioned what they had for lunch on one of the days in question, she was very specific. Her therapist thought she had pushed memories aside and was now starting to recall, so we started therapy again in hopes of getting more info. No info ever really came. She quit therapy again.
I did contact the childcare center to let them know of the allegations, the owner let him continue to work there. So, I just made sure to let other parents know of the allegations, but he was never prosecuted due to lack of information.
DD is wonderful. We obviously believe her, but we don't talk about it. We follow her lead if she mentions it (which has been maybe 2 or 3 times since it happened 7 years ago), but we've sort of just moved on. Saying we've 'moved on' sounds bad, but I don't know how else to put it.
BFP #1 9/1999. DD Born 6/7/2000
BFP #2 10/2011. EDD 7/11/12. MMC discovered 11/2/11. D&C 11/4/11.
DX PCOS 10/2012.
BFP#3 1/11/13. DS Born 9/17/2013
BFP#4 9/30/17. Grow baby grow!
~Everyone Welcome~
Also, yeah, I couldn't care less about the prints.
We also use anatomically correct terminology. I think some kids grow up being afraid to discuss certain things (or embarrassed) because parents come off as afraid speak about them (even if they are not). We're very blunt with our kids about their bodies and want them to feel like it's all natural. DS (almost 3) noticed in the bath the other night that DD's (14m) "penis was missing". Haha. Well my boy... that is because she has a vagina.
I like the movies, and I don't have an opinion on the cruises, I just don't care for the parks. Not just Disney either, theme parks are not really my thing, though Disney is my least favorite, mostly due to costs.
I was going to post this yesterday, but then the thread got so heavy (but I'm glad it did, it is a useful conversation to have), so I was going to save it for today's fffc, but it felt more like a UO, though I always have trouble distinguishing between the two.
Don't you apologize @Stankonia2014 !!!! I am glad you told your and your daughter's story, because when I hear things like that it reminds me to be extra vigilant with my children. I can be too trusting. My mom married a man that I had red flags about for years (he would say weird things to me, look at me weird, etc) but I was 18 and felt confident to defend myself. Fast forward 10 years... and I had my daughter. Red flags began going off as soon as she was born when he was around her. Nothing exactly that I can explain except for weird behavior and a strong gut feeling. Because I had heard other moms stories, although I am too trusting at times, I was super vigilant in supervision with him when he was around my daughter. My mom divorced him... but come to find out, he has been charged with molestation of his elementary aged niece and every fiber in me believes that he was trying to groom my daughter from a young age.
I swear there are some sick MFers in this world. I'm sorry (and this is probably a major UO in and of itself), but when I hear about grown ass men molesting young children, I feel like fair punishment is removal of certain equipment. I'm not one for corporal punishment, but nothing in this world gets my blood boiling like an adult (male or female) sexually abusing a child. A freaking child who can't defend himself/herself and doesn't understand that what is happening is not his/her fault and should be reported. Sorry if that offends or comes off as barbaric, but it is one of the few things (maybe the only thing?) that sets me back on the evolved chart.
My step-dad was similar, always very interested in diaper changes and just gave off a weird vibe. My mom never believed me. Fortunately, they're divorced now too.
I actually suspected him before the teacher because of the vibe I got.
We have been cloth diapering for almost 2 years with DS. I personally have found that thirsties leak more so than other "name brand". I'm all about paying for quality. We have 25 bum genious (pockets and AIO) and they have held up SO well. We will be using them with DS2 once we're out of newborn sizes. My sister has a huge variety of cheaper, not name brand diapers and they constantly leak or need extra stuffing.
DH: 29
DS: 18 months 4/2/2015
Baby #2 EDD: 6/1/2017
@lovesclimbing @ellie111227 for CD we did Thirsties Duo with the snaps along with prefolds and a snappy. Purchased everything from Green Mountain Diapers. I too was worried about the velcro so went with the snaps instead, no issues as the elastic in the back provides enough give and there are enough snaps to customize fit. I say do whatever makes sense for your wash/cleaning plan... I steered away from AIO options as I had read about how they harbored smells, took longer to dry, and seemed harder to keep clean compared to prefolds with covers.
4-5 times now, I have bent over when doing laundry and within 1 minute of finishing what I'm doing, I have the mouth sweats and I throw up.
I bend over all the time here at home, and at my job...what gives? Am I pressing on a specific nerve or something that triggers this? I'm obviously going to shoot my OB and email but wtf?
DH: 29
DS: 18 months 4/2/2015
Baby #2 EDD: 6/1/2017
@Stankonia2014 I'm so glad your dd is doing ok now and you were able to listen and protect her. Thank you for telling the police, not everyone would.